WONDER | itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for the ‘WONDER’ Category

What I Really, Really Want

Posted in WONDER, tagged Aging, Dreams, joel 2:28, middle age, really want, what i really really want on November 22, 2013| 1 Comment »

The other day, after my kids had been moving the radio dial, I was left with the radio playing on ‘their’ station, with the Spice Girls singing out :

“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want”

and it lasted, playing over and over and over again, in my head ALL DAY LONG!

That was the down side (and I banned my kids from changing the radio station in the van for a week), but there was an up side to this song being on repeat in my subconscious. It made me ask the question :

what do I really, really want?

On the heels of yesterday’s post, A Note to Myself, I am obviously in a contemplative mood this week!

I think it is always a good idea to consider what we really, really want from our lives. Doing so gives us the opportunity to reflect and dream about the days, and years to come.

When we are children we are constantly dreaming of the future :

– what is up that tree?
– will there be dessert after I eat my vegetables?
– how many days until Christmas? my birthday? vacation?
– how many days until I start school?

Then, when we are teens the dreaming grows and intensifies :

– I cannot wait until summer vacation!
– I cannot wait to be in twelfth grade!
– I cannot wait to be done twelfth grade!
– I cannot wait to be in college/university!

As a young adult there is more dreaming :

– I cannot wait to own my own car
– I cannot wait to have my dream job
– I cannot wait to own my own house
– I cannot wait to marry

As an adult who is married with children we begin dreaming for ourselves and others :

– I cannot wait until this baby is born
– I cannot wait until this baby sleeps through the night
– I cannot wait until date night!
– I cannot wait until the kids start school

Then we reach this mid-life stage and dreaming of the future becomes a little foggy … maybe because we see where the next half eventually ends.

Even so, this is a great time of life to dream new dreams, start fresh adventures, try something new, take chances.

The book of Joel (2:28) tells us :

“And afterward,
    I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
    your old men (and youthful but aging women) will dream dreams,
    your young men will see visions.”

Dreaming is for the older, the more mature. Maybe it is because, as we get to the midway point we have enough experience to be better able to dream because we have had the experiences of dreams that came true, and dreams that crashed and burned. We know not to count on our dreams, but we also know how dreams give us direction, motivation and a spring in our step. At the same time, we know we have more limits on our time, which can provide the urgency to work to make the dream a reality.

And so, let us dream! Working towards the goals in this life that we really, really want, and in doing so perhaps we will also be fulfilling the plan God has for us in this life.

Read Full Post »

A Note To Myself

Posted in WONDER, tagged a note to my younger self, a note to myself, don't do, live wonder-filled, Regrets on November 21, 2013| 2 Comments »

1441454_10152083304038706_1519277239_n

It is said that experience is the best teacher …

When I saw the above image posted on Facebook I immediately started to write the note in my mind. It began as a list of what not to do. Perhaps, just as experience is the best teacher, regret is a powerful lesson.

The list in my head was growing my the moment when I realized that I missed the final part of the challenge of what I would say to my younger self …

… in only two words

Okay, now that changed things!

Then I really had to think … what two words would I wish I could communicate to my younger self?

It made me really regret my ‘don’t do’ list, because, all of a sudden, having only two words to communicate … well would I want them to be dont’s?

So then my mind was racing, trying to come up with two positive words … not just positive, now, but encouraging. So now my aim was to find two words … just TWO words, that would be words of encouraging to my younger self.

When I was younger I was confident of a handful of goals for my life, and I was committed to not make any choices that could adversely affect my goals. So I was not a rule-breaker. But, when I look back, I realize that I made my rules to be laws, and they not only kept me on the straight and narrow … they also kept me from experiencing variety in this life.

So, after hours of contemplating and considering what two words I would wish to write to myself, my conclusion would be :

live wonder-filled

How about you? What two words would you wish to write in a note to your younger self?

Read Full Post »

Who Makes the Sacrifice?

Posted in WONDER, tagged law enforcement, loved ones, military, philippine typhoons, Remembrance Day, Sacrifice, who makes the sacrifice on November 20, 2013| 1 Comment »

d71031654ed0819341f2348ba9f279cc

The idea of sacrifice surrounds this month.

Just over a week ago we remembered those who sacrificed for freedom in world conflicts on Remembrance Day (or Veterans Day, or whatever other title that day holds for you, where you live). Then a friend went with the Canadian Medical Assistance Team (CMAT) to help set up a medical center in the Philippines, after the deadly Typhoons, causing thousands of deaths, injuries and millions of people displaced from their homes. Then a mom, experiencing mixed emotions as her son, who desires to be a law enforcement officer, got called into training.

