itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for 2019

Pride vs. Humility

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #behumble, #istrugglewithpride, #pridevshumility on October 17, 2019| Leave a Comment »

“Too much pride can put you to shame.
It’s wiser to be humble.”
Proverbs 11:2

We can know what it is to be humble, we can even desire it yet still our pride wins in the tug for our behaviors, our lives, for our very souls.

I learned, yet again, the truth of the numerous proverbs on humility recently (will I ever just learn it for good?).

I turned on a social media site this summer and there it was, staring back at me … pride.

Actually it was a rather serious picture of our son, sharing his plans of an education/missions trip. He shared about it, about how the first three months would be at a school and the second would be at an outreach destination to apply what he learns, in a cross-cultural experience.

Now, I am a mighty proud mama of this homebody son of mine, and his choice to go away (almost literally halfway around the world) for six months is pure sacrifice on his part (and mine …). He loves God, but this program will challenge him in ways that neither he, nor his parents, can yet imagine.

But (there’s always a but) …

I’ve gotta say I cringed when I saw his GoFundMe. I hated that he asked for money … because …

because, well …

I am proud,
(and arrogant too)

It is ridiculous for me to feel this way. I love supporting others in their choices to be brave, to go and do the challenging. I get excited to provide financial means of support to others in their willingness to go and do what I have not done, what I have not been called to. I love being able to be the encourager of that young person who is getting out of their comfort zone, to do the hard things.

So, why do I struggle when my own son asked for support?

Pride

There is no other answer by pure, human pride.

Just a few hours later, God provided a corrective for my pride. I looked at his GoFundMe and saw that people actually donated to him. People who I knew, but also people who I had only heard of or had never heard of before. He has since received supportive, encouraging and joyful contributions.

And how do I feel each time there is a new one?

Humbled … in such a good way.

My pride could have gotten in the way of my relationship with my son, my pride could have gotten in the way of those who gave, my pride could have gotten in the way of seeing how God works through his people, my pride could have gotten in the way of my learning to be humble.

In all of this, I am humbled, thankful and I know that, when we let our needs be known, God will work through the hands and feet of his people.

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Nothing Small about Small Groups

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #ironsharpensiron, #nothingsmallaboutsmallgroups, #smallgroups on October 15, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Each week hubby and I are among about a dozen people, who meet one evening to discuss questions pertaining to the previous Sunday sermon, pray and enjoy time together.

This small group in our church is the first in over twenty years that hubby and I have attended together, after years of children’s schedules, ‘his’ or ‘her’ small groups, hubby leading groups or ‘we’ just not making it work we get to attend (not lead), together. It has been amazing to attend and participate in this group, as group members, not as leaders.

Sometimes people attend church for many years (like over twenty) and they don’t make the effort to attend such a group. I guess ‘they’ (we) think that they get their fill of spiritual input on Sunday, or that they (we) don’t have time.

Though it’s only been a few weeks, I’d love to share what I am learning about small groups:

the discussions can broaden your understanding of the Bible
praying for each other, even if you just met them, is such an honor
being prayed by others, even if you just met them (maybe especially so), is so humbling
it is mentally, spiritually and socially challenging and nurturing
it is an opportunity to experience what is meant by “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17)
they may be ‘small’ but they are not without value

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another …” Hebrews 10:24-25

What a joy to have re-discovered the enjoyment of attending a small group. To be in a place, with a group of others who just want to mutually learn, challenge, encourage … to spur each other on … there is truly nothing small about that.

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The Action of Thanksgiving

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #nounorverb, #thanksgivingisdoing, #theactionofthanksgiving on October 13, 2019| 5 Comments »

Thanksgiving … noun or verb?

As I was reading up on thanksgiving I was disappointed that it was a noun … simply a thing, a subject, a day. Then I came across the word in french, action de grâce. which translates, action of grace … except that it would be more like the act of giving thanks. Sounds like a verb, an action, to me … yet it is still a noun.

I’m an out-of-the-box kind of thinker, so today I am pulling thanksgiving out of the grammar box and identifying it as a verb.

This weekend, as Canadians celebrate this day (noun) we cannot do so without the action (verb) of giving thanks.

