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A Virgin Forest in Us All

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #asnowfield, #delightandcelebration, #menuha, #virginiawoolfe, sabbath on January 7, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Recently I read a quote by Virginia Woolfe:

“There is a virgin forest in each; a snowfield where even the print of birds’ feet is unknown.” Virginia Woolfe

I think it might be the introvert’s version of heaven. A solitary place within us, where no one has even left footprints. A place of personal seclusion, rest from all noise, interruption from our quiet, but deep thoughts. In a sense,

it is Sabbath.

Sabbath, the day to remember and keep holy. The day orchestrated by God, for us, which he, himself participated in, after the creation of the world and all in it.

In Hebrew (the language of the Genesis Sabbath) the word used for rest is menuha, but it does not refer to the rest that is a nap … menuha refers to celebration, delight.

In my mind, what God meant when he included Sabbath into our lives, was like a snow day. A day when you wake up, ready to do the routines of life and work, but it’s snowing wildly and all the regular plans of the day get cancelled and a sense of freedom and delight fill your soul.

It is a snowfield where even the print of birds’ feet is unknown

Sabbath is not just a snow day, but a mindset. It is taking delight in the midst of work of the snow … shovelling, scraping, bundling up with a heart celebrating in the creation, the Creator, while taking pleasure in the work that we have to do.

Sabbath is a mindset of celebration and delight, in the midst of the work as well as in the rare afternoon nap … snow not mandatory … but sooooo lovely.

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Left Behind

Posted in Grief, life, WONDER, tagged #grief, #leftbehind, #movingthroughgrief, #newyearwithoutyou, #sayinggoodbyeforever, #theroadtolife on January 2, 2020| Leave a Comment »

As this new year approached, my heart grew heavy.

The close of 2019 reminded me that it is the final year my family and I will have lived with our dad, husband, grandfather, friend. 2020 (and the years to come) will not be shared with him … his story ended in 2019, last year.

For some reason this turn of the calendar made the finality of his passing more real than those last moments at his hospital bed, the wake and funeral, even more real than the committal service at the graveside.

It leaves me and us lonely for his presence, his life. It makes a new year, without him, unimaginable. The life that he brought to our lives has left an empty space … a silent pause in a song, an ellipsis (…) at the end of a sentence.

Happy New Year …

We can struggle to say those words, but their message is lost on those trying to imagine a new year, a new day, without one they loved … love. To move into this new year, to own and accept it, to write it on paper or speak it from our lips … well it’s another acknowledgement that it’s really real … that he is gone … and he isn’t coming back.

It is as if accepting the arrival of this new year relegates our loved one into history. As if, while we move forward into the new year, into the future,

his life, he has been left behind, in the past … by us.

It is interesting to me how little comfort faith can be when such grief weighs one down. It is not that I question the existence of God, or heaven or eternity … it is that the loneliness is such that none of that matters, for the selfishness of loss and grief is temporal … now.

It is not, I want the best for you, dearly departed … it is purely that I want you back … selfishly, for me.

For, you see, in reality, my grief is not that my father has been left behind in the years past, but that I, we have been left behind, by him. He, who has always been there for me, for us … he, who had never abandoned us, who would never abandon us … he has gone on, and left us behind … to move forward without him, without the security and direction and unconditional love that he always represented.

We walk forward into this new year, this new future, knowing that we are leaving him behind, that we have been left behind, by him.

Forward is the only way through grief, but lifting ones feet over the starting line is agony.

“Recovery can seem like a betrayal. Passionately, you desire a way back to the lost object (person), but the only possible road, the road to life, leads away.” Hilary Mantel

“He heals the broken hearts and binds up their sorrows.”
Psalm 147:3

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2020 Reflection

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #2020, #2020reflection, #lookingback, #movingforward, #newyear on December 31, 2019| Leave a Comment »

It is the eve of the New Year …

2020 … just like perfect vision.

It is interesting that it is as we look back we see the year that has been lived with clarity, perfectly.

When we look back a year ago, we had no idea what was in store in our lives, in the lives of those who we love. We did not know what changes would occur, what friends we would make (or lose), what lives would be lost (or born), what celebrations would be had, what struggles we would stand, shaking in our boots, and face … or hide from.

As I look back at one year ago, I wonder how I might have done things differently … if I knew then what I know now. What would I change? What would I do the same?

But, we cannot live life backwards. The hours and the days move only one way, forward. The learning is done in the moments that we live, and the wisdom that we gain … well it is gathered over time.

“Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn”

We cannot look forward to 2020 with clarity. Oh, we can make plans, fill our calendars and have good intentions, but the reality, the clarity of this new year will only provide 2020 vision as we peer back at it, one year from now.

The shadows on the days to come will be illuminated by being able to look back. To know what is ahead of us, can only be seen fully when looking at it, in reverse. What we see is only clear in it’s reflection.

“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

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Quiet Waters

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #christmasfatigue, #findrestinjesus, #psalm23, #quietwaters, #wearytothebone on December 29, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Weary to the bone would describe most of us at this time of year. Many of us have worked to ensure that Christmas is perfect, filled with presents and an appreciation of the available peace through the birth of the babe in a manger.

