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Men Like Long Hair

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged 1 Corinthians 11:15, Genesis 39:6-7, Long Hair, Men Love Long Hair, Short Hair Cut, Six Pack, The Ugly Truth on October 18, 2011| Leave a Comment »

A sweet lady I know recently got her longer hair cut into a shorter, pixie cut. It is gorgeous on her! Just a little hair cut changes her appearance from quite lovely lady to that of a fun, younger-looking diva, with a bit of jeax de vie (full of life) thrown in. I have to say that I (a mere woman) think it improves her already beautiful self immensely, and is just the perfect look for her personality.

After my initial love of her new ‘do’, my next thoughts were of her hubby’s response. Now, I do not know her hubby really at all. I did meet him once, but I do not know him. Who I do know is my hubby, and other hubby’s, and I had a pretty good foundation of knowledge and experience that told me that men do not generally favor short hair.

I did ask my pixie-haircut friend what her hubby thought of her shorter tresses, and her response confirmed what I had already guessed … he said nothing. Sigh! He looked at her hair, then looked away. Sigh … again.

If you were to ask a man (any man) what he thought of a woman (any woman, but especially ‘his’ woman … man, now this is sounding like caveman talk) getting a haircut, what would the universal response be? “How short?” And why is it that size matters, in this area of life? According to the movie “the Ugly Truth” it is because “men want something to grab on to” (back to caveman talk … and that is where I will end my references to lines from that movie).

Maybe this male obsession started in the Bible. I did a little checking and 1 Corinthians 11:15 states, “if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering.” So, long hair on a woman is her covering … darn, now men have biblical basis for their prejudice to long hair on their woman (just to maintain the caveman theme of this blog post 😉 ).

The I thought to myself, the Bible must say something about what is attractive about a man … and I found it! In Genesis 39:6-7, it says, “now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” Joseph was so ‘well-built’ (the Bible’s description, not mine) and handsome that the married wife of the most powerful man in the land wanted him! I am thinking this guy most definitely must have had a six-pack.

So, maybe ladies we could make a compromise with our male counterparts … they work their bodies into a state of ‘well-built’, and we grow our hair long. Sounds like a fair compromise to me.

Just sayin’ 😉

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I Hate Divorce

Posted in life, Marriage, WONDER, tagged Abuse, Broken Homes, Divorce, I Hate Divorce, Irreconsibable Differences, Teens of Divorce on October 14, 2011| 2 Comments »

I HATE divorce!

That is the thought that crosses my mind almost every day at work. There is a moment, in just about every day that I go to work, when something happens, or I see something that reminds me of my disdain for the word divorce, and how devastating it is to those who it touches.

Please know that I am not one who believes that a woman (or man) should stay in a marriage where they are being truly abused by their spouse. No one should stay in a home, a marriage which is dangerous or harmful to their health. If indeed abuse is the impetus for divorce, and not irreconcilable differences, but the numbers might indicate more of the later than the former.

Working in a school gives me plenty of opportunities to see the effects of divorce on the children (adolescent and teenage) of the couples who have dissolved their marriages. These effects walk through the doors of schools by the dozens and hundreds, every day. I am amazed at the increasing numbers of students from divorced parents. I am even more amazed at how profoundly it does effect these developing adults.

I watch students struggle to do school work, when their hearts are breaking. I watch teens anxiety with … well, being teens (and all that comes with that package), while dealing with the lack of a sense of security that comes from mom or dad moving out. I watch adolescence struggle with peer relationships while also dealing with relationships with mom’s new boyfriend, or dad’s new girlfriend.

These students are individuals who I feel such pity for, and who I admire greatly at the same time. They have such pain in their lives, and yet they show such strength to get through each day.

It was heartbreaking, one day, to look around at a group of students who I was familiar with. Almost half of the students in the grouping were from homes of divorced parents. I heard them discuss marriage, and divorce. Those students whose parents were divorced were the most adamant that couples needed to work harder, and not give up so easily. They also expressed that people needed to stop thinking of divorce as a way to end their problems.

