Posts Tagged ‘GOD’

Holy, Holy, Holy

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged #holyholyholy, #wonder, Church, GOD on June 26, 2014| Leave a Comment »

I wrote this on a Sunday, three years ago!

It has been many weeks of ‘church visiting’. Hubby has been away from his ministry position, on sabbatical, since mid-February. And, my easily bored, need for the adrenaline rush of anything ‘new’, undiagnosed ADD personality has thrived with all of this change and variety!

I have been to amazing churches that have made us feel welcomed, transported my mind to heaven, and taught about spiritual things … kind of sounds like how ‘Woodstock’ has always been described to me 😉 (there was not stripping at ANY of the churches I visited … just for the record, after my Woodstock comparison).

And today, like the rest, left me feeling well fed (ah, the story of my life). But, not just well-fed … if left me, us, feeling nurtured.

We originally chose the church we went to today, because our son has a friend who attends there, but, he and his family were not there today. We were greeted warmly by people we knew, and by people we did not. There was a line up to enter the church! (when does that happen?) The worship music was not spectacular, but it was good. The message was not spectacular, but it too was good. There was a ‘family feel’ in the place, but not a blood-relation-family-feel … (although, as Christians, it is a blood relation … from the events of Good Friday), so much as a we-chose-to-be-a-family-family-feel.

Maybe, for me, the morning was solidified as good, when we sang an old hymn from, well, forever-ago! I remember singing it EVERY Sunday as a prelude … my friends and I would mock it, because we were so familiar with it … singing it with our faces contorting as though we were singing opera. We HATED it! (I admit, I LOVE ‘classic’ hymns … not all though, some should be filed … permanently. And I love the new worship music … but if it is 10 years old … it is not longer ‘new’ for me)

But now, as an old church lady … (okay, so maybe I’m not quite a ‘lady’ yet), when I hear it, when I sing it … the tears flow as though it is my whole being … heart, mind, body and soul, singing to my creator what I was was created to sing … praises, and confessions, and, once again reminders that the God who reigns, always has been, and will forever be, praised by all that He has created. And that, is not dependent just on my will to sincerely praise Him, because I was created to praise Him, as all of His creation will praise Him.

I was good to go to the house of God, and to feel part of something bigger … just because I showed up … and He did the rest.

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Do You Love Me?

Posted in The Kids, WONDER, tagged Fear., GOD, Love, Searching, Trust, Wonder on June 19, 2014| 6 Comments »

There are stories in the Bible I love and have read, and studied over and over. One is the interaction between Simon Peter and Jesus.

“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time,“Do you love me?”

He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

John 21 15-19

For me Jesus question, “do you love me?” could equally be asked, “do you love me, MOST?”

There have been many times when I have been challenged to love Jesus more than anything, more than anyone, in my life. But, there was one night (a few years ago), when, I believe, the challenge came from God. And I believe I even heard His voice … maybe not with my ears, but certainly with my heart.

It was to be a great evening! I was taking my daughter and her friends to a concert, and I got to go to a movie, of MY choosing, all alone! Oh, the bliss! There would be no princess, no space creatures, no war story. No, I was going to go to a chick flick, eat far too much popcorn (with butter), and NOT have to take a single person to ‘pee’ just when the story was getting good.

I went to the theater, just down the street from the concert venue. I ate immense amounts of buttery popcorn. I laughed. I cried. And I sighed. I left feeling girlie-good! So I rolled into my van (feeling the effects of immense amounts of buttery popcorn), and steered away from the theater, towards the concert venue.

Hum, I wondered, should I go shopping? No, the stores were about to close. Maybe a coffee shop? No, there was no place in my body for any more ingesting. Maybe ‘hang out’ at the grocery store? Seriously, you know you are old and lead a boring life when you actually, seriously, consider spending your Friday night ‘hanging out’ at a grocery store. Can we say, LAME?! (And all of this self-questioning happened in mere moments).

As I approached the concert venue I was amazingly, inwardly compelled to drive into the venue parking lot, by ‘something’ that seemed to be communicating to me, ‘you need to be there’. And, so, I went.

Then I parked and thought, now what? I knew it would be over an hour until the concert would be over. Heck, I thought, the headlining group was probably just starting. Hum, thought my conniving mind, I bet I could just walk in to the concert, and enjoy the headlining group … for FREE (Scottish heritage … oh, ya, baby!). And once ‘free’ was part of this idea there would be no backing down.

