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Following the Voice

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #thesheepknowhisvoiceandfollow, #thosewhoknowandcareforus on July 21, 2020| Leave a Comment »

This summer the Wonderdog has been teaching me something …

we listen to and follow
those who know and care for us

It has been four months since work turned toward home, giving me ample time to spend my days with my fur friend. He is constantly with me, following me from the bed, in the morning, to the kitchen, the office, the family room or the bathroom. When out and I return home, opening the door from the garage, there he is, tucked into the back of the sofa, eyes transfixed to the door, ready to leap towards me as if I were coming home …

just. for. him.

He reminds me of that song we sing at Christmas time, about father Christmas …

“He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake”

Now he also stays close to my husband, sleeping under the desk, at his feet.

But … I am the one who most often feeds him, takes him out to the grass, gives him medicine, fills his Kong with treats, invites him for a walk, or orders him a puppucinno in the drive through. I am the one who invites him onto the bed for a nighttime cuddle, who taught him to love (or simply to endure) snuggles, who put drops in his ear and eye last winter. I am the one who takes him to sit outside … where he is so very tempted to bark at every passerby.

I care for him.

the good. the bad. the ugly.

And he knows it because …

we listen to and follow
those who know and care for us

As I was writing on my patio the other day, I realized that my foot was warm with his soft head resting there. Then I remembered that each day we had been outside lately, this is where his head would be … could he get closer to me?

He feels protected, secure in my attention to his needs. Even in my discipline and ear drops (his least favorite thing) he knows he is cared for. I know this because …

we listen to and follow
those who know and care for us

“My sheep hear My voice,
and I know them,
and they follow Me.”
John 10:27

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The Sabbath was Made for Humankind

Posted in Faith, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #nobenediction, #sabbath, #sabbathrest, #sabbathsummer on July 19, 2020| 2 Comments »

The practises of Sabbath have been different during these months of working collectively to help hinder the spread of the Coronavirus.

No more do we head to our local meeting places of faith families, where we gather together to worship in prayer, song, reading the Word of God, giving of our tithes and being encouraged in our faith through all of those shared practises as well as through the sharing of a message that encourages us to hold close our relationship with the God of creation.

My Sabbath today has had a fine start.

Sundays are a backwards day for hubby and I, as I oddly sleep later than he, who rises to prepare for a full day of work. This is my solitary day … a day I am completely aware of and immersed in the presence of God in every area of my life.

My call to worship began when I awoke to staring from my bedside, the Wonderdog eager for an invitation onto the bed for snuggles.

After a leisurely awakening, the morning ablutions for my fur friend and I, I was off on my weekly trip to a small grocery store, just after it opens … still quiet, barely a shopper to be seen.

I listened to songs of faith.

Enjoyed a hot steaming cup of coffee while wrapping a gift for a new delivered one, unable to contain whispered prayers of thanks.

Listened to a podcast about the Christian faith that stimulated curiosity to go into the word.

Poured myself a cold glass of cranberry juice, spread fresh strawberry jam with a hint of lemon, on a scone (not a typical breakfast, but … the Sabbath should be a sweet day).

Filled the Wonderdog’s treat toy with his favorite mixture, then out to our small patio.

A gentle breeze brought scents from my hydrangea plants (once blue, that are now pink), and other floral perfumes from the neighborhood.

Though this patio, this property does not provide the peaceful quiet of our previous acreage, peace lives here, in the contentment of the provision, in the peace that passes my human comprehension.

I sit in my chair, sip from my glass, breath in the scents, smile at my sleeping Wonderdog, hear the sound of texts arriving from my sweetest loves.

I pray, words of thanks, or appeal for the needs of others, I seek wisdom and comfort from the scriptures.

No benediction … the Sabbath goes on.

“Then he (Jesus) said to them,
“The Sabbath was made for humankind,
not humankind for the Sabbath.”
Mark 2:27

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Rabbit Holes are Everywhere

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #diversions, #rabbitholes, #rabbitholesareeverywhere on July 16, 2020| 5 Comments »

Good intentions and a slight excitement coursing through my mind … something I did not have in my grasp in a long time.

I was going to head upstairs, sit at my computer and dedicate one hour … just one hour to editing the book I finished writing last fall.

