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Lessons from Life in the Middle

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #lessonsfromlifeinthemiddle, #listenmore, #middlelife, #morethanhalfway, #speakless, lovemore on March 19, 2021| 2 Comments »

Soon I will turn fifty-two … Still in my early fifties (this is my indirect pointing out that I am not that old yet), still very much an active mom (does that ever change?), still very much in love with my guy (I hope this doesn’t ever change), still experiencing the close relationship with my own mom, enjoying my work, my (socially distanced) church, friends and activities.

I am still very much alive.

I have reached that stage of middles … though I do not expect that fifty-two is the middle of my life, that I will live to be called a centenarian.

I am in the middle of adult children and parent, loving my job yet looking forward to days when I don’t have to rush out the door, anticipating retirement and considering further education and a career change, purchasing (a new home, stuff) yet purging, planning for the future yet seeing the future’s end, loving my guy and fearing he might die before me (my plan is me first).

I am stuck in the middles …

and (much of the time) I absolutely love it!

From this vantage point, I have learned that my life needs to have more of two things and less of one.

More doing …

At this stage of life I know that I am on the other end … awareness of the brevity of this life tends to remind one to make the best use of this time. I need to be doing more with my time (this might be something I need to focus on this coming year). As an introvert I can make up so many excuses to not be doing things (other than making a puzzle, watching a British Crime Drama, etc.) … but I have this niggling in the back of my mind that I now have time and energy and ability that might not always be at my disposal. I need to move, to do the things I might not always be able to do, now.

Less speaking …

Greek philosopher Epictetus is noted as having said,

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

In our world today, with social media posts, tweets, sound bites and bloggers (ahem … preaching to self here) it is all too easy to speak our truth and not take time to hear from others (other than their social media posts, tweets, sound bites and blogs). The beauty of being in the middle is that you have opportunity to hear from the past and the future … the struggle is to remember to do listen and listen twice as much as we speak.

Love more …

To love others costs nothing, but reaps the greatest of rewards … a regret-free existence. Actually to love more does cost, but it’s cost is my pride and to reduce my pride is to be more in the black than in the red. I want, when I die, not for people to say I spoke the truth, but that lived the truth … in word and in action. I want to leave this world and those around me, better … less damage, more healing. I have seen what damage can be done when there is an absence or withholding of love in generations … love is the better way.

“I will show you the most excellent way (1 Corinthians 12:31) … the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

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who has inspired you and why?

Posted in The Kids, WONDER, tagged #influencer, #inspirational, #inspring, #leaders, #rolemodels, #setanexample, #whohasinspiredyouandwhy on March 16, 2021| 2 Comments »

We sat there, enjoying our meal together, when the conversation moved into an area of gold.

“So, who has inspired you and why?”

What followed was great revelation, great insight into those who have been the influencers in the life of my, now adult, son.

The people named were not surprising to me, though I did find it interesting the order of who was mentioned. Then there was the why question … why did this person, or that, stick in your mind as inspiring?

Youth leaders, teachers, camp leaders … those were the areas of leadership that they all originated from. Mostly men (as this was my son), but women as well. Descriptors such as authentic, available, consistent, interested, solid, challenged to work harder, be better flowed from his lips.

I found myself to be so encouraged.

As a mom, a parent, it is always good to know that your child received encouragement towards growth from someone else. It is good to see that our children are not just impacted by us, as parents, but by others around them. That they take into adulthood the whispers of encouragement from others.

“If your actions inspire others to
dream more, learn more, do more and become more,
you are a leader.”
John Quincy Adams

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Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Posted in life, Walking with God, tagged #anticipation, #donotbeanxious, #excitement, #insomnia, #prayeristheconduittopeace, #sleepinheavenlypeace on March 14, 2021| Leave a Comment »

It doesn’t matter how tired I am, time off always means that I struggle to get to sleep on the eve of my first day off. My brain is whirling a twirling around, trying to come up with a way to squeeze everything I have been dreaming of doing in the days and weeks leading up to the break.

One would think, at my age, I might have grown beyond this sort of anticipation, but alas I still spend my first night tossing and turning, counting sheep, cows and kittens and trying every trick in my getting to sleep book!

In my over-excitement of what is to come, I lost out on the sleep, the rest that my body and mind so needed.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Sometimes we (okay, I) think that the (above) text has to do with the fearful anxieties that take over our minds, but we can also be excited to the point of anxiousness … to the point that our excitement and anticipation can take over our thoughts wholly, interrupting a healthy balance in our lives.

