itsawonderfilledlife

Reflection of one’s life can be prompted by many things … birthdays do it for me …

every.

year.

I had one this week, a birthday. There was cake, and a brought-in dinner, and family, and calls, and cards and messages. They were all fodder for reflection. So were my aching muscles from a week-long mini renovation to our kitchen and sunroom (painting, changing lighting, installing flooring, etc.) … thank goodness for pain relievers!

and I reflect …

It is fall here, on my springtime birthday. The autumn of my life. Autumn demands reflection.

So, as the daffodils brighten the planters outside my doors, I think about how short their lives are, yet how they bring beauty to this world.

What if this were my final earthly birthday?

The thought crosses my mind, pausing, sinking into my mind, my aching muscles. It lingers, like the scent of the cut daffodils in a vase, that I’d moved to another spot. Reminding me of their presence, even after they were gone from that room.

Will I leave a beautiful scent? Will I leave something good? Even after I am gone, no longer present in the room?

How a mind can wander, can go to unexpected places.

And so, I reflect. Looking back in my mind’s eye at the life I have lived, those whose lives have intersected my own.

I thought of the well wishes of friends on social media accounts. I am so blessed to have such a great and varied group of humans to call friends. Some going back to elementary school, others I met just a few months ago. Some with whom faith is shared. Some connections through our kids. Or my hubby. Or work. Or through this blog. Some who I connect with daily, others whom connection happens just this once or twice a year. To have such a great earthly cloud of witnesses is all privilege.

I thought of the events of my life. My marriage, births of children, moves to different communities, deaths, celebrations, jobs, churches, joys and sorrows … the blessings and apparent curses intermingled in a such a way that each one is dependent on the others. In the end, all are blessings, for all move us here, to now.

I thought of my walk with my God. How I can look back and see the through-line of of his grace, his persistent pursuit of my soul. I can see his fingerprints on my life … from earliest beginnings until today. I can also see my, often, lackadaisical pursuit of him and where that has often altered my direction in ways I regret.

I see how what was planted in the beginnings of my life has grown. The flowers that have bloomed, the challenges, when conditions were tough. But, I also see that through these years of life and living, no moment of my life has ever been without the presence and plan of God.

So, what if this was my last earthly birthday?

Well, there is only one response that comes to mind. The same as Paul, in Philippians 1:20-21 :

I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. 

It’s a win-win situation. Now, I am not peering through my closet, picking out coffin clothes. Just saying that as long as God is with me (and his word says that he will all the days of my life), whether I live or die, I win.

In Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Mr. Tumnus explains, “It is winter in Narnia, and has been for ever so long…. always winter, but never Christmas.” For me, these may be my autumn years of this earthly life, but there is always something blooming … it is always spring in my soul.

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