itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for 2017

Wandering Aimlessly

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #changeisgood, #nomorerushing, #seasonofsummer, #summerishere, #wanderingaimlessly on June 22, 2017| Leave a Comment »

It is now the season of summer, bonfires, swimming, late nights outside, road trips and vacations.

Of all the many things I am looking most forward to this summer season, the thing I am yearning for the most is wandering aimlessly.

I will wander aimlessly around my neighborhood, in thrift, hardware and antique stores, at the beach, on trails and throughout my garden. For there will be little schedule, little pressing on my time, less ‘must dos’ and more freedom to do and go as I please.

For one, such as myself, who loves to fill my time with intentional, purposeful activities, this change of pace can seem to be quite the departure from the norm of the rest of the year, but it is as life-giving as the busyness of the rest of the year.

It is in this season of wandering aimlessly, that my creative batteries get re-charged, that my soul gets re-filled, and my mind gets cleared.

I bet I am not alone in this yearning!

This yin and yang is present in the lives of most of us. It is the daily living of opposites and extremes. We sleep, we work. We eat, we fast. We create, we do the mundane. We love, we … sounds like the juxtaposition of life’s experiences in Ecclesiastes 3.

born, die
born, uproot
kill, heal
tear down, build,
weep, laugh
mourn, dance
scatter stones, gather them
embrace, refrain from embracing
search, give up
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
tear, mend
be silent, speak
love, hate
war, peace.

a time to be busy, and a time to wander aimlessly.

The season of wandering aimlessly is upon us.

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He Heals

Posted in WONDER on June 20, 2017| Leave a Comment »

he heals

Ever heard a story that refuses to leave your memory?

Sometimes it is a news story, or a television show that brings her story back to the surface of my thoughts, and I am thrust into a sense of mourning for what my friend experienced.

I remember when my friend shared her story. It haunts my mind, breaks my heart and saddens my soul.

She told her story of facts, feelings and abuse. Each detail etched itself into the deepest part of me. There are times when I feel as haunted by her verbal story as if I were there.

But, it was she, not me, who was there. It is her ugly, broken, horror story.

As we lay our burdens at the feet of Christ, it is often the burdens of others that weigh heaviest on our shoulders. When we lay them , we tend to struggle to release them fully, for we tend to hold on to them with questions such as, why?

Yet lay them we must. For he does heal those wounds.

And, rather than hold on to the burdens of others we lift our loved ones up in prayer. Each time their hurt comes to our mind, we whisper prayers for comfort, for healing.

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I’ve Got a Good Father

Posted in FAMILY, life, WONDER, tagged #fathersday, #fathersday2017, #goodgoodfather, #ivegotagoodfather, #loveisachoice on June 18, 2017| Leave a Comment »

good father

I do have a good father.

He has been one who has loved and been committed to me. His expressions of fatherly love have made my personal acceptance of God as my heavenly father easy and natural.

When my father proposed to my mother, he did so with one condition, that she allow him to adopt her two year old daughter (me) as his own. I actually think that it was always in the plan of my heavenly father, that my dad be … my dad, and that I be his daughter.

“See how very much our Father loves us,
for he calls us his children,
and that is what we are”
1 John 3:1a

Love is a choice. It was the choice of my father to love me, it has been my choice to love him. Blood relation does not change that reality, because love is always a choice, or it is not love, but obligation.

I think all of us reach point in our lives when we realize that loving others, loving our children, loving our parents, is a choice that is in our hands.

I remember reaching the developmental stage when I became aware of the faults and mistakes that my parents have made. The things said that stung. The time not given. The things that were important to me that were critiqued and rejected. But I also realized that they were, they are human (I might have come to that realization around the time that I became a parent). They have not done it all right. They did not always comfort me as I desired or needed, they did not always do things with me when I so wanted them to, they did not always say (or not say) what I needed. But, I know that when I look at the big picture (from our beginning to today) they chose to love me.

For many, Father’s Day is a tough day. We may have very valid reasons for feeling unloved, abused or unchosen, and for those who must keep apart from the earthly man who is your father. What I am saying does not apply to you, for your story is one of self preservation.

But, for most of us, it is a matter of choice, our choice, to love the men in our lives who have chosen to love us … imperfectly, humanly.

Happy Father’s Day, to my dad, who I choose to love.

