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When I am Old and Gray

Posted in GOD, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #howwilltheyrememberme, #inspiredbyafuneral, #wheniamoldandgray, #whenidie on July 30, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Last month hubby and I went to the funeral of an older man.

I have been to many funerals that made me cry, laugh and sigh, but this one made me want to live better. Not eat healthier foods and get more exercise, but to live each day with a desire to make life better for others.

It was said how he adored each day with his wife of the last few years. They had met each as widowers and found that the other made their days better.

Children, by birth and by marriage, spoke of his support, his acceptance of them.

Grandchildren spoke of how their grandfather always had time for they and their friends, at his home or the family cabin.

Others spoke of his support as a friend. How hard working he was in his occupation, before retirement. His joy in supporting a summer camp, with his physical strength, his financial support and by sending his children and grandchildren to attend. His commitment to his creator, and his joy in sharing that relationship with others. His active attendance in his church, and to his church family.

As I sat through the memorial, I found myself making mental notes. I found myself desiring to live the rest of my days, with my own funeral/memorial in mind.

Maybe that is what we should all do … live our lives as if each day would be taken into consideration for what would be shared at our final service.

Most of all, I hope that, in the end, I have left a legacy of love and that I have pointed to Christ, for all the joyful blessings as well as for the strength when the blessings are fewer to see.

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I Know He Watches Me

Posted in GOD, life, Nature/Creation, Walking with God, tagged #godinthegarden, #hiseyeisonthesparrow, #iknowhewatchesme, Hope on July 18, 2017| Leave a Comment »

sparrow

I had a great morning yesterday.

I spent the morning in the garden, cleaning up an area where the roses needed a trim.

I had, intentionally, planned to do anything that resembled work (though the garbage can full of clippings and weeds might indicate that work did occur).

It was in the garden that I experienced the most joy. Earlier in the day, I had listened to a song produced by my daughter’s friend, that I loved in my youth, “His Eye is on the Sparrow”. As I wandered through the thorns of the roses the song was still in my mind, on my lips (thank goodness not a human pair of ears were within listening range, for I am only a large group singer).

The garden was a mess. The last time I had weeded and trimmed was mid March. The weeds had gone to seed, the roses were bundles of withered mess.

I sing, because I’m happy
I sing, because I’m free
For his eye is on the sparrow,
And I know he watches me.

The words played in my mind the whole time. The longer they played, the more daringly I sang (no one was home, and our neighbours live a safe distance to avoid ear damage from my version of singing). As the moments ticked on, the affirmation of security in the truth of those lyrics created the beauty of sanctuary in my weeds.

And that is what my life is often full of … weeds, and the need to have what is withered, what is worn and draining energy snipped, pruned and carried away. But, whatever state my heart and life are in, I have a heavenly father who is also the master gardener of my soul and life, and he watches over me.

“Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me”

“Are not two sparrows sold for a cent?
And yet not one of them will fall to the ground
apart from your Father.
“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
“So do not fear;
you are more valuable than many sparrows.”
Matthew 10:29-31

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Golden Summer Days

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged #bestill, #goldenmoments, #goldensummerdays, #lessmondaymoresummer on July 16, 2017| Leave a Comment »

It isn’t until summer that I remember how very much I love the colour of the walls in our bedroom.

They are a soft, pale yellow, like butter. I had painted the ensuite bath, in our previous house, with the same colour, and I loved it so much, that I immediately painted our bedroom with the same buttercream yellow, once we moved … thirteen years ago!

It is in the late afternoon, when the sun is shining into the south and west windows of our bedroom that the colour comes alive, and emits not just a brightness, but a sense of delight that brings a smile to my face.

The thing is, I never have or take the time to enjoy this glorious, sacred space.

But, in summer, I sometimes wander into my bedroom, and realize that it is a place of visual magic. I lay on the bed (or get totally irresponsible and slide into the bedsheets … in the middle of the day … gasp!) and my eyes wander as the light is reflected off of my golden walls and into my sun-starved soul.

Pure delight!

As I enjoy yet another summer of such opportunities, I am learning to not take these golden opportunities for granted. These summer days are complete blessings, full of so many opportunities to fill one’s cup.

I think I am finally reaching the point of maturity that I am learning to drop what I think I must do, and just “be still … and know that I am NOT God” (Psalm 46:10 … with edit 😉 ).

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Lord Hear our Prayers

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged #lordhearourprayers, #morecommomthandifferent, #prayingtogether, #unityofbelievers on July 10, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Driving down the road, listening to the news about the increasing numbers of forest fires overnight, I found myself whispering Lord hear our prayers.

Though I was driving by myself, I had a sense that anyone of faith, listening to the destructive power of the fires in British Columbia was making the same petition.

