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Supporting those with Mental and Chronic Health Struggles

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #beingjesustothehurting, #chronicillness, #iamnotalone, #loveoneanother, #mentalhealth, #supporter on October 8, 2021| Leave a Comment »

It is socially acceptable in our world to talk about supporting those with mental health issues. Equally we talk about supporting those who struggle and suffer with chronic physical health issues. There are many similarities in both.

Those who have physical illness that is with that person for years on end, often (if not always) also experiences pressures on their mental health. How can it not? For physical pain can exhaust, wear out and depress the one who sees no end to it.

When we read the words of Job, in the midst of his losses and sufferings, as he is questioning his very birth, his life, we can see how the physical losses and pains have affected his mental health :

” … sighing has become my daily food;
my groans pour out like water.
What I feared has come upon me;
what I dreaded has happened to me.
I have no peace, no quietness;
I have no rest, but only turmoil”
Job 3:24-26

Here’s the thing about chronic illness and mental health … it doesn’t matter how much social media attention we give to such suffering, when the rubber hits the road, both are hard to watch, hard to be consistent in care, hard to stand by … and yet support. And the reason it is so hard is because both chronic and mental health issues carry with them a unifying characteristic … pain that others cannot alleviate.

So, how do we support those with chronic health issues?

As one who is in such a position of standing by, I am looking for answers too. For there is often little that we can do to make things better, no amount of there, there will ease the pain, no special Bible verse or prayer or measure of faith that will do what we most want to do …

to erase the pain and suffering.

There is, in my opinion, only one thing that we can do, only one thing in our power. It is the most difficult task. The one that often seems fruitless. Yet, it is the one modelled by Christ himself.

Be there.

Be present with the one who is suffering.

Stay near, while others turn their backs, leave …

This is such a difficult thing to do, for the only thing we can truly offer is our presence. In this we are reminding the one who suffers that they are not alone, that they are still valuable, worthy.

In just simply being there, we are the hands and feet of God. We are being the vessels through which God can be with them in their wilderness journey.

Moses words, to the Israelites, speaks to the work of our being there, not just for, but with those who suffer chronic physical illness and the mental health stresses that can accompany such agony :

“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6

I have to say to be there, the mire can feel like quicksand at times, for you can begin to wear their pain, weakening your own mental health. This is why we have to ensure that we, as supporters, as advocates need to hold close to God. To stay connected to Him in prayer, to remember that we cannot be a support unless we are upheld by a stronger force.

Our job is to remind those who suffer that they are not alone.

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Sweet Thoughts

Posted in life, tagged #focusonthepositive, #nature, #sweetthoughts, #whateverisexcellent, #whateverispraiseworthy on September 26, 2021| 2 Comments »

I am not sure what is it about nature that can almost always realign my thinking.

Whether it is a beautiful azure blue sky in summer, tulips pushing their way through the warming soil in spring, awakening to snow falling in winter, or the nearby, yet out of sights calls of coyotes in the early morning hours of fall, my attention is immediately distracted away from whatever problem or stress that has been filling my mind.

Just last week my mind was muddled with whatever problems of the world I’d decided were mine. A power walk hadn’t lodged them. Washing a bathroom walls hadn’t pierced the walls around my thoughts. Deep breathing exercises just about made me hyperventilate. So I took my book outside, to sit in the sun and see if that would bring me back to a comfortable state of homeostasis.

As I read each word, my frustration level, with myself, was only growing until …

buzz, buzz, buzz …

I looked up to my hanging flower pot, and there a bee was happily doing what bees do with flowers

and I smiled

and I heard these words,

whatever is excellent or praiseworthy
think about these things

Now, I didn’t hear these words audibly, but from within a place that is beyond brain, deeper within.

Without conscious decision, I followed the instructions, thinking about that which is excellent and praiseworthy, counting my blessings … naming them one by one.

The list grew, and grew, and grew.

My eyes watched the bee dart from flower to flower, taking in the nutrients to live and grow and thrive as I was nourished by my memories of the excellent and praiseworthy things in my life.