The apostle Paul, in this clip from a letter to the Philippians, reminds us all that prayer is the key to peace in any and every situation. That this peace will be out of this world (perhaps even allowing sleep to come to us).

According to Paul:

Prayer is the conduit to peace.

Though I remembered this truth after the fact, it is one I need to remember.

When my anxious thoughts are on the dire, the sad, the fear-laden, the dark and twisty things of life … I always remember to take them to God in prayer.

But, when my heart and head are full of joy and excitement that bubbles over, filling my thoughts only of what I anticipate, I am slow to remember to share those joy-filled thoughts with Him.

Perhaps, if I did, I would sleep in a heavenly peace.

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Spring Break is in the Air

Posted in life, tagged #covid19, #pandemicyear, #rest, #schoolstaff, #springbreak, #springbreakisintheair on March 12, 2021| 2 Comments »

Never has a spring break been so anticipated by so many.

I recognize that not all have a spring break in their life, through their own work or through the children in their lives. For those who do, my thoughts may reverberate in your own heart and mind.

For some it started a week or two ago, or maybe not for weeks yet. It might be called Spring or March or reading break. It might be just a week, or two.

Whatever it looks like, this break is starting differently than last year’s, when we were introduced to lock down, closures, cancellations and Tiger King as people all over the world were repatriating to their home countries.

Though we Canadian’s are still not jetting off to sunny destinations (lest we would have to quarantine for two weeks upon return to our home country), I think we are thankful that, just like the days of growing daylight, vaccine rollouts are providing the light in the darkness for our constitutions.

For those who work within learning environments, Spring Break this year is particularly appreciated. From teachers, to custodians, to office staff, to educational assistants, to maintenance crews, to bus drivers, to administration this has been a year of stretching, additional responsibilities and fatigue like none other. Then there are the students … who have encountered at least as much change and challenge.

A year ago at home learning was being whispered about, leading to at least two months of zooms, online conferences and all of the technical issues that came with them.

When (many, but not all) classes resumed in the fall, they do so differently. Cohort became a daily used word. Online daily health checks started our days. Physical education and music classes changed significantly (and changed throughout the year). Masks became expected fashion accessories. Sanitize, sanitize, sanitize!

In many school districts, high school schedules changed exponentially from full year or half year semesters to ten week semesters, with only classes each … I even know of a district where students only have one course, for five weeks at a time (think about that … a teacher and their students are together ALL day, EVERY day for five weeks!).

Barriers were brought into the office reception area, parent-teacher interviews were completed by phone, field trips all but a faded memory and many teaching staff (in high schools) have gone without much of a break in one semester or had half a day in another (sounds good on the one hand, but ten weeks of little break from working with students does little to enhance quality of teaching).

All school staff are fatigued of being mask police …

“mask on”
“over the nose too”
“mask on in the hallways”
and, similarly,
“no, you cannot eat in the hallways”

and, believe me, the response is not always compliant or kind.

Then there is Covid itself. Schools all have staff who, themselves, are immunocompromised. For them, going to work could feel like a daily play of Russian roulette. Or those who live with loved ones whose health is equally fragile. The thought of possibly bringing a virus home, that could have much more severe consequences than just a cough and malaise, has been a daily fear.

So, Spring Break, we welcome you, with open arms …

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The True Burden

Posted in FAMILY, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged #masters, #parenting, #parentingistough, #thetrueburden, #thisistheway, #yoda on March 9, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Over the past weeks, my son has had me on a steady weekly diet of Star Wars films and animated series (Clone Wars and Rebels) to prepare me for season two of The Mandalorian. He felt I needed more background knowledge of the Mandalorians as well as a better understanding of how things fit together in the Star Wars narrative.

I just want to watch Season 2 of The Mandalorian!!

He, though, sees the bigger picture. He wants me to not just see season 2 as a show, but as a part of a bigger picture …

where did he learn this bigger picture emphasis?

Okay, so … maybe from his mother.

“Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery, hmm… but weakness, folly, failure also. Yes: failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.“

Those words, spoken from Yoda to Luke, in the Last Jedi, could fit as appropriately when speaking of the parent/child relationship.

As my own three apprentices are now adults, I feel much of the teaching, the passing on, is done. Now I am watching them reach out into the world with their training done, making their own choices of which lessons to keep and which to abandon (temporarily or permanent? who is to say?).