We who live in a county of freedoms (be thankful for what we have, for our apathy might lead to our loss), who have homes to live in, food to eat, jobs to work, families to love, studies to learn, recreation in which to play, health with which to live, a God to worship.

Look at all those noun-verb combinations! It is like they were meant to be together!

Fr. Sean Mullen has said:

“I believe that I can continue to try to adopt thanksgiving in my life as a verb and not a noun. This seems like a simple project, but I know it will not be: to make thanksgiving something I have to offer, not take; something I have to do, not something I merely get to enjoy. But the more I become a pilgrim of thanksgiving – journeying on that pathway from noun to verb – the more I have the sense that I am surrounded by the astonishing beauty and generosity of God’s creation.”

Maybe that is what I am trying to communicate … that the adjustment from Thanksgiving as a day (noun) full of family, and turkey, and pumpkin pie to an action (verb) that directs our mindset throughout the year away from what I get to what I do for others.

We are thankful for our homes and food, therefore we help to house and feed those who do not.

We are thankful for friends and family, therefore we invite the lonely into our lives.

We are thankful for the sacrifice of Christ for our souls, therefore we …

“Christ has no body now but yours. No hands, no feet on earth but yours. Yours are the eyes through which he looks compassion on this world. Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good. Yours are the hands through which he blesses all the world. Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, yours are the eyes, you are his body. Christ has no body now on earth but yours.”
― attributed to Teresa of Avila

Let us be the action of thanksgiving in our world.

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Early Morning Feeds and Adulting

Posted in FAMILY, WONDER, tagged #earlymorningfeedsandadulting, #happybirthday, #runtherace on October 10, 2019| Leave a Comment »

If I think back, I can remember the moments. Answers to prayers prayed in the early hours are those memories of holding you on the sofa, by the pitch black night sky, listening to you drink your fill, smiling at your soft-skinned face, your infant head cupped in my hand. I remember saying to our Creator, begging of him, please burn this moment into my memory,

please do not let me forget this babe in my arms, when he grows up.

Scraped knees, after school snuggles, swims in the pool, football games, too many superhero movies to count, thousands of Lego pieces (all over the house), stinky teenage boy smells (yours and all your friends), shared love of chocolate and sushi, a week each summer together at camp, deep theological talks and here we are … twenty years since those feedings in the early morning hours.

Twenty says adult like no other birthday. It says it even more loudly when the birthday boy is making adult decisions … on his own. Owning up to those decisions … whether preparing for a big trip or paying a big bill.

And that is what you are, my baby boy … an adult. Gone are the days of cries for mom, gone are the days when I was the go-to for your every earthly concern … and that is just as it should be.

I am thrilled and proud of how you are adulting. I am particularly pleased that you are learning to make no promises of perfection, but you are owning up to the mistakes, the struggles, the challenges. Mister, if you could master this early in your adulting, the rest of your years will be so much richer.

I will cherish those memories with you as a babe, but I cherish even more who you are choosing to be, how you are choosing to live.

Other than I love you (I love you, I love you), there is no better message to leave you with, this birthday, than the one that haunted me throughout my entire pregnancy with you:

“Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31

Now, adult son, go run that race.

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Rhythms of Life and Church

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #churchcalendar, #meaningfulnotmundane, #rhythmsoflifeandchurch on October 8, 2019| Leave a Comment »

I read recently of a young woman, brought up in a home of atheists, who was inexplicably drawn to go to church. She choose her church according to what was comfortable for her. Then, alone one Sunday, with no knowledge of the practices that take place, she walked through the doors of a Christian mainline church.

She wrote of the experience that day as well as the experiences she had been experiencing for the months of attendance and participation.

This young woman found something else in going to church each week …

church provided a structure, a rhythm which gave her focus as she walked through a season of depression.

Those of us who have attended church for years may have forgotten this, we may even resent when the services are the same each week, feeling boredom over the same songs, the repeating of words or phrases, the mundane order of service, the practice of shaking hands as we enter or exit the sanctuary.

Jesus himself followed the church/synagog practices of his day, attending the synagog, recognizing the rhythm of the calendar, practicing prayer. He did not omit these rhythms and rituals from his daily life, but they are accounted in the Bible as a reminder to us that he has endorsed their value and their purpose.

