January | 2012 | itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for January, 2012

Some Creatures Eat Their Young

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Children, Love, Love for your kids, Parent Frustration, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Some Creatures Eat Their young, Spiders on January 31, 2012| 4 Comments »

Filial cannibalism is the act of eating ones own offspring. Creatures from birds to fish to spiders (they should eat more of their young) all practice this horrendous act.

It is disgusting! It is unbelievable! It is … pondered once in a while when you have children.

Now, obviously I am joking, but lets face it, there are days when we wonder (momentarily) why we asked for that back rub many years ago. There are days when we, as parents, feel pushed to the edge of the cliff, and the jump starts looking mighty appealing!

But then we are, ever so quickly, reminded of what our heart really feels about these offspring of ours. We would do anything for them, we would even die to save their lives.

We parents live in such a place of contradictions. We love them, we want to eat them.

Whenever one of our kids is pushing our buttons (or maybe all of them … at once!), our eldest, in her most mocking of mocking tones, likes to remind us the “sex has consequences.” Her point being that if we had not had sex, they would not be here here to drive us nuts. What her real point is, though, is that them driving us nuts is our own fault. Sigh, sometimes I regret encouraging our kids to think critically!

The thing is we do love our kids. We did want them and we forgive them faster than we could ever forgive any other. They are ours, a part of us, and no matter how often we hear the words, “some creatures eat their young” in our heads, we would die for them in an instant. And this IS the miracle of love.

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Cat or Dog?

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Cat or Dog?, Cats, Dogs, Faithful, Forgiving, Greeting, Resentful on January 30, 2012| 2 Comments »

Comparisons between cats and dogs are often extremely hilarious … and accurate. Cats have been largely viewed as intelligent and stand-offish whereas dogs have been viewed as dumb and faithful.

In the past we have had cats who, when we had been away for a number of days, would greet us (if you can call stretching on the sofa a greeting) with a sneer, followed by an arrogant walk to the litter box. Then, they do not acknowledge us for days.

We have only had one dog, but, when we return home to her, after a number of days (or weeks), she comes running to us, is excited enough to leap from her own skin, and does not leave our side for days.

The cat acts resentful for not being tended to, and upon our return, would only communicate bitterness and resentment.

The dog forgets what is past, and is so thankful to have her people back in the den.

I have learned that I (gulp) am a cat.

When I have been hurt, or am feeling untended to, or ignored I often respond like a cat would. I avoid the ‘offender’, or stick my tail up in the air and walk away, when they approach. I, like a cat, try to make them feel the way I have felt.

I wish I could be like my dog, who can forgive AND forget.

I think that maybe the dog, who we see as dumb, isn’t so dumb after all. Maybe the dog knows we will fail, so it is not a shock when we do. Or maybe the dog understands unconditional love. Or maybe, just maybe, the dog sees us as more valuable than they see themselves, and so they are able to love with a consistency that says more about how committed they are to us, than how deserving (or not) we are to receive their love.

Just sayin’.

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Unfading – Part 4

Posted in Unfading, WONDER, tagged Aging, Alzheimers, Amara, Dymensia, Fear., Fiction, Forgetfulness, Loneliness, Story on January 27, 2012| 3 Comments »

This is another post in a series, about a woman named Amara. Every Friday I will post another segment in this story.

Amara followed Joy through the doors, and to the elevator of the professional building at rapid speed. She had now begun to experience that familiar feeling of her knee swelling and throbbing.

Once in the office of Dr. Faw, and once Joy had informed the Vulture-lady receptionist of her mother’s arrival, they were quickly ushered into a sterile examining room. Before they were able to be seated, Dr. Faw walked in.

The next memory that Amara had was that of sitting in her living room, her foot up on a stool, with an ice pack on her knee. It felt as though she was just startled awake from a solid sleep, and did not know what day it was, or where she was, or anything leading up to this very moment.

Amara looked around the room, all looked as it always did. She saw the setting sun outside her large bay window, noting that it was mid evening. She looked down at her knee, saw the dirt on her pants, started to feel it’s throb, and the cold of the ice on it. Now how did that happen without my knowing it? She wondered, worriedly.

Surely I should be able to remember what caused this pain in my knee, or at least my getting the ice on it. Now, what day is it? I do not even remember that! What was I doing before this moment? What did I do all day? About my knee, how did this happen? Where did it happen?