Then I decided to first make a coffee.

Then the machine showed the message that it was time to descale.

I followed through with that process … that thirty minute process.

Then I thought I would cook the potatoes for potato salad.

Then I emptied the kitchen food waste container.

Then I finished taking the hardware off a wooden box I wanted to paint.

Then I went up to my office … to get a paintbrush to paint the wooden box.

The next thing I knew it was three and a half hours later, I still had to make the potato salad, call my mom, take the things on the kitchen counter to put away in the garage …

Rabbit holes … places where the time for my well intended plans go …

Writing, editing of my book was left at the base of the tree, while I slid down into one rabbit hole after another, until the time available for editing my book was gone.

As the time to write past I heard myself echoing the words of Paul, the author of the book of Romans (7:15)

“I just don’t understand myself. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I don’t want to do.”

Of course the rabbit hole that Paul was talking about was the rabbit hole that is sin. Nonetheless, I get what he is saying. And, well … sometimes I just think that it is some dark pitchfork-wielding character in my mind that keeps me from completing what I so want to accomplish.

Paul goes on to say, (19-20):

“For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”

That final comment resonates in my mind. For I do often feel as though I move from task to task as though on autopilot, moved by an invisible force.

Though there are many things in our lives that we have choice over, things that are not inherently good or bad, focusing on what we are called to do, being purposeful in our efforts to accomplish tasks that we are called to … that bring us life, takes effort. It often means having to put blinders on and moving forward.

Ah, perhaps today will be one that I will be able to the good I want.

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Life Really is Like a Bowl of Cherries

Posted in life, tagged #freshfruit, #justsit, #maryandmartha, #sitathisfeet, #tasteandsee on July 14, 2020| 4 Comments »

Fresh, Okanagon grown cherries. They arrived at my door yesterday. A sweet lady had mentioned that someone was travelling back from the fresh fruit mecca of British Columbia. Would I would like to purchase some?

Saying no to OK (Okanagan, not okay as in mediocre) cherries, I cannot do.

And so, they were delivered to my door, with a warm smile.

Cherries are such a delicious, sweet fruit. To have only had to wait at my house for them to arrive was fantastic.

I mean, I could go to the nursery, purchase a cherry tree, plant, fertilize and prune it. I could water it, stake it to the ground. Then wait for the fruits of my labor.

But, when the fruit just shows up … with no effort but to hand over a few dollars, perfection! Once I said goodbye to my delivery girl, I just wanted to taste them.

In the Bible there is the story of Mary and Martha. Jesus arrives. Mary plunks herself at his feet and Martha begins scurrying fast as a … rabbit, gathering a feast fit for a king.

Doing, doing, doing. Working swiftly, to present her best for Jesus.

Then Jesus says to Martha:

“few things are needed–or indeed only one.
Mary has chosen what is better,
and it will not be taken away from her.”

That would hurt.

Martha, running around for Jesus, and he then tells her that Mary, sitting on her hind end, chose what is better.

This story was hard for me to get, because I am a doer. I just know that I would be in the kitchen, creating something to serve him.

Then I got the cherries.

With the cherries (such a rare, ripe treat), all I wanted to do was to eat them, enjoying their sweet fruit.

That is what Jesus asks of us.

When he arrives at our doorstep, he just wants us to recognize what a sweet treat it is to spend time at his feet. No production is needed. Just sit at his feet. Recognize that he is enough.

There is no other way to serve Christ … not even service to him … but to sit at his feet.

“Taste and see that the LORD is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!“
Psalm 34:8

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In the Silence

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #bestillandknow, #gettingclosertogod, #hehasaplan, #inthesilence, #silenceisdeafening, #silenceofgod on July 12, 2020| 2 Comments »

Listening …

Sometimes it seems that the silence is deafening. There isn’t revelation, direction, not even critique. Just silence.

When will he speak, lead, direct? When will a fire be ignited in my belly? Where has my get up and go gone?

Questions I have asked, of late … of God.

It is just silent. I have been around long enough to know he is there, here, within me. I still know he has a plan and a purpose, but … it. is. so. quiet.

Erwin W. Lutzer, in his book, Getting Closer to God, wrote:

“Of course, it’s easy to trust God when the bush is burning, the waters are parting, and the mountains are shaking— it’s those silent years that are discouraging. But blessed is the person who does not interpret the silence of God as the indifference of God!”