“Yet to all who did receive him,
to those who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God
children born not of natural descent,
nor of human decision or a husband’s will,
but born of God.
John 1:12-13

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A Well Feathered Story

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged #atimeforlife, #awellfeatheredstory, #babybirds, #birdsinanest, #blessingsandcurses, #ecclesiastes3, #joyhaltedbynature, #robinseggs on June 15, 2017| Leave a Comment »

I cannot even remember how we discovered it, but my first view of it will stay with me always.

On a sunny springtime day, peeking through the floorboards of our second story deck, at three perfect blue robin eggs, snug in their nest.

The only thing better than seeing them, was watching and listening to our kids as they caught their first glimpses of the little bird family.

The momma robin hovered in and around, under and over her littles, constantly reminding us of her protective maternal presence. We tried to give her space in her season of nesting, though the temptation to peek at the progress of the eggs was near impossible for our family of five.

We scanned the internet for information pertaining to the gestation of robin eggs.

What we didn’t read about, were not prepared for, was the sad day that started with a fluttering, squaring momma robin, fighting off the evil Steller Jay.

I remember our animal-loving daughter coming into the kitchen after standing on the deck and giving heck to the Jay, in support of the robin family … now reduced to one whole egg and two mounds of shells.

Then, when the school day came to an end, and our kids went out to look through the floorboards, anger mixed with sorrow, as the realization that the jay had gotten number three.

Our anticipated joy in nature halted by … nature.

This well-feathered story makes me think of the third chapter of Ecclesiastes:

“There’s … a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.”

I do not always appreciate how life goes. Yet, when I look back I see that the hardships, the sorrows and the defeats are intermixed with the delights, the joys, the wins.

Last week, fifteen or so years later, we made an unexpected discovery … a perfectly constructed nest, nestled into one of my hanging planters. Inside were four eggs, white with reddish spots.

The tiny little momma bird was vigilant in staying with her family, with short jaunts out of the nest to care for herself and check the premises for enemies.

As I led a friend to the nest, earlier this week, my heart sunk as there were no eggs. Instead there were … feathers. As I moved the leaf on a plant I saw four eager, wide opened beaks opened up as high as they could reach.

Now there’s still a neighbour cat who is thinking that we are providing fast, feathered food. So the threat of nature is still in the air.
the threat of nature is always in the air

But, maybe this is a time for birth, a time for life.

birds

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Grease for the Journey

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #alaboroflove, #greaseforthejourney, #lovethejourney, #nofinishline, #separatingrocksanddirt, #workingtogether, #workisanopportunity on June 13, 2017| Leave a Comment »

finish line

Sometimes the task before us is simply the opportunity to share time and space, life and breath, heart and soul with another human being.

A job that should have been completed weeks ago, was still undone, due to human procrastination and a lack of motivation … and providence.

I’m a momma who wants the task done … yesterday.

So I struck a deal, including my labor towards the completion of the task at hand.

We worked, momma and son, separating the rocks from the dirt, clearing the way for something new.

Music played loud, sweat poured down our brows, our minds filled with wordless contemplations that would stay our own, and the dirt was ground into the pores of our hands.

One hour, two, almost three and … silence. The task of a phone battery has no life and breath, heart or soul beating beside a human being. It has a time limit, an end.

Silence for one minute, two, three … voices.

One hour, almost two … we shared breath, heart and soul, human and human, momma and son. We talked, we laughed, we pondered and wondered.

We worked, momma and son, separating the rocks from the dirt, clearing the way for something new. In the physical clearing of rocks from the dirt, there was also clearing of our heads, sharing of our hearts.

Sometimes the task before us is simply the opportunity to share time and space, life and breath, heart and soul with another human being.

A little sweat between two humans might just be the grease that can fuel the next part of the journey. All we have is the task at hand, no finish line deadline.

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Build Each Other Up

Posted in GOD, life, women, WONDER, tagged #buildeachotherup, #encourageoneanother, #momguilt, #momtomom, Parenting on June 11, 2017| Leave a Comment »

I sat in my vehicle, fatigued and elated, after the graduation ceremony for my son and his peers, and opened the envelope that was addressed … to me.

As I opened the card (to the left) I read the unexpected, encouraging words, from one mom to another. And the floodgates opened.

Although this day had been one of joy, pride and celebration, the week had been one of self doubt, regrets, and feelings of parental failure. And we all have those times, don’t we?

The words in this note card fed my momma heart. They nurtured my soul. They gave me reason to lift my head.

Really what they did was remind me that I am human. Sometimes I blow it, as a parent. Sometimes I get it right. Don’t we all live with this reality?

1 Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us,

“encourage each other and build each other up,
just as you are already doing.”