With every question Amara pondered, only more questions surfaced, with not an answer or clue in sight. Anxiety was setting in, not due to her knee, but due to her not remembering.

She decided to call Joy to see how her day was, and maybe she would give Amara a clue as to what she had been doing all day.

As the kids did their homework, and Joe was gone on yet another business trip, Joy poured herself a steaming hot cup of tea.

This was not a mug, but a china cup, complete with saucer. She had received this beautiful pair when she was just five years old, the same age as her Jessica. Her grandmother, Ellie, gave it to her for Christmas, the last Christmas before Gramma Ellie died. They said she died of a heart attack, but those who knew and loved her, knew that she died of a broken heart on Valentines Day of the following year.

Her husband, Joy’s lovable Gampa Carl, had died just months before of a major stroke, and Gramma Ellie was so very lonely, so very lost without him.

Oh how wonderful were the memories Joy had of her Gampa and Gramma. She had spent weekends with them in their immaculate old Victorian home. Baking cookies with Gramma or finding treasures in Gampa’s vegetable garden. He could grow anything! And, if he plucked it from his garden, Joy would eat it. Gramma made the best blueberry and raspberry pies. There was something magical about the crusts of them, that no other person’s pie crust could duplicate. Joy would spend weeks with them traveling the countryside down the east cost, from their home in New Brunswick, all the way to Orlando, Florida, where Joy was able to meet all of the Disney princesses that had captured her imagination. That was her best, and last trip with them. Just a week after their return, Gampa had the stroke, and died immediately.

Joy’s memories of this special pair filled her heart like no other childhood memories. Really they were the only special memories of childhood that Joy could remember. Her memories from her own home, with her mother, father and brother, well she just did not seem to remember much. But, those days were filled with the memories of her brother being ill, and her mother caring for him, and her father working a second job to pay for all of the medical costs racked up by her brother’s treatment.

Joy was startled out of her childhood memories by the ringing of her phone.

Unfading – Part 5

Unfading – Part 1

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He Who Began a Good Work in You

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Bible, Christianiy, Co-workers, Devotions, GOD, God speaks, He Who Began a Good Work, Hope, Philippians, Philippians 1, Students, Work on January 26, 2012| 3 Comments »

As I was leaving for work one day last week, over and over and over in my mind I heard, “I thank my God every time I think of you.” It had been a day when, as a team of special education and learning assistants, we were one unit, working together, and loving each other. It felt good!

Then I awoke this Monday, and was preparing for work when I remembered that it was team devotions and meeting day, and that I was on for the devotions part … fear cursed through my body! Devotions are not an area of comfort for me, and my first instinct was to call in sick! Then I remembered that day last week, and those words were again remembered, “I thank my God every time I think of you.” I had it! My blood pressure began leveling out to a normal range.

I opened my Bible app. and searched for Philippians 1, the passage I would use:

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:3-11

I used the emboldened part when doing devotions with my class later that morning. To be free to remind them that the one who gave them life does not give up on them, but that he has a plan that is not completed until the day of Christ, is to share a great hope.

And then today another teacher used the same passage for her class devotions …

I began thinking that maybe the message that I have been feeling and sharing, for others, might just be something that God wants me to hear too.

It has been a sucky, emotional, hormonal, week. I am tired and feeling worn down and discouraged on so many levels. And then today, I heard the words echoed back to me: “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.” What a message to rest my head pondering!

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What Makes a Love Story?

Posted in life, Love, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Commitment, Disney, Disney Pixar, Love, Love Story, Marriage, Stephanie Mayer, Twilight, Up, What Makes a Love Story? on January 25, 2012| 2 Comments »

I saw the quote to the left the other day, and pondered it’s words and message.

I have read all of the “Twilight” series (minus the last … one day I will get it read too) and really enjoyed the story it told. I also think that Stephanie Mayer is a brilliant and captivating story writer. But, would I call the Twilight books a love story? No.

And then I re-watched a video clip from the Disney-Pixar hit, “Up” …

It was in the short second half of the eight minute clip that starts the movie, that a love story is told in a most sensitive, genuine and real way. It is in the story telling of the life story of Carl and Ellie that a love story is constructed.