God is not indifferent, uncaring, unconcerned. He is still working.

But, it is so quiet.

Ever been to a body of water that is so quiet, it’s surface is more like a mirror than a body of life? It is still, quiet. There are times in our lives when we long for such stillness, when noise is all around, when the waters are teaming with life, ready for the catch. When we long for things to just be still, quiet.

I hear the Psalmist say,

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I have no choice but to be still, for this is the season, yet … am I?

Worry and anxiety over that which is out of my hands, my control, can overtake my thoughts. There is no specific direction, no task at hand … and that makes me ill at ease, disquieted in my soul.

And the whisper returns,

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Not to be irreverent, but as I read this verse, over and over, I found myself coming to the conclusion that what God is saying here could be interpreted as

just trust me and hold my beer

He is reminding us that he is God, that he hold the world and all that is in it, in the palm of his hand. Just be still … that is your job, your task, your calling.

John 13:7 tells us, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”

In the deafening silence it can seem as though God is not there, that he does not care, that he has no use for us. But, in these silent days and years, he calls on us to be still, to contemplate what he has done in and through us in the past, to trust our unknown future to this God who has more than proven himself in the past.

He has a plan … just keep listening in the quiet, meditating at the calm waters.

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I Forgot …

Posted in life, tagged #alzheimers, #govisitthem, #honoringthesoul, #iforgot on July 9, 2020| 6 Comments »

* Tomorrow family and friends will bid this lady a final adieu … but we have been doing that for a couple of years now. This was my last visit with her, one I am so thankful to have had. If I might be so bold, if there is someone in your life who forgets more than they remember, go see them anyway … their soul is still here.

“I don’t think she will know who I am by the time I get there,” I stated to hubby one day, just weeks before I left for a trip to visit family.

My aunt (not pronounced ‘ant’) was diagnosed with Alzehimer’s Disease a number of months back. She has surrendered her license, her volunteer activities, much of her memory.

I had decided that if, when I called her on the phone, she recognized my voice, knew who I was, I would go visit her. Conversely, I had decided that if she did not recognize my voice, know who I am, I would not go visit her.

I want to remember her how she was …

That was my rational. One part, economical use of my time in the area, one part self-preservation (lets call a spade a spade … it was 1.99 parts self-preservation.

So, when I called her on the day of my departure (yes, this was something I procrastinated), when I said hello into the phone, I was shocked that she knew my voice immediately.

A thrill of hope ran through me, as I told her we would be stopping by for a visit soon.

It will be the same as always …

We arrived at the home she and my uncle have lived for as long as I remember. The home I spent countless weeks in the summer, playing board games, getting baking lessons, picking blueberries, watching movies and feeling like the spoiled niece of my (childless) aunt and uncle that I was.

The house, well-worn on the inside and out, signs of lacking maintenance by this eighty-something couple. Food, cooling on the countertops (breaking every food-safe rule), before being stored in the fridge or freezer. The outer porch piled with newspapers, saved for …

These props, extras in my periphery, meaningless to the woman I had come to see, who would know that I was there.

Our initial greetings were good, normal. Never an overly, outwardly affectionate woman, this aunt always had the sensible approach to life of Anne of Green Gable’s steadfast rock, Marilla Cuthbert.

With my first words, I made the first mistake … I asked a question about her whereabouts that morning. I knew better than to ask a question about something in recent history and I mentally scolded myself, as soon as my query was met by her uncertain response.

We visited nearly an hour, not another question from my lips.

We talked about my family, the distant past, looked at the wedding photos of herself, her parents (my grandparents) and her in-laws. I showed her photos of our kids, my hubby and videos of my lunatic dog that made her laugh.

She mentioned my sister who was travelling with me … actually my daughter. She looked … lost …

lost in the liminal space between a world she has confidently moved and navigated and one that she knows she should know, but the holes in her mind muddle the familiar into dark unfamiliarity … as though a constant joke is being told, and everyone gets it, but her.

As we prepared to leave I took a selfie with her, we each said goodbye (no doubt our last goodbye) and I whispered I love you.

