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Giving Thanks

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged 1 Samuel 16:7, Adolescence, David, October 10, Pregnancy, Samuel and David, Son, Thanksgiving, The Lord Looks at the Heart on October 10, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I so vividly remember Thanksgiving Sunday, sixteen years ago …

I had spent the night in a hospital, in a city I didn’t live in, not knowing why I had been having the most dreadful, take you breath away (literally) pains for over a day. I was wheeled to Sonography for an ultrasound, which revealed the ‘problem’ … I was pregnant, and the pregnancy had attached to my fallopian tube. It’s growth was causing my life to be threatened.

Once that knowledge had been attained, I was immediately prepped for surgery, and wheeled into the OR to have the tube and the pregnancy (the baby) removed. It was a day that made thanks-giving a struggle. On the one hand, I was thankful for my life, and on the other I was mourning the loss of our fifth pregnancy, our fifth child.

And life moves on …

About twelve and a half years ago I was visiting my doctor to confirm what I had already guessed … I was pregnant.

Now for most that declaration might bring a smile to your face, but, with our history of incomplete pregnancies it was just step one of a very long, very anxiety-ridden time.

When my doctor told me the due date would be October 17, I asked him to look to see when Thanksgiving Sunday would be. His reply, “October 10.” To which I replied, “I’m having this baby on that day.”

On October 9, 1999, as I bent over to tie my shoes, the first discernible beginnings of labor began. And the following day … Thanksgiving Sunday … on the tenth month of the tenth day, at ten past ten in the morning our son breathed his first breath, and cried. And so did we, with more thanksgiving than we had ever hoped.

And, today he turns twelve. He is on the cusp of all that adolescence holds and brings to a boys body, mind and soul. He is eager to physically look down on me. He is not too eager to have signs of affection shown to him in public, and has not yet reached the point of maturity that can handle hearing me tell stories of when he was younger (but if I could, there would be rafts of great and humorous tales of adventure and mayhem). He is eager for his voice to change, but has not yet started to empty the hot water tank when in the shower. He’s on the cusp.

Who is this boy to soon become man? He is the one who wants to give hugs (even to his sisters). He is a creative soul, who would prefer to build than to tear down. He is the football player who is struggling to put all his weight into it when coming up against the other team players, because he really doesn’t want to hurt them. He is the only child we have ever gotten a call from school about … apparently on top of another boy hitting (if only he could divert this to football). He is a philosopher who, while the rest of us are talking nonsense, will awaken from his silence and share his deep thoughts about something he has been turning around in his mind for a time. He is not a ‘school’ academic, but he is a most natural student of life, who will probably study far more than his report cards ever indicate. He is our only son, and in him we are well pleased.

But what do I want for him? I want him to be a man after God’s own heart.

Samuel referred to David this way. He told King Saul that because he had not done what the Lord had commanded, his kingdom, his rule that was supposed to have lasted a long time, would end. He also told the King that because David was a man after God’s own heart, he would inherit (though not by birth, so much as God’s appointing) Saul’s kingdom.

A man after God’s own heart … what a grandiose hope for an adolescent boy. But, it was as a boy, the youngest in the family (probably called the Hebrew equivalent of ‘little puke’ by his older brothers), that David was first anointed as the next king of Israel. God’s plan for David’s life was not hampered by his last of bloodline, his youth, his size or lack of formal education. God had a plan that was born out of the condition of David’s heart, and it was that one quality that made David God’s man for the job.

I pray that my son’s heart will, like David’s, be one that seeks to be in unison with the heart of God. There is no other dream or desire that I pray more earnestly for his life. It is in being one with God that, even in sin (and boy, did David know sin, and failure), redemption can be received.

“But the LORD said to Samuel,

“…The LORD does not look at the things people look at.

People look at the outward appearance,

but the LORD looks at the heart.” “

1 Samuel 16:7

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Thanksgiving

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Praying, Thankful, Thanksgiving, What I am Thankful for on October 7, 2011| 2 Comments »

As I read the words to the left (over and over), I pondered in my head what I did thank God for yesterday? But, other than food at a meal, I could remember nothing else.

This pondering led me to ask myself, ‘what do I say with my lips is important to me?’