We go to bed at night weary, we wake in the morning weary …

“He leads me
beside the still waters.”

The Pulpit Commentary, for Psalm 23:2b, describes this particular verse as referring to waters of refreshment. Remember, it is from the 23rd Psalm … the part of scripture that is greatly intended as comfort, encouragement and hope in times of darkness, sorrow, pain … weariness.

The 23rd Psalm is a perfect Psalm of the advent season. It is a reminder that we have at our disposal a reset button when life is a struggle. It is as if David, the shepherd, understood that the Messiah, who we anticipate each advent, would be the good shepherd, who offers direction, comfort, redemption … rest.

Timothy Keller, a theologian, author and speaker said,

“After creation God said, “It is finished”—and he rested. After redemption Jesus said, “It is finished”—and we can rest.”

Jesus is our source of rest. He is the antidote to bone tired weariness. It is in him that we can find rest, refreshment. What a great start to the new year ahead, to let him lead us to still waters.

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Gentle Empathy

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #compassion, #dountoothers, #empathy, #gentleempathy on December 5, 2019| 11 Comments »

I stood there, unable to move my eyes from what was happening in front of me.

She wet the facecloth with warm water, then, ever so gently dabbed his forehead, his cheeks, chin, nose, mouth and eyes. With the tenderest of care of care, her hands guided the dampened cloth, slowly, gingerly over his face. It was as if I was watching the work of a master … no,

it was as if I was watching her wipe the face of her own father.

The expert, compassionate act I viewed stopped me where I was standing, for I had entered a time and place of holiness, beauty and honor.

In my seventy-six hours of final vigil with my dad, this was one of the most tender moments … and it was performed by a stranger, a nurse, paid to do a task, but who took it beyond job description, she performed an act of tenderness as I have never witnessed before. And I will forever be changed because of it.

The tenderness and compassion with which she worked … the respect and dignity that she blessed my comatose father with also blessed me. I was treated to an act of a master at her job, one who did more than was expected of her.

I was reminded of the story of the death of Lazarus as I watched this beautiful kindness.

Lazarus had died, already in the tomb for four days. Jesus said he was going to “wake him” from his death sleep.

When Jesus (and the disciples) got there, he saw Mary and Martha weeping, filled with sorrow over the loss of their brother.

“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”” (John 11:33-36)

This is a similar picture of tenderness and compassion. Jesus knew that he would raise the dead Lazarus from the grave. But, his tears were not over Lazarus’ death, they were tears of compassion for the sorrow and heartache that Mary and Martha were experiencing. He wept with empathy, responding with love and gentleness.

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Shame on Me

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #christistheantidotetoshame, #shame, #shameinthebible, #shamenomore, #shameonme on November 19, 2019| Leave a Comment »

I have been pondering shame for a number of months. The word shame has become a derogatory word, whereas, in the past, it was a more widely acceptable one.

Truthfully, most words that evoke a negative feelings are more unacceptable within society today … for none of us wants to feel bad, feel guilt, or feel that we are being judged negatively.

I have been pondering whether shame is an intended part of the Bible’s larger narrative … after all we “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

Then I read Nehemiah 8. Here we read about Ezra, the religious leader, speaking to the community of men, women and children from dawn to noon at the beginning of the Feast of Tabernacles when the Jews remember wandering in the desert after their exodus from Egypt.

Ezra was reading the Law to the people and it says that they understood what was being read. They were cognizant of the Laws that they had broken … their eyes were opened to their sins and they were sad, weeping and sorrow-filled.

As I read that I understood that what they might be feeling was shame. They knew that they had fallen short, they knew that they are been disobedient, and they hung their heads … in shame. Their reactions were pure, human reactions … the shame they felt was innate, natural.

But …

Their tears and mourning were the indicators that they knew their sin and they regretted it. This is the first step in receiving the promise of redemption.

Then Ezra, Nehemiah and the others who were instructing the people told them:

“This day is holy to the Lord your God. Do not mourn or weep.” (8:9)

They were told to go and feast, to eat great foods and drink great drinks. To invite others, who had nothing, so that all could share in the celebration that is available to all. They were led to celebrate, because their shame could be erased.

And so they did. They celebrated “with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them.” (v. 12)

This is the difference that acknowledging our sins can make. When our eyes and ears are opened to the sin in our hearts, that knowledge is not for the purpose of shaming us, but to open the door to the hope that can erase our sins.

Christ is the antidote to shame … Hallelujah!

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21

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The Joy of the Lord

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #choosejoy, #christwithinme, #joyandthanksgiving, #thejoyofthelord on November 12, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Please and thank-you … the magic words of childhood learning. If I had a nickel for every time I instructed one of our three, over their growing up years, to use these words as offering, well my financial future would be secure. Repetition has a way of ensuring information and behavior stick like super glue!

The magic words of adulthood are a not-so-famous pair, but are equally rich in meaning, benefit and practice …

thankfulness and joy

These two words, practices, are essentials for the Christ-follower. The thing is that you cannot have joy without thankfulness and you cannot have thankfulness without joy. The two are synonymous.

