itsawonderfilledlife

I had an auto accident this past week, and am here to report that, although they say that when you are in the midst of a traumatic experience you can have your life flash before your eyes …there were no life flashing through my mind. I will say, though, that almost all of the details leading up to the collision that day are crystal clear.

So, I was driving down the road to pick up our daughter from work, then son and daughter from basketball. The road I was on was slick. Thankfully hubby had forewarned me of the condition of that road, and I was driving under the speed limit.

I noticed a vehicle up ahead, so I tried my brakes, but as I pushed my foot onto the brake, my wheels locked. I tried moving into the oncoming lane, hoping to get some traction … it didn’t work. I tried tapping my gas pedal, hoping the wheels would unlock … it didn’t work. I tried steering in the snow on the side of the road to unlock my wheels … it didn’t work.

I was now fully aware that I was not in control of my vehicle. I realized the vehicle ahead of me was an ambulance (a big sturdy, well-built ambulance), and that it was not moving. It was stopped, on the road, at the top of a gully. I continued to try to stop my vehicle, all the while saying out loud, “please move, please move, please move” … they didn’t hear me.

Now I knew that I was going to collide with the much bigger ambulance than my minivan.

I thought to myself, the airbag is going to open, so I need to keep my hands back from the center of the steering wheel. Then I thought, an ambulance is big, I need to move my feet off the pedals, so that if the impact is great, my feet will not be crushed. Then I thought, if I am fearful I will be tense and might get hurt more, so I started to breath slowly and deeply.

Isn’t it amazing how very much can go through your head in such a short period of time? It is as though the minute or two (probably not that long) I lived through were frozen in time and have been etched in my mind, indelibly.

The following hour or two after the impact has much less clarity for me. I know that all of the emergency attendees were amazing. I know I called my hubby, as I would not be able to pick up our kids. I know I kept warm in the ambulance and I gave and took information. I know my hubby picked me up. I know my kids were concerned for me (an unsolicited hug from any teenager speaks volumes).

The hour or two, after impact, have become foggier, less clear in my mind, in the hours and days since the accident. Somehow, my brain has filtered out what it has decided is not as important.

I do wonder, when my life is ending and my days are flashing before me, what will my brain deem were the most important moments in my life? Will these memories be ones that I would pick and choose, or would they be ones that my subconscious reveals as the moments that had the deepest penetration into my psyche?

I wish I could just choose them, because the memory of an accident’s prologue is not nearly as special to me as the people who I share my life with.