These events have caused me to consider sacrifice.

Who is it who is making a sacrifice when a person in the military is called to go to the Middle East?

Who is it who is making a sacrifice when they go to work in law enforcement?

Who is it who is making a sacrifice when they go to work as a firefighter?

Who is it who is making a sacrifice when they get called to the hospital to do emergency surgery, on Christmas morning?

When our friend left for the Philippines, I heard people say,

“what a sacrifice he is making”

but he is not the only one making a sacrifice.

Those who have gone (and who are presently involved) to places of conflict are not the only ones who sacrificed. Their families, their communities, their loved ones, also paid a price.

The man who is entering law enforcement is not the only one who is sacrificing. His wife, his parents, his current workplace, his community are also paying a price.

Our friend helping those who have suffered the ravages of the typhoons is not the only on who is making a sacrifice. His wife, working full time, will be living as a single mom for three weeks. Their two young children will be missing their dad. His workplace, as a firefighter, will be sacrificing the hours he would normally be fulfilling his job requirements. His parents will be concerned for his safety. His friends will miss him.

These people who sacrifice, sacrifice many intangibles, for those in need.

We mustn’t forget, as we pray for them, to pray for those who love and care for them … the sacrifice is theirs too.

Read Full Post »

Brokenness Aside

Posted in WONDER, tagged all sons and daughters, Beautiful, brokenness aside, Dreams, Empty, john 16:30-31, made for more on November 19, 2013| 1 Comment »

Some days the inspiration to share does not come until I remember that if I am feeling something, maybe there is someone else out there who feels the same, and needs encouragement. d2e18a1cc7aed9173af847f95e4a3385

Each and every woman reading will understand what I am about to say …

This particular day I felt … un-beautiful … you know ladies, the kind of un-beautiful that you feel more than beauty you might see. It seemed that I could not remember when I last communed with my God … the God of the Universe. It seemed that the conversation stopped, and it wasn’t God’s silence …

it was mine. and I was left feeling like a guilt-ridden, un-beautiful, hardened shell.

Like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, it felt like I had no heart. I was just a human form of a bucket of bolts.

There are times, in every woman’s lives when life is just a full calendar … just laundry growing in the basket … just another meal to prepare … just the needs of loved ones that we cannot meet … just …

no dream to dream.

I am a dreamer, and I need goals, pursuits … dreams … to keep my focus on the purpose behind the little details of life and living.

But, earthly dreaming is not necessarily going to fill the empty feeling inside.

That is an empty that is part and parcel of being made for more … being made for living in another vessel altogether … and that future home is often what causes our homesick, empty feelings.

So,

step aside
bend a knee
bow a head
and lets pour out our hearts to the one who made them.

It is by pouring them out to God, that we become full, fueled and the empty is filled by His beauty.

“Jesus answered them, “Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I’m not abandoned. The Father is with me. I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” John 16:30-31

“Brokenness Aside’s title track was born of this broken world and a time when Leslie was reminded we are never really whole until Heaven.”

Read Full Post »

How to Learn About Special Needs

Posted in WONDER, tagged Disabilities, educational assistant, how to learn about special needs, john elder robison, Special Needs, temple grandin on November 18, 2013| 2 Comments »

emergingtechwordlecloud

This past summer I read a book that made me … ponder my career field.

I work as an Educational Assistant in a middle school. Within this field I get to work with students who have been diagnosed as having special needs (don’t we all?), as well as those who simply struggle to learn at the typical speed or style as the majority of their peers. I also get to work closely with those who teach these students, and their parents … it’s a team mentality, with all striving for the best from each particular student.

Is it perfect? no.

Is it good? yes.

I love my job!

At the end of last year, a student in the high school I worked, handed me a book and said I should read it (I learned long ago, that when a child or teen says such a thing, it is imperative that I do so). As I read, “Look Me in the Eye“, by John Elder Robison, I began to ponder my training to work as an Educational Assistant.

John is a successful adult, who happens to also have autism.

This, then, has led me re-visit the life of Temple Gandin. Another successful adult, living with the challenges that autism can bring to an individual (and those who love them).

In the past month I have been investigating these two individuals, listening to them speak, reading what they have written, on their lives, and their needs, and their strengths as well as weaknesses.

I have realized that my formal education in special needs taught me little about what those with special needs know. Instead I was taught what psychologists, behavioral specialists, doctors and teachers believe they know about everything from autism to Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) to Down’s Syndrome (Trisomy 21) to Fragile X to hearing impairment and so on.