Well, as a Christian, I am thankful for the sacrifice of God’s son redeeming me from the sins in my life.

As a mom, I am thankful for the children that God has entrusted to hubby and I to care for, love, and to introduce, each day to the God who entrusted them to us (nothing like a little of pressure).

As a wife, I am thankful for the husband who has endured my repulsive singing, slight snoring (he might argue the use of the word ‘slight’), mood swings (which he ‘used’ to record in his day timer … until the day I was in full mood swing and figured it out … I think that would be referred to as Black January), and undiagnosed ADD.

As a daughter, I am thankful for my parents (and, in extension, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, etc., etc., etc.).

As an employed person, I am thankful for the job, the employer and the students who are my job.

As a person living in freedom, I am thankful for the peaceful place I call home, the ability to worship my God publicly at our church, the ability to walk the streets at night (and only fear the bears), and for all those who put their lives on the line to keep it that way.

I am thankful that I have enough food to eat each day, that my need is not for more, but less.

I am thankful that I have a safe, warm and beautiful place to rest, and to call home (even if it is not the heritage home I desire … my needs are more than filled).

I am thankful.

And, if I awake tomorrow, and only have what I have just thanked God for …

I would be blessed beyond measure.

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iSpeak by Steve Jobs

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Apple, iSpeak, Last Words, Legacy, Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs 1955-2011, Steve Jobs Quotes, Words on October 6, 2011| Leave a Comment »

As I opened my account page on my virtual ‘pinboard’, the first new addition to my page was the picture to the right. Steve Jobs earthly body has succumbed to deteriorating health and he has died.

It is all over the news, it is all over the internet, it is all over social media … it is all over …

What I find most interesting is how, after his death, it is his words that write his story … that write his eulogy. It is within the words left by the dead, that we see how they lived. It is like having a written jigsaw puzzle to leave to those left behind.

Our words live forever. Unlike ourselves, our words are immortal. Like the ideal of our children outliving us, our words are still here after we are gone. They are our legacy.

So, what do we leave through the words that we speak? What do our words say about who we are (on the inside), what we think, and what is most important to us? What is the message that we leave, after we are gone, through the words of our lips (and the meditation of our heart?)?

Although for about twenty years, I have been a fan of most Apple products (and have an embarrassingly large number of those products under our roof). I did not know Steve Jobs. But his words, the words I have been reading and hearing quoted all over the place today have endeared him, as a fellow human being, to me.

Through his words, he has left a legacy of passion, hard work, daring, adventure (especially of mind), and to THINK DIFFERENTLY!

The death of Steve Jobs, and how people are hanging onto his every last word, have reminded me of how very powerful our words are … for how others see us, and maybe even …

… how we see ourselves.

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In the Student Seat

Posted in WONDER, tagged Autism, In the Student Seat, Learning, Special Needs, Students on October 5, 2011| 2 Comments »

This week I am back in the classroom, as a student. A colleague and I are taking a course on Autism, and it has been amazingly fascinating! We are learning lots, wanting to try it all out and feeling a sense of information overload!

It has also been an opportunity to feel a bit of empathy for the students I work with. I find I fade in and out of consciousness, I struggle to stay focused, I am easily distracted, fidgety and I almost fell asleep in class. I watch the clock, and I really wish I was in the back row, so that I could play with my iPhone. I am doing all of this, as a ‘typical’ student. (Other than my self diagnosis of ADD) I have no learning struggles, I am in a course that is of interest to me, and is taught at a level that I can comprehend and learn. Yet, I still struggle to pay attention.

At one of the many times I was fading off into my own mental ‘La La Land’, I found myself wondering what happens in the mind of a student with learning struggles, while they struggle to pay attention. How exhausting it must be for them, when they have diagnosed struggles in learning, and the material they are being taught is beyond their interest, or beyond their understanding, or beyond their developmental ability.

And we wonder why they sometimes have issues of bad behaviors!

Speaking of bad behaviors, the main point that I have retained this week is that behaviors are communication. So, if the students with special needs are behaving ‘badly’, maybe what they are communicating is ‘I can’t do this anymore’, or ‘when are you going to start talking my language’, or ‘I am so frustrated, because I just don’t get it, and I feel so dumb.’