I do not know how long I sat there,

book closed on my lap,

sun streaming in,

eyes focused on the little honey-maker

as my mind was being renewed with sweet thoughts …

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Busy, Busy, Busy

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #abetterway, #amoreexcellentway, #busybusybusy, #giftswithoutlove, #schedules, #whatisimportant on September 24, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Autumn is here! Along with the seasonal pumpkin spice lattes, the chill in the air and the harvesting of produce from the garden, is the resumption of the need of a well updated calendar.

Busy, busy, busy …

that is often the theme for people in this season … depending on your current season of life.

In my current season, it is not so busy, but the most intense times of life are not so far from memory that I do not still feel the tension that still innately occurs as the days get shorter and much of regular life resumes.

But it is the memories of the years of busy, busy, busy that are weighing on my mind these sweater in the morning, shorts in the afternoon days.

The memories of taxiing kids, checking and double checking on homework, on whether everyone has what is needed for the day before driving out of the garage (only to realize that something was, indeed, left home … discovered after we pull into the school parking lot). Memories of practises, rehearsals try-outs and sleep overs. Memories of dreaming of a snow day … in mid-September … desperate times call for desperate dreams!

And now I am living the dream of a one color coded calendar, a vehicle that is refueled every second week, groceries that can be carried in the house in one bag and days that are slower, quieter (partly by choice, partly involuntarily).

And I wonder, did our life of busy, busy, busy …

teach them was I want them to know, to be.

Is there a better way?

I will show you the most excellent way … a better way …
1 Corinthians 12:31

This is how the chapter speaking about spiritual gifts ends. It is like a teaser for an upcoming movie! So, we can assume from that that what is to follow is ever better than these gifts which are given from God, to do his will in His church.

What follows is often only referenced in churches for wedding ceremonies. This is a shame, for I am not so sure that God intended that this most excellent, this better way to represent married love.

Of course, what follows it (1 Corinthians 13) is the “love chapter” (I cannot write that without hearing it said, in my head by the sultry voice of someone like Barry White).

So, now lets read it, with the chapter start and finish in the way :

I will show you the most excellent way … a better way ... if I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
1 Corinthians 12:31-13:3

What is Paul saying here?

It is pretty clear that what he is saying is that using our gifts, without the foundation of love for others is pointless. The gift is given by God, but the fuel to make that gift travel is love for one another.

So how does this apply to our busy, busy, busy schedules?

If we are filling the schedules of ourselves and our children with good activities, learning activities, giving activities, but omitting the love of God in all that we do … it is pointless and has no eternal value.

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The Last Hurrah

Posted in life, tagged #dontrush, #labordayweekend, #savoursummer, #summersend, #thelasthurrah on September 3, 2021| Leave a Comment »

This is it … the last hurrah of summer.

This Labor Day weekend marks the end of the freedoms of summer.

The freedom of school break, summer vacations, daylight that stretches into the late evening, bare feet, BBQs with friends and family, beaches, lakes and swimming pools.

There is a vast mourning of the end of this most refreshing season on the calendar and in the atmosphere around us. A sadness in the end of this most life-giving time of year.

So, this weekend, we try to squeeze out every last drop of joy. We pile into our vehicles and hit the roads for a last hurrah of camping, or hoteling, or visiting friends and family, or simply sitting on the porch with a good book and an ice cold drink. We stay up late, sleep long. If the rains fall we will cozy up with Netflix or venture to the theatre, meet friends for a coffee or lunch.

There is almost a reverence to this weekend. There is a sense that this weekend, more than any other, we need to be present, be good stewards of our time, stop and smell the roses.

Though the PSL (pumpkin spice latte) crowd has moved on into autumn tastes and thoughts, it is still summer. It is still the season for wearing shorts and tank tops, watering our gardens and patio lunches

This weekend is a reminder that maybe, we rush too often to the next thing.

This is summer’s last hurrah, walk, don’t run … for it is worth savouring.