If a person wanted to learn the piano would you learn more from someone who studies pianos, or one who plays them?

If a person wanted to learn about cooking would they go to a food critic or a chef?

If a person wanted to learn about building a house, would you learn more from a building inspector or a builder?

I would say that in each of the above comparisons, one would learn the most from both professionals … just as one working with those with special needs should learn from those who study the various special needs, as well as learning from those with the special needs themselves.

After all, is it they who have something to teach us.

Read Full Post »

An Incredible, Real Comic

Posted in WONDER, tagged be real, bill watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, Childhood, dear mr. watterson, live on November 17, 2013| Leave a Comment »

normal

When you hear the name, Bill Watterson, what words come to mind?

comics
artist
Calvin and Hobbes
mishaps
heart-warming
adventures into childhood
childhood …

Calvin_and_Hobbes_1280_Wall_by_LamboMan7

Although Bill Watterson stopped drawing his famous six year old and the stuffed tiger, who came to life, in 1995 (at the age of thirty-seven), his Calvin and Hobbes cartoons are still enjoyed by children and adults alike.

cseriousart

Just this past Friday a documentary, called Dear Mr. Watterson, opened at select theaters (only one in Canada). The dream come true for director, Joel Schroeder, it is “not a quest to find Bill Watterson, or to invade his privacy. It is an exploration to discover why his ‘simple’ comic strip made such an impact on so many readers in the 80s and 90s, and why it still means so much to us today.”

Dear+Mr+Watterson+Original+Film+Score

In an article in the Pacific Standard, titled Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson, and Separating the Artist from the Art (November 15, 2013), writer Paul Hiebert said, “unlike the actors and musicians and politicians and reality-TV personalities who pursue every opportunity available either to gain or maintain some kind of social acceptance and significance, Watterson doesn’t seem to care. And in his non-caring, the public has only come to care for him more.”

timeout

In honor of the opening of the documentary, and in honor of Bill Watterson, who seemed to preach a simple message … “live. live with adventure and abandon. live the best of life … not the fastest … not the most glamorous … but the best that life has to offer. and live it as you really are, not as the world would want you to live it.”

Although the graphics of the following cartoon link are not original to Bill Watterson, the words are his. Please click the following link, to be reminded, once again, to live!

Click Here: An incredible comic by Bill Watterson – Imgur.

Read Full Post »

The Best of November 11-15

Posted in WONDER, tagged congratulations, how do we earn what we hav, nighty night, peace on earth, something beautiful and real, the best of november 11-15, the best of the week on November 16, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The best of this week is about experiencing the benefits of living in community … in the good days, and in the long dark winter nights of our lives.

Whether it is dealing with physical, emotional, relational or spiritual pain, sharing that pain with those around us (just like we share the joys and successes) can mean we are escorted from mourning into dancing.

So, this week, it was the post titled Congratulations that was the top viewed post.

How Do We Earn What We Have
(an important question one teacher asked of her high school students)

Peace On Earth
(what is perfect peace?)

Something Beautiful And Real
(beauty that comes from our broken humanity)

Nighty Night
(a little combination of a lullaby and a bedtime prayer)

Blessings to you this day,
Carole

Read Full Post »

Nighty Night

Posted in WONDER, tagged blessings, GOD, night time prayers, nighty night, pressure, Stress on November 15, 2013| Leave a Comment »

duck++nighty+night

It may seem a rather odd thing to awaken to a message titled, “Nighty Night” … and yet, here it is.

I am not a lover of form prayers (although I do love the Lord’s Prayer), but when I saw the one, below, I felt as though I heard the heart of the one who wrote it … no, I felt the soothing words being whispered into my heart, like a child being lovingly tucked into their bed at night by one who represents love and security.

Sometimes, when the day is long, when the pressures are mounting, when the ‘to do’ list for tomorrow is longer than the hours in the day, when relationships are not right, and money is tight and your car’s in the shop, and your head won’t stop spinning sleep may seem elusive and rest a waste of pressure hours.

But today … tonight, at the end of this week of

work and schedules
blessings and disappointments
dirty toilets and cleaned out refrigerators
taxiing kids and sitting through boring lectures
paying the bills and not being able to pay them

whatever you have been dealing with this week …

b94f1ecf4261bed6f4665bfd43d1e6d5

Don’t let the weariness steal from you a night time blessing of assurance that you are not alone.

Nighty night!

