From out of the pit …
That is where I was, as I was sharing about my Mamma Meltdown.
We Mamma’s, we were born melting! And guilt always accompanies …
My meltdown was born in the area of mamma guilt called NOT ENOUGH.
I felt like I simply did not have enough …
time, energy, zeal, intention, and on,
and on,
and on …
just like the mom whose status update was “Tired. To the power of infinity.”
Basically, I felt I was messing up the most important things in my life.
And then …
Tonight, home at too late, with groceries too heavy, and spirits too low.
“Homework done yet?” (maybe just a bit too much cynicism in my delivery of ‘yet’)
“Yup. Wanna read it?”
sigh … do I answer honestly, and say I am simply too tired to care that much?
“Yes, I’d love to. What am I reading?”
“A Bible assignment about our future plans.”
The paper is passed, while I sit for the first time in hours.
I read,
(predictable future plans expressed)
and read,
(there is more here than just a declaration of professional goals)
and read
” … but that’s not who I want to be as a person … I want to be a person of bravery and trust … I want God to lead my life and let him take the helm, even when I don’t understand …”
And the tears break through the flood gates.
And I am reminded that
I
am
NEVER
enough …
and I don’t have to be, because when I am
too tired,
too preoccupied,
too selfish,
too busy,
and not have enough hours in the day,
God,
the Creator of me,
the Creator of my children,
is always enough.
I do not want to be the rock that my children stand on … I tend to melt.
I am reminded tonight that even when I do not understand … the demands on time and money and energy and life … I want to be a person of bravery and trust, who lets God take the helm.
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.”
Psalm 40:1-3
Thanks for writing this…. I had similar thoughts last night.
What a beautiful example of what God does no matter what we do or do not do! Your bride
Carole Wheaton