Maybe they work so hard, all day long, to hold it together at school, that they go home and unravel … where they can just be who they are, without having to conform to a community and culture that is as foreign to them as moving to Siberia would be for us.

I think that despite struggles to get my readings done (because the IS an exam), I will finish this course with fresh eyes and ears, to see and hear and understand the hearts of the students with special needs … a worthwhile week!

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What Saved Our Marriage … in Bed

Posted in life, Marriage, WONDER, tagged Bed, in Bed, Marriage, Sleep, Television, What Saved our Marriage on October 3, 2011| 2 Comments »

With our anniversary just last week, I’ve had marriage on my brain.

After twenty-two years we have had a spat or two. We have had our struggles with co-existing together. We have had times when it has seemed that we have had more differences than similarities.

A few years back I found something that may just have saved our marriage from complete and utter ruin. It is something that is so simple, and is available to all. It is also a cure without any cost (except for those who do not have this at their disposal).

My cure has made such a profound change in our marriage, that I am actually thinking of finding a publisher who would jump at the chance to publish and sell this idea to the public. I am convinced that it could top the New York Times Best Seller list. I am convinced that the title alone is one that Oprah would publish.

Now, you may be wondering when I might be telling you the secret, and the title, of this marriage enriching, life changing book … but, I am a little hesitant to tell you too quickly. I fear that you will read the title of my book, laugh hysterically, and then click off my blog post to look for a more ‘serious’ approach to marriage enhancement. This is a serious topic, and this approach did seriously improve my marriage … particularly in bed!

Okay, if you promise, in your heart (like, cross your heart, hope to die, stick a finger in your eye … kind of promise) to not click off my post until you read to the end, then I will share my secret with you … yes? Okay then, here it goes … the title of my best selling (well, in the future) book is … “How Moving a Television into our Bedroom Saved our Marriage.”

D O N ‘ T go to another blog, or Facebook, or Tetris … keep reading … it might save your marriage too!

You see, hubby and I, we are certainly a study in contrasts. Sometimes I think that the only thing we have in common is our three kids! He likes salty, I like sweet. He likes road trips, I like airplanes. He likes going to sporting events, I like going for a walk. He is a night hawk, I am a morning person.

It is in the last set of contrasts that our marriage was suffering. We almost never went to bed together! I am ready almost any night, any time after 8pm to crash my head onto my pillow … hubby is usually not ready until closer to 11pm. So, one day I (yes, I, not hubby) suggested we move a small television into our bedroom. And we did.

This meant that, finally, we would climb beneath the sheets at the same time. I lay my head on my pillow and start snoring (so hubby says), and he watches every news and sports highlight program available. And we can be together 🙂 Sometimes we even climb in bed and talk about our days, or have visits from one of the kids, or sleep, or don’t sleep …

Whatever it is we do once we get into bed, we get to spend the time there together … it is so much better than climbing into bed alone.

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Wedding Day Memories

Posted in life, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Anniversary, Life, Marriage, Memories, Wedding, Wedding Day Memories, Wonder on September 30, 2011| 3 Comments »

Memories are funny things. There are some details of the past that we remember, and other details are forgotten forever.

Twenty-two years ago today I went to a high school football game. My brother was playing on one of the teams, and my fiance was coaching that same team. It was a perfect autumn day … the sun shining brightly, the air crisp, the leaves on the trees in the early stages of turning from bright green to hues of gold and red. It is a day I remember so well, because it was the day of the biggest argument of our dating relationship … the day before our wedding.

I have no idea what we were arguing about, I can only remember the intensity of the emotions I felt. Obviously, whatever it was that had vexed us was resolved, and the following day I met him at the end of the aisle, where we traded in our individual lives for a future together.

The memories of our wedding day decrease with each passing year. If there are this many fewer memories after twenty-two years, will I even remember that I am married in twenty-two more?

But, what I do remember are the vivid broad strokes of our day.

I remember that our wedding started late, and it wasn’t because I was trying to be fashionably late … our soloist was flying into New Brunswick from Toronto, and his flight was late.

I remember that the pastor we had to marry us thought he was at a preach-a-thon … he spoke for about an hour after the processional, before actually marrying us.