Through the church calendar we are reminded that after forty years of wandering in the desert the Jews reached their promise land, that though the Israelites were being chased by the Egyptians … God opened up the Red Sea for them to pass through safely, that after the horrors of the crucifixion came Jesus rising from the dead, that the young (Mary, Timothy, etc.) and the old (Abraham, Anna, etc.) have roles to play in God’s plans.

We are also reminded through a call to worship and congregational response that we are not alone in our worship. That the repetition of the Lord’s prayer is a shared intimate act. That lifting our voices (no matter the individual musical quality) together makes a beautiful sound. That bowing in prayer for others who are sick, or around the world reminds us that we are all one in Christ.

The perspective of this woman helps me to see the rituals and rhythms, not as mundane, but meaningful.

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When I Grow Up

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #agingnotfading, #purposelastswhileihavebreath, #thespiritisgiventoall, #whenigrowup on October 6, 2019| 4 Comments »

When we are children we often have aspirations for greatness for when we grow up. What I never realized as a child and teen is that it never stops, for as we learn and grow and experience life we continue to acquire aspirations for when we grow up.

Recently I had opportunity to attend a volunteer gala/appreciation evening … at a seniors facility. The greater majority of those being honored were aged seventy and up! The oldest was ninety-three!

That evening reminded me of something I heard during a sermon or speech a number of months ago:

“challenge our young people
and comfort our aged”

I jotted it down because it did not sit well with me … I could not hear it and say that I heard truth … that I heard aspirations for all.

The other night confirmed for me that that statement is an unfortunate generalization of how society approaches the aged (and young people), for I saw seniors/the aged who are active, contributing members of society who are offering comfort to their peers, their community as well as challenging (by their example) those of us who are younger that their gifts can still be used in later years.

I remember my grandmother, in her eighties, telling me she was still driving the old girls on her road to church each Sunday. This is a real life goal!

Joel 2:28 tells us:

“… I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.”

The Spirit is poured out to all people, from the young to the old. If we look at further verses throughout the Bible we would see that the Spirit is poured out to the Jew and the Gentile, sons and daughters, the young and the old.

Matthew Henry’s Commentary speaks of this verse in Joel:

““Your old men, who are past their vigour and whose spirits begin to decay, your young men, who have yet but little acquaintance with and experience of divine things, shall yet dream dreams and see visions;” God will reveal himself by dreams and visions both to the young and old. “

When I grow up I want to be challenged, I want to be giving and sharing the Spirt of God in all that I do … maybe even comforting my peers … and the youth.

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Rejoicing in the Morning

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #rejoicinginthemorning, #sunrise, #weepingprecedesjoy on October 3, 2019| 1 Comment »

Something grabbed my attention as the Wonderdog and I walked up the sidewalk. It was the morning sun, rising over the mountains, shining with abandon.

When I reached the corner, then turned, walking toward it, I felt bathed in light. It is impossible to not stretch a smile across ones face when the sun is shining on it, serotonin flooding every cell of the body.

Then I turned again, south this time, and the sun disappeared by the line of trees, then the line of homes, leaving the street ahead dark, shadowed.

It was not until I turned again … west this time, but a street on an incline. With each step I knew that I was emerging from the darkness, the shadows. Once at the top of the street, I was again flooded in light.

weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning
Psalm 30:5

Rejoicing comes … after the weeping
Peace comes … after the conflict
Success comes … after the failure
Redemption comes … after the separation
The light comes … after the night

This morning of bright sunlight was preceded by a the dark night … the depth of the darkness was where the sun rose, piercing the night and flooding everywhere it touched with it’s light.

This is life.

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Thankful for Today

Posted in Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged #halfover, #thankfulfortoday, #thegiftofthirty, #weddinganniversary on October 1, 2019| 4 Comments »

It’s half over …

was my sorrowful thought one day this summer, as I lay in his arms, head on his chest … my place in our world.

Thirty years of marriage have now come and gone.

Thirty years, three provinces, seven homes, numerous work places, eight pregnancies, three children … adult children now, good days, bad ones, seasons of plenty and those of want, health and sickness … mutual love and disdain at time too.