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It’s a Vapor

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #itsavapor, #lifeisagift, #lifeisshort, #meaningless, #praiseinthestorm, #rejoice, #thisistheday on August 29, 2021| Leave a Comment »

It’s a vapor, a mist.

We work, and strive, and plan, and acquire, and do.

Yet, it will end … in a breath.

Life is brief, valuable, unexpected and its conclusion is unforeseen.

Do we awaken in our mornings with thanks, joy, with the appreciation that we have another day?

Do we greet the rising (or risen) sun with awareness that this day, this very moment is a gift and opportunity?

This is the day that the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

– Psalm 118:24

Maybe today is one that we know will be filled with tough stuff … pain, sadness, tough decisions and actions … and we are still to rejoice?

Yes …

The Matthew Henry commentary for this verse tells us,

The duty which the Lord has made, brings light with it, true light. The duty this privilege calls for, is here set forth; the sacrifices we are to offer to God in gratitude for redeeming love, are ourselves; not to be slain upon the altar, but living sacrifices, to be bound to the altar; spiritual sacrifices of prayer and praise, in which our hearts must be engaged.

This rejoicing is our sacrifice … and sacrifice it might very well be for some of us today. Somehow if today’s sun rises on a day are not looking forward to, then we understand even better the sacrifice it is to pray and praise … when our hearts are heavy, when our souls ache.

The thing is … we only know that we have this very day, this moment.

You do not even know what will happen tomorrow!
What is your life?
You are a mist that appears for a little while
and then vanishes.

-John 4:14

Let us rejoice today.

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Just Ordinary

Posted in life, tagged #hohum, #jjheller, #justodrinary, #memories, #ofdinaryday on August 27, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Ordinary … synonymous for same old, uneventful, boring.

We humans love our adrenaline-filled, exciting, exceptional special events and days. We plan for them, count down for them, save money for them, fill our social media of images of them. They are the events of life!

Something that being 50 something does is that the event of life fade a bit more, as a longing begins to settle into our souls for memories of

just ordinary days.

As a mom, of course my mind goes to memories of breakfasts giggling over the snap, crackle, pop of cereal, or times snuggled in bed reading “Old Hat New Hat” for the bazillionth time, or driving in the van singing “This is the Song that Never Ends” as loud as we could with littles.

but …

there are just so many ordinary days … and I just cherish them all!

I recently was introduced to a song I was unfamiliar with and it seeped into my mind and had me playing it in my thoughts for hours til I just simply had to sit down and think some thoughts, to sit and remember …

ordinary day.

Memories of walking with my parents, swinging on their hands on an old dirt road.

Of sitting with my legs crossed, watching TV, under the quilt my grandmother was ‘kilting’ in her livingroom.

Of sitting in a classroom, in high school, watching notes being past across the aisles.

Of walking in a field, on a summer day, the smell of freshly cut hay filling my lungs.

Of driving in a little car with my husband, holding hands.

Of making a meal, and the taste of the savory flavors.

Of music playing down the hallway, and sneaking a peak at littles dancing in their bedroom.

Of a quiet room, filled with our three, noses firmly in their books.

Of laughter on a lunch break at work.

Of bowing my head in church, along with others, as we go to our life source together.

Of chatting with a stranger in the produce section of the grocery store.

Of lacing my runners to go for a walk.

So, so many

ordinary days.

These ordinary days … they are the ones that make up the majority of our days. They are the ones that rise in our memories when loved ones pass into the foreverland of eternity. They are the ones that make life worth living.

Maybe, these ordinary days are the ones we should look to value most.

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Let Me Tell You Your Story

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged #alovestory, #buildingblocks, #encouragement, #letmetellyouyourstory, #strengthfromthebeginning, #warriorcry, #yourstory on August 15, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Hey you, who I love, let me tell you a story …

a love story,

your story.

The thing is, I have held on to it, as though it is my story, and mine alone.

Then, in the middle of the night, like a whisper that screams loudly into one’s heart,

I knew that I had to give it back to you.

That you needed to hear it, with your heart.