I remember that my mother in law wore gray … much cheerier than the black that her mother wore at her wedding.

I remember that, as I looked at my groom awaiting me at the end of the aisle, he was gray (like his mother’s dress), and looked as though he might pass out … so much for the groom’s look of awe at the brides glowing beauty …

So, not all memories are so sweet 😉 but, alas, my memories of our wedding day were also not all so depressing.

I remember a twinge of regret as my dad ‘gave me away’ to my groom.

I remember how confident I felt as I repeated my vows, and said ‘I do.’

I remember that when my groom slipped his ring (a most simple band) on my finger I could not imagine a more wonderful, a more exquisite piece of jewelery in the world.

I remember gladly signing my name on the marriage license.

I remember driving off to our honeymoon (a trip, by car, of over 3000 miles … one way … and hubby wonders why I have little interest in road trips), reliving the details of the day, together.

The memories of that day fill my mind and my heart at times like this, when we remember and celebrate our corporate survival, and our hope of many years to come.

Happy Anniversary Hubby

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Remembering a Regular Day

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Japan Tsunami, Life, March 11 2011, Mundane, Regular, Remembering a Regular Day on September 29, 2011| Leave a Comment »

As I sat at my computer, staring, hoping that some inspiration would fall from the skies for the next blog entry … nothing fell. It was the first time, since I wrote my first blog entry (way back in March of 2011), that I didn’t have a clue what to write, and it was really beginning to get me down.

So, I decided to reread a few posts of blogging past. It was in rereading my very first blog post, just-a-regular-day, that I was inspired to write again.

My very first post was written and published on Thursday, March 10, 2011. In it I wrote about the regular, mundane details of a regular, mundane day. I wrote about awakening, working, shopping for produce, making dinner and going to bed. I spoke of how easily I can become bored with regular and mundane.

One thing I had said, from my blog post, caught my eye … “There are many ‘what ifs’ in each and every ‘regular’ day. They are the what ifs that, if they were different, if they altered, my regular day would be catastrophic, disheartening, life-changing.”

When I finished reading it, I looked at the date of it again, March 10, 2011 … the day before (really just hours before) the magnitude 9.0 earthquake off the coast of Japan, which was followed by the tsunami that took the lives nearly 16,000 people. For so many the ‘what ifs’ of that day altered their ‘regular’ day, profoundly.

The events of that day, which probably started so regularly for most there, altered the course of the future for tens of thousands of people. There were those who died. There were those who were injured. There were those who lost family members, friends and colleagues. There were those who lost their homes. There were those whose place of employment was lost. There were those who lost crops. There was so much loss!

Their day began as regular as any other, but it ended in catastrophe, disheartening, and it was so life-changing.

I wonder if the days, the weeks, the months following the events of that day … did/do people there ever dream of a regular day?

A day where the alarm goes off at the same time.

A day where you bid farewell to your family in the morning, fully anticipating the end of the day reunion.

A day where you go off to work.

A day where you have to shop for produce.

A day where you make dinner.

A day where you fall into bed, tired, and ready to do it all over again tomorrow.

A regular, boring, mundane …

… real, beautiful, satisfying, worth-living for … LIFE.

I am so not going to allow not knowing what to write about get me down again … maybe I’ll just write about my regular day.

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Endurance

Posted in Love, Marriage, WONDER, tagged Endurance, Life, Love, Marathon, Marriage, Memories, Race, Short Track on September 27, 2011| Leave a Comment »

It is a rare thing for an athlete to have both a gifting for speed and for endurance. The short track runner needs to have the human equivalent of fuel injection … they need to start fast and keep it going to the end. The marathon runner needs to be able to pace his or her self … it is a long run, and so their energies need to be spread out over a longer period of time, running consistently until they cross the finish line.

Endurance has become, in our society, a word associated primarily with athletics. I am no athlete, but I do know that my natural tendency in living is that of the short track runner.

I can start well, I have amazing energies for short term projects (and if they are long term, they are still sitting, unfinished, in a closet in my house), I am fantastic at responding in a crises, I am a confident trouble-shooter. I struggle to know how to be balanced, I struggle to start anything slowly, I can easily shelve any project or problem when I get bored of it. I struggle to keep going when I cannot see the finish line.

