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Flipped

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Anxiety, choose, fine, flipped, friend, Life, Philippians 6:6-7, Stress, thinking, worry on September 27, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Have you ever felt like ‘anxious’ is the most sincere response you could give to the common question, “how are you today?” I would bet my last dollar (which is the bank’s dollar anyway) that your response to that question was not an honest “anxious” but instead the typical response, “fine” with a sugar-coated smile to complete your fakery. I know this because I have done it too, and I think we all have. It is so very difficult to be honest about the things that we worry and fret about.

Anxiety, worry, fear … those are all common feelings to us all. They can rip at our very being, taking over our every thought, controlling our every moment, and even putting our physical health at risk.

Just last night I read the following:

“Do not be calm about anything,
but in everything,
continuing to grasp at control and busyness,
with an entitled attitude,
keep your worry to yourself.
And the stress and anxiety
that overwhelms and suffocates
will eat away at your
heart, mind and very existence.”

Now I do not know if this is original by my friend Jenn, or if she was quoting someone else, but, it really made me stop, and wonder, is that me? Is that how I, really and truly, live my life? Is that who I am in my most furthest place from “fine”, my truest me?

I asked myself, those questions and quickly replied to myself (yes, I do sometimes converse with myself … there is no mind reading in those conversations), “no, not me” … echos of “fine” ringing in my ears.

Then I thought of the day before;

I was not calm, but I had so much to get done
grasping at control and busyness, but I had to because things needed to get done
with an entitled attitude, but they needed to get done right, and that (of course) meant that I needed to do them!
I kept my worry to myself, but, well, what good does it do to burden someone else with my problems?
my heart, mind and existence were … occupied, full and frazzled … but, but …

What my friend had written was the opposite, or flipped version of one of the most encouraging, strengthening, empowering and freeing messages of God to us in our broken, stress-filled, anxiety-ridden world and lives.

“Do not be anxious about anything,
but in every situation,
by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your
hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7

Why would we choose to allow:

“the stress and anxiety that overwhelms and suffocates to eat away at our hearts, minds and very existence”

over

“the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus?”

Thank-you Jenn, for flipping my thinking!

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Where are MY Wings?

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged carefree, doom and gloom, eagle, grumbling, Isaiah 40:28-31, Roy Chen-Campbell, soar like eagles, soaring, spread their wings, sucky, Trust, where are my wings? on September 21, 2012| 2 Comments »

It was … a day.

The most eloquent word for that day that I could come up with would be sucky. You all know what I mean, because we all have them. It was a day that made you wonder why you had to get out of bed at all. It was a day when you felt like going back to bed, and covering your head with the blankets was the only key to surviving. And, for me, it wasn’t even eight in the morning.

As I drove down the road, alone, I grumbled to no one at all, yet my words and the heart behind them were known. My grumbling was becoming a most dramatic musical score, building to a crescendo, when something took my attention away from my gloom and doom and up into the skies.

There, not far ahead of my vehicle was an eagle, soaring through the air.

There is nothing like a hawk or eagle to grab my attention by the nose hairs. Years ago I became captivated by them when I had read about their mating habits, and how they have lifetime mates, and the lengths they would go to so as to attract the attention of their female counterpart.

It’s movement was motionless, and yet it was covering a significant distance with each passing second.

The next audible word from my mouth (after “wow!”) was “why can’t I experience that?”

There was something about the ease with which it was soaring above me that made me want so badly to be like that amazingly peaceful, relaxed creature. I was so jealous of the freedom, of how carefree it was.

Then, in answer to my why question, an answer from the One was hearing my heart all along (and whose heart I had forgotten about), “you can experience what that eagle is experiencing.”

It was not an audible voice, but a reminder from within my soul, a reminder of the One who gives peaceful flight to the eagle, that it is available to me (to all) as well.

“God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
    He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
    And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
    gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
    young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
    They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
    they walk and don’t lag behind.”

Isaiah 40:28-31

Isaiah knew what I know, but so quickly forget. That the reason why an eagle soars, why they look so peaceful, and why their movements seem so effortless is because they spread their wings and they let their source of power and strength do the rest. They trust in the unseen currents in the air … they trust!

And, if I would just spread my arms, and trust my unseen source of power and strength to do the rest, I too can experience the peace that trusting provides.

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Why Do I Call Myself Christian?