This little card, written by another momma, did that for me. This small token, it’s greatest value is not only in the words, but the fact that she made the effort to encourage.

Not only did it encourage me, but it also reminded me that I need to encourage others. Don’t we all need that?

So, thank-you friend, fellow mom who is travelling this unpredictable, windy road called parenting. You have encouraged me and your kind act fed my momma soul.

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As my Son Graduates High School

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, The Kids, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #asmysongraduates, #asmysongraduateshighschool, #classof2017, #eternallegacy, #graduation2017, #lookaround, #nicolenordeman, Legacy on June 8, 2017| Leave a Comment »

To my son, as he graduates tonight from high school:

Tonight you dress in a cap and gown, a shirt and tie.
Tonight you cross a stage, have a tassel crossed over your head.
Tonight is the end, tonight is the beginning.

The other night I needed you to do an errand with me. What I needed was time with you, needed to hear from you about how you feel about graduation.

If I were to give our conversation a one-word theme, it would be legacy.

You shared with me what you wish your legacy would be, but your disappointment that you felt you had failed in accomplishing your desire …
we always have regrets when things come to an end.

To leave a legacy is to leave a gift for those who come after. In reality, we all leave a legacy, some good, and some not so good.

As your mom, I see your legacy quite differently from you.
moms tend to see things differently.

About a month ago I walked down the halls of school with you. As we walked, and talked, there was a constant injection of “hey Ben” from guys in younger grades. Finally I asked how all these students knew who you were.

You, nonchalantly, replied, “I just got to know them. I remember what it was like to be one of the younger kids in school, and how good it was when an older guy knew my name, so I got to know their names.”
this momma saw a good legacy … an eternal legacy

Last week a mom told me of a grad event and how she could not find a student who was comfortable to pray for the meal. Finally she asked a group, “who will pray, so that we can eat our meal?” To which the group replied, “Ben.” She said that when she asked you, you quickly said yes.
this mom saw a good legacy … an eternal legacy

A year ago you spoke in chapel at school. Through your words you communicated the love that God has for us all. You shared that God’s love is not dependent on what we do, what we’ve done, that he is always there for us all.
to share Gods love for others is a great legacy … an eternal legacy

My dear,

You know the joys of applause after performing a play …

and you know that it comes to an end.

To leave a legacy of quietly caring, of being thankful, of sharing of the redemptive story of God’s love (and you know, that redemption is the best theme of any story). These are pieces of an eternal legacy … one that doesn’t sit on a shelf and collect dust.

A few months ago I sent you a song (probably not your style of music, but the words …). If you need a legacy goal for your life, I send you back to Nicole Nordeman’s song Legacy. My hope for you, is “that you choose to love, point to (Christ). Leave an offering, (be) a child of mercy and grace who blessed (his) name unapologetically.”

Keep looking around, Ben. You know how fast a season of life can move, live towards an eternal legacy.

I love you
I love you
I love you,

Mom

feris

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The End is Coming

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #endoftheschoolyear, #finishwell, #redeemtheschoolyear, #theendiscoming, june on June 6, 2017| Leave a Comment »

As the calendar turned to June, the theme at high school moves to finishing the school year.

Talk in the classrooms, the hallways and at staff meetings is of the last day of school, exams, studying and graduation.

It is at this time in the school year that a Biblical concept raises its head in the minds of those who both would and would not typically ascribe Toni daily life.

This concept comes from 2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

I think that many who refer to this verse do so as a challenge to themselves or for others. It is the message we all need to keep in our minds as we focus on this place between where we are, and where we are headed. It reminds us that it is not the destination we are headed, but how we get there.

It is a good time, for school staff, students and parents of students to continue doing well, or, as is more often the case, redeem the parts of the year when we messed up, were apathetic, or were damaging in some way to those around us.

It amazes me how the strong effort of a student in preparation for a final exam can impress a teacher who had previously seen little evidence of effort. Or how the note of appreciation from a parent to a teacher who had a positive influence on their child can give a difficult school year true meaning. Or how a teacher can move a student from the pit of despair, to seeing a glimmer of light, by looking into the eyes of a student who has struggled all year, and saying “I know how hard this has been for you. This is only one small part of life. This exam does not define who you are.”

So, lets finish well, by encouraging those around us, who might just need a bit of hope for the weeks to come, or to erase the year past.