But today, as we celebrate thirty years of living under the covenant of promises that were both kept and broken (’cause there is none who keeps such lofty vows perfectly) I keep thinking, as I did that day this summer …

it’s half over
and I feel the weight to make the best of each day that is left …

be it thirty years, or more, or much less.

To know that you are entering the second half, is to know the value of what you have spent the first half fighting for, because now dawns the realization that together is not forever.

I have started to awaken to realities, since that summer day in his arms. That dinner for two is less about the food, and more about the two. That rolling over in bed, in the middle of the night, is an opportunity to whisper I love you. That driving together in silence can make you smile, just for the pleasure of being together. That the sounds of football (baseball, hockey … ) are indicators of his presence. That touch still creates shivers. That thank-you can’t be said enough. That the season of dreaming together isn’t over until we return to dust. That it’s not too late for ________ (fill in the blank) … yet.

The gift of thirty years of marriage is that each remaining day is sweeter, more valuable … not a moment to be wasted by attitudes or actions that could only bring regrets. This is the season for adventures for just two, for shared laughter and private jokes, for kisses that linger and amen whispered each night.

The gift of thirty years of marriage is waking up, thankful for the day together.

“Grow old with me
Let us share what we see
And oh the best it could be
Just you and I
And our hands they might age
And our bodies will change
But we’ll still be the same
As we are”
Grow Old With Me – Tom Odell

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The Dead Dream

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #comfortedmourners, #thedeaddream, #weeptheloss on September 29, 2019| 2 Comments »

Pivotal moments in our lives can be grand occasions, with multiple witnesses, but they can also be in the solitary and still moments when the only with you is your Creator.

I remember such a time, driving in my car, feeling very much alone in every way.

It was a drive when the frustrations of that current season had reached a peek. I was unable to positively impact the situations going on around me. I felt that the dreams had in years previous, would never come true.

As I drove I remember saying, out loud,

“The life I had hoped for will never come to pass … it is a dead dream.”

As soon as the words slipped through my mouth it was as though a lightbulb was switched on and I knew what I needed to do to survive the grief and bitterness that I was already feeling …

I needed to grieve that dream, for it was gone … and there was no future until I bid the dream of the past adieu.

So, I found a safe and private place to park, then took some time to identify and grieve the things that I could no longer hold tightly.

It hurt … it hurt deeply. I felt as though I were standing over a hole in the ground of a cemetery, dropping flowers, intermingled with tears into the open grave.

Then, when I named the dead dreams, when I finally opened my hands and let them fall into the earth and they were mine no more … a calm washed over me, filling all the empty places. I realized that letting these dreams go didn’t leave me empty, but instead they made space for God’s comfort to fill me.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Matthew 5:4

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The Broody Day

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #lovelikethat, #thebroodyday, #whatmarvelouslove on September 26, 2019| 2 Comments »

It was mid evening and my mood was broody.

“when I am the wasteland
you are the water”

That day I returned home feeling like I had run the equivalent of a marathon with students, with little to show for it.

“when I am the winter
you are the fire that burns”

I had also chosen to do something I hadn’t really wanted to do, but felt I ‘should’.

“when I am a long night
you are the sunrise”

Then there was the surprisingly snappish response of one of our three to something I had said.

“when I am a desert
you are the river that turns
to find me”

The shoulders sag.

“Hallelujah (God be praised)
Hallelujah (God be praised)
Hallelujah (God be praised)
Hallelujah (God be praised)”

All days are not like this one … I so wish that all days would be like this broody, shoulder-sagging day. Throughout the day, a song from the drive to work, that morning, kept playing in my mind and heart. Despite the circumstances of the day, my soul kept singing,

“What have I done to deserve love like this?
I cannot earn what You so freely give
What have I done to deserve love like this?”

The words pierced the pursuit of darkness all around me, slashing the shadowy corners, levelling a fatal blow to all that could discourage me, that could steal the joy in my heart.

“Your voice like a whisper
Breaking the silence
You say there’s a treasure
You’ll look ’til You find it
You search
To find me”

Throughout this broody day God whispered into my ears that contentment does not come from outer circumstances, but from Him alone.

“What marvelous love
the Father has extended to us!
Just look at it—
we’re called children of God!
That’s who we really are.”
1 John 3:1