How interesting that it was the ones who had been most affected by divorce who had the most uncompromising views of it. Maybe it was because, like me (in my experiential ignorance) they hate divorce. And, in their cases, they know what they are saying (or thinking) is true, because it is the life they live.

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Love Your Language

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, How we Love Others, Love Your Language, Receiving Love, Showing Love on October 13, 2011| Leave a Comment »

There is a book that I have wanted to read for years! I have still never read it. I have wanted to read it so badly that I have even purchased it (new and used) three times. Each time that I have purchased the book, someone has said they would love to read it too … so I ‘loan’ it to them … and it is gone, forever (I am obviously not a quick learner).

The book is “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

Not long into a marriage a female will realize that whatever her love language is, her hubby’s is different. I was aware of this reality w a y back in our marriage. We had only been married for eighty-five days (whose counting?) when I came to the conclusion that whatever said “I love you” to hubby was as far as Venus from Mars to what said “I love you” to this female.

It was our first Christmas Eve, and hubby decided around noon that he wanted to go to the mall to do (start) his Christmas shopping (I, of course had my gifts purchased, wrapped, and under the tree). I volunteered to come along to people-watch (is there a more entertaining time or place to people watch than Christmas Eve at a shopping mall? Lists in their hands, credit cards maxing out with each impulsive purchase, shopping bags overflowing, panic in their faces … and it is predominantly men who are shopping, so the line ups at the gift wrapping tables were miles long. But, I digress … ).

Off hubby scurried to do his annual deed, and I sat comfortably in the midst of bedlam and chaos, feeling peaceful and entertained by all that was going on around me :). Not long after (not long at all) hubby came along and had instructions for me, about how I was to get back in the car (a Chevrolet Chevette, or ‘the Vet’ at hubby was known to say). The final instruction was that, once seated, I had to look straight ahead or to the right.

It was less than an hour (tops) ’til the mall’s closing, and we were heading home. I spent the drive guessing what he had gotten me for Christmas. With every guess, he would reply, “you will never guess,” which only encouraged my guessing game to continue. Finally, as we were almost home (and the mall was closing) I said, “it really doesn’t matter what you got me for Christmas. As long as it is not down hill skis, I know that I will love whatever you got for me.” Wanna guess what hubby got for me for my first Christmas gift? Oh ya, downhill skis! And that Christmas was when I was certain that he and I said (and heard) ‘I love you’ differently.

The other day I thought I would take the test online to see what my love language is, and it was exactly as I had expected, but not the same as I bet it was way back on the fateful Christmas. Way back then, I didn’t really understand the concept of people thinking differently from me. I figured that if I grew up with certain traditions than everyone who was normal and healthy had those same traditions. My family were big into gift giving. Not just gift giving, but giving what we knew the other person wanted or needed. Hubby’s family are not gift givers, and really do not seem to need to receive them either.

I have learned that gift giving is not their, or hubby’s love language. As the years have passed I have tried to receive his love, his sacrifice of trying to speak my language, over my perception of his thoughtlessness. I do not even feel that gifts are my love language anymore, and the test results would indicate that too. Apparently I love affirming words and … TIME! I was pretty certain that time was my number one, because it is the one thing that I complain about not having enough of. I need time with hubby (I need also to know that he wants time with me). When that element is missing from my life … well just read Proverbs 25:24
(“It is better to live in a corner of the roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman”).

Knowing what says I love you, to the people who you live with can help so much in knowing how to give, and receive, love from them. It helps to create a better understanding of others intentions, and their hearts for you. Give it a try … at least with sharing the link (below) on the web, I no longer have to worry about not getting my book back 😉

Love Languages

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Giving Thanks

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged 1 Samuel 16:7, Adolescence, David, October 10, Pregnancy, Samuel and David, Son, Thanksgiving, The Lord Looks at the Heart on October 10, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I so vividly remember Thanksgiving Sunday, sixteen years ago …

I had spent the night in a hospital, in a city I didn’t live in, not knowing why I had been having the most dreadful, take you breath away (literally) pains for over a day. I was wheeled to Sonography for an ultrasound, which revealed the ‘problem’ … I was pregnant, and the pregnancy had attached to my fallopian tube. It’s growth was causing my life to be threatened.