In my parental passing on of what I have learned, I have equally passes on strengths and weaknesses, wisdom and folly. In my human imperfection, I have also failed them at times … and that failure is also part of the package that I hand over to them.

This is how the human race has a tendency to repeat past mistakes, for history’s teachers impart both the good and the bad, the blessings and the curses from within themselves.

As their parent (master 🙂 ) I have handed down to them many things, but my legacy is not just what I have modelled, taught or insisted upon … my legacy is also what they do with the treasures (and trash) I have shared with them.

Just like a teacher to a student in a classroom, there is no formula for guaranteed success.

If we look beyond human parents and Jedi masters, even in the mastery of Jesus himself, to his disciples, there was not perfection in the following of his teachings. Yet, two thousand years later, his word and his way (“this is the way”) are still being taught, still being modelled … imperfectly.

Though the burden, or struggle of all masters, all teachers, all parents is that our legacy is not in what we impart, but in how our apprentices, our students, our children use what we have given them.

And this is the greatest burden, but also the greatest learning of all parents.

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One Year Ago

Posted in life, tagged #ayearinapandemic, #coronavirus, #covid19, #lockdown, #oneyearago, #pandemicyear on March 7, 2021| Leave a Comment »

I remember one year ago, today. I was so excited that our son was returning from his six months at YWAM in New Zealand, where he had also travelled for a mission short mission trip to Thailand. We had missed him and were so excited to learn of his experiences.

We were also eager for him to get home, on Canadian soil, for the word Coronavirus spread was quickly becoming a common topic in the news. Days later, on March 11, 2020 the WHO (World Health Organization) declared Covid-19 a pandemic.

I remember the days after our son returned, as each day closures and cancellations were taking place, from concerts, to flights, to cruises, to Disneyland. By the time that week ended, our Spring Break began … in lockdown.

Can you believe it has been nearly a year?

A year of challenge, and change, and adjustment.

We have learned to worship together by Zoom, YouTube, etc … hopefully we have learned that, though the doors to the sanctuary are closed, church is not closed, for we are the church.

Some have lost jobs, others have lost loved ones. Some have lived in fear of leaving their homes, others have lived in fear for they work in the public places, while others have lived in fear of running out of toilet paper. We have all adjusted to (at least) temporary isolation, so as to avoid the virus, to learning to live with the virus with our applied armour of hand washing, masks and physical distance. We have had schools zoomed into our homes and back to class again. The home office has become the norm … perhaps this will be a permanent norm. We have learned to shop following arrows on the floors (and we all know that not everyone has adequately adjusted to this), online or by call, with home delivery of delivery to our car in the parking lot. We have begun to notice and support small, local businesses. We have leaned to wait in lines, socially distanced …

Now we wait in line for a vaccine that will protect us from the virus, protect us from spreading the virus. We are seeing light at the end of this pandemic tunnel. Could a form of normal be in the near future?

When I realized that this pandemic has been with us almost a year, I began to reflect. As I, personally, look over the year I see the struggles of missing being with others. I have missed singing worship songs with my church family, and hugs as we greeted each other. I have missed events, travel, going to movies. I have felt fear, worry for our two daughters who have a disease that makes them more at risk of a severe response to Covid, if they contracted it. I have felt sorrow for my mom, who lives so very alone and whom I cannot visit.

Things that haven’t been a problem are wearing masks (never have to worry if there is food in my teeth), washing hands, being aware of others in public places, online sermons. Even working with online schooling, though not preferable, though fully exhausting, what a joy to still be able to assist students with their learning (and, for some, online was an opportunity to thrive as peer pressure was removed). As one who tends towards introversion, staying home was a delight … most of the time.

Maybe, if you have a moment today, this week … reflect on the past year. Think about what has been hard, what has been good, what you most look forward to.

For me, looking back over this pandemic year, I have been reminded that I was never truly alone.

“In this world you will have trouble,
but ~~take heart~~ be courageous!
I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

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Ultimate Intimacy

Posted in Love, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #godlovesyou, #inthegarden, #likelovers, #lovedbeyondmeasure, #lovegod, #prayerisintimacy, #sharingoftimeandplace, #ultimateintimacy on March 5, 2021| Leave a Comment »

The feeling of being in love is euphoric, but it is not necessarily intimacy.

Intimacy is (poorly) defined in dictionaries as close familiarity, an intimate act, sharing secrets, knowledge of another.

The thing about intimacy is that if it is to be authentic intimacy, is cannot occur in isolation with just one person.