It is the story of a couple who were not perfect, who were not popular, who were not wealthy, who were not successful in all that they pursued, who did not achieve all that they had set out and dreamed of doing.

But, it was also the story of a couple who worked together, who dreamed together, who experienced joys and sorrows together, who were committed to each other … together. And it is that, their mutual commitment and doing together that enabled them to live the love story.

That is my idea of a love story. And I don’t believe that you need to be animated to live it!

Check it out …

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Filling out Forms

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Allergies, Answering Questions, Bed Wetting, Filling in Blanks, Filling out Forms, humor, Mischevous on January 23, 2012| 2 Comments »

As I was preparing to leave for work the other day, I grabbed the papers in my mailbox, shoved them into my bag, and headed out the door. When I got home and dumped my belongings onto my bed I noticed there was a form there, a staff intention form for the next school year.

The staff intention form is just that, a form that allows my employer know what I hope to do next year; whether I plan to return to work at the school, whether I desire to switch campus (from High to Middle or Elementary), whether I desire a different job assignment or stay with the student(s), and if I have any questions. Now there is no magic fairy that waves it’s magic wand and can ensure that my wish is their command, but it does allow us, as staff, to wish upon a star.

But, I digress …

Because what I really wanted to write about today is my evil side … when it comes to filling out forms. There is nothing so amazingly exciting to me as a form, with all those boxes to check, and dates to fill in, and questions to answer. Believe me, it has nothing to do with a love of paperwork, but more the possible ways I might (not so accurately) fill in the blanks.

This is not a love that my children share with me, but that is understandable, since it is usually for them that I am filling out forms … although I have noticed that they are taking their forms to the dad more often. I should explain …

When my kids need a form filled out, often there is a question like:

Is your child allergic to anything?

And I respond … air

Or, for camp:

Are there any dietary restrictions for your child?

And I respond … foods made with animals, grains, and produce give her extreme case of flatulence (she gets it from her father’s side).

Does your child have a bed wetting problem?

And I respond … yes … hum, that might explain last summer when my daughter said she was the only one with a plastic mattress at camp …

Maybe I should have responded … only if she is sleeping in a bed?

Or, for immunization forms:

Please list the last Tetanus shot date

And I respond … who is tetanus and why is he shooting? or, you did it last time, why can’t you remember?

For some unknown reason, this sort of thing just makes my day! I love the thought of being cheeky or mischevous, and I especially love the thought of someone reading the form and getting a laugh, or smile from my insane nature.

Now to fill out my form …

What are your intentions for the next school year?

This is gonna be fun!

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Unfading – Part 3

Posted in Unfading, WONDER, tagged Aging, Alzheimers, Amara, Dymensia, Fear., Fiction, Forgetfulness, Loneliness, Story on January 20, 2012| 4 Comments »

This is another post in a series, about a woman named Amara. Every Friday I will post another segment in this story.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting for her memory to tell her why she drove to this parking lot, Amara thought to herself, ‘maybe I should just go back home, since I cannot remember why I am here.’

She placed her right hand on her key, preparing to turn it to start the car’s motor, as she glanced around the parking lot one last time for an indicator of why she was there. “Is that … ?” Amara whispered as she looked at a woman coming through the front doors of the building in front of her.

The woman was perfectly coordinated from her clothes to her bag, to her jewelery, to her shoes to her make-up. It would be difficult for anyone to not notice this perfect looking woman. Although she looked perfectly put together, with the greatest of care, she did not look approachable, nor did she look happy. “Why it is! That is Joy.” Amara was excited, relieved to see her youngest child, her daughter.

With great excitement, Amara grabbed the handle of her door, swung it open, yelling “Joy”, as she almost levitated out of her automobile.

Joy heard her mother’s voice, and focused her eyes in search of her. As the two locked eyes on each other the stresses that they had each been experiencing that day disappeared. There was a relief, and even a oneness as they looked at the one that each of them needed most. This moment of oneness was rare for these two, so genetically close. As early as when Amara discovered her unplanned pregnancy, from which Joy emerged, there was tension between the two. From that was a colicy first year, a defiant childhood, and teen years of feeling disappointment in each other.