When I think of the word endurance, I think … marriage.

This week hubby and I will celebrate twenty-two years of marriage together. To some we have already run a marathon (amen to that), and to others we have only completed a short track event. To us … it depends on the day 😉

Twenty-two years is more than half of my life (I was married w a y too young, at twenty … now your brains are all doing the math). I have quite literally grown up with my hubby. We have gone through our twenties together, we have gone through our thirties together, and now we are speeding through our forties (he, of course, is speeding through them MUCH faster than I). We have had the joys of sharing the births of our three children, and the sorrows of losing five others. We have moved, quite literally, from east to west, together. We have loved and learned and lived … together.

When we were first married, we were both so into it! We were so focused on each other, on making sure that we were meeting each others needs. We wanted to please each other, we wanted to love each other. As life has moved on our focus on each other has been back-seated by the million and one other important things in life … children, jobs, home, yard, church, friends, etc., etc., etc. It is so easy to see the motivation behind the Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond hit “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” …

She He

You don’t bring me flowers                                        You hardly talk to me anymore
You don’t sing me love songs                                     When you come through that door at the end of the day…
I remember when you couldn’t wait to love me
Used to hate to leave me
Now after loving me late at night                              When it’s good for you, babe.
When you just roll over and turn out the light… And you’re feeling all right
And you don’t bring me flowers anymore

Those memories of early in the relationship ‘short track’ love, can be a great and horrible wedge once you are into the endurance run of ’til death do us part’ marriage. It is so easy to remember and reminisce about the new (and young) love stage of relationship. Often it is easier to remember it than it is to maintain it. And it is easier to remember what your spouse used to do for you and I, than to remember what you (I) used to do for them.

This marriage thing … it is definitely an endurance run. And, it is a tandem run, as well … it means that the success or failure of your marriage is dependent on both runners giving their all, all the time. Keeping pace with where your partner is heading. Being alert to possible ailments or distractions, for yourself, and for your partner. It also means that, at times, you will be the stronger one, and you will need to pull them along when they are weak, or ill, or just not on top of their race. But another key element to running the race together is rehydrating, refreshing each other … sometimes that refreshment comes from being apart, but usually it means making time to be together.

Like water to a weary runners body, time away, as a couple is not just a nice thing to do, but it is necessary if the marriage is to be kept alive. Sometimes it can be accomplished as easily as taking a walk together, or going to bed early and locking the door (there is nothing so disturbing to adolescent and teenage children, as a closed parents bedroom door, BEFORE they go to bed … their response is equal to the classic ‘heebie-jeebies’ … personally I am thinking of investing in a ‘do not disturb’ sign … just to keep shocking them … I figure my goal in life is to shock them before they shock me 🙂 … but, I digress). Sometimes it is a dinner out … not with another couple, but alone, making eye contact and talking. And, sometimes it is a day or more away, together, to reconnect just as a couple, and rediscover what it is that drew you both together in the first place (sometimes that is more advantageous than what is keeping you together presently … if it is not a happy and productive leg of the marathon).

So, we pace ourselves, my hubby and I … and hopefully we can make a time of refreshment possible … so that we can keep pressing on to the finish line … together, in tandem.

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Everything Hurts and I Love it

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, The Beast, WONDER, tagged Bear in Area, Beast, Beauty, Creation, dog, Exercise, Fort to Fort, Life, nature, poo, walk, Wonder on September 26, 2011| 2 Comments »

My first thoughts when I awoke this morning were I don’t know if I can walk to the bathroom, and I need coffee. The two thoughts go together too.

Yesterday, for the first time in over a month, I walked my favorite trail … all of it. It took over two hours, and it was great (it was great to be done, maybe not so great while doing it 😉 ). The weather was hot and humid, the trail was full of walkers and bikers, and we did it … my beast and I.

The poor beast was panting hard on the second half of our walk. Just as her tongue was dripping from her hard panting, I was sweating like a stuffed pig on a spit (was a pretty pair we must have been).

