There is a book that I have wanted to read for years! I have still never read it. I have wanted to read it so badly that I have even purchased it (new and used) three times. Each time that I have purchased the book, someone has said they would love to read it too … so I ‘loan’ it to them … and it is gone, forever (I am obviously not a quick learner).
The book is “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
Not long into a marriage a female will realize that whatever her love language is, her hubby’s is different. I was aware of this reality w a y back in our marriage. We had only been married for eighty-five days (whose counting?) when I came to the conclusion that whatever said “I love you” to hubby was as far as Venus from Mars to what said “I love you” to this female.
It was our first Christmas Eve, and hubby decided around noon that he wanted to go to the mall to do (start) his Christmas shopping (I, of course had my gifts purchased, wrapped, and under the tree). I volunteered to come along to people-watch (is there a more entertaining time or place to people watch than Christmas Eve at a shopping mall? Lists in their hands, credit cards maxing out with each impulsive purchase, shopping bags overflowing, panic in their faces … and it is predominantly men who are shopping, so the line ups at the gift wrapping tables were miles long. But, I digress … ).
Off hubby scurried to do his annual deed, and I sat comfortably in the midst of bedlam and chaos, feeling peaceful and entertained by all that was going on around me :). Not long after (not long at all) hubby came along and had instructions for me, about how I was to get back in the car (a Chevrolet Chevette, or ‘the Vet’ at hubby was known to say). The final instruction was that, once seated, I had to look straight ahead or to the right.
It was less than an hour (tops) ’til the mall’s closing, and we were heading home. I spent the drive guessing what he had gotten me for Christmas. With every guess, he would reply, “you will never guess,” which only encouraged my guessing game to continue. Finally, as we were almost home (and the mall was closing) I said, “it really doesn’t matter what you got me for Christmas. As long as it is not down hill skis, I know that I will love whatever you got for me.” Wanna guess what hubby got for me for my first Christmas gift? Oh ya, downhill skis! And that Christmas was when I was certain that he and I said (and heard) ‘I love you’ differently.
The other day I thought I would take the test online to see what my love language is, and it was exactly as I had expected, but not the same as I bet it was way back on the fateful Christmas. Way back then, I didn’t really understand the concept of people thinking differently from me. I figured that if I grew up with certain traditions than everyone who was normal and healthy had those same traditions. My family were big into gift giving. Not just gift giving, but giving what we knew the other person wanted or needed. Hubby’s family are not gift givers, and really do not seem to need to receive them either.
I have learned that gift giving is not their, or hubby’s love language. As the years have passed I have tried to receive his love, his sacrifice of trying to speak my language, over my perception of his thoughtlessness. I do not even feel that gifts are my love language anymore, and the test results would indicate that too. Apparently I love affirming words and … TIME! I was pretty certain that time was my number one, because it is the one thing that I complain about not having enough of. I need time with hubby (I need also to know that he wants time with me). When that element is missing from my life … well just read Proverbs 25:24
(“It is better to live in a corner of the roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman”).
Knowing what says I love you, to the people who you live with can help so much in knowing how to give, and receive, love from them. It helps to create a better understanding of others intentions, and their hearts for you. Give it a try … at least with sharing the link (below) on the web, I no longer have to worry about not getting my book back 😉
itsawonderfilledlife 