The two were a pair of contradictions. Amara the ‘get your hands dirty’ mother, and Joy the ‘I don’t like to get my hands dirty’ daughter. Amara, whose life was one surprise after another, and Joy, whose life appeared to have turned out just as she had planned.

“Oh there she is, finally! What is she wearing?” Joy muttered to herself, just under her breath.

“Mother, you finally made it!” She yelled back, while standing on the steps of the professional building.

Amara headed straight for Joy, not taking her eyes off of her adult child.

“Mother, you will need to shut your car door.” Joy shouted to Amara, while positioning one hand on her hip, still not moving a foot towards her mother.

Throwing her hands up in the air, Amara sighed and smiled self mockingly, as she jogged back to close the driver side door of her archaic Olds.

As she quickly swung the door shut, she had not moved her body out of the way in time, and slammed the door hard against the inside of her right knee. “Damn it!” she yelled, as she bent over wincing and reaching for her throbbing knee.

“Mother, come quickly, we are late for the appointment,” Joy yelled, not having seen the injury that had just occurred.

“I’m coming dear,” Amara responded through clenched teeth, as she straightened and hobbled to the steps where Joy was still standing, with one hand still on her hip.

“For goodness sakes, I just have to be the most clumsy person on the face of the earth,” Amara was muttering under her breath, as she reached the place where Joy stood. The look of relief gone from her daughter’s face was replaced with a more familiar look, one of disdain, one of disappointment. Amara’s heart sank. After a lifetime of looking into her daughter’s eyes and seeing that same look of disdain looking back at her still hurt her like nothing else on this earth. For Amara, the pain in her knee was healed by the daggers she was thrown by her first born. No bandage, no salve could heal that hurt.

Unfading – Part 4

Unfading – Part 1

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Life Flashing Before My Eyes

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Accident, Car Accident, Important Memories, Life Flashing before my Eyes, Memories, Remember, Trauma, Traumatic Events on January 19, 2012| 8 Comments »

I had an auto accident this past week, and am here to report that, although they say that when you are in the midst of a traumatic experience you can have your life flash before your eyes …there were no life flashing through my mind. I will say, though, that almost all of the details leading up to the collision that day are crystal clear.

So, I was driving down the road to pick up our daughter from work, then son and daughter from basketball. The road I was on was slick. Thankfully hubby had forewarned me of the condition of that road, and I was driving under the speed limit.

I noticed a vehicle up ahead, so I tried my brakes, but as I pushed my foot onto the brake, my wheels locked. I tried moving into the oncoming lane, hoping to get some traction … it didn’t work. I tried tapping my gas pedal, hoping the wheels would unlock … it didn’t work. I tried steering in the snow on the side of the road to unlock my wheels … it didn’t work.

I was now fully aware that I was not in control of my vehicle. I realized the vehicle ahead of me was an ambulance (a big sturdy, well-built ambulance), and that it was not moving. It was stopped, on the road, at the top of a gully. I continued to try to stop my vehicle, all the while saying out loud, “please move, please move, please move” … they didn’t hear me.

Now I knew that I was going to collide with the much bigger ambulance than my minivan.

I thought to myself, the airbag is going to open, so I need to keep my hands back from the center of the steering wheel. Then I thought, an ambulance is big, I need to move my feet off the pedals, so that if the impact is great, my feet will not be crushed. Then I thought, if I am fearful I will be tense and might get hurt more, so I started to breath slowly and deeply.

Isn’t it amazing how very much can go through your head in such a short period of time? It is as though the minute or two (probably not that long) I lived through were frozen in time and have been etched in my mind, indelibly.

The following hour or two after the impact has much less clarity for me. I know that all of the emergency attendees were amazing. I know I called my hubby, as I would not be able to pick up our kids. I know I kept warm in the ambulance and I gave and took information. I know my hubby picked me up. I know my kids were concerned for me (an unsolicited hug from any teenager speaks volumes).

The hour or two, after impact, have become foggier, less clear in my mind, in the hours and days since the accident. Somehow, my brain has filtered out what it has decided is not as important.

I do wonder, when my life is ending and my days are flashing before me, what will my brain deem were the most important moments in my life? Will these memories be ones that I would pick and choose, or would they be ones that my subconscious reveals as the moments that had the deepest penetration into my psyche?

