As my baby girl and her love make their marriage vows this weekend, there are two authorities I want to refer to as I wish them both all the best in their married life together.
Not so surprisingly, the first is from the Bible and it is the very first time marriage is mentioned:
That is why a man leaves
Genesis 2:24
his father and mother and unites with his wife,
and they become one flesh.
This first instruction pertaining to marriage is not about becoming one flesh, not about uniting with your husband/wife. The first instruction that Bible gives about marriage is
LEAVE
No romanticism, just LEAVE.
It is to leave your parent’s home, leave your original family unit. Strong’s Concordance says the word here means to forsake, loose … this is not just leave as a ceremonial, temporary happening … this is abandonment, walking away and closing the door … permanently. It is not just a physical leaving, it is a leaving of dependence, a leaving of the habits of the past, even a leaving ones original identity.
Individuals cannot become a new family unit without leaving, letting go. We let go of what was home, what was our immediate family, let go of that security, we let go of the roles those individuals played in our life, we let go of who we were in our family of origin … let go of what has defined us to this point in life.
It all sounds so dramatic, because it is.
As you commit your lives to each other, there is a tearing, a ripping, a rending.
Honestly, it reminds me of childbirth. There is this moment when a child is about to be fully born into this world, when, as a mum, you feel such excitement for what is to come but … she realizes that in moments, this life within her … she will need to share them with others. It is the moments just before the child and the mother are physically separated, forever. No longer one, but now two.
And so, in marriage, you and the one you love will leave your immediate families …
This makes me think of the words of the second authority who is one of my most favorite philosophers:
“The past can hurt.
Rafiki – The Lion King
But the way I see it,
you can either run from it or learn from it.”
So, as you leave your family units of origin, as you leave your pasts … do not leave as if running away, but leave with hearts and minds that have learned deeply from all you have observed in those family units. Learn from the mistakes of your parents, grandparents and others. Learn from us and live differently, live determined to duplicate what was good and turn away from what was not.
The two of you are adults, fully able to make your own choices. You are now responsible fully for those choices, for your relationships, for how you live your new life together … for you are no longer children (haven’t been in quite a time now). Do not grab onto the thinking that you have to carry the negatives of your upbringings into your new life together, for it is you, as adults, who are now responsible for your choices, your habits, your relationships.
Learn from the past …
Leave it in the past …
… so that you can live a life where the past can be redeemed.
I am so excited for you both. May you look back years from now and realize that today is when you loved each other the least.
itsawonderfilledlife 