Carole

Read Full Post »

Something Beautiful and Real

Posted in WONDER, tagged bonnie gray, Creation, faithbarista, something beautiful and real, something more, we are worth it on November 14, 2013| 1 Comment »

c1a3e9c3bfca55108deb9574f382b616

Last week I wrote about wanting to be really me … who I really am, and who God made me to be.

As I opened my emails the other day, one written by Bonnie Gray (faithbarista), jumped off the screen and into my heart. What captured me were the words :

“something beautiful and real”

Bonnie wrote that as she reminded her readers of the formless earth, before Creation. She wrote that, on the cusp of God creating all that was to come, when there was … no form … God was still moving in it.

And then He Created … making something new, and it was :

“something beautiful and real”

I am one who struggles at times with yearning for something more (The Day I Wanted To Run Away), and I know that all of us do, because we were created to live in a place of perfect peace (Peace-on-Earth), a place of perfect peace. And so, since leaving the perfect garden, we have been yearning for more …

It is a dichotomy that our yearning for the future, for the perfection that is to come, can keep us from seeing the very real beauty of today.

Although the personal reflections that Bonnie shares (below) may not be your experience, there is a very tangible lesson from the walk she is taking through her past, so as to see light and life in her future …

“both sadness and joy can co-exist”

and I would say that when they do co-exist we are living something beautiful and real!

Just like Jesus did not want to experience torture on a cross … separation from his Father … he chose to endure the pain, the rejection and the loss because …

WE were worth it …
WE are worth it …

“Comes a time, on the journey, you wonder how you will survive,
There comes a time, when you’re thirsty and so alone…
There is a pool in the desert, where water flows from fountains unseen,
Saving water, healing water flowing over me.” The Choir, Flowing Over Me

You don’t have to die, in order to feel like you’re not really living.

You can even be loved by the man of your dreams whose arms as husband gently encircle your waist every night in bed — you can love the world’s most beautiful two boys, the ones you’ll always remember resting warm and soft in the cradle of your neck as newborns — and yet feel something missing inside.

It’s hard to talk to other people about what you find difficult to face yourself.

They might think you’re being ungrateful.

They might think you’re not counting your blessings.

They might think your faith is broken.

But, it’s not that way at all.

There is something deeper going on inside.

The Place Inside

I know what this is like.

To make it on my own. To be okay.

It’s a numbness. In places no one can see.

It’s me from my childhood. Still alone. Holding everything together.

It doesn’t show up at work, when I used to stand up making presentations in conference rooms.

It doesn’t show up when I’m hanging out with my friends, or even at church, where all is as it should be.

And if you saw me at the grocery store, or driving my kids to soccer, running errands, you would think all is fine.

This place inside me where I pull myself together is where I go whenever I’m feeling down, confused or stressed.

In the privacy of my soul — where my memories lay — lies the wounded me.

Greater Faith

You know, the month of November is the time of the year when we talk about being thankful.

But for someone like me, who is going through the journey of healing — having to remember all the people, places and stories that have wounded me — what I’m thankful for may not be what everyone else has on their list.

Before my journey through debilitating anxiety, I was able to ignore the undercurrent feeling of shame I’ve hidden growing up in a dysfunctional home.

I wanted to be strong and courageous — by being competent.

I didn’t understand God could make me strong and courageous — by being broken.

I was still young in my journey of faith.

It wasn’t time for me back then, as a little girl, to understand it takes greater faith to be broken than being competent.

Even Though

It’s what Jesus chose in the Garden of Gethsamane, the night everyone was remembering Passover and giving thanks for God’s protection from passing death.

It was the night Jesus chose not to pass death.

It was the night Jesus felt like dying –

even though He had just celebrated the Passover meal with His closest friends,

even though Jesus had given thanks, for the bread,

and even though Jesus had given thanks, for the cup.

Jesus confided –

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.
Stay here… With me.
I’m very sad. It feel as if I’m dying…”
Matthew 26:37-38 (NIV, CEB)

Jesus didn’t want pain, but He wanted us more.

So, Jesus chose to be broken.

This Thanksgiving, my heart is opening up.

My soul is awakening with each painful memory coming alive.

I’m stepping out — even in my numbness — to give thanks.

Not because I’m strong.

Not because everything is picture perfect.

I have something this year I’ve never had before.

I have a heart that is becoming real.

My Real Thanksgiving List

This year, I’m opening my heart to My Real Thanksgiving List.

I’m thankful –

I can be in need, so I can go on a new journey to find comfort.