So, I walked into the venue, the church, where the concert was happening. I was able to walk right up to where the concert was in full gear. The place was packed! I stood just inside the doorway, watching and listening. A modern hymn of praise was being sung, being shouted, to Hosanna in the highest.

I stood there, thanking God that people use their gifts from Him to honor the Giver of those gifts. And that God would use those people, those gifts to open up this generation’s eyes to the things unseen. It was a ‘solo in a crowd’ praise party for me.

Then the second song began. It was rockier, and the crowd in there were having a blast!

And then …

Something up front fell … ‘I hope it didn’t hit anyone (my daughter)’

The music stopped … ‘It must have hurt someone (my daughter?)’

Noises of chaos, and people moving, climbing, back over pews … ‘God, don’t let it be my daughter’

DO YOU LOVE ME … ?

‘Huh? Of course I love you. But where is my daughter?’

A fire alarm was sounding … ‘This isn’t good. Where is my daughter?’

People were exiting the building, from all exits … orderly, quietly … ‘What is going on? Where is my daughter?’

I started to move forward, into the sanctuary … it didn’t feel like sanctuary. I turned around, and walked out.

I noticed people, running down a stairway. I walked towards the stairs, and (so hesitantly) down the stairs, not knowing where they would lead me. I saw people rushing into a room, a hall. I saw people lying on the floor, and others attending to them. They were HURT! … ‘is my daughter in there?’

DO YOU LOVE ME … MORE?

‘What? You are asking that NOW? … Oh, what are you asking me? What are you asking of me? Please … please don’t take my daughter … But … yes … yes I do love you more …’

I started to move forward, into the room … there didn’t seem to be … room, for me. I turned around, and walked out.

I walked back up the stairs.

‘Please, please help me find my daughter. Wherever she is, please help me find her.’

YOUR CELL PHONE

(I do not remember that line from John’s gospel!) I pulled my cell phone from my bag, confused as to how it could lead me to my daughter. Then I remembered! My daughter had used my cell phone to call one of her friends who had not showed up, just before the others went into the church, for the concert. Maybe, that number would be on my phone, and, maybe if I called it, I could find my daughter.

I searched the recent calls … it was there! … ‘thank-you’

I dialed, and the call was answered by her friend … ‘thank-you’

Then, reality. What if the answers she had for me were not what I wanted? Could I hear that?

DO YOU LOVE ME … MOST?

Do I love you … most? Oh, but, you asked me that of my first child. And that child never took it’s first breath. But, you did hear my cry, and gave again. But, she is only 15, was she only ‘on loan’? Oh, right, they are all only on loan. They … she is your child before she is my daughter. YOU love HER most …

Yes, my Lord … I do love you … most … and, her life … I leave it in your hands …

I took a deep breath. There were three of the seven together just outside (I was still in the building, still just outside the sanctuary … so far from sanctuary). And, my daughter? No, she was not with them.

I rushed to those three, who I barely knew, and hugged them. And I felt the strength return to my wobbly legs, as I realized that, I could hold them, support them, and comfort them, as their moms would, if they were there.

Another girl arrived shortly after … hugs, tears, questions … answers? The floor … fell?

One of the girl’s sister had been there … where the floor … was.

And my daughter? The newest of the group saw her at the other side of the church … ‘thank-you, thank-you, thank-you’

I walked … right? I rushed, with the concerned sister, to where we were told my daughter was.

As we moved forward, with sounds of sirens, road closures, emergency personal absolutely everywhere, It felt surreal, like I was walking, living through, a dream. A very bad dream.

Then, right in front of me … ‘thank-you, thank-you, thank-you’

And I held my daughter … with an understanding of thanksgiving that I had not felt, since the day she was born.

‘thank-you’

Another girl was with her … hugs, tears, questions …

Soon after with found the missing sister.

I drove them all home.

Reunions … hugs, tears, questions …

But, that night, the questions for me were …

DO YOU LOVE ME?

DO YOU LOVE ME … MORE?

DO YOU LOVE ME … MOST?

And my ultimate answer?

Yes, I love you … the most, and I will follow you, to the corners of the earth.

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The Husband of Mary

Posted in christmas, WONDER, tagged angel in a dream, christmas, GOD, Jesus, Joseph, Joseph husband to Mary, Mary, Matthew 1, sarcrifice on December 19, 2013| 3 Comments »

I cannot imagine the insecurities of Joseph, the husband of Mary (Matthew 1:16). The man was not only the earthly father-figure of the Messiah, but he was also married to the Virgin Mary, who was chosen by God, to be the vessel through which God would come to Earth! That, is alot to live with under one roof!

Really, I do wonder about Joseph. I wonder what kind of a man he was. I wonder what he thought about his virgin fiance being with child. I wonder if he felt like he was father to Jesus. I wonder if he felt his role was understated. I wonder if he felt it difficult to correct Jesus, as a child (or did he need correction?). I wonder if he felt used, unjustly treated, minimalised.

The Bible really says little of Joseph, but I do not think that his role is minimal, after all he was chosen, by God, to be the husband of Mary, the mother of Jesus as well as to do all that an earthly father does for his child. Joseph married his fiance (knowing that the child she was carrying was NOT his), worked to earn an income, helped to raise Jesus, and moved around whenever he had a dream telling him to.

Matthew 1:18-19 gives the main account of Joseph’s part in the birth of Jesus:

^“This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly …”

Being engaged to a pregnant woman during those biblical times was not a politically correct position to be in. He could have had her stoned (adultery), he could have left her publically, but he didn’t want her to ‘disgrace’ her (most of that time would think that it was she who disgraced him), so he planned to divorce her quietly.

Matthew 1:20

“But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit “…”

Joseph is one of the small, elite group of people of the Bible who have been given a message through an angel of the Lord. He did not ask for it, he had already made the honorable decision about what to do with his Mary, before any angel entered his dream world. He is also of the line of David, a royal line that was part of the big picture plan of God.

Matthew 1:21-23

^“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”) …”

Joseph did not even get to choose the name of the child that his betrothed was to give birth too. Even that was not in his power or choosing … but, he did it!

Matthew 1:24

^“When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife …”

He married her! He did not divorce her quietly, but he took her to his home. This would increase suspicion that the child that Mary was carrying was his … he put himself in a position of public ridicule.

Matthew 1:25

“But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.”

Hum, how do I expand on this point … ? So, Joseph … a young man … pregnancy takes nine months … Joseph takes her home as his wife around three-four months … so they would be married, without consummating their vows for about four months before the baby was born, and then another two weeks after the birth (before her ritual bath). So, married? Yes. Joseph experiencing marital physical closeness? No. Enough said!

Joseph was a man, chosen by God, because God knew that Joseph was an honorable man, who (obviously) sought to ensure the validity of God’s plan. And really, I doubt he was full of insecurities … I expect that he understood what it was to fully seek God’s will for his life.

What an amazing man he was!

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Nighty Night

Posted in WONDER, tagged blessings, GOD, night time prayers, nighty night, pressure, Stress on November 15, 2013| Leave a Comment »

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It may seem a rather odd thing to awaken to a message titled, “Nighty Night” … and yet, here it is.

I am not a lover of form prayers (although I do love the Lord’s Prayer), but when I saw the one, below, I felt as though I heard the heart of the one who wrote it … no, I felt the soothing words being whispered into my heart, like a child being lovingly tucked into their bed at night by one who represents love and security.

Sometimes, when the day is long, when the pressures are mounting, when the ‘to do’ list for tomorrow is longer than the hours in the day, when relationships are not right, and money is tight and your car’s in the shop, and your head won’t stop spinning sleep may seem elusive and rest a waste of pressure hours.

But today … tonight, at the end of this week of

work and schedules
blessings and disappointments
dirty toilets and cleaned out refrigerators
taxiing kids and sitting through boring lectures
paying the bills and not being able to pay them

whatever you have been dealing with this week …

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Don’t let the weariness steal from you a night time blessing of assurance that you are not alone.

Nighty night!

Carole

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Beyond What You Can Bear

Posted in WONDER, tagged 1 corinthians 1:8-9, beyond what you can bear, confronting the lie:, courageous, from one degree to another, GOD, god whon't give you more than you can handle, nate pyle, platitudes, restoration, Suffering on October 14, 2013| 6 Comments »

Suffering stinks!

It does not matter how wise and religious we are, suffering is … suffering, and it can be accompanied by pain, fear, despair, and even hopelessness.

When I read the following blog post title, by Nate Pyle, called Confronting The Lie: God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle, I was intrigued. So, I read, and my curiosity turned to nodding in agreement, and even an ah-ha moment or two.

Nate says he has “taken on writing because it forces me to be authentic and vulnerable.” This post is that, and raw, and transparent.

As you prepare to read, realize this is not fluff, not feel-good … it is real, authentic, in the moment reflections on suffering.

Check out Nate’s post (below) and check out who he is at www.natepyle.com.

Confronting the lie: God won’t give you more than you can handle

March 11, 2013

“The past three weeks have been the most difficult I have ever gone through. These three weeks have been filled with illness, the terrible-three’s (the terrible-two’s are an out-and-out lie), a friend suffering the consequence of sin, a ministry I am a part of reeling in confusion and pain, having to cancel a trip to celebrate my parents 60th birthdays, and our family experiencing the emotional roller-coaster of finding out we were pregnant only to be told the pregnancy was ectopic and could be life-threatening to my wife if it was not ended.

Needless to say, I have had enough.

I know I am not alone. As trying as the last three weeks have been for me, I know some people who have dealt with far more for far longer. But that doesn’t change the fact that this has been painful for me and my wife. In the face of all this, I can honestly say I feel no pressure to be the “pastor” and have the answer for this. Honestly, even as a pastor, I have no answer for this. My questions before God about the reality of what my family has experienced over the last three weeks are the exact same questions anyone would ask.

Why?
Why not step in?
Why not act?
Why wouldn’t you make it right?
Why couldn’t you part the clouds and provide a moment for us to catch our breath?
Why everything at once?
Why?

Not only am I okay asking those questions, but I think there is something holy and sacred in being courageous enough to ask them. Don’t be fooled, those questions are only to be asked by the courageous. It is easy to spout trite Christian platitudes designed to make people feel better with bumper-sticker theology. But insipid axioms do little in the face of the actual brokenness of the world. It is more courageous to ask the hard questions of God and wait for him to answer than it is to find hope on the side of coffee mug. Asking those questions requires courage because, in the end, it is very likely they will not be answered.

Ultimately, it isn’t about the questions. Behind the questions is a deep current of emotion threatening to overtake us. But too often, when the fracture in the universe threatens to swallow us up in pain we fail to get fully present to our emotions. In those moments I think we do one of two things. Either we ask the questions but never investigate what emotion is driving those questions, or we resort to some banal Christian slogan to try and make us feel better.

This experience forced me to look at one such statement that gets spouted often when people go through a lot: God won’t give you more than you can handle. If I may be so bold, let’s just call that what it is:

Bullshit.

Tell that to a survivor of Auschwitz.
Tell it to the man who lost his wife and child in a car accident.
Tell it to the girl whose innocence was robbed from her.
Tell it to the person crushed under the weight of depression and anxiety.
Tell it to the kids who just learned their parent has a terminal illness.

Limp, anemic sentiments will not stand in the face of a world that is not as it should be.

Now that I have said how I feel, let me back up this argument with some actual Biblical evidence. This particular statement, that “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” isn’t even in the Bible. There is a statement that sounds like it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” But notice that verse is about temptation. That’s it. You won’t be tempted beyond what you can stand up against. This text is not saying that you will not experience more than you can bear. That idea just isn’t Biblical. If anything the exact opposite is true. Look at this text.

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers and sisters, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead (2 Cor 1:8,9, emphasis mine).

Later, Paul will write it is when he is weak that the strength of Christ is seen. In other words, when we can’t do it any longer. When we are fed up. When it has become too much. When we have nothing left. When we are empty. When it is beyond our capability to deal with it. Then, in that moment, the strength of the God of resurrection will be seen. Until we get to that point, we rely on ourselves thinking we can handle it and take care of the problem.

Don’t hear me saying I am rejoicing because of the last couple of weeks. I am not. Not once have I danced around our house shouting, “Yeah suffering!” Instead, in the midst of pain and hurt, I am actively expecting God to do something. I don’t know what. I don’t know when. But I am expecting the God of resurrection to heal us. I am expecting God to restore us. I am expecting him to redeem this situation. I am expecting him to do this and so I will be actively looking and waiting for him to do something. I believe expectant waiting can only happen when we exchange our feeble platitudes for an authentic faith that engages God with the full brunt of our emotion and pain. Only then can salvation been seen.

But that exchange takes courage.”

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The Best of September 23-27

Posted in WONDER, tagged ecclesiastes 3, environment, GOD, i love you, Provision, september 23-27, the best of the week, Writing on September 28, 2013| Leave a Comment »

And we have entered the fall season!

I am not sure what the weather has been like where you live, but it has made an obvious change in the Pacific Northwest. I see cocooning in this weekend for me, as the forecast is rain, rain and more rain!

Perhaps yours is the same, and you too are planning on snuggling up with a warm drink, and a book … or a blog! Well, have I got a blog for you!