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged C. S. Lewis, Christian, Creator God, Faith, Grace, Redemption, Savior, Sin, St. Thomas Aquinas, unseen on September 20, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Why do I believe in an invisible God? Why do I believe that I am a sinner in need of a Savior? Why do I have faith in a man who was executed, who rose from the dead, and then was carried back up into the heavens?

Why do I call myself Christian?

I often wonder if those are the unvoiced questions of people around me who do not share the same beliefs. I often wonder if I have answered them myself, fully and completely. I wonder how many times I have left the scars on the hearts of others for how I have injured the name of the One I follow.

As I traverse this road of life, I do believe that to make such claims means I need to be confident of my beliefs, of my worldview.

From my earliest memories, I have been certain of the presence of an invisible God in my life, and the world. Call it predestination, or Karma or the gift of a awareness of the spiritual around me, as you wish. I think it is something similar, but different, I would call it discernment. Simply put, I believe that one of the peculiarities (or gifts) that my God created me with is a strong intuition of the unseen … I have not had the inner battles that many have had in coming to believe in Creator God, such as author, C. S. Lewis who said, “in the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England.”

It is easy to know that I am a sinner and, as a mom, it is easy to know that we are born with the capacity to sin regularly, and fully. One only needs to spend one day with a toddler to know that we are programmed to not obey the word ‘no’. As an adult, I still struggle to obey the word ‘no’. I struggle to not treat others poorly, I struggle to tell the truth, I struggle to be genuine, to be reliable to be real. I sin and I need a Savior to redeem my sinful nature.

Why do I have faith in a man who was executed, who rose from the dead, and then was carried back up into the heavens? That is harder to answer, for how does one who holds faith so dearly, explain it to those who might not? It truly is a profound mystery. In the words of St. Thomas Aquinas, “to one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”

So, why do I call myself a Christian?

I know that I am a flawed, unpredictable, unreliable, selfish, individual, and I cannot imagine following any other than One who is all that I am not, and who loves me to death, despite my state of undeserving. It is the grace that is available to me that is the rudder of this life, and there is no better navigator that I can find.

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Music To Write An Obituary To

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged authentic, funerals, I Want to Live Like That, Life, Live Like That, obituary, Sidewalk Prophets on September 18, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Driving down the road recently I heard a song on the radio that put my mind to contemplating obituary writing (now that sounds like a bit of a downer, doesn’t it?).

It is a song by the group Sidewalk Prophets, called “Live Like That,” and it just makes me consider how I live my life, in such a profound way, every time I hear it.

The song begins with the simple question that we have all asked at some point in our lives:

“Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I’m only just a memory
When I’m home where my soul belongs”

I see that question in the eyes of the elderly especially, but also in the eyes of those who are my age, when I attend a funeral. We celebrate a life, and wonder if we are living in such a way as to give reason for celebration when we pass. Common contemplation for we mere mortals.

Then it moves into the question that really makes me ponder how I am spending the gift of the time I have to walk this sod:

“Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song”

Ah, authentic living! That is what I desire with all my heart, but I am so very … human. I fail at this so easily. I forget to be the hands and feet of my God. I sometimes worship out of ritual. My authenticity can sometimes be so very … plastic … but that is not what I desire most.

In the second verse, I am challenged not in what I do, but in who I am in my heart:

“Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true

People pass
And even if they don’t know my name
Is there evidence that I’ve been changed
When they see me, do they see You”

Ah, the questions that are at the heart of living a life as a reflection of the one who lives within us. It is here that I want so very much to be successful, not for my own success, but to accurately represent the one who I claim with my lips has changed my life, who gives delight to my days, who gave more than any other. This verse is one that I want to rattle through my brain as I live each day. I need it to rattle in my head, so as to remind me to live with purpose and intent each day.

The chorus and the ending of the song pull it all together …

“I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I’m longing for the world to know the glory of the King

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that”

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Embarrassed to be a Christian

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged ashamed, Christ, Christian, christianity, embarrassed, GOD, Jesus, John 4, known, Love, Samaritan woman, spoken word, woman at the well on September 17, 2012| 7 Comments »

I was saddened the other day to read the post of a fellow blogger, of her exposure to a Christian gentleman (I use the word gentleman VERY loosely).

This man, a customer at a restaurant, pleaded for ‘deals’ on numerous menu items. Then proceeded to ‘preach’ whenever he could get any of the restaurant employees attention. He he condemned many people groups for their beliefs and lifestyles. Then his daughter paid the bill (no mention of a tip either).