Nor is intimacy necessarily physical. Sex is often viewed as intimacy, but it cannot truly be intimate unless both individuals feel safe and share a connection beyond just the physical experience.

My definition would be :

intimacy is a deep, unexplainable connection between two or more individuals who attend to each other in their sharing of time and space

I have to say I think there cannot be a more intimate relationship than that of prayer, between a mere mortal and the God who created them.

In a comment on a blog post the other day (A Prayer of Trust) a dear friend left me the following (names changed) experience she had in prayer, not for herself, but for another :

The other day I got an email from Tammy. I had promised to pray for her one day a week and I had forgotten! So I started to pray and then asked him if he took retroactive prayer into consideration (I love the honesty 🙂 ). As I was muddling through this concept I got this feeling, like he was looking at me. Jesus was looking at me. Not at Tammy and those I was praying for but looking at me. Seeing me with such an intent look. Like while I’m praying he is interested in me and not all those other people I’m concerned about. Then I realized that that is what prayer really is. Just talking to Jesus with our eyes fixed on each other like lovers, holding hands,not saying much. He loves ME! He accepts me like I am and he will deal with those I care about in the same way.

As I read her words, specifically those which are underlined, a feeling of familiarity came over me … for I knew exactly of what she was describing.

Moments in prayer when the words I speak fade into the background as the eyes of my soul meet his, when I know that I am present with him, that he is present with me. When everything and everyone one else disappears into the background. When prayer is not about praises, and confessions, and requests but about a relationship of intimacy.

when it’s just the two of you and you know you are loved beyond measure

Early mornings, no interruptions, out in the middle of nature, in the middle of a sleepless sleep, standing in the shower with the water beating down, sitting on a city bus, standing on a beach … the place doesn’t matter, plans don’t matter, failures don’t matter, even prayer requests for others don’t matter … just the intimacy between you and your God in shared time and place.

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A Prayer of Trust

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #aprayeroftrust, #giveittogod, #prayer, #prayerisintimacy, #trustgod on March 2, 2021| 5 Comments »

Prayer is the ultimate intimacy.

Best done, most intimately done in private. Just between us and our Creator.

“ … when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Matthew 6:5-6

Yet, it is also best done for others.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16

In so many of his letters to the churches, Paul would pray for them. He knew them and knew much of what they needed. So, he prayed with knowledge and direction.

We do not always know what others need, yet sometimes the call to pray for others is so strong. We can be left with the urge, but no words. I like it when that is the case, for then my prayers are offered to God, not with my own knowledge, but with trust …

and having to trust God is a most holy ground place to be.

So, today, rather than my musings of what I am experiencing in my wonder-filled walk with God through my days, I would like to offer up a prayer of trust to God. For you, the reader.

God, you are our God.

The one who created the sun, still below the horizon, yet brightening the sky every minute.

The one who created every living thing, from the coyotes who all out at night, to the tiny bugs who exist all around us, to ourselves who muddle through life trying to figure our our purpose (and, hopefully, fulfilling that purpose in the meantime).

Today God, I pray in trust (I pray I always do so).

For the one who is unsure. Unsure of what today will hold. Unsure of what to do, what is safe. For that one who is filled with fear, anxiety, worry. For that one who wrings their hands, tosses and turns at night, jumps at the slightest noise. Loved wrap your arms of comfort and security around them. Remind them that they are safe in you. Give them peace.

For the one who is self medicating to dull the physical or emotional pain. Who is looking to medication, or food, or alcohol, or drugs, or exercise, or work, or exercise, or … Netflix to dull the pain in their life. To take away the memories, the pressure, to fill the empty places in their life, their heart. Lord, may they turn to you, who can fill all the cracks and crevices of the broken heart and spirit.

For the one who is tired, discouraged, defeated. This is such a large group of souls. They have been beaten down … Lord bring reminders into their day that they are not destroyed, that you have a good plan, that the shards that they see as their life are pieces of a beautiful whole. That they are not alone in their fatigue but that you are right there, holding them up.

For the grieving. Those who are in the midst of sorrow for the earthly loss of one they loved, one they still love. For the memories that both comfort and haunt them. God, sustain them with your love. Provide a hedge of protection around them as they process their great loss. Wipe their tears.

For the lonely. There are so many in their group of people today. As this pandemic continues to separate us mere mortals (despite so many devices for connection) the numbers of lonely increase. Some are physically lonely, separated from their families and friends. Some are still brushing shoulders (at a distance) with many others each day. Both feel the loneliness of missing others in their daily lives. Both feel alone in their days. Both are longing for others. Lord, bring the connection that they so need. Bring an end to this pandemic, Lord please.