Once that knowledge had been attained, I was immediately prepped for surgery, and wheeled into the OR to have the tube and the pregnancy (the baby) removed. It was a day that made thanks-giving a struggle. On the one hand, I was thankful for my life, and on the other I was mourning the loss of our fifth pregnancy, our fifth child.

And life moves on …

About twelve and a half years ago I was visiting my doctor to confirm what I had already guessed … I was pregnant.

Now for most that declaration might bring a smile to your face, but, with our history of incomplete pregnancies it was just step one of a very long, very anxiety-ridden time.

When my doctor told me the due date would be October 17, I asked him to look to see when Thanksgiving Sunday would be. His reply, “October 10.” To which I replied, “I’m having this baby on that day.”

On October 9, 1999, as I bent over to tie my shoes, the first discernible beginnings of labor began. And the following day … Thanksgiving Sunday … on the tenth month of the tenth day, at ten past ten in the morning our son breathed his first breath, and cried. And so did we, with more thanksgiving than we had ever hoped.

And, today he turns twelve. He is on the cusp of all that adolescence holds and brings to a boys body, mind and soul. He is eager to physically look down on me. He is not too eager to have signs of affection shown to him in public, and has not yet reached the point of maturity that can handle hearing me tell stories of when he was younger (but if I could, there would be rafts of great and humorous tales of adventure and mayhem). He is eager for his voice to change, but has not yet started to empty the hot water tank when in the shower. He’s on the cusp.

Who is this boy to soon become man? He is the one who wants to give hugs (even to his sisters). He is a creative soul, who would prefer to build than to tear down. He is the football player who is struggling to put all his weight into it when coming up against the other team players, because he really doesn’t want to hurt them. He is the only child we have ever gotten a call from school about … apparently on top of another boy hitting (if only he could divert this to football). He is a philosopher who, while the rest of us are talking nonsense, will awaken from his silence and share his deep thoughts about something he has been turning around in his mind for a time. He is not a ‘school’ academic, but he is a most natural student of life, who will probably study far more than his report cards ever indicate. He is our only son, and in him we are well pleased.

But what do I want for him? I want him to be a man after God’s own heart.

Samuel referred to David this way. He told King Saul that because he had not done what the Lord had commanded, his kingdom, his rule that was supposed to have lasted a long time, would end. He also told the King that because David was a man after God’s own heart, he would inherit (though not by birth, so much as God’s appointing) Saul’s kingdom.

A man after God’s own heart … what a grandiose hope for an adolescent boy. But, it was as a boy, the youngest in the family (probably called the Hebrew equivalent of ‘little puke’ by his older brothers), that David was first anointed as the next king of Israel. God’s plan for David’s life was not hampered by his last of bloodline, his youth, his size or lack of formal education. God had a plan that was born out of the condition of David’s heart, and it was that one quality that made David God’s man for the job.

I pray that my son’s heart will, like David’s, be one that seeks to be in unison with the heart of God. There is no other dream or desire that I pray more earnestly for his life. It is in being one with God that, even in sin (and boy, did David know sin, and failure), redemption can be received.

“But the LORD said to Samuel,

“…The LORD does not look at the things people look at.

People look at the outward appearance,

but the LORD looks at the heart.” “

1 Samuel 16:7

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Thanksgiving

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Praying, Thankful, Thanksgiving, What I am Thankful for on October 7, 2011| 2 Comments »

As I read the words to the left (over and over), I pondered in my head what I did thank God for yesterday? But, other than food at a meal, I could remember nothing else.

This pondering led me to ask myself, ‘what do I say with my lips is important to me?’

Well, as a Christian, I am thankful for the sacrifice of God’s son redeeming me from the sins in my life.

As a mom, I am thankful for the children that God has entrusted to hubby and I to care for, love, and to introduce, each day to the God who entrusted them to us (nothing like a little of pressure).

As a wife, I am thankful for the husband who has endured my repulsive singing, slight snoring (he might argue the use of the word ‘slight’), mood swings (which he ‘used’ to record in his day timer … until the day I was in full mood swing and figured it out … I think that would be referred to as Black January), and undiagnosed ADD.