I was boiling! He makes me embarrassed to be called a Christian. To me, he defames the name of Christ!

This man lives in a bubble without the understanding that but by the grace of God … Instead, he lives in belief that he is where he is because of his ‘right’ behaviors. In his eagerness to tell others how not to live, he is forgetting that choosing the path of Christ is full of far more affirmations than denials.

This man makes representing my Savior to others so difficult, because he undermines my main hope-filled desire; that it is in following in the Creator-ordained steps of my Savior, people would see less of me and more of Him.

The Jesus I worship does not condemn the non-believer of anything except for unbelief.

This makes me think of the story from John (chapter 4), known as the woman at the well. Jesus comes to the well, and asks for a drink of water from not just a woman, but a Samaritan woman (a social faux pas, as he was a Jew), and not just a Samaritan woman but a woman who has had five husbands, and many more men in her life (enough said). Jesus does not condemn her bloodline nor her lifestyle, He simply offers her a quenching for her thirst that simple water could never do.

“This is way too much for just me
there are others,
brother, sister, lovers, haters,
the good and the bad
sinners and saints
who should hear what you told me
who should see what you showed me
who should taste what you gave me
who should feel how you forgave me
for to be known is to be loved
and to be loved is to be known
and they all need this too
we all do
need it for our own”

Because of the way Jesus loved her, she accepted the living water that He offered, and it is said that “many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony” (John 4:39). And who would not come to believe if they first were loved as Jesus loves? And it is He, the Christ, who makes me unashamed to be called Christian.

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The View

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, The Kids, WONDER, tagged aesthetics, Beauty, blinded, educational assistant, Faith, Football, Hope, obstructed, the view on September 11, 2012| 1 Comment »

As we drove down the road that we do not often drive, I spotted a new home still being constructed. Situated on top of hill, it had a perfect view of the reflected setting sun upon Washington’s Mount Baker. “Oh, what a perfect view I said to my husband,” and barely before I finished my declaration, from the back of the van, my son said, “that house has a perfect view.”

Hubby and I looked at each other, laughed, then shared my similar comment with the occupant of the rear of the vehicle. Then my son and I decided that if the two of us were to build a home, our first priority would be the view.

As I ponder that moment in time, I see similar characteristics in my son and I. We long for beauty, we are aesthetically needy individuals. We desire to have an appealing view in our life, and to be looking toward something that pleases our eyes.

I also see in this similarity, how this characteristic we share, is contrary to my son’s position in football. You see my son plays defense, and when you play defense your job is to hit, to tackle, to do anything possible to ensure that the opposing team is prevented from completing their intended play, and advancing towards the goal posts. When you play defense you have your back to the view that is the goal of your opponents. You are, in essence, trying to alter the view of the game, by changing the direction that the ball is going.

I also see that this characteristic we share is contrary to my position at work. I work as an Educational Assistant in a high school. I work with students who have diagnosable struggles to accomplish their school work. When you work in this field your job is to unlock doors you do not see to rooms of gifts and abilities that may or may not exist. I constantly work with my eyes blindfolded to how far this student will go, I cannot fathom the view that is the potential.

Despite how blinded to where we are going, what my son and I share is a focus on a view that we both know exists, despite our inability to see it while we are doing our jobs, focusing on our tasks, living our day. We are able to do this because we know the view is out there, and we know that it is beautiful beyond our imaginations. So, we soldier on with the anticipation of what is to come.

This is the Christian experience of daily living. God has given us a view of not just eternity, but of a life lived with Him. It is beautiful beyond our imaginations. And, despite the fact that our view is obstructed by the realities of living in a sin-filled world, despite the fact that it sometimes seems as though we are blinded to the future. Despite the fact that it sometimes seems as though our view is behind us, our faith in the existence of what is to come, and of the beauty that awaits, motivates us to soldier on, in anticipation of the view to come.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

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Morning and Mourning

Posted in GOD, life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged awakening, Beauty, breath, Creator, inhale, Life, Morning, Mourning, Sadness, signs of life on September 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »

In the early morning quiet I am the only one under our roof who is awake.

I sit with the laptop warming my knees and hear the various songs of the dawns chorus by the early birds that says good morning to me. This is my favorite time of day.

The sky lightens with every minutes passing, the shadows appear and become more distinct, then fade as the light takes over the places of shadows.