Lord hear our prayers, is a prayer of intercession and of faith.

The beauty of it is that it is simplistic and unifying.

This petition, this intercession is a reminder that there is so much more that we share in common, than that which we differ. We share in our love for those dear to us, our concern for the health and safety for our fellow humans, our desire for peace, that we would be good caretakers of our world and it’s resources, and our hope for eternity.

So today, I am praying, but I am so aware that I am not praying alone, or in my own steam.

Lord, care for our loved ones.

Lord hear our prayers.

Lord, for those who are ill, please bring healing.

Lord hear our prayers.

Lord, bring peace to our world.

Lord hear our prayers.

Lord, guide us in being good stewards of this world and all that is on it.

Lord hear our prayers.

Lord, we rest in the reassuring knowledge that our forever is with you.

Lord hear our prayers.

And Lord, please be with those affecting by the forest fires. The fire fighters, emergency personal, those displaced, those fearful. Please bring refreshing rains to these fire endangered lands.

Lord hear our prayers.

Amen.

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Come Home

Posted in GOD, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #comehome, #heavenisourhome, #thevalleyoftheshadow, eternity, heaven on July 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Screen Shot 2017-07-09 at 8.16.34 AM

Death and taxes, those two fatalistic certainties of life. Neither desirable, but both inevitable.

It is a difficult thing to walk in the shadow of the valley of death with someone.

I say this mostly at a distance from experiencing it, as my walks with the dying have been rather few. My hubby, though, is a pastor, and he has walked this road much more frequently.

When death is imminent, daily life gets postponed, for to live with the dying can be the most real of living life.

I often think of this valley walk as one on holy ground … living in the space between no longer and not yet.

Throughout the ministry of Jesus, he would preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near” (Matthew 4:17). As Jesus gave his famous Sermon on the Mount, he spoke of the kingdom of God/heaven. It would seem that the kingdom of God/heaven is wherever He was/is. So, when he was walking this Earth, as a man, he was delivering the Kingdom, just as we, who live with the Spirit of God in our lives, also bring the kingdom with us where we go (“for the kingdom of God is within you” Luke 17:21).

But, Philippians 3:20 also tells us:

our citizenship is in heaven.
And we eagerly await a Savior from there,
the Lord Jesus Christ.”

You see, our residence is here, and we bring the kingdom of God and heaven wherever we go, but our passport … we are citizens of the eternal kingdom of heaven, ruled by the God of all time.

For the believer, “we do not grieve as those who have no hope”. Our hope is in the promise of Jesus, himself, who said, “if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am” (John 14:3).

“Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling for you and for me;
See, on the portals He’s waiting and watching,
Watching for you and for me.

Come home, come home,
You who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
Calling, O sinner, come home!”

Will L. Thompson

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God will Rush Toward You

Posted in GOD, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #godpursuesus, #godwillrushtowardyou, #youcanneveroutrungod, forgiven, Redemption on July 6, 2017| Leave a Comment »

i-have-swept-away-your-offenses-like-a-cloud-your-13947067

“I know that I’ll come back to my faith, I just need to figure it out for myself first.”

I am not sure whether those words made my heart sink (for the intentional turning away from God) or start to sing (for the door is not closed).

This person had grown up in a home of faith and in the church. They had received the love, acceptance and blessings of such a life. Having a time of evaluating and reevaluating the dogma that one grows up in, is a normal and even a good process. It is a pruning of what is and isn’t absolute and a polishing of what never changes. It is a process of choosing whether one’s faith is personal, or simply hereditary.

Yet, it still can be like a kick in the gut to hear that one is choosing to turn their back on the faith, even just for a season.

Then, weeks after this conversation, as I was driving to a meeting, a song came on the radio that reminded me of the never-ending pursuit of our heavenly father for our hearts, souls, lives.

“You will never outrun my love
There’s no distance too far, that I can’t reach you
There’s no place that’s so dark, that I can’t find you
Anywhere that you are, if you need proof
Take a look at these scars, and know I love you
Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter what you’ve done
You are never, you are never, never too far gone”

And these words are not just for those who are figuring out where God fits into their life. They are also for those who feel that their choices, their actions and behaviours are far too vile for God to forgive. God forgives. That is why his son had to die, because the debt of the sins of humanity needed a pure atonement, a propitiation, which is literally “a falling or rushing toward” (www.etymonline.com).

We will never do anything, go anywhere, that God is not rushing toward us, offering his forgiveness. It is offered, because he knows we will need it.

If you want to check out the entire song, check out Jordan Felix.

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Be Brave

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged #bebrave, #dontdoubt, #dotheimpossible, #havefaithinyourself on June 29, 2017| Leave a Comment »

doubt

It was September of 2016 that the ability to trust myself enough to be brave returned.