As a daughter, I am thankful for my parents (and, in extension, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, etc., etc., etc.).

As an employed person, I am thankful for the job, the employer and the students who are my job.

As a person living in freedom, I am thankful for the peaceful place I call home, the ability to worship my God publicly at our church, the ability to walk the streets at night (and only fear the bears), and for all those who put their lives on the line to keep it that way.

I am thankful that I have enough food to eat each day, that my need is not for more, but less.

I am thankful that I have a safe, warm and beautiful place to rest, and to call home (even if it is not the heritage home I desire … my needs are more than filled).

I am thankful.

And, if I awake tomorrow, and only have what I have just thanked God for …

I would be blessed beyond measure.

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iSpeak by Steve Jobs

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Apple, iSpeak, Last Words, Legacy, Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs 1955-2011, Steve Jobs Quotes, Words on October 6, 2011| Leave a Comment »

As I opened my account page on my virtual ‘pinboard’, the first new addition to my page was the picture to the right. Steve Jobs earthly body has succumbed to deteriorating health and he has died.

It is all over the news, it is all over the internet, it is all over social media … it is all over …

What I find most interesting is how, after his death, it is his words that write his story … that write his eulogy. It is within the words left by the dead, that we see how they lived. It is like having a written jigsaw puzzle to leave to those left behind.

Our words live forever. Unlike ourselves, our words are immortal. Like the ideal of our children outliving us, our words are still here after we are gone. They are our legacy.

So, what do we leave through the words that we speak? What do our words say about who we are (on the inside), what we think, and what is most important to us? What is the message that we leave, after we are gone, through the words of our lips (and the meditation of our heart?)?

Although for about twenty years, I have been a fan of most Apple products (and have an embarrassingly large number of those products under our roof). I did not know Steve Jobs. But his words, the words I have been reading and hearing quoted all over the place today have endeared him, as a fellow human being, to me.

Through his words, he has left a legacy of passion, hard work, daring, adventure (especially of mind), and to THINK DIFFERENTLY!

The death of Steve Jobs, and how people are hanging onto his every last word, have reminded me of how very powerful our words are … for how others see us, and maybe even …

… how we see ourselves.

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What Saved Our Marriage … in Bed

Posted in life, Marriage, WONDER, tagged Bed, in Bed, Marriage, Sleep, Television, What Saved our Marriage on October 3, 2011| 2 Comments »

With our anniversary just last week, I’ve had marriage on my brain.

After twenty-two years we have had a spat or two. We have had our struggles with co-existing together. We have had times when it has seemed that we have had more differences than similarities.

A few years back I found something that may just have saved our marriage from complete and utter ruin. It is something that is so simple, and is available to all. It is also a cure without any cost (except for those who do not have this at their disposal).

My cure has made such a profound change in our marriage, that I am actually thinking of finding a publisher who would jump at the chance to publish and sell this idea to the public. I am convinced that it could top the New York Times Best Seller list. I am convinced that the title alone is one that Oprah would publish.

Now, you may be wondering when I might be telling you the secret, and the title, of this marriage enriching, life changing book … but, I am a little hesitant to tell you too quickly. I fear that you will read the title of my book, laugh hysterically, and then click off my blog post to look for a more ‘serious’ approach to marriage enhancement. This is a serious topic, and this approach did seriously improve my marriage … particularly in bed!

Okay, if you promise, in your heart (like, cross your heart, hope to die, stick a finger in your eye … kind of promise) to not click off my post until you read to the end, then I will share my secret with you … yes? Okay then, here it goes … the title of my best selling (well, in the future) book is … “How Moving a Television into our Bedroom Saved our Marriage.”

D O N ‘ T go to another blog, or Facebook, or Tetris … keep reading … it might save your marriage too!

You see, hubby and I, we are certainly a study in contrasts. Sometimes I think that the only thing we have in common is our three kids! He likes salty, I like sweet. He likes road trips, I like airplanes. He likes going to sporting events, I like going for a walk. He is a night hawk, I am a morning person.