My beast greats me each morning at the door of my bedroom with one joyous, hope-filled open eye staring up, communicating, “can I pee now?” When I open the door for her, I am greeted with the gift of fresh, crisp, clean air. My lungs inhale it’s newness with no conscious thought from me.

As I take in that first breath of morning air I sense that now I am awake, now I am alive from the inside out.

I smell the dampness in the air that the morning dew creates, I smell the creation that is green and purple, and blue and red and yellow… the flowers of my garden. I see the creation that is green and purple and blue and red and yellow … the flowers of His garden.

It is here, each and every morning that I step out onto the deck that I am confronted with His garden, His creation, His abilities, His greatness. It is here, each and every morning that all that He has created reminds me that He also created me. That He is bigger than me. That He can make beauty from dirt from nothing. It is here that I am reminded that, if I hand my problems, my struggles, my heartaches and my to do list over to Him, He will make beauty from my dirt, from nothing. He reminds me that if I take the whole of my life, even my body, and there in the alter of His garden, lay it all out for Him to do as He wills, as an act of sacrifice, He will take it, He will redeem the life I have, and make it something better than I ever could … something new.

Then I inhale a new scent, and I look down to see my beast, content that her ‘job’ is done, ready to move on to the intake of food. And I am reminded that signs of life are not always sweet. Sometimes signs of life are truly crappy. Sometimes signs of life are downright shitty.

Death can be one of those sour signs of life. Or illness, or pain, or stress, or struggle, or disappointment, or bills, or divorce, or a failed test, or broken trust. We feel the weight that those signs of life, through no conscious choice of our own to feel them. As we take in those sour signs of life we sense that we are awake, that we are alive from the inside out. Sometimes these more sour events and seasons in our lives make us feel alive … and wish it were not so.

They are indeed signs of life. And they remind us that life is not just the life we have here, now, today, but that there is a life beyond all time and space. A life where every breath is like that first morning uncontrolled inhaling of fresh created air. A life where we will not just have the created to woo us awake, and to marvel at with all of our sense, but also the Creator who will turn our mourning into dancing.

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What’s Important to Jesus?

Posted in GOD, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged Creation, creation-focused environmentalism, Deuteronomy 6:5, environmentalism, focus of Jesus, Garden of Eden, GOD, greatest commandment, Jewish Law, Leviticus 19:18, Love, love God, love one another, love others, Luke 10:25-29, Mark 12:29-31, Matthew 22:37-40, New Testament, second greatest commandment, The Golden Rule on September 6, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I’m gonna gripe, and that’s never pretty, so be prepared (I feel it is unfair to allow you to start reading this without being forewarned first).

I also need to explain that my gripe is directed to Christians, and no one else. So read if you like, or take a day off from reading my blog.

There is a trend among Christians these days. It is not a completely bad thing, but it is a TREND, and trends do not change lives or how we live, but for a short while. Now, please do not start your fired-up reply to my post until you get to the end (that is probably what I would do, but I beg you to hear me out fully before cursing at me 😉 ). And if you have been reading my blog for more than a week, you already know that I connect with God best through His creation.

This trend is towards creation-focused environmentalism. This trend is, I believe, a reaction from years of churches and Christians not focusing on what God called we humans to, in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1:26). I also believe it is a reaction to our society’s strong focus on environmental awareness and concern for our planet’s ability to sustain itself … good things for certain … I repeat, good things for certain!

What I have problem with in regard to this trendy focus, is that the focus of Jesus, what He thought was most important, was a little different, and certainly not a trendy focus. The focus of Jesus, as He walked our God-created planet Earth, was made plainly, concisely and constantly.

In Matthew (22:37-40):

“Jesus said, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

Mark (12:29-31):

“Jesus said, “the first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.”

Luke (10:25-28):

“Just then a religion scholar stood up with a question to test Jesus. “Teacher, what do I need to do to get eternal life?” He (Jesus) answered, “What’s written in God’s Law? How do you interpret it?” He said, “That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself.” “Good answer!” said Jesus. “Do it and you’ll live.””

The question is asked of Jesus, “which is the greatest commandment in the Law” (the Law meaning, the Torah, or the first five books of the Old Testament). Jesus response, as was often the case, referred back to the Law, (Deuteronomy 6:5), “love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!” But He didn’t stop there, he then continued on and referred to the Law again, when he told them what the second greatest commandment was (Leviticus 19:18), “love your neighbor as yourself.” (in the Luke passage, Jesus throws the question back to the scholar as to what the Law says, and he would seem to pair the two commands together as well).

