We women (remember, I cannot speak for ANY male, being female and all), hear voices.
Not only do we hear them, but we actually have conversations going on in our heads every waking hour! That is why when we respond with any of the following, there is more going on in our heads than the one or two word response we give to the men in our lives.
For example:
Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON’T DO IT!
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
Men, if you could only ‘hear’ what is going on in our minds when we use any of those words, in response to what you might have said to us … (for more understanding check out “What Women Want” starring Mel Gibson … I say this very guardedly, as some of it’s content is beyond the ‘PG’ rating of my blog posts 😉 ).
It is said that it takes anywhere from five positive things to cancel one negative to two positive things to cancel that same negative. No matter what the stat is, it takes more positive messages than negative to break even.
For a woman there are so many voices that are heard that can cause self-doubt, frustration, discouragement and embarrassment.
The voices stay there, in our heads, forever.
Most women can remember something that someone said to them when they were still a preschooler, that still speaks to them.
Most women will struggle to truly believe “I love you” from anyone who spoke hurtful words to them … and when “I love you” is said, they immediately hear the hurtful words in their heads.
Most women who have heard someone say something about a part of their body, will immediately look to that body part in a mirror, and hear it said again.
Most women who struggle with issues related to weight (either too much or too little) are still struggling with a message that was conveyed to them as a child.
Most women who hate men, feel that way because a male in their life (usually a father, sadly) has spoken words that have torn her down in the past, instead of built her up.
Most women who have been hurt by words, have been hurt by the words of other women.
With all of this in mind, whenever you are in the presence of a woman who you care for (whether you are male or female), speak words of affirmation, encouragement, appreciation … help tip the balance in the direction of building a woman up, and giving her new voices to hear.
itsawonderfilledlife 
Here’s a rhetorical question: I think we all hear voices to some extent, so across the world how many of the voices we hear are self vs are the enemy who is the accuser come to steal, kill, and destroy? I had a dark period in my life that suddenly ended when I realized there was a voice that was not me but the enemy. That recognition enabled the battle to come into the open and be won.
This reminds me–in complete agreement with your conclusion and recommendation–of the importance of the husband’s responsibility to wash his wife in the Word, which is truth, building her up into who God desires her to be, mirroring Jesus’ actions in all our lives. The more we focus on the truth, the less criticisms can drag us down. And it helps when we realize this life is far more about character building than making our bodies fit a societal image.
And this reminds me of 2 Cor 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” It’s a discipline well worth practicing, to grab our thoughts by the scruff of the neck and hold them up to the standard Jesus sets. If they pass the test it can stay, if not, out they go! Yes, easily said, and the practice takes discipline. Praise and worship music helps a lot in this regard: get good content in to bounce around inside proclaiming the truth! And intensive Bible study to grab a verse and dig in, driving it deep into our hearts.
In the “making of” of “What Women Want” they briefly mentioned being careful to not go too far into the reality of what goes on inside a woman’s head!
Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for your response Jason,
You are so right that “The more we focus on the truth, the less criticisms can drag us down. And it helps when we realize this life is far more about character building than making our bodies fit a societal image.” God’s word is the true test of truth! Praise God for that. What we all need to learn is to put the thoughts in our heads through the truth machine of God’s word, not forgetting that we are His creation, and in His image. Of course the devil knows our weaknesses, and he will prey on us where we are the most weak, and, like a mosquito in your darkened bedroom at night, he does not give up easily. I too love praise and worship music, to keep my thoughts on things above. I realized a few years ago that a steady diet of secular music would often leave me unsatisfied with my life, and down in the dumps.
What we feed our minds builds what we think … may we be feeding on God’s word!
Blessings to you,
Carole
Carole,
I think this post illustrates why the spiritual gift (your spiritual gift, in particular) of encouragement is so very, very important.
God’s peace,
Br. James
You are so kind to say that … thank-you.
Carole