November | 2021 | itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for November, 2021

Held in Your Hands

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #faithfulgod, #goodnessofgod, #heldinyourhands, #inthehandsofgod, #lovedbygod, #prodigalchild, #reallove on November 7, 2021| 3 Comments »

All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands …

I sang those words, driving down the road, top of my lungs, most sincerely from my heart.

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good

Then, out of nowhere that small, still voice …

the voice that challenges one’s intent, their heart.

Are you just singing these words out of
a good morning?
a good mood?
sun in the sky?

I know better than to just answer. I know that words are not enough … saying what I think is expected isn’t … expected of me.

And so I instantly, immediately pondered my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. I considered the failures, the weaknesses, the really horrible things, the heart-hurting things. The dangers walked into, the abuses committed, the rejections, disappointments.

Even for a Pollyanna like me, I cannot look clearly at my life and say I have always been protected, given what I need, or had it ‘easy’.

No God, I am not singing these words just because the sun is shining, or because I feel uncharacteristically well, or because the day started well.

Silence (other than the song playing on repeat).

*Don’t get me wrong, the questions I was ‘hearing’ … I was not hearing with my physical ears, but the ears of my heart.

The silence was long enough to cause me to feel discomfort.

Why are you singing these words, then?

The song kept playing, yet louder in my ears. The words echoing in my heart, as though He made them stand out to me, as though they were my most sincere reality. For, like the prodigal son, who, in desperation came home to the Father who he knew would hold his arms open. And what he was greeted with … was even better,

for the Father was running to the prodigal, running full out, his steps started even before he could see his son.

And my heart spoke, sang my answer to my Father:

Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
With my life laid down
I’m surrendered now
I give You everything
‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It keeps running after me

What is real goodness? What is real love?

It is to be loved even when we do the unlovable, when we speak the unlovable, when we choose the unlovable, when we live the unlovable life.

That is the real love.

That is the goodness of God.

A couple of days later,

the sun was hidden under dark clouds, wet skies.

the day just had little productivity to it.

the mood was as dark as the skies.

and the phone call brought unexpected, bad news.

And I hung up the phone and heard whispers in my heart that caused me sing out loud,

I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

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Remembering Dad’s Birthday

Posted in FAMILY, Grief, WONDER, tagged #creationcalls, #rememberingdadsbirthday, #rememberwhoyouwereinmyheart, #yugen on November 5, 2021| 2 Comments »

There is a Japanese word that I recently discovered,

Yūgen

It has to do with a deep emotional response that is triggered by a profound awareness of the universe (Wikepedia)

When I encountered it, I was visiting my childhood home. It was the day I arrived and was taking a walk, soaking in the East coast air, the great big sky and the changing leaves. Everything about the sights, sounds and scents of that moment made me think of my dad, how he would appreciate each of these experiences … for this is what we shared … a love of the wonder of nature …yūgen.

Two years ago today I heard his voice for the last time, as I called to wish him a happy birthday.

Now there is silence.

Yet, because of our shared love and awareness of the natural world, I am reminded of him in the call of the coyotes, the mysterious fluttering of a hummingbird’s wings, the sunrise and sunset (red sky in morning, sailors take warning. red sky at night, sailors delight), the early spring budding of pussy willows, the scent of artisan roses, the moon big and bright in the sky … a leaf fluttering and falling from the branch of a tree.

You see, I still see him, hear him, for our shared love of nature, of Creation echos within me.

Two years later, I am learning to not only appreciate this nature connection, not only seeing him in that which we loved and shared, but I am learning the value of leaving a legacy. Leaving whispers of encouragement and love for those you love.

Leaving whispers in the dark that say, not just remember me, but remember who you were in my heart.

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A Father to the Fatherless

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged #abandoned, #abused, #afathertothefatherless, #godisgod, #gothefather, #isaiah46, #strugglestoknowgod on November 2, 2021| Leave a Comment »

I was once talking to one whose relationship with their father had clouded their ability to see the love of God the Father as good, unconditional, ever-present.

As I inadequately tried to explain God’s love for them, they replied, “from all you have said, you had a father who made God make sense. For those of us who haven’t had a father like yours, it’s just harder to see that kind of love as possible.”

To be loved by God is simply the best thing. One cannot understand how amazing His presence is in our life until we hand over the reigns of our life. It is the experience of knowing that you are wanted in the most complete, unconditional way possible.

The problem is that often people struggle to understand and accept the love of God the Father, because their earthly father has been hurtful, unaccepting, unconditional, absent and/or downright abusive. These negative experiences with a father-figure can deeply impact the acceptability of God in their lives.

And hey, it doesn’t stop with fathers.

There are also those who have experienced similar hurts, absences, abuses and conditional love from mothers … from mothers who claim to follow the example of Christ. Such apparent hypocrisy can blind one’s eyes to God’s love and acceptance.

Such hurts and heartaches, originating from those who have sullied the name of Father, or the example of a Christ-follower can obscure the reality of love, the reality of the goodness of God before we have gotten close enough to accept it.

Now, for those of us who are parents. It is hard to realize the weight of how we might affect our children’s perspective of God the father. As a matter of fact, it can weigh heavily on us, leaving us with regrets, even with a sense of failure.

Yes, we are definers of what is a parent (father, mother). Yes we model parental care, discipline, care and steadfastness.

But …
the thing is,
if we think too long on our contribution to the spiritual eternity of another,
we forget that God is in control.

I love the wisdom of the book of Isaiah. I love how it’s messages always take me back to foundational truths … truths that can be trusted.

There are so many reminders in Isaiah 46, in particular, of who He is :

” … you whom I have upheld since your birth,
and have carried since you were born.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he,
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
With whom will you compare me or count me equal?
To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?” (v 3b-5)

“Remember this, keep it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels.
Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.’
From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that I will bring about;
what I have planned, that I will do.
Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted,
you who are now far from my righteousness.
I am bringing my righteousness near,
it is not far away;
and my salvation will not be delayed.” (v 8-13a)

God is … God.

He is in control. He is in control of our beginnings and our endings. He offers grace to us all. He is mercy to each one. He is always with us … even when we do not see Him, feel His presence, know He is there. And His plans are not because of what we do … as fathers, mothers, children … but in spite of how we live, our actions and words (or the absence of them),

Most of all,

he is a father to the fatherless.
(Psalm 68:5)

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