That moment on the phone, when she knew my voice … that was what drew me to go see her. Maybe that was a push from another force, to honour this woman who planted the seeds of love and acceptance in me.

I needed to share in her lostness to remember that I need to love and care for others, not for how they make me feel, but for how I would want to be treated were I lost in a similarly disconcerting world.

I forgot that seeing her was not about me, but about her … what she needed.

That sensible aunt still lives within my memories and in her soul, to love when it cannot be reciprocated anymore is the most sensible thing to do …

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I Am …

Posted in Walking with God, tagged #humblevspride, #humility, #iam on July 7, 2020| 2 Comments »

I was reminded the other day of a characteristic of Christ that I had not read or heard of lately.

I am gentle
and humble in heart

(Matthew 11:29)

The characteristics of God, of Jesus, are woven through the New and Old Testament. There is narrative, story, behind these characteristics, both to show us who God is, as well as to teach us what characteristics we should aim to attain, in an effort to follow the model of Jesus.

This one caught my eye, because … it is so not what we often portray, what we teach, how we live.

The more proper translation is “I am gentle and meek of heart” but in our world the word ‘meek’ is often viewed as weak word … describing a negative nature, rather than humble, describing a chosen approach to life.

It is in that idea of a chosen approach to life and leadership that I can appreciate, respect and follow the example of Christ.

Jesus is not weak. For anyone who works to live humbly knows the efforts … selfless efforts, it takes to live in the direction of humility as opposed to the opposite, pride.

Proverbs 16:18 reminds us that “pride goes before a fall/destruction.”

Whereas Proverbs 15:33 tells us, “before honor is humility.”

Then, in Proverbs 3:34 we are given the contrast of the two, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Pride is the complete opposite of humility. They are incongruous to each other. One cannot be humble of heart, if pride lives there. The only inoculation that exists for pride, is an increase of humility.

Pride says I.

Humility says you.

Pride whispers we.

Humility speaks of they.

Pride shouts mine.

Humility says yours.

Pride speaks to the individual.

Humility speaks to community.

Pride keeps.

Humility shares, gives.

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself;
it is thinking of yourself less.”
C.S. Lewis

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A Tangled Mess

Posted in Faith, GOD, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #atangledmess, #bestill, #bestillandknow, #godknows, #itiswell, #itiswellwithmysoul, #problemsolving on July 5, 2020| 2 Comments »

As a child I loved it when my mom would hand me what was once a tidy ball of yarn that had gotten loose in her knitting bag or scattered across the floor. She would ask me if I could untangle it for her. Or my grandmother would do the same with a necklace, whose chain had knots.

I would eagerly take on these problems, these messes and straighten out what was knotted. It was a game, a challenge for me where I usually had success and I loved it.

Problem solving has become my life. I have used this skill in my profession, helping students learn in unique and creative ways. In the running of a home, utilizing form and function. In childrearing … in so many ways. In helping in so many situations and circumstances.

Give me a problem, a puzzle, a challenge, a mystery. Invite me into your struggle, your situation, your sorrow. Let me untangle that knotted mess of yarn that is that part of our life.

What I am not good at is acknowledging when I cannot solve the problem, when the mess is tangled beyond my problem-solving capabilities.

Recently I ran into a snag … problems that I simply could not untangle. This failure of ability (for it was not a failure of desire to solve the puzzles) was getting to me. I looked at it from every side, tried to see if moving things would help. Yet, I was quickly faced with the reality that all problem solvers hate to face …

the tangled mess was out of my ability to straighten it out.

This self-acknowledgement wore on me, for that which I love to do and do well, I was powerless to accomplish.

Besides, I am a follower of Christ, a believer in the power of Christ in me … I mean doesn’t Matthew 7:7 say “ask and you will receive” … and Mark 11:24 says, “whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you”?

Of course I am taking those one-liners out of the context of the Word, as a whole … rubbing my Bible-Genie making my one wish. But, what I ask is so desired, so good, so sincere …

Then I saw an image. It was the one at the top of this page. It was the mess of the first screen that got me … as soon as I saw it, my eyes did not see a pile of letters, but a pile of yarn, twisted and knotted … a problem waiting to be solved.

That was the problem I was dealing with.

Then the reminder … the God-response … not the I love you, for I simply do not have the capacity to not know that God loves me, or others. It was the two words,

I know

He knows.

