Archive for October 1st, 2020

Married to Multiple People

A few days ago I read the following post,

“Just gonna tell y’all something. By the time you’ve been married over 40 years, you’ve been married to about four different people. So have they. It’s a miracle of God any of us ever make it.”

Beth Moore

I guess that means that today, at thirty one years married, we are each just getting to know person number four.

Her words resonated with me, for so many experiences of living happen over the years and those happenings do, indeed, change a person … how we see things, react, our values can even change.

I look at the first wife my husband was married to … I’ll call her Rocky Ideal. She looked better than any version to come. It took little effort to get herself ready for anything. She had black and white ideals and even tried to follow through with those beliefs. And she looked to her mister to be her every need-meeter. Yet … she was SO eager to win ALL the arguments, believing that the end result was about winning.

The next wife hubby had I will call Bitter Baby Momma … the idealism of Rocky Ideal faded with multiple miscarriages and the all-consuming needs of littles. My parenting ideals were disappearing, but rather than ask for help I expected that hubby would just read my mind and figure out what I needed. He didn’t (couldn’t) and bitterness crept in.

Then came a wife I will call, Dr Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. She was the personification of the good, the bad and the ugly. These most demanding years of marriage took us through mountains and valleys. These years also had me running to God’s word and the security that he offered. Some days I was a committed and faithful wife, other days I was plotting my exit (or his).

And here we are now … my idealism and easy-care appearance have both faded. Black and white thinking has evolved to shades of grey (as has my hair). The years when my mettle was tested have softened my heart. I now look first and foremost to God to meet my needs, relieving hubby of my grand expectations. I know I don’t have all the answers … actually, I have more questions now than ever before. I don’t even acknowledge that there is a winning or losing … for life is just too short for such things. I don’t yet know what I will call this current version of me. I do know this wife looks more at her mister as a child of God, with his value based in whose he is … rather than what has he done for me lately.

After thirty-one years hubby could truly say I am not the woman he first married, for he has had three other versions through these years. And so have I …

and, by the miraculous grace of God here our souls still are, together.

Happy anniversary mister, you’re just getting to know wife number four!

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