And God, for all others. For those who are in a good place in their life. Who do not struggle with their studies, or fear, or loneliness or grief …. sustain them. May they not forget you in their blessings. May they seek you in their joy, in their successes, in their ease. May they not forget the God who saves them.

At your feet, into your hands we lay our every request. Not picking them back up to try to fix in our human ways.

For you are the God of Creation, the one who formed us. You are worthy of all praise and honor and worship. Into your hands we commit our day.

Amen

“Turn your ear to me,
    come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
    a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
    for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,
    for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commit my spirit;
    deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.”
Psalm 31:2-5

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Like a Tree

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #blessedishe, #cslewis, #humandependency, #likeatree, #reliance, #relyonlyongod, #whodowerelyon on February 28, 2021| 2 Comments »

What or who do we rely on?

Our human existence is one of reliance.

We are born helpless, crying out for someone to meet our every need from food, to protection, to direction. As we grow into independence, what we really do is transfer our reliance from mother/caregiver to friends and lovers, spouses and even to our own children. In later years many revert to their newly born state of helpless reliance …

human life is the ultimate chiastic structure, where the beginning and ending mirror each other, both symmetrically moving to and from the mid point with similar characteristics

For any human to think that independence is actually possible, is fooled.

As a newborn, our dependence is based on the choice and will of another. Often this is similar as we age toward the end of our earthly existence. In the realm of cause and effect, so much of life can be shaped by on whom this dependence, this reliance falls. Into adulthood we choose on whom to rely and we must rely cautiously, as these individuals are also powerful in influencing our life to come.

In the book called Letters to an American Lady, CS Lewis wrote:

“… the thing is to rely only on God …

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble,” says the Psalmist (46:1).

Jeremiah (29:11) tells us that “he has plans for us.”

Moses tells us in Exodus (14:14) that “he will fight for us.”

Isaiah (41:13) reminds us that “he is the one who helps.”

Again the Psalmist (118:8) says, “it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.”

God is our constant. The one who is with us even before the wool has been cast on the needles of our pre-birth existence. It is he who is right beside us, all the days of our life. It is he, whose face will see when the breath of our life has exhaled it’s last. On him we can rely.

CS Lewis continues:

” … the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done …”

God has always been, will always be right at our sides, yet our reliance on him is like our human reliance on water. It is said that depending on a few factors (such as age, gender, health, etc.) a human can live only about three days without water. Our very life is dependent on it. For the sake of our very life, we must have water.

Our reliance on God is similar. We must rely on him daily, newly every day. Not relying on our connection to him yesterday to live our life today, but deeply connected, consciously rooted to him each day.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
    whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water,
    that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
    for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8

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As Sure as the Sunrise

Posted in life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #assureassunrise, #earlymorning, #hope, #hopereturns, #solarpowered on February 26, 2021| Leave a Comment »

The clock glowed 5:00 in the dark bedroom. Not a sound from hubby beside me, or the Wonderdog in his bed at the foot of our bed. Yet, my heart’s beat was pounding in my ears. The sleep cycle of my day was done, whether I wanted it to be or not.

As expected, the change in my breathing from slumber to awake alerted the dog that it must be time to start the day, so as I exited the room, my shadow followed closely behind me.

Dark.

The house was dark, even in the familiar descent down the stairs all that was familiar was covered in almost complete blackness.

We walked outside into the cold air, my skin immediately contracting from the chill, the Wonderdog immediately in need of just the right slice of grass to let loose his waterworks.

Coffee was brewed, the dish on the floor filled with kibble, we ascended the stairs to the cozy chair, the light box turned on and laptop in my hands, to tap out the wonderings in my early morning mind.

Immersed in my tapping until suddenly I turned towards the window. Sure enough the blackness was fading, lightening the sky with ombre blues.

I smiled.

Though it is lovely to see the sun setting later in the day, it is it’s earlier rising that thrills my solar-powered self the most. This morning light fuels me with a foundation of light for whatever the rest of the day might hold.

It is the foundation of hope that returns, day after day, year after year. Yet, it is in spring that we are reminded of the hope that rises early, like the sun in spring.

Yet hope returns when I remember this one thing:
The Lord’s unfailing love and mercy still continue,
Fresh as the morning,
as sure as the sunrise.”
Lamentations 3:21-23

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