On our first half we did take a few breaks, so that the beast wouldn’t collapse on me (of course there was no danger of me collapsing … ). We would walk down to the rivers edge (which was much farther out than a month ago. Heck it was much farther out than I had ever seen it) so that she could cool off in the water, and get a drink at the same time.

There were many people standing on the rivers edge, fishing. It was a day to be out, a day for people to enjoy what might be a last day of Indian summer. A day to enjoy the beauty and wonder of nature … the sun, the fresh air, the leaf laden trees, and all of the other beauties outside.

As we turned started our second half, we were confronted by the sign to the right … that did not make for a confident walk back! Seriously, I did not need that! I already have paranoid thoughts whenever I am walking in the wilderness (like down my street) about being chased by a bear … I did not need confirmation that they were actually in the same area that I was in! What made it worse was that, shortly after seeing that bright and foreboding sign, I saw a tail on the pathway (and I am sure that it was not there when I passed that way just moments before). A squirrel’s tail … without the squirrel! I was now in a desperate state. So, I did what any well-adjusted, mature, woman in my right mind would do … I texted a picture of the sign to hubby, so that he would know how I died. And his response … was about a half hour later! I could have been bear poop by the time he responded! So much for sensitive, hubby!

Alas, the beast and I did survive the potential of a bear attack 🙂 .

But then, just as I was feeling as though we were safe from calamity, my beast started making all of the signs of needed to poo. And I, of course, was ready! As she squatted, I untied the poo bag from her harness (I know making her wear her poo bags is the equivalent of me wearing toilet paper around my neck, out in public … but, she is a very self confident dog). And when I started to put the bag over my hand … there was a hole in it … at the end (where my middle fingers would be … yuck). Alas, I was like a girl scout, and was prepared for anything! I had two bags! So, I doubled up, scooped up, tied up and we continued on.

We had a very uneventful second half of our walk (minus the anxiety-provoking sign and hole in the poo bag incidents). I am not sure which of us started to sprint-walk once the van was in site, but I know that both the beast and I were overwhelmingly thrilled to see it. The beast settled into the back seat, and did not move again until we got back home.

And we both slept well that night … with our minds full of the beautiful visions of our walk, and the sense of accomplishment of doing something that allowed us to exercise and enjoy the beauty of creation.

And my aching body … it pales in contrast with how wonderfully my soul feels.

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Criminal Minds is Back

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Aaron Hotchner, Criminal Minds, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Jason Gideon, Jennifer Jareau, Peneolope Garcia, Spencer Reid, telebision on September 22, 2011| 1 Comment »

The seventh season opener of our favorite (only) television show was last night.

Hubby, our eldest daughter and myself are committed viewers of Criminal Minds. None of us are really television watchers, but this one show keeps us coming back for more. We all love the drama, the plots, the actors (one of us is more inclined towards Derek Morgan …), the humor, and the quotes.

I still miss Gideon (who was only part of seasons one and two) … the most fantastic character the shows writers have ever created.

Reid is definitely the most changed characters of the show, over the past six seasons … going from a pre-mature ‘doctor’ to a mature professional.

Emily Prentiss and Jennifer Jareau are returning this season … J. J.’s departure was simply a … stupid decision (sort of like Gideon’s … just saying), and Emily has returned from the dead (oh, how they know how to open a new season).

Last season ended with Aaron Hotchner possibly leaving the B.A.U. (Behavioral Analysis Unit … actually there was the possibility that any of the characters might not return for season seven), but really the show could not continue without his brooding good looks, so back to frown and continue being a man of quiet authority is he.

David Rossi is back again too … the character who is over-qualified for his job, and could be replaced without anyone blinking an eye (maybe Gideon could come back, to replace his replacement?).

And, last but not least, Peneolope Garcia the computer geek-pro, who is so not a behavioral specialist. She’s just a girl making her magic going where no one else could go before on the internet super highway, being ‘mom’ to all of her co-workers and loving her brown sugar. She ‘humanizes’ the day, when the team is dealing with the de-humanizing acts of the unsub. (unidentified subject/bad guy) of the day.

Oh, there have been other characters who have come … and gone, from the show … but they have not been missed (except … well, you know).

So, we are back to our autumn routine of work, church, school and Criminal Minds … Criminal Minds being the most relaxing 😉

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