I can feel sadness, so I don’t have to live separated from my heart. I can cry and feel afraid because it means I’m real.

I don’t have to want suffering, but I can choose to embrace it. Because God doesn’t see it as shameful. He is going to stay with me. As long as it takes.

I can fall apart. Because Jesus is holding me tenderly and His tears are dropping onto the hands that have gone limp from praying too long and too hard in silence.

I’m thankful I can hear Him whispering –

I haven’t forgotten you.

I’m not going to leave you.

over and again, even as I choke out in sobs to Him in return, “I don’t want this. I don’t want this.”

I’m thankful I can finally stop to look at my wounds and investigate how they got there.

I’m learning to say no in ways I’ve never dared — to say yes to me and yes to God.

I’m thankful I can smell the rain and remember the dreams I’ve given up — so I can ask God if I can taste them again.

I can ask God, “Is it too late?” and still doubt, because God is faithful even when I’m not.

I’m thankful for beautiful things I’m finding among the devastation of letting go.

I’m thankful I can be broken and real. Because Jesus still chooses me.

Something Beautiful

I am finding new friends who understand that both sadness and joy can co-exist. Who aren’t trying to fix me.

Friends who trust that love is greater than any resolution.

Friends who understand the journey of faith takes us off script.

Who share their own stories of struggle and dreams.

Who can touch the deep places.

Friends who remember the earth was once formless.

Empty.

Yet, God was still moving in it, making something new and deep.

Something beautiful and real.

It was so real, that when God looked at what He was holding — after placing His lips and breathing into the dirt — He saw something come alive.

Something He never, ever made before.

It’s what God sees looking into your heart and mine today.

He is making something beautiful out of you.

Remember

As we walk into the heart of the Thanksgiving season, and all those picture perfect images and stories start flashing onto our screens, remember The Real Thanksgiving List taking shape in God’s heart — inside of yours.

This list is coming alive in the real stories He’s walking out with you in the current chapters you are living. Today.

We can be thankful.

Jesus is going to keep loving us — the same way He calls the stars out on the darkest nights every day.

He whispers your name. And mine.

Tenderly.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
He counts the number of the stars;
He gives names to all of them.“
~ Psalm 147:3-5

Read Full Post »

Congratulations

Posted in WONDER, tagged celebrations, community, congratulations, green eyed monster, Psalm 30:11, rejoice, romans 12:15, weep on November 13, 2013| 1 Comment »

063a8958e2aaa154ae6c527864e655bf

It is delightful to be able to celebrate with someone for whom celebration is deserved or due.

To share in the pouring out of blessing into the life of another is contagious and the warmth of the blessed person’s joy radiates to all near them.

I remember years ago, our neighbors daughter and her hubby winning a very large amount of lottery money. When she came over to tell us, I was out hanging Christmas lights (or was us taking them down?), and her face was brighter than anything I was hanging. I also remember feeling a visit from the green-eyed monster.

That green-eyed monster raises it’s head in the ugliest ways, at the most beautiful, celebratory times.

As the blessings pour into the lives and hands of those around us, they can sometimes be reminders of the blessings we have missed, lost, or are out of our reach. When this happens it can feel as though we need to plaster onto our face a plastic smile, when you may just want to shout out:

“it’s my turn …”
“I have needs too …”
“I want to celebrate with you, but … my heart is breaking.”

For the woman desiring to meet and marry her prince, news of another’s engagement …
For the couple secretly mourning a miscarriage, the announcement of the pregnancy of another …
For the woman whose husband is in palliative care, news of another in remission …
For the student denied acceptance into their desired university, news of a peer getting into theirs …

can all have mixed effects on the hearts of those who are not living in the land of milk and honey.

But people, Romans 12:15 reminds us to :

“Rejoice with those who are rejoicing.
Cry with those who are crying”

It is good to rejoice for those who are ready to celebrate! It is also good to cry with those who are crying … but, to cry with those who are crying means that we need to share our sorrows with others, we need to share our sorrows, as we share our rejoicing.

God wants us to have community, to share our lives with others.

I love to share good news … but, oh, how I hate to bleed emotionally, in public.

Yet, when I have been strong enough to show my weakness to others, I am always amazed at how faithful God is to bless that sharing, and how blessed I feel by the supportive shoulders others provide. Actually, the freedom to share my sorrow almost makes me want to … celebrate!

God’s people, loving each other through rejoicing or tears, is the fulfillment of our purpose in living in community with each other, and “he turns our wailing into dancing” (Psalm 30:11).

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »