It’s been a day. A day when I felt like a speck of dust. A day when I wish I was a speck of dust.
The weight of this day has been heavy, but it is not just the weight of this day. It is the accumulation of many weighty days. Days when the weight of the world (self-imposed and otherwise) is great. Days when the needs of others are well beyond my own ability to meet them. Days when my own needs are laying on a shelf gathering dust. Days when the sun hides behind the dark clouds. Days when the past looks beautiful, days when the past looks gray, and days when the future looks … foggy … cloudy … dusty. Days when my cup is empty and my burden is heavy. It’s been a day.
Focusing on the good, the beautiful, the light did not lessen the weight on my shoulders and on my soul. Foot tapping, smile-inducing music did not remove the heaviness. Even filling the bathtub with warm tears did not move the scales in a downward direction. The heaviness was here, and it was digging in it’s feet.
I yearned for a long exhausting, reviving hike with my Beast, on our favorite trail, with the sun shining down on our faces. I yearned for a wordless embrace. I yearned for someone to whisper, “it’s alright.” I yearned for that childhood game of blowing dandelion seeds into the air. When you would close your eyes, and make a wish, and blow all of the air within you, to ensure that your wish would come true.
That is the kind of day it has been.
I wonder, if I were a speck of dust, if I were a speck of dandelion dust, would I fear the unknown? Would I wonder where the air was going to move me next? Would I feel the weight of the world upon my soft shoulders? Or, would I just lay back and move with the current beneath me, trusting that it’s warm embrace would take me to a new and exciting future?
Few answers today, mostly questions.
itsawonderfilledlife 