It is in the last set of contrasts that our marriage was suffering. We almost never went to bed together! I am ready almost any night, any time after 8pm to crash my head onto my pillow … hubby is usually not ready until closer to 11pm. So, one day I (yes, I, not hubby) suggested we move a small television into our bedroom. And we did.

This meant that, finally, we would climb beneath the sheets at the same time. I lay my head on my pillow and start snoring (so hubby says), and he watches every news and sports highlight program available. And we can be together 🙂 Sometimes we even climb in bed and talk about our days, or have visits from one of the kids, or sleep, or don’t sleep …

Whatever it is we do once we get into bed, we get to spend the time there together … it is so much better than climbing into bed alone.

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Wedding Day Memories

Posted in life, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Anniversary, Life, Marriage, Memories, Wedding, Wedding Day Memories, Wonder on September 30, 2011| 3 Comments »

Memories are funny things. There are some details of the past that we remember, and other details are forgotten forever.

Twenty-two years ago today I went to a high school football game. My brother was playing on one of the teams, and my fiance was coaching that same team. It was a perfect autumn day … the sun shining brightly, the air crisp, the leaves on the trees in the early stages of turning from bright green to hues of gold and red. It is a day I remember so well, because it was the day of the biggest argument of our dating relationship … the day before our wedding.

I have no idea what we were arguing about, I can only remember the intensity of the emotions I felt. Obviously, whatever it was that had vexed us was resolved, and the following day I met him at the end of the aisle, where we traded in our individual lives for a future together.

The memories of our wedding day decrease with each passing year. If there are this many fewer memories after twenty-two years, will I even remember that I am married in twenty-two more?

But, what I do remember are the vivid broad strokes of our day.

I remember that our wedding started late, and it wasn’t because I was trying to be fashionably late … our soloist was flying into New Brunswick from Toronto, and his flight was late.

I remember that the pastor we had to marry us thought he was at a preach-a-thon … he spoke for about an hour after the processional, before actually marrying us.

I remember that my mother in law wore gray … much cheerier than the black that her mother wore at her wedding.

I remember that, as I looked at my groom awaiting me at the end of the aisle, he was gray (like his mother’s dress), and looked as though he might pass out … so much for the groom’s look of awe at the brides glowing beauty …

So, not all memories are so sweet 😉 but, alas, my memories of our wedding day were also not all so depressing.

I remember a twinge of regret as my dad ‘gave me away’ to my groom.

I remember how confident I felt as I repeated my vows, and said ‘I do.’

I remember that when my groom slipped his ring (a most simple band) on my finger I could not imagine a more wonderful, a more exquisite piece of jewelery in the world.

I remember gladly signing my name on the marriage license.

I remember driving off to our honeymoon (a trip, by car, of over 3000 miles … one way … and hubby wonders why I have little interest in road trips), reliving the details of the day, together.

The memories of that day fill my mind and my heart at times like this, when we remember and celebrate our corporate survival, and our hope of many years to come.

Happy Anniversary Hubby

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Remembering a Regular Day

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Japan Tsunami, Life, March 11 2011, Mundane, Regular, Remembering a Regular Day on September 29, 2011| Leave a Comment »

As I sat at my computer, staring, hoping that some inspiration would fall from the skies for the next blog entry … nothing fell. It was the first time, since I wrote my first blog entry (way back in March of 2011), that I didn’t have a clue what to write, and it was really beginning to get me down.

So, I decided to reread a few posts of blogging past. It was in rereading my very first blog post, just-a-regular-day, that I was inspired to write again.

My very first post was written and published on Thursday, March 10, 2011. In it I wrote about the regular, mundane details of a regular, mundane day. I wrote about awakening, working, shopping for produce, making dinner and going to bed. I spoke of how easily I can become bored with regular and mundane.

One thing I had said, from my blog post, caught my eye … “There are many ‘what ifs’ in each and every ‘regular’ day. They are the what ifs that, if they were different, if they altered, my regular day would be catastrophic, disheartening, life-changing.”

When I finished reading it, I looked at the date of it again, March 10, 2011 … the day before (really just hours before) the magnitude 9.0 earthquake off the coast of Japan, which was followed by the tsunami that took the lives nearly 16,000 people. For so many the ‘what ifs’ of that day altered their ‘regular’ day, profoundly.