Neither joy, nor thankfulness have anything to do with happiness, to do with everything in life going as we wish. Joy and thankfulness are independent of the ephemeral or short-lived condition of happiness. Instead they are result of something eternal, holy.

Blogger, Corella Roberts, has said,

“the binding agent of joy is thankfulness”

Thankfulness and joy are fruits of the Holy Spirit within us. It is not us, in our own power, but he who is within us. They are the outpouring of the peace that passes all human understanding.

When the Prince of Peace resides within us, thankfulness and joy emanate from us, naturally and grandly.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, NIV: “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

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It’s Okay to be Ordinary

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #itsokaytobeordinary, #itswhathedoesforus, #youreverydayordinarylife on November 10, 2019| 1 Comment »

Why would anyone want to be ordinary in a world of so many possibilities?

We are exposed to images of fame and wealth on the magazine covers every time we stand in the grocery store checkout. We turn on our television, our computer and are given glimpses of those who are known, whether in the arenas of sports, politics, entertainment or activism.

Sometimes I take this need for more, for better into my relationship with God. I think that I can (somehow) excel at being a follower of Christ. And I am not alone … for we have all been to funerals or read obituaries that make the person sound as though they had a unique and exemplary walk with our Lord.

But, our walk with God has little to do with what we offer him … for it is what he offers us that saves us … and it is what he does with our ordinary life that makes our life abundant.

This passage speaks so beautifully to our responsibility in our ordinary life (the Carole’s Notes in bold)

Romans 12 (MSG)

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you

I’m speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.

If you preach, just preach God’s Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don’t take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate; if you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.

Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

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The Dancing Bear

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #justbreathe, #studentsteach, #thedancingbear on October 31, 2019| Leave a Comment »

I love my job as an educational assistant, I love seeing the students have those aha moments, those lightbulb moments when some bit of information just clicks in their brain and they get it … and they know it and you know it and a moment of mutual celebration is had …

because, for some, learning can be so hard.

and sometimes the teaching, the assisting can be so hard too.

In the work I get to do, it is so easy to get frustrated when a student’s light bulb is not flickering, when there are more uh oh than aha moments, when their academic discouragements have reached beyond their brain and into their very souls.

Recently I met a student. He entered our classroom life with the distractibility of a dog when a squirrel crosses it’s path, a body that moves constantly to the music of his mind, little verbal impulse control and a disdain for pencil to paper unlike any I have seen in sixteen years in this field.

Usually, such a student is discouraged, hates school, equates learning with failure, knows administration better than classroom teachers and their soul is irreparably crushed.

Not this dancing bear of a fourteen year old young man!

He entered our classroom moving to his own beat, with a relaxed saunter, a quick smile, a gentle heart … and his soul intact.

He seems to know that school is … just school,
it’s not the main stage event.

Now that knowledge may drive those of us who work with him rather batty, but … he has been a beautiful teacher to me, this year. It is as though God is using him to remind me to slow down, to take breaks, to allow unexpected interruptions from the subject at hand, to listen to the beat in my own mind, my heart.

Two verses, when put together, describe perfectly what I feel that God is saying to me through this gentle, distracted, ever-moving, thoughtful teenage boy:

“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the battle is not yours, but God’s” (2 Chronicles 20:15) … for … “his way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” (Psalms 18:30)

In those verses we are reminded to not let discouragements over battles that are in God’s hands get to us. That there is a plan, but it’s God’s plan, not ours. That he will protect us, if we would just trust him.

This student is not ‘my’ student, he is a child of God. I am required to help him learn, but not at the cost of a crushed soul.

So as I guide this young man through math, God is using him to guide me through gentle waters. It’s like the light bulb is flickering and I have had my aha moment.

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To the Single Mom

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #tothesinglemom, #toughestjob, #youregonnamakeit, #yourenotalone on October 29, 2019| 1 Comment »

Being a mom is hard, being a mom to littles is exhausting, being a single mom to littles … I can’t even imagine. I really cannot imagine, for theirs are shoes I have never worn, never walked in.

I recently bumped into a sweet lady that I hadn’t seen is quite awhile. She was with her kiddos … in public … you know, where the pressure is on to be the social media perfect momma.

As we sat and reminisced, with kiddo-queries in the midst, she shared that she was now single … but I already knew. I knew, not because of a (so common, it seems) social media post, or because someone else had shared the news, but because God had whispered it into my heart, months before.

To that mom, that now single mom, who I bumped into, seemingly by chance (and any others out there, single dads too, who I don’t know) …

You’re gonna make it.

You are doing the toughest job there is and you are doing it with the handicap of doing it, day in and day out on your own …

but you are not alone.

Your heavenly father is at your side, silently overseeing you and your children. He is protecting and directing you, as you face each day. He never sleeps, but stays alert at your side, while you sleep, work, fulfil all of your parenting responsibilities, your financial responsibilities … all of it.

Don’t let discouragement and exhaustion and loneliness win …

“He Who created you, and He Who formed you: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.”
Isaiah 43:1-2

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