I was frustrated, downcast and I doubted myself greatly. When a day like this occurs, I have three go tos; Pinterest, employment sites, or food. Now, lets face it, I didn’t choose just one, I simply hit them all, one by one.

For some reason all three of our kids were home, and I was interacting with them as I perused local employment opportunities, laughing with them as we considered me in the various positions available (laughter really is the best medicine).

Although I hold a diploma, as a Draftsman, a certificate (plus fourteen years experience), as an Educational Assistant, and I have experience in a other areas, what I do not possess (and it seems to be the new grade 12 diploma) is an undergrad degree.

As I was perusing employment opportunities, one stopped me in my tracks. It was as an instructor in a local university-college, in a job training program for individuals with disabilities.

I remembered visiting that program on my spring break many years prior, and having been so impressed with what it offered, and the philosophy of those who managed the program. After my visit I designed a work experience program, at the high school I worked, to mirror that one, ensuring that those who completed my program would qualify for this university-college one.

I shared it with my kids, who knew of my great respect for it, and they all said, “apply for it.” I smiled, a mom smile, and said, “the minimum requirement is an undergrad, and they prefer someone with a masters.” My heart sunk, as I work in a high school, and I know how very important credentials are to be employed there, so a university college wouldn’t even look at my resume.

But they persisted, throwing mantras at me that I had thrown their way over the years of mothering and empowering them that they loss nothing from trying and that “they have not because they ask not.”

I wavered in the reality of my lacking, but didn’t want to by a hypocrite with my kids.

I glanced at the deadline … Monday. This was Friday, and I hadn’t updated my resume in years. This was going to take work, and there wasn’t much in the reservoir … but I felt I needed to model bravery to my kids.

So, I spent my weekend creating a new and improved resume (with the help of my kids), and, on Monday, I submitted it online, hours before the deadline.

Ah, I did it! I had modelled to my kids that my self doubt would not stop me from trying the impossible! My job was done.

Then, on Wednesday, I received, what I thought to be confirmation of receipt of my resume, and a thanks, but no thanks response.

Instead, it was an appointment for an interview …

for my dream job
that I was not even close to having the educational minimum requirements for
that I only applied to so as to model what I expect of my kids

I was flabergasted!

I had to get hubby to read it, to ensure that I had read it correctly.

A week later I went to that interview, and met three welcoming and, no doubt, fully educated, women. I answered their questions, I gave a brief outline of what I might teach to prepare the students for an interview.

The interview lasted about one hour …

and I blew it!

I have never in my life, interviewed so poorly. It was as though I could hear everything I was saying, yet I had no control over my words.

When I was graciously thanked, and left the room, I raced to exit the building, and get to a private space, where I …

laughed hysterically! As in, bent over in deep tummy laughter!

I had taught work experience for about six years, including how to survive a job interview, and yet I had managed to perform as though I had no idea what a job interview was to entail.

But, I didn’t care … I had done the impossible, and through this exercise of bravery, the debilitating anxiety (and self doubt) that I had been living with for the three years prior was overcome … not completely, but there were cracks in my self-doubt.

The tide had turned, and I was reminded that God has given me gifts to use and share.

“Then Jesus told them,
“I tell you the truth,
if you have faith and don’t doubt,
you can do things like this and much more.”
Matthew 21:21

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A Well Feathered Story

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged #atimeforlife, #awellfeatheredstory, #babybirds, #birdsinanest, #blessingsandcurses, #ecclesiastes3, #joyhaltedbynature, #robinseggs on June 15, 2017| Leave a Comment »

I cannot even remember how we discovered it, but my first view of it will stay with me always.

On a sunny springtime day, peeking through the floorboards of our second story deck, at three perfect blue robin eggs, snug in their nest.

The only thing better than seeing them, was watching and listening to our kids as they caught their first glimpses of the little bird family.

The momma robin hovered in and around, under and over her littles, constantly reminding us of her protective maternal presence. We tried to give her space in her season of nesting, though the temptation to peek at the progress of the eggs was near impossible for our family of five.

We scanned the internet for information pertaining to the gestation of robin eggs.

What we didn’t read about, were not prepared for, was the sad day that started with a fluttering, squaring momma robin, fighting off the evil Steller Jay.

I remember our animal-loving daughter coming into the kitchen after standing on the deck and giving heck to the Jay, in support of the robin family … now reduced to one whole egg and two mounds of shells.

Then, when the school day came to an end, and our kids went out to look through the floorboards, anger mixed with sorrow, as the realization that the jay had gotten number three.

Our anticipated joy in nature halted by … nature.