He knows the knotted, tangled, ugly messes of our human lives. He knows that situations that break our hearts, that mess with our confidence, that even make us question if we are still in his will.

He knows.

“Be still, and know that I am God”
Psalm 46:10

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O Canada

Posted in canada, WONDER, tagged #canadaday, #canadadayinapandemic, #covid19, #ocanada, #teamcanada, #thewholemorethantheindividual on July 1, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Today may well be the quietest Canada Day in our one hundred and fifty-three year history.

Though provinces, cities, towns and even villages are slowly opening up, large crowds are not gathering, fireworks are not happening, nor will we stand shoulder to shoulder and sing O Canada.

And that is because we are Canada … a vast land filled with leaders from coast to coast.

I don’t mean elected officials or public health offers. I mean the over 37 million individuals who call Canada home. We who recognize that the whole is of more value than the individual, that self sacrifice is for the greater good. That the greatest way to attain freedom as a citizen is by looking out for others.

During this pandemic we have done what the public heath officials have asked of us … kept our distance, stayed home, washed out hands (again, and again and again), worn masks and, when we didn’t quite feel well … we stayed home. Our united goal was to flatten the curve, stop the spread of Covid 19, protect others … our families, our neighbors, others who have never met.

In our following of their health orders, in our others-centered living, we, the citizens, have become leaders in the world … in our home and native land.

“This is one country. We’re all playing for Team Canada right now. Making the announcement as we did today was just part of getting Canada back on its feet and healthy again.” (CFL commissioner Randy Ambrosie after the league postponed the start of its regular season)

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all of us command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

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Even Though …

Posted in FAMILY, Grief, life, WONDER, tagged #cancer, #eventhough, #fearofdeath, #medicineispoison, #valleyofshadows on June 29, 2020| 4 Comments »

This morning, someone I love will begin to emerge from a valley of shadows.

Chemo and radiation treatments come to an end. It is a day that signals the faint but growing light at the end of this dark tunnel … this valley.

Just three months after our dad died unexpectedly, the oldest of my two younger brothers was told that he may have cancer. A month later that possibility was confirmed. Another month later, treatments began. Now, nearly two months later, he will walk out of radiology, hopefully for good.

In the midst of all of that, he had to have all of his teeth removed (due to the radiation treatments). Covid 19 introduced the world to social distancing, eliminating the support of his partner at medical appointments, counselling and making it more challenging to get transportation to medical appointments. It also restricted the freedom to travel (how I would have loved, would love to be there to help his family).

It was a solitary valley of dark and menacing shadows.

The side effects of the ‘cure’ were dreadful for him … for them, for his family were also subjected to the effects of such powerful treatments. They had to endure his physical exhaustion, the emotional rollercoaster and vile sores in his mouth and throat that made even drinking water an agonizing torture. They have watched his body mass decrease by over 15%.

It is as though, the completion of his treatments are the first signal in over seven months that our hearts can begin to emerge from the valley of shadows.

I have heard many whispers of Psalm 23:4 :

“Even though I walk
through the darkest valley …”

Some versions say, “yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death” …

Death is what one thinks of when we hear the word Cancer. It doesn’t matter our age, our situation in life, the type of cancer … we all know of someone who had cancer, who died, So, when we hear it as a diagnosis our minds rush to that scenario … contemplating what we will miss, who we will miss.

I am certain that for our entire family, who were still wandering in the shadow of our father’s death, for whom death still had a presence, a personality … his diagnosis caused fear to raise it’s ugly head.

What a season it has been for him, his partner, his kids, mom and all the rest of us who cheered him on from the sidelines. It has not been easy. As he said to me just yesterday, “it was a good cancer, because it is so treatable.” Yet, a good cancer makes me think of the impossibility of being kind-of pregnant … it’s still cancer. And this ride has been so rough and in this time of pandemic, it has been made even more challenging.

Yet, here he is … walking through this valley, taking in the poison that is his medicine, enduring agony to eliminate the pain. Utilizing every bit of strength to get through each day, while this valley takes everything out of him.

Congratulations, brother! You made it to the end of this leg of the valley. You’re not at the very end yet, and there will still be a bit more stumbling in the dark, but the light is shining in.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4

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