That you needed to own it, possess it,

as your own.

It is the story of you.

The dream you were, the battles fought for your presence in our life, this life, your life.

The sadness, the sorrow, the struggles that came before you …

those heartaches that led us to you.

I recalled our first awareness of your presence, our excitement, hope and fears.

I shared that almost right after that, shadows fell,

the fight was on!

We fought, I fought,

YOU fought.

From the moment you had a physical presence your determination and perseverance were already obvious.

Then, on your very first birthday, you were born, silent and still. No rosy cheeks, no loud warrior cries.

We thought this was the end of your beginning.

But, you are a fierce force and your cries rose to fill the room, our hearts.

Your pre-birth struggle to live, your first year of adjusting to life on the outside …

those were the building blocks of your greatest strengths.

You have, from a young age, had an uncanny ability to feel the sadness in others, to see people only through the lens of human, to comfort and fight for those who cannot do so themselves.

You offer gentleness to others.

Now I ask you to apply that gentleness to yourself. That you fight for you. That you see yourself only through the lens of being human.

Remember that you were and are, a highly anticipated gift, that you have so much to offer this world, that today is just one day, but “tomorrow is always fresh” (LMM).

The Lord bless you
and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.

It occurred to me recently that we tell our children their stories when they are littles, curled up in the safety of our laps, but maybe … just maybe, they need to hear their stories even more when they are grown, but still in need of the security and encouragement of their own coming into existence. Maybe a glimpse of their past will give strength for their future. Or, as fellow blogger, Carolyn Collar, says, maybe “God can help us find new meanings to old stories.“

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Meaningless

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #eternitypavedwithblood, #godspresence, #meaningless, #whatisthepoint on August 11, 2021| 2 Comments »

Everything is meaningless … so says the writer of Ecclesiastes.

I think that writer was in the winter of their life! Maybe a bit bitter, full of regrets, disappointments.

I think too, that all of us have had such a thought. Perhaps even at much younger, earlier seasons in our lives.

We live and learn and work and play and some days we just shake our heads and wonder the meaning in it all.

We watch others struggle (or struggle ourselves), we see and hear of unfair, unjust and immoral acts and we just can’t see the rainbow in the clouds. Can’t see the forest for the trees. Can’t feel the cool air after the heavens thunder, shaking us to our core.

Why?

What is the point?

What is the purpose in all these days?

You know … I am not sure that there are (always) answers. I am not sure that God looks down on our melancholy view of the world and life and provides answers. For, I think, sometimes He is very aware that the most true answers might be heard as pithy statements that our ears receive like salt on our wounded hearts.

I think, that sometimes, he simply hears our agonizing questions and lets them echo back to us in silence.

I think, that sometimes, he wants us to feel the feels of struggle, to ask our questions and shake our fists, so that we remember that he is there … there to hear, not just our words, but our hearts … that he stays with us, as our offering is sincere anger or disappointment in our perception of His failure to act, to save.

I think, sometimes, he wants us to remember that his shoulders are wide enough, that he is not going anywhere.

I think, sometimes, he wants us to feel His feels. To be reminded that he too aches, mourns the meaningless of this sin-filled world.

because we cannot truly see eternity through rose-colored glasses.

Eternity, our eternity, is paved with the blood of his Son. It is the least meaningless act that ever was, or will be. It is sacrifice personified. It is meaning made flesh.

There is purpose in what seems meaningless.

Maybe the purpose is simply to tell God that is what we think …

then to listen to the silence,

to be reminded of his presence,

and the meaning of gift to us.

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Fingers of God

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #daydreambeliever, #fingersofgod, #fredbuchwitz, #laurendaigle, #rescue, #seasideretreat, #yourenotdefenseless on July 23, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Who would have thought that sitting in a dentist’s chair would have been where God decided to speak clearly (though I am certain that many have called out to God from a dentist’s chair)?

I have sat in that chair, facing that painting for probably over twenty years. I have admired it while taking my seat in front of it (or was it in front of me?). I have yearned to be there, standing on that pathway bridge, taking in the waves crashing on shore, the eagle soaring out over the water, the light streaming down from beyond the clouds.

This day, as I walked into the room, I was only able to see one facet of the painting and I was in it.

Right there, standing on the smaller rock. On this rock, in the foreground, the waves crashing onto it and my feet. I could feel the icy cold of the water on my feet, ankles and lower legs. I could feel the cool air on my face. My back to the beach, I could see only the waves, the threat, as fear gripped me.

As I took my seat, chatted the same introductory conversation about work, children and the news of the day that we have had every six months for over twenty years, my mind’s attention was still in front of me. Finally, as our conversation was silenced by the work that needed to be accomplished, I could focus completely on my perilous situation, as the breakers crashed at my feet.

“you are not hopeless”

The words of a song I’d heard while driving to my appointment.

“I hear your SOS, your SOS”

More lyrics. Chill ran through me as the waves hit at me.

“you’re not defenseless”

As I sat there in the chair, my eyes continued to be focused on the painting … the painting that I had been somehow been transported into. Though I could no longer see the physical scene, for my position was now mostly fixed to the ceiling … to a place above and beyond my physical self. Now my inner gaze also drifted higher.

“I hear you whisper undernearth your breath
I hear you whisper you have nothing left”

In an instant my mind’s eye lifted from the waves, to the eagle, soaring effortlessly on the air thermals. To the light streaming down, those crepuscular sunbeams (sometimes called the “fingers of God”). The fear eliminated, dissolved.

“In the middle of the hardest fight, it’s true,
I will rescue you”

I was now standing above the water, on the other side of the cabin, facing the light pouring down from the clouds. I have no idea what the other side of the cabin looked like, for my back was to it, my face focused on the light.

The description of this painting, by Fred Buchwitz, writes:

“The morning sun bursts through the clouds, casting its warm glow in this remote
bay on the northwest coast. The crest of each wave is illuminated by the golden
rays of the sun. The crashing rhythm of the ocean and the cries of the gulls
provide the musical backdrop for this enchanted vista.”

“The crest of each wave is illuminated by the golden rays of the sun” … for me, that day, the threatening waves were illuminated by the reminder

that I,

that we,

have a rescuer,

a Saviour,

who will reach down and fight for us.

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What’s Your Main Thing?

Posted in life, Love, WONDER, tagged #lovethelordyourgod, #loveyourneighbor, #noothergodsbeforeme, #number1, #whatsyourmainthing on July 20, 2021| Leave a Comment »

So, what’s your main thing?

You know, the thing that you love above all else?

We all have a main thing, a love greater than all else.

Exodus 20:3 tells us:

“You shall have no other gods before me”

Are our main things like gods in our lives?

Are they the main things in our hearts?

What if they ceased to exist, to live? Could we carry on with just the love of God?

I ask myself these questions sometimes … wondering if the things, the ones, that I love most have become idols in my heart and mind. I wonder if I have elevated them above my reliance on the one who made me. I wonder if I love him above all else.

As I was pondering my God, my loves, my heart, I sought out what Jesus had to say about this first commandment, for, though he does not retract from the Old Testament commandments, he does provide further clarification (Mark 12:30)

Love the Lord your God
with all your heart
and with all your soul
and with all your mind
and with all your strength.

It would seem that whereas the OT commandment sounds very much like a rule, the NT version would seem to sound sound like an act of choice (can love ever be anything but a choice?). To love with heart, soul, mind and strength is to love with every part of us, who we are.

Love is a pretty big deal in the ministry of Jesus. After expressing the greatest commandment (above) he left us with one additional commandment,

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

They really go together, for in our choosing to love God, we seek to be like him and there is no greater expression of our love for him than to love others.

Now back to the beginning … our main thing?

I think I have come to realize that God has to be my main thing. That I have to love him above all else, not just as a security blanket that keeps me safe for all eternity, but because I cannot love anyone else well if I do not first dwell in my love for my Creator. For it is in loving him that I am able to love others.

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