This well-feathered story makes me think of the third chapter of Ecclesiastes:

“There’s … a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.”

I do not always appreciate how life goes. Yet, when I look back I see that the hardships, the sorrows and the defeats are intermixed with the delights, the joys, the wins.

Last week, fifteen or so years later, we made an unexpected discovery … a perfectly constructed nest, nestled into one of my hanging planters. Inside were four eggs, white with reddish spots.

The tiny little momma bird was vigilant in staying with her family, with short jaunts out of the nest to care for herself and check the premises for enemies.

As I led a friend to the nest, earlier this week, my heart sunk as there were no eggs. Instead there were … feathers. As I moved the leaf on a plant I saw four eager, wide opened beaks opened up as high as they could reach.

Now there’s still a neighbour cat who is thinking that we are providing fast, feathered food. So the threat of nature is still in the air.
the threat of nature is always in the air

But, maybe this is a time for birth, a time for life.

birds

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Build Each Other Up

Posted in GOD, life, women, WONDER, tagged #buildeachotherup, #encourageoneanother, #momguilt, #momtomom, Parenting on June 11, 2017| Leave a Comment »

I sat in my vehicle, fatigued and elated, after the graduation ceremony for my son and his peers, and opened the envelope that was addressed … to me.

As I opened the card (to the left) I read the unexpected, encouraging words, from one mom to another. And the floodgates opened.

Although this day had been one of joy, pride and celebration, the week had been one of self doubt, regrets, and feelings of parental failure. And we all have those times, don’t we?

The words in this note card fed my momma heart. They nurtured my soul. They gave me reason to lift my head.

Really what they did was remind me that I am human. Sometimes I blow it, as a parent. Sometimes I get it right. Don’t we all live with this reality?

1 Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us,

“encourage each other and build each other up,
just as you are already doing.”

This little card, written by another momma, did that for me. This small token, it’s greatest value is not only in the words, but the fact that she made the effort to encourage.

Not only did it encourage me, but it also reminded me that I need to encourage others. Don’t we all need that?

So, thank-you friend, fellow mom who is travelling this unpredictable, windy road called parenting. You have encouraged me and your kind act fed my momma soul.

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As my Son Graduates High School

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, The Kids, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #asmysongraduates, #asmysongraduateshighschool, #classof2017, #eternallegacy, #graduation2017, #lookaround, #nicolenordeman, Legacy on June 8, 2017| Leave a Comment »

To my son, as he graduates tonight from high school:

Tonight you dress in a cap and gown, a shirt and tie.
Tonight you cross a stage, have a tassel crossed over your head.
Tonight is the end, tonight is the beginning.

The other night I needed you to do an errand with me. What I needed was time with you, needed to hear from you about how you feel about graduation.

If I were to give our conversation a one-word theme, it would be legacy.

You shared with me what you wish your legacy would be, but your disappointment that you felt you had failed in accomplishing your desire …
we always have regrets when things come to an end.

To leave a legacy is to leave a gift for those who come after. In reality, we all leave a legacy, some good, and some not so good.

As your mom, I see your legacy quite differently from you.
moms tend to see things differently.

About a month ago I walked down the halls of school with you. As we walked, and talked, there was a constant injection of “hey Ben” from guys in younger grades. Finally I asked how all these students knew who you were.

You, nonchalantly, replied, “I just got to know them. I remember what it was like to be one of the younger kids in school, and how good it was when an older guy knew my name, so I got to know their names.”
this momma saw a good legacy … an eternal legacy

Last week a mom told me of a grad event and how she could not find a student who was comfortable to pray for the meal. Finally she asked a group, “who will pray, so that we can eat our meal?” To which the group replied, “Ben.” She said that when she asked you, you quickly said yes.
this mom saw a good legacy … an eternal legacy

A year ago you spoke in chapel at school. Through your words you communicated the love that God has for us all. You shared that God’s love is not dependent on what we do, what we’ve done, that he is always there for us all.
to share Gods love for others is a great legacy … an eternal legacy

My dear,

You know the joys of applause after performing a play …

and you know that it comes to an end.

To leave a legacy of quietly caring, of being thankful, of sharing of the redemptive story of God’s love (and you know, that redemption is the best theme of any story). These are pieces of an eternal legacy … one that doesn’t sit on a shelf and collect dust.

A few months ago I sent you a song (probably not your style of music, but the words …). If you need a legacy goal for your life, I send you back to Nicole Nordeman’s song Legacy. My hope for you, is “that you choose to love, point to (Christ). Leave an offering, (be) a child of mercy and grace who blessed (his) name unapologetically.”

Keep looking around, Ben. You know how fast a season of life can move, live towards an eternal legacy.

I love you
I love you
I love you,

Mom

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