The best, most viewed post of this week was not written by myself, but was written by my daughter, for a Bible class. When I read it, I asked if I could share it, and she gave her permission. I know that I am totally unbiased, as her mom, but her post, A Time to be Born and a Time to Die, is fabulous!

The other posts for the week were:

Words on a Screen

Save the Environment

Something From Nothing

Ways He Says I Love You

Blessings to you this day,
Carole

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Ways He Says “I love you”

Posted in WONDER, tagged Creator, GOD, psalm 19, when he says I love you on September 27, 2013| 2 Comments »

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Are there any three words more delightful to hear than “I love you,” from someone who makes your heart skip a beat?

The best thing is when your ‘love’ knows you so well that he says it in ways that are definitely just for you. It is as though he is speaking your own unique language.

I had that happen earlier this week.

It was a typical Tuesday morning. I awoke at 6am, showered, dressed, and sprinted to the morning coffee. I grabbed a form of sustenance, climbed to my desk, and plunked away at the laptop for an hour. I then finished getting ready, kissed my love, and headed out the door.

I backed down our drive, feeling the ‘I love you’ in the fresh morning air filling my vehicle with the reminder of the gift in every new day.

Then, as I moved the vehicle from R to D, I looked up and faced the ‘I love you’ in the beauty of the sky … fog, moving to make way for peeking blue skies, telling me of the beautiful day to come.

I was awakened to His ‘I love you’s’, and began to anticipate what might be around the next corner …

… and as I turned that corner, the field, that I pass every day, was filled with fog, lightly laying within the confines of the fence that stretched around it, like roses confined to the safety of a vase … ‘I love you.’

I felt as though each corner would be another surprise, another expression of ‘I love you’ from my Creator … and He did not disappoint! More lifting fog, more revelations of hope of what was to come that day.

I smiled as I turned at that busy morning corner, whispering, ‘thank-you’ as I was sure that He had completed His ‘I love you’ message to me.

But, as I faced the tall trees framing the hill under it’s feet, the sky was shouting ‘I love you’ with that most constant symbol of love and hope … the prism of the skies …

… ‘I love you … with an everlasting love.’

“God’s glory is on tour in the skies,
God-craft on exhibit across the horizon.
Madame Day holds classes every morning,
Professor Night lectures each evening.

Their words aren’t heard,
their voices aren’t recorded,
But their silence fills the earth:
unspoken truth is spoken everywhere.

God makes a huge dome
    for the sun—a superdome!
The morning sun’s a new husband
    leaping from his honeymoon bed,
The daybreaking sun an athlete
    racing to the tape.

That’s how God’s Word vaults across the skies
from sunrise to sunset,
Melting ice, scorching deserts,
warming hearts to faith.”

Psalm 19:1-6

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A Time to be Born and a Time to Die

Posted in WONDER, tagged a time to be born, and a time to die, Daughter, ecclesiastes 3, GOD, Grace, guest post on September 24, 2013| 2 Comments »

Ecclesiastes3_1-2

The beautiful poetry of the contrasts in Ecclesiastes 3 is almost like a lullaby, gentle and predictable. Beautiful, though it may be, this portion of scripture is also a reminder of the ‘ying and yang’ of life, of blessings and curses, of beginnings and endings.

The first comparison, “a time to be born, and a time to die …” is the most basic beginning and ending, and it is here that I want to spend some time.

After months of begging, those who were born to me have finally started to hand me their ‘guest post thoughts’ for me to share.

Today, my middle daughter,

the people-loving,
driver-learning,
last-minute planning,
gentle-hearted feeling,
I’ll-try-anything-once,
favorite red-head daughter is sharing her thoughts … on being born, and dying. I think she has brilliantly reflected on this reminder of the cycle and circle of life … of course, I am her mom 😉 .

Reflections on Ecclesiastes 3:2a

“A time to be born and a time to die.

For us as humans, we all have a time when we are birthed into the life God gave us, and then another time where we all will die. This is the same for each and every person on earth, every living thing God created.

Ever.

So, we aren’t the only ones who have to go through this circle of life. We aren’t the only ones who are gonna go through life, saying hello and goodbye to others. We will all feel the brute of death, and we will all feel the joy of life- and those are what make our lives so meaningful and important.

To think that God made each and every person you come across, that he’s made people you will never meet ever in your lifetime, that he’s planned out who is going to come into your life- it is that fact that should truly shock you, and leave you awestruck.

God has created so much for his children. So much for such little praise. He always provided, even in the smallest of ways. And we still never notice how unending his love is for us!