The events of that day, which probably started so regularly for most there, altered the course of the future for tens of thousands of people. There were those who died. There were those who were injured. There were those who lost family members, friends and colleagues. There were those who lost their homes. There were those whose place of employment was lost. There were those who lost crops. There was so much loss!

Their day began as regular as any other, but it ended in catastrophe, disheartening, and it was so life-changing.

I wonder if the days, the weeks, the months following the events of that day … did/do people there ever dream of a regular day?

A day where the alarm goes off at the same time.

A day where you bid farewell to your family in the morning, fully anticipating the end of the day reunion.

A day where you go off to work.

A day where you have to shop for produce.

A day where you make dinner.

A day where you fall into bed, tired, and ready to do it all over again tomorrow.

A regular, boring, mundane …

… real, beautiful, satisfying, worth-living for … LIFE.

I am so not going to allow not knowing what to write about get me down again … maybe I’ll just write about my regular day.

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Everything Hurts and I Love it

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, The Beast, WONDER, tagged Bear in Area, Beast, Beauty, Creation, dog, Exercise, Fort to Fort, Life, nature, poo, walk, Wonder on September 26, 2011| 2 Comments »

My first thoughts when I awoke this morning were I don’t know if I can walk to the bathroom, and I need coffee. The two thoughts go together too.

Yesterday, for the first time in over a month, I walked my favorite trail … all of it. It took over two hours, and it was great (it was great to be done, maybe not so great while doing it 😉 ). The weather was hot and humid, the trail was full of walkers and bikers, and we did it … my beast and I.

The poor beast was panting hard on the second half of our walk. Just as her tongue was dripping from her hard panting, I was sweating like a stuffed pig on a spit (was a pretty pair we must have been).

On our first half we did take a few breaks, so that the beast wouldn’t collapse on me (of course there was no danger of me collapsing … ). We would walk down to the rivers edge (which was much farther out than a month ago. Heck it was much farther out than I had ever seen it) so that she could cool off in the water, and get a drink at the same time.

There were many people standing on the rivers edge, fishing. It was a day to be out, a day for people to enjoy what might be a last day of Indian summer. A day to enjoy the beauty and wonder of nature … the sun, the fresh air, the leaf laden trees, and all of the other beauties outside.

As we turned started our second half, we were confronted by the sign to the right … that did not make for a confident walk back! Seriously, I did not need that! I already have paranoid thoughts whenever I am walking in the wilderness (like down my street) about being chased by a bear … I did not need confirmation that they were actually in the same area that I was in! What made it worse was that, shortly after seeing that bright and foreboding sign, I saw a tail on the pathway (and I am sure that it was not there when I passed that way just moments before). A squirrel’s tail … without the squirrel! I was now in a desperate state. So, I did what any well-adjusted, mature, woman in my right mind would do … I texted a picture of the sign to hubby, so that he would know how I died. And his response … was about a half hour later! I could have been bear poop by the time he responded! So much for sensitive, hubby!

Alas, the beast and I did survive the potential of a bear attack 🙂 .

But then, just as I was feeling as though we were safe from calamity, my beast started making all of the signs of needed to poo. And I, of course, was ready! As she squatted, I untied the poo bag from her harness (I know making her wear her poo bags is the equivalent of me wearing toilet paper around my neck, out in public … but, she is a very self confident dog). And when I started to put the bag over my hand … there was a hole in it … at the end (where my middle fingers would be … yuck). Alas, I was like a girl scout, and was prepared for anything! I had two bags! So, I doubled up, scooped up, tied up and we continued on.

We had a very uneventful second half of our walk (minus the anxiety-provoking sign and hole in the poo bag incidents). I am not sure which of us started to sprint-walk once the van was in site, but I know that both the beast and I were overwhelmingly thrilled to see it. The beast settled into the back seat, and did not move again until we got back home.

And we both slept well that night … with our minds full of the beautiful visions of our walk, and the sense of accomplishment of doing something that allowed us to exercise and enjoy the beauty of creation.

And my aching body … it pales in contrast with how wonderfully my soul feels.

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