I wish I could just choose them, because the memory of an accident’s prologue is not nearly as special to me as the people who I share my life with.

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In Good Company

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged christianity, Christians, In Good Company, Isaiah 17, Mark 5, Persecution, Social Media on January 18, 2012| 2 Comments »

I love how social networking has become a source of world news, kind of like how Youtube has become a venue for talented people to be discovered. When I see that someone I know has posted a video, or news story, or pictures, or announcement, I know that it is often worth investigating (depending on which friend has posted it). Social networking of news and entertainment provides for me what is consumer driven, and not media driven, and I think that makes sense.

Another social networking ‘share’ has gone viral. I read it, and I agreed with it … sort of.

I agreed that the ‘share’ was one that told a story of a lacking in integrity within the field of media. I also agreed that it would seem to be an incidence of persecution for beliefs that might be closely tied to Christian moral principles. Still, there was something about the story that just didn’t sit right for me, that is until I was reading a Bible passage the other day. As I read Matthew 5:11-12 I knew why it was not sitting well with me. This scripture says,

“Blessed are you when people insult you,
persecute you
and falsely say all kinds of evil against you
because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
because great is your reward in heaven,
for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

When I read that passage, I understood partially why I was not able to read the article and say fully, I agree with this.

When Jesus was baptized in the Jordan River by his cousin John, that was his public statement to the world that his ministry had begun. Shortly after that he (the Son of God) was tempted by the devil, not once, not twice, but three times. The remainder of his earthly ministry was littered with persecution, to the point of death.

So my question, have we, as Christians, forgotten this reality? Have we grabbed on to the name of Christ in order to save us here in this lifetime, here on Earth? Do we think that we are to have it better than the Son of God? Has it been erased from our minds that insults, persecution, lies and other ‘evils’ are part and parcel of this life we live called Christianity?

Don’t get me wrong, I do not believe that we should lay back and just let injustice happen to ourselves or to others. I believe that as long as we have breath we need to help those in need. I believe that if the law has been broken resulting in a violation to ourselves or to someone else, we need to seek justice (Isaiah 1:17 : Seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow).

But, I also know that we are to expect these things to happen to us, because we are following one who was insulted, persecuted, lied about, to the point of death.

And great is our reward, not on Earth, but in heaven … where we will continue to be in good company.

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The Club You Don’t Want to Join

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Advice, Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss, The Club, The Club you do not Want to Join on January 17, 2012| 1 Comment »

Women who have had the misfortune of pregnancy loss are part of a club that no one wants to be part of. It doesn’t matter how the loss has occurred, or how far along the pregnancy had gotten, you are in the club.

As I spoke with a friend who had recently re-joined (aka. she had just had ANOTHER pregnancy loss) this unfortunate club, the losses of my hubby and I came clearly to my mind. And that is what happens, as the sorrows and sadness are shared with you, your own memories come to the forefront of your mind, as fresh as they were when they first were formed. What is happening is that the trauma of your own loss has imprinted itself so firmly into your memory that, if recalled, it can be relived once again.

I do not like that resurfacing … it haunts me, and it hurts.

While talking with this lovely lady, whose heart is full of grief (again) I was struck by the uneducated responses that women (and men) sometimes hear at times like this.

-“You are still young, it will happen”
-“I understand how you feel”
-“It’s probably for the best, who knows what might have been wrong with it”
-“At least you were not that far along”
-“Just try again”
-“You can always adopt”
-“Is there something wrong with your reproductive system?”

Oh yes, those are actual quotes of what people have said to myself, or to others in the club. They are said by people who have had the blessing of not being in this club. That is why, for those who have had more than one loss, when it happens again, we club members contact someone else who is in the club, and keep multiple losses silent to the rest of you.

To talk with someone else, in the club, means to speak to someone who will not give advice, but who will give an ear, a hug, a well understood sigh, and will share in the common experience.

My purpose in writing this post is to give those of you who are not in this club some advice:

-Do not give advice!
-Do not say ‘hopeful’ and trite things.
-Do not avoid the couple … make eye contact; smile; send a note or email that just says ‘thinking of you’ or ‘you are in my prayers’ or ‘my heart aches for you’

And, if you are part of this club, let them know … because it is only those who are part of this club who have the closest understanding of what they might be going through … and they need you.

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