It is in these three New Testament references, back to the Jewish Law, which are the focus of how we are to live, from the perspective of Jesus. It is in living as these references teach, that we find out “everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them,” “there is no other commandment that ranks with these,” and “do it and you’ll live.”

As I ponder what was most important to Jesus I wonder, if we loved our God with our whole hearts, and if we loved others as ourselves, would we not then naturally, wholeheartedly, and as a permanent lifestyle (as opposed to a trendy thing to do) choose, through loving our Creator and loving our fellow man, take care of the world that He placed us in?

Don’t forget sustainability and environmental stewardship, just put it in it’s place, and get focused on what is our greatest calling, since “there is no other commandment that ranks with these.”

Griping is over for this week 😉

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Anxious

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged anxious, Back to School, everlasting, expectations, Fear., from the inside out, Hillsongs, Job, job assignment, new, Work on September 4, 2012| 1 Comment »

Back to school arrived last week, for me.

The first week back, after summer vacation, is always a difficult week at work for me, for a few reasons.

One is that summer is over (it really does not matter what the weather is, or what the calendar says about the end of summer being a month later, summer ends when school begins, period).

Secondly I work in a school … with students, and before Labor Day weekend, there are no students at school. Work without students is … boring!

Another reason is that, in my line of work, every year can mean a completely new assignment, with completely different students, in completely different classes and grades, working with completely different teachers. Everything, and I mean everything that I was confident in just two months ago is gone, and is replaced by something new.

And, finally, people ask how I feel about being back, and well, considering the above mentioned reasons for the first week being difficult, that is an answer that I really do not want to give … because it makes me sound terribly negative, and feel terribly depressed.

Once I get to work, on this first day back, I am (along with my colleges) given our schedules, with the reminder that we should not write down anything, except in pencil (things can still change for the first couple of weeks of school). It is then that full panic mode begins.

For the past few years when I receive that initial schedule for the year, I really start to feel panicky because I feel as though I am so inadequate to do the job that has been handed to me. And then, from that moment until the first day of school, I get increasingly panicked.

I often consider resigning, saying no, running away. Anything that will allow me to put distance between my job assignment and me. At this point, I am convinced those little butterflies in my stomach have changed into buzzards, and they have come home to roost inside of my innards.

As I was driving to school the final day of the week I was drawn in by the lyrics of a song that was playing on the radio …

“A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace”

Oh man, how did God know that it was fear of my own failure that was making me anxious?

“Your will above all else,
my purpose remains
The art of losing myself
in bringing you praise”

Oh ya! This job, this life, it’s not about me, it is about me decreasing so that He would increase.

“My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out”

Oh, how I needed embrace right then. And He met me where I was was at, and the reminder that in giving Him control, justice and praise would fill me from the inside out.

“Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out.”

I get it. I remember now. I will praise You, from the inside out, and leave the anxious, fearful thoughts of my job assignment to You, because You are everlasting and faithful to me.

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A Loving Argument

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged Christians, guest blogger, hypocrisy, ladywriter.ca, Love, PastorKenny.com, Perfection, Rhonda Bulmer on September 2, 2012| 2 Comments »

As I read the blog posts of others I feel so … normal. I realize that my thoughts and feelings are shared by others. I realize that that I am not alone in my uniqueness (if that is not too much of a contradiction). I realize that there are others who see and feel and experience and think similarly.

I also learn from the honest revelations of others. The lessons that they have learned.

Recently I received a new post to read by the wife of a high school friend.

Rhonda Bulmer is a wife, a mom, a writer (published), a runner, and a child of God (I know there is more to her, but I do not know her that well). I LOVE her writings (unlike myself, this lady knows grammar, so her writings are actually readable). I think that she and I could definitely be kindred spirits, and so I could not wait to read what she had written.

As I read my heart and soul were touched. She expressed so well her struggle with the expectation of perfectionism. Especially when it comes to living within the Christian community.

The most common criticism of Christians is that they/we are hypocrites. That is true, and not. The fact is that we are humans, and it is in our humanity that we fail, that we fall that we sin and disappoint.

Rhonda says it so well, “sometimes love is an act of faith.”

A Loving Argument

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