itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for 2011

Control Freak

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Being Right, Change, Control Freak, Controlling, FAMILY, GOD, Life, Relationships over Being Right, Transformation on September 15, 2011| 2 Comments »

Hi, my name is Carole, and I am a control freak. For those who know me, you did not need for me to admit it in such a formal, public way to know how true my statement is.

Yes, I like to do things ‘my way’. Yes I like to be the final word. Yes I have been known to pick out my hubby’s clothes (he ignores my choices of course … did I mention I am, perhaps, not the only control freak in my house?). Yes, I have been known to take the toilet paper roll off and put it back on (the right way), and I have repositioned dishes in the dishwasher, and I have re-folded towels that hubby folded (the wrong way), and so on, and so on, and so on.

And those are only the examples that were right on the top of my head (and I would admit to publicly). Imagine how much more I could tell if I actually took time to think about it?!

Being a control freak is easy, being aware of it is humbling, trying to live and think differently … not so easy.

I wonder, did it come from nature or nurture? I am an ‘oldest’ child, and being in control is a trademark of the oldest child. But, maybe it is also part of my innate personality, and will be impossible to completely exterminate.

However I developed these control freak habits, there are ones that I want to make sure are not controlling me, and making me into someone that even I would despise (kind of sounds like I want to control the control freak within me … where will it stop? I really do need professional help! Now I am controlling the controlling part of me? But, I digress).

One of the trademarks of a control freak is not just having things go their way, but being the one who is ‘right’ in conversations. This is NOT a good characteristic for someone who wants to have friends! For someone with a strong controlling nature, biting ones tongue may be the only cure (if, of course, you can attain the forethought to bite at the right time … ha!ha!ha! ‘at the right time’ … get it? A control freak thinks they are always right … but, I digress … again).

But maybe, rather than causing life-long lacerations on your tongue, there is another way. How about repeating over, and over, and over again in your head … ‘what is more important, being right, or my relationship with the person I am talking with?’ Wow! That hits in the gut, now doesn’t it? But it works! When I remember that question, I find that my conversations are far more kind, far more fair. I find I hear more, speak less, and think of the persons heart and soul over my need to be … right.

Imagine, a control freak beginning to see that someone else is more important that their need to be right … what a concept! This could change a person, this could change a family, a workplace, a community … the world … But, the most important change is that of the heart, of a cold, cruel control freak.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverb 15:1

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Missing the Past-Excited for the Future

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Change, Future, Rememberig the Past, School, Students, Wonder, Work on September 14, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Working as a support staff, in a high school, everything about what is my job can change from one year to the next.

Last year I worked fifty percent, this year I work one hundred percent. Last year I worked with three students, in grades ten, eleven, and twelve. This year I work with five in grade nine, and one in grade eleven. Last year I worked off campus part of my time, this year I work only on campus. Last year worked with my three students, primarily out of class. This year I am in class almost all the time, and assisting all students who need it. Last year two of the students I worked with graduated, this year there will be no graduates among the students I work with.

It was like starting a new job when school began last week (and I am sleeping solidly because of it)!

Since the start of school, I have to say I have been missing last year, and all that was familiar about it. I miss the quick, cheeky tongues of the the older students, I miss interacting with business people to set up work experience opportunities, I miss the interactions with the parents (moms) of the students, I miss the challenge of out-witting the older students who lived to be late to class, or look at life through a half-full cup … I simply miss the individual students … period.

It would be so easy to say … last year was so much better than this one. As is always the case, what we know is more appealing, more comfortable than what we do not know, and what is unfamiliar to us. It would be so easy to start looking at the school year through a half-full cup …

But, a new broom sweeps clean! And my undiagnosed ADD thrives with change, novelty and challenge.

I have been getting to know the personalities and habits of the new students that I work with. I have been able to see how unjaded high school freshmen are to their senior counterparts. I have been getting to know classroom teachers, whose classes I have not been in before (or for a long time). I have been challenged in having to think out of the box in classroom settings, according to what assists the students needs best.

In all of this there is an excitement to this new year! There is a blank slate effect that I get to be there with the students as they begin their high school career.

The other day, one of the students said, “Mrs. Wheaton, will you work with us until we graduate?” And, on the inside, I smiled, because the thought of that excited me immensely. The thought of providing consistency to students who often thrive in consistency gave me something to hope for … for them, but for me too. But, the nature of this job is that change is inevitable, and there are no guarantees of what next year, let alone three years from now, will look like. But, for now, I know that it’s going to be a great year!

And my focus is to begin with the end in mind, so I will work with them as though I will see them through to graduation. And, together, we can learn so much.

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Dark and Stormy

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Being Held, Dark Days, Feeling down, GOD, Hope, Life, Mandisa, Pain Relief, Stronger, Struggles, Wonder on September 13, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Like all people, I have had ups and downs. There are times when life is lived with exclamation marks, and times when it is lived with question marks. There are times of struggle and there are times when struggles seem a million miles away. There are times when we desire to live forever, and times times when we beg the Creator to take us now (I think I must have been reading Ecclesiastes lately).

Have you ever noticed that when things are going well, you rely on others less? It’s because your needs are simple, and can be met all by yourself … you don’t need anyone for anything.

And then when things are really not going well, we need others, we need help. But, for me, even if I need and even want to rely on others, I struggle to know who and how to ask for help. Heck, I struggle to even recognize that there is help out there.

I was reminded of this the other night when hubby and I were out to a restaurant for dinner. As we were talking to our server, she mentioned that she was having pain in her back, that had been keeping her from sleeping at night. When I mentioned a product that I had found to be helpful in the past, she said, “of course! I have used that in the past. I guess I was thinking so much about the pain, I couldn’t think of a cure.”

As she continued talking, I found my mind thinking about her statement, “I was thinking so much about the pain, I couldn’t think of a cure.” And I found myself thinking, isn’t that how it is when we have pain … any pain, in our life? When we hurt, physically, emotionally, spiritually … in any way, the pain takes over our thinking, our reasoning, our troubleshooting abilities. And we often fail to see the cure, the help, the solution for the pain (or at least ways to ease or lessen it).

When our pain is not a physical pain, we need a pain reliever that is specifically suited for that need. What we have to do to relieve our non-physical pain, is to allow ourselves to be held, to be embraced by someone … bigger, stronger.

For a child, there is no greater pain relief than the warm embrace of his or her mother, and father. It always amazed me how my child’s tears would disappear when I held them. In the same way our spiritual father can wipe away our tears, when we allow ourselves to be taken in by his warm and loving embrace.

Just like when I hold my suffering child, the holding may not take the suffering away. But what being held by creator God does, is that it allows one who is so much stronger, so much bigger, to hold us, comfort us and soothe our weary hearts. His arms around us, His presence in our lives reminds us that the Creator of heaven and earth cares about our heart aches.

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BO = Boys Only and Body Odor

Posted in life, The Kids, tagged BO, Body Odor, Boys Only, Hot Dogs, Life, Old Spice Guy, Wonder on September 12, 2011| 3 Comments »

Today’s post title adequately describes the birthday party held at our home last week. Thirteen boys with an average age of twelve equals a loud, smelly, testosterone-filled three hours (and an Ibuprofen sized headache for mom and dad 😉 ).

Once again I was reminded how very little I know and understand about boys. They are like a different creature than any other … man, woman, female child … and then there are … boys … A creature totally unto their own.

First off was how they grow at this stage. Now I had been noting growth in my own boy in a significant way over the summer. He must have grown a couple of inches! But some of his friends … they have grown FEET! It was surreal! I walked them to my van, after school, feeling as though I was walking in the company of giants.

Then there was the … scent of a van full of boys of this age … Oh Mr. Old Spice guy, how I longed for your scent (now that I think of it, I should have utilized the opportunity to give them the party loot bag gift of antiperspirant … necessity is the mother of invention … and those boys, they had need! But, I digress!).

At home they truly seemed to me to be trying to end each others lives, while playing in the pool. I was certain that my pool water was full of psychopaths (and probably full of pee too … thirteen boys in pool for almost two hours, and only two got out to take a leak … yuck! And this is why, as soon as they went home, we shocked the life … literally … out of the pool water). But, according to hubby, this is what boys do. And they were (according to hubby) having great fun. I am so glad that I am female! (and I am even more glad that we have TWO daughters and ONE son …).

When the gourmet birthday meal was completed, they arrived at the table. And when the … hot dogs … were set before them, one would have thought it was an Ethiopian banquet. I never knew that it was humanly possible for three dozen hot dogs to disappear so quickly (1. ‘human’ … maybe I am overestimating things when I refer to them as that. 2. Darn! I knew I should have videoed the event … I am sure the rapid disappearance of the hot dogs could have won me big money on ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’).

Then gifts … again boys and girls are different! Girls give gifts … boys give cold hard cash.

Finally the cake (they all wanted an icing-laden corner piece). But what they really wanted was to return to the pool. So, off they and their full tummies leapt into my pool (at first I was a little worried that the inhalation of weenies might result in … ‘floaters’ in my pool. But then I remembered that they ate them so quickly that surely if they were to rise again in their digestive track, they would certainly still be all in one piece 🙂 so I could just scoop them out of the pool and they could return to murderous acts against each other).

And then … their parents arrived 🙂

and took their boys home 😀

and hubby and I dropped into our comfy chairs vowing to re-think boy birthday parties … not really 🙂

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9/11

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged 9 11, 911, Fears, Life, Live your Life, Love, Memories, Terrorist Attacks, World Trade Center on September 9, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Almost ten years …

Anniversaries are times for remembering, reviewing and reminiscing. And the tenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the United States is no different.

It is a time to reminisce about history before, during and after 9 11.

As today is 9-9-11 (two days before the anniversary of the terrorist attacks), I wonder how 9-9-01 (two days before the attacks occurred) might have been different, how we might be different, had the terrorism of that fateful day not occurred. I wonder if people awakening on 9-9-01 had concerns about flying, if they felt there way a terrorist threat, if they knew the name Bin Laden. Was 9-9-01 an age of innocence still? But I also wonder, did people say goodbye to friends and family more casually? Did people forget to tell their loved ones, ‘I love you’ before going off to work or school?

I also wonder about how we were different to our loved ones in the days following the attacks. I know that, for me, in the days following the attacks, I took more time to read and talk and snuggle with my kids at bedtime. I know that snoring from the other side of the bed, at night, was less annoying, and more a comforting sign that he was still there.

But, I also know that I have forgotten how the events of that day had scared me into loving unconditionally, for a time. But, I have become complacent, I take tomorrow (not just today) for granted, I have the freedom to take those I love for granted … because I forget that they might not be here (I might not be here) tomorrow. May I not have to be reminded again, at such great cost.

It is a time to remember the events of that day, and the human losses.

For any of us, where we were and what we were doing, when we heard of the first attacks on 9-11-01 will forever be imprinted on our brains. That is because what we heard, what we saw caused a trauma … a permanent scar, on our brains. I remember arriving at the gym, and seeing the first tower on fire, and thinking, “how awful.” Although true (it was awful), now that seems like such a trite, distant and removed response.

Our minds, our eyes were glued to the information we were hearing and seeing. We were shocked, we were unbelieving that what was going on, was really real. We remember seeing the footage … over, and over and over … of the first, and then the second plane hit the buildings. We remember hearing that the Pentagon had also been hit. We remember hearing of a plane crash in a field in Pennsylvania. We remember seeing people … falling, no … jumping … from the burning buildings … Remember?

It is a time to review where we have gone since the events of that day.

So, where have we gone from the horrors of that day? And I do not mean from the perspective of airport security, of retaliation, of government policy … I mean where have you and I, as observers of that day, gone? How have we changed how we live our lives? What have we learned? In what ways do we do life differently?

I cannot sit on a plane and not think of the unthinkable visions of 9-11-01, and realize that yes, it could happen again. I cannot hear people debate blame of politicians, and fault of agencies without thinking, ‘where there is a will, there will be a way’ (do we really think that we can prevent all attempts of terrorism with a policy?). I cannot hear of retaliation and not think ‘but there is evil in all men, when we eliminate one, many more rise.’ But, these are negative responses. These are not the responses that, I believe, any of the victims would desire us to have.

I cannot speak for the dead. And I knew none of the victims of 9 11. But, IF I had been one of the victims, I believe I know what I would want others to hear from me …

Live your life to the fullest.

That is it. Just live your life to the fullest. Love those nearest to you, and love them daily. Ponder what (who) is most important to you, and spend the bulk of your time, your energies on that thing … or, more realistically, with that person. Don’t sit on the sidelines watching others live their life, go our there and live, and live, and live …

… because, when life was coming to an end, that fateful day, I bet they each wanted just one more chance at life … and we still have it in our grasp … live it, because they didn’t have the choice.

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Down-Time and Creativity

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged Creation, Creation Story, Down Time, Genesis 2, Life, Sabbath Rest, Wonder on September 8, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Last weekend I had a glimpse of simplicity, of relaxation, of down-time. And what flowed out of me in the quiet of the unhindered hours of that Saturday morning was far more creativity than I had experienced in a very, very long time.

It has made me think about how I live my life, and how I encourage and allow my children to live their lives. But, more specifically, how we construct our days, our weeks. What we fill our hours with. What we ‘do’. And what we consider to be relaxation, simplicity and down-time.

Although not just in the context of Christian living (but certainly, to a large degree, a huge factor in the Christian community), Christians tend to live as though we are fearful of uncommitted time. As though down time is, in itself, a sin. As though every moment of every day needs to be filled to the brim doing … ‘stuff’. But, I just do not believe it!

When my brain is empty of immediate pressures, commitments, and expectations … it is then that my heart and my soul are able to play a greater role. It is then that I can create. It is then that I can love better, plan better … live … better.

Today I was reading Genesis 1 and 2 to a young girl from China. Her English was limited, and her Biblical familiarity lacking. So, as I read the story to her, I explained each of the six days of creation.

And then we came to day seven … and God … rested …

Well, if that is not enough encouragement for us to take a break once in a while (maybe once a week? … just sayin’) I cannot imagine better!

But, you know what else I realized … God had probably been resting before he started the process of creating. And look what he was able to pull off having had a rest!

Now, I am not legalistic when it comes to sabbath rest … heck, for my hubby, who is a pastor, Sunday is NOT a day of rest. I am okay with grocery shopping, working, and playing cards (something my poor grandmother used to feel guilty doing on a Sunday) … if doing those things, on a Sunday, allow for Sabbath rest at another time in the week. But, I do believe that if the God who put the heavens and the earth together (in whatever form He chose to do it in) chose to rest one day out of seven, then we, mere mortals, could probably benefit too.

Try it! Try taking a day (for some, start small … just take half of a day … ) and enjoying Sabbath rest. Do things that make you smile, do things that allow you to stop and smell the roses, do things that fill your energy cup, do things that make your creative juices bubble, do … nothing.

See if taking a selfish break, from that endless ‘To Do’ list, makes you better at what you do the next day.

“he blessed the seventh day and made it holy,

because on it he rested

from all the work

of creating

that he had done.”

Genesis 2:2-3

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Intentional Seeking

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Adventure, Fathers and Daughters, Girls, Intentional, Life, Wonder on September 7, 2011| 6 Comments »

We were heading to do a bit of back to school shopping, my youngest daughter and I. It was a shopping trip with a mission … to purchase what was needed, and get back home … on budget, and with our relationship still intact (those of you with teenagers understand the near impossibility of that).

I decided to start our evening off right, with a mother-daughter dinner. This enabled conversation, planning for the evening, and full bellies.

As we were sat at a table, another family was seated just across from us … a mother, a daughter and a preschool son. My daughter noticed them and oued and awed over how the older sister was caring so tenderly for her younger brother (how she could not see herself in the place of the older sister, and how good it would be to treat her younger brother with tenderness … at least once in a while … I do not know. But, I digress).

And this moment, at the beginning of our evening, started a most wonderfilled evening together. She started a theme, and we began to seek out similar moments, intentionally.

The theme altered slightly, from children in general, to little girls and their fathers. And so, with her impetus, we began seeking fathers and daughters to observe. And, we did this all evening.

There was a man at Costco with his daughter in a cart. The preschool aged daughter was holding a package. Her dad looked at her and told her not to open it, he then looked away, she looked at us, grinned, and giggled with the twinkle in her eyes communicating that she would not stop trying to open it.

Then the little girl who cried she wanted to go home, and dad hugging her.

And the little girl dressed up, in a pretty dress, riding on top of a mattress set, on top of a cart … looking like the princess and the pea … dad pushing her on it.

By the end of the evening we had purchased all that we had sought out, we were on budget and we were still talking (an amazing accomplishment). I am convinced that it was because our ‘purpose’ for the evening had changed. Oh, we still got clothes and food and school supplies, but we also got to lay our heads on our pillows that night with the beauty of wonder filling our hearts and souls. We sought wonder (intentionally), and it was there.

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This Summer in Review

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged A Different Summer, Life, Summer, Summer is Over, Vacation, Work on September 6, 2011| 2 Comments »

This summer was different than most. And it was certainly not the summer I had planned or hoped for.

I worked for half of it, and the other half was spent with two Korean student house guests, and two Chinese student guests / new family members (they will be living with us for the school year). It was also different, because the warm summer weather was delayed, slow, and at times non-existent.

There are things that have been staples in our home and family, that just didn’t happen this summer. Things like daily swims in the pool (we have become wimps … and just do not go in the pool on cool or overcast days), nightly ‘tribal councils’ (we sit out under the stars to the light of the tiki torches, laughing and talking … and texting each other … while only a couple of feet apart), summer school work (I usually give my kids summer school work, to keep their brains engaged over the summer, but working made it hard to find the time … this is something that my kids have NOT missed 🙂 … I have never seen them so happy about me working. But, I digress), and a time away for all five of us 😦

The following is a wrap up of my summer:

Days when I did not have to leave the house … ZERO 😦

Days I had morning coffee on the deck … THREE

Days of temperature over thirty degrees … TWO

School lessons taught … ZERO (Mom 😦 … TWEEN kids 😀 )

Nights of ‘tribal council’ … THREE

Books read … ONE HALF (thanks to my flights to and from New Brunswick)

Pool parties … ZERO

Toes dipped into Pacific … ten

Toes dipped into Atlantic … ten

Korean students our family got to host … TWO

Chinese students who have become part of our family (for the whole school year) … TWO

Camps our two youngest attended … THREE

Summer debt accumulated … ZERO (thanks to my summer job). And every minute and hour of it were worth it! I got to work with fantastic people, learned much new information, and got a paycheck.

Was I loving working in the summer all the time? NO! I did have a ‘poor me’ day, where I griped and complained to hubby that I was working my tushie off and would have nothing tangible to show for it. Last week, as we were admiring the brick patio (bricks that we had, largely bought used … transported here, then carried up our mountain of a property) that our friend (who we had hired when it became obvious that we would not have time this summer to complete on our own) laid for us. And hubby instructed me to look at it, and see that my extra working did have something tangible to show for it.

And, it was good.

So, it was a different summer. It was not the one I had planned on having. Working was not what I had wanted to do. But different is not bad, it’s just … different.

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Football!

Posted in FAMILY, WONDER, tagged Boys, Change, Father and Son, Football, Future, Hero, Hope, Life, Model of Manhood on September 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Today I will go to see my son play football for the first time!

Way back in April, hubby was telling me how much our boy wanted to play football this year. I had my doubts … doubts that our son was the one who wanted to play football. You see hubby loves football! He played in high school. When we met, and were first married, he coached high school football for about seven years. And, he loved it, and he was good!

But, our son … although he physically looks like a clone of hubby, and his mannerisms endorse that cloning possibility, his interests tend to be different from his dads. And, I was really not feeling confident that it was our son who was understanding of the level of commitment and physical exertion that would be required to play on a football team.

I was pretty sure that dad was hoping to live vicariously through son.

But, I was so wrong!

Although he is not yet twelve, and one of the youngest players on his team. He has been practicing three hours a week, since later June. And now that the game season has begun, practice hours are at four and a half, plus games. And he cannot wait to get to a single practice! And he watches the clock, so that he can be ready to go. And he comes home, totally exhausted, saying it was great (even when he gets knocked onto his behind regularly). And he loves his coach. And he loves playing with the guys.

And … he loves that it is just he and his dad :), because his dad, is also one of the coaches on the team.

His dad, more than genetic material, and disciplinarian, and caregiver … is his greatest hero. It is his dad whose opinion matters most to him, It is his dad whose every word, every step he watches, and tries to emulate. Even though their personalities are so different, he knows that it is in his dads heart and life, that he can see his own future.

In the past couple of years, as adolescence has been rearing it’s head, I have been silently mourning the loss of MY little boy. But, this summer, as I see the bond of father and son developing more strongly, more tightly, I am mourning less and celebrating more.

I can love my son tenderly and I can be the first to receive hugs from him (and wonderful bear hugs they are), but I cannot give to him the one thing he needs most … a model of what it is to be a man, and a model of what it is to be a man after God’s heart. It is in the model of who my hubby is, and wants to be, that our son can see hope for his own future, as he grows into manhood.

I am so thankful for the dad my son (and daughters) has. I know he will have the courage and wisdom to coach our son from the experiences (positive and negative) that he has had so far. And, he will also have the wisdom to tackle him into a bear hug, through the years to come.

And I will willingly sit in the bleaches, cheering them on, as he and our son grow and learn together.

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School without Students

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Back to School, Back to work, Purpose, School is Students, Work on September 2, 2011| 4 Comments »

Having now been back to work, in a school, for three days, I am confident of one thing … school is not school without the students!

It has been wonderful to see and reconnect with my work colleagues, get my schedule, and hear of the new plans and initiatives for the school year. But … it does not feel like my job, it does not feel like school, if there are no students there. The building is NOT the school, even the staff are not the school. Both of those are valuable parts of ‘school’, but it is the students who make up, and who are … the school.

All parts that come together under the roof of the school, from teaching to non-teaching staff, from parents to guardians, from professional development to textbooks, from note pads to computers, do so with one purpose in mind … to teach the students who will attend there. And it is in they, the students, that our purpose for being there lies.

It has been a good reminder to me of what my job is really about. Although I benefit from my job (financially and with a sense of purpose and fulfillment), I am there for the benefit of the students, not the other way around. I am there to help them to learn, they are not there to help me learn (but, they do). I am there to encourage them, not they encourage me (but, they do). I am there to make their lives and their futures better, they are not there to improve my life (but, they do).

I hope that remembering why I do what I was hired to do helps me to do my job better. I hope that a month from now, I can remember how very boring and even pointless (not that it is, but it ‘feels’ that way) being at school without the students was, way back here in August.

The highlight of my day … meeting the family of one of the students I get to work with this coming school year … That was one step closer to what I was hired to do!

“…the fundamental purpose of school is learning, not teaching.”

Richard DuFour

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