God’s love is truly unfathomable, and most of the time, we don’t give him a second look.

God made the sun, moon and stars. He created this place, earth, that we call home. He created US.

He birthed the sun into it’s seemingly infinite existence, and yet it will cease to be when he comes to bring his children to heaven. Isn’t is ironic how he also gave his one and only son life, just so the son could die in order to give us a continuance of life in heaven? All stories have a beginning, and all stories, no matter how many sequels, prequels, and series there are.

Your story is the only exception. His grace has given you an infinite epilogue.”

“Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.”
Ecclesiastes 3:15

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Change is in the Air

Posted in WONDER, tagged Change, change is in the air, final chapter, GOD, indispensible, job change, steve maraboli, Students on June 20, 2013| Leave a Comment »

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The final chapel for the school year reminded me that it was my final chapel at high school.

In September I will enter the doors of the Middle campus, rather than the high school campus. I will be working in grade 8, helping students prepare to enter high school, rather than helping them prepare to leave high school. I will be looking at students in-the-eye, rather than looking up to them … well, at least in September … by January, I will be looking up at them!

That final chapel seemed so … final. Each face on the screen (it was an awards chapel) reminded me that these students would not be in and out of my every day next school year. Each student in the row I sat … the homeroom of students who I have delighted in … reminded me of the great efforts (and vast amounts of candy) it took to get to know each … in those rare homeroom blocks, in the halls, in the classrooms, to earn their trust. Each memory of this past year refreshed as though I could almost reach out and touch them, as they had touched me.

I was feeling rather melancholy.

Had I made the right decision?

Had I thought this through?

Had I opted to give up too much?

Was I running away?

What would my students do without me?

And it was that last question to myself that was the head shake, the face palm that I needed.

I am SO not indispensable, SO not the only one able to meet the needs in the lives of the students.

I am the hands and feet of learning, of processing, of developing, of advancing and … of God. I am His instrument, His tool, and I work best with students when I acknowledge that I am in His control, and that I am fulfilling His plans … not my own.

I know with certainty that God loves these students, whether ones I work within on my schedule, ones I’ve gotten to know about in my home room, or just ones who I said hi to in the halls. And He loves them more than I do. His good will for them is not dependent on me sticking with them throughout their school years, it is dependent only on Him, and His plan for their life, for their days.

I was also reminded that He has a plan for me too. And that His plan is not dependent on what decisions I make, His plan is only dependent on His will … and I can rest in the assurance that He has the final word on my future.

“Change is in the air.
This change reminds us that we are made and beautifully sculpted
by the same power that orchestrates the change of season.
Let this be the season you embrace and align yourself with this change.”
Steve Maraboli

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Secret Shame

Posted in WONDER, tagged blessings, excess, gifts, GOD, hand of god, Home, house, James 1:17, secret shame, Shadows on June 12, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I have a secret shame … but, I guess it will soon no longer be secret …

It all started about eight and a half years ago, when we had company over for dinner in our new house. We had experienced quite an exciting process in the purchasing of this current house, and selling of our previous place (in the order … sigh), and we truly felt that God had provided this little piece of heaven on earth for us.

From the moment that the couple arrived, until they left hours later, the wife of the couple was constantly making comments about how big the house is, how excessive the house is, how extravagant the house is. By the time they left, later that evening, my joy of our new home had been popped like a helium balloon.

big

excessive

extravagant

For the thrift shopping, Scottish heritage bearing, tightwad in me those descriptors of our home were enough to make me feel shamed.

As I look back now, my desire to move, to downsize, started with that evening. I could not bear to imagine people thinking that I, that we, wanted to live in excess.

This story came to mind the other day when I was planning a party at our home, and I pulled one of the people invited aside and asked him to please not judge me on our over-sized house. Each word I communicated to him, I did so with the similarity of a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs after being caught ripping up the baseboards (not that that has ever happened with our beast). What I was really communicating to him was not humility, but shame.

But now, as hubby and I are looking at ending this season in this house I am remembering that, although I have referred to it as an albatross, although I have referred to it as the original Money Pit, although I have referred to this house as owning us (and let me tell you, it does), I am remembering how, originally, we looked at it as a blessing, from the hand of God …

It is what we have done with that gift … allowing it to own us, allowing it to dictate how we spend our time … our money, allowing the words of one person to cast a shifting shadow on the gift that God delighted in presenting to us.

May we learn from this secret shame … may we overlook the shadow to see the light of God in the blessings … all of the blessings … that He has given.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17

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