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That Hallowed Hedge

Posted in Faith, GOD, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #hallowedbethyname, #holyground, #malcolmguite, #thathallowedhedge on June 4, 2017| Leave a Comment »

As I perused the written and photographic materials for my gifted trip of a lifetime, my imagination was ignited when I saw the ariel image of an extensive, hedged driveway. All of a sudden my dream had focused from the macro of being in Italy, to the micro of walking of walking this massive pathway.

On my seventh day at the Tenuta Bichi Borghesi estate I finally stepped into the over one hundred and fifty meters of expertly trimmed hedge avenue.

I am not sure why it took me so long! Perhaps, in the deep recesses of my heart, I was afraid that my desires had built up this dream, beyond what it would be like, to wander this private oasis. Perhaps I was simply postponing this personal gift, so as to extend that anticipation. Or, perhaps, I was just too busy taking in all of the preliminary events and pleasures of the estate, it’s fruits, it’s people.

So, on that hot afternoon, I took my first steps into the cool avenue, protected from the glare of the sun.

And I felt it …

bubbling up inside of me,

causing goose bumps to form on my humid skin,

causing my heart to flutter,

causing my legs, my feet, to want to skip,

like a child, inhibited by societies norms and expectations.

Child-like joy.

I spent fifteen minutes walking, skipping, sitting on a marble bench, snapping photos and pausing to breath in the fresh, heady scent of the air, the dirt, the greenery.

I reached the end to find an enormous dual swinging metal gate, that must have been ten feet tall. I felt it’s cool, smooth rungs, and wondered at the hands that formed it with the heat of fire, heavy, pounding tools, and workmanship and skill rarely seen today.

On my return, to where I began, I walked slowly, reverently, uttering only words of thanks for all that I was able to see, to hear, to smell, taste and touch on my gifted opportunity to wander.

Praise makes holy, hallowed, everything in it’s presence.

It was a pilgrimage of praise, on holy (hallowed) ground.

hedge 1

Hallowed by thy Name
“There’s something in the sound of the word hallow;
A haunting sense of everything we’ve lost
Amidst the trite, the trivial, the shallow,
Where nothing lingers, nothing seems to last.
But Hallowed, summons up our fear and wonder,
And summons us to stand on holy ground.
To sense the mystery that stands just under
Familiar things we’ll never understand.

Hallowed be thy name: the name unspoken,
The name from which all other names arise,
The name that heals the sick and binds the broken,
Whose living glory calls the dead to rise.
You make this prayer my rising and my rest
That I might bless the name by which I’m blessed.”
Malcolm Guite

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Refreshment

Posted in FAMILY, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged #loverofbeauty, #wemustcarryitwithus, Beauty, Refreshment on June 1, 2017| 1 Comment »

I am a lover of beauty.

Beautiful art, beautiful people, beautiful music, beautiful stories, beautiful landscapes, beautiful food, all of it!

To just see, hear, smell, touch and taste that which evokes joyous emotion can fill my cup to the brim, and flowing over. It can revive my mind, heart and soul like a mini revolution.

Sunday afternoon I retuned to Pacific timezone, after twenty hours of packing followed by travel. I was not well-rested, yet I was revived by the myriad of beauty I had encountered throughout the ten day trip to Italy.

Just the day prior, I was walking the streets of Florence. Florence is the birthplace of the Italian Renaissance.

I walked through a tour of the Bargello Museum, and took in works by Michelangelo, Donatello, Benvenuto Cellini and more, listening to the history, known of each piece, touching the cool statues, looking into the eyes formed from the stone, with such detail, such affection, with tears in my own.

While walking the stone streets I paused to hear two gentlemen making stringed music. As their song ended, I turned to continue on my way, but turned, involuntarily, as their rendition of Pachabel’s Canon caused the tears to flow from someplace so deep inside.

In the hot afternoon, I sat in the shade, enjoying the freshness of every morsel of my slice of Italian pizza, while watching a couple dining al fresco, as he lovingly, passionately, kissed her hand, their eyes only able to see those of their lover, both in the seventies.

After inquiring about the famous Italian liqueur, Limoncello, the shop owner pulled out a chilled bottle, offering me a taste that, again, tasted of a freshness I had rarely encountered before.

Beauty, beauty everywhere!

I came home utterly exhausted. But my physical fatigue was no match for the overall sense of refreshment.

And, as I looked across the baggage carousel, with refreshed body, mind and soul, I was, again, moved to tears, to see my love smiling, beautifully, back at me. And, in the hours that followed, my three other most beautiful ones and I reunited.

Beauty, beauty everywhere!

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us
or we find it not.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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