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Where You Go I Will Go

Posted in The Kids, WONDER, tagged #prayingforthefuture, #whereyougoiwillgo, Marriage on June 11, 2019| Leave a Comment »

It is said that if you want to know what you value, look at how you spend your money. I think that is probably a good indicator, but I also think that what (if) we pray indicates what we value.

I was motivated recently to pray about something I had not prayed about before.

Before this motivation, I had thought it was a good idea, but somehow I had never gotten my act together to find a way to remind me, daily, to pray in this direction.

In the image, above, you will see two bowties and a necklace contained in a framed shadowbox. It is and onto a wall inside our bedroom door, as a reminder to pray … for the future spouses, future marriages or future as a single (because marriage isn’t for everyone) for each of our (adult) children.

Marriage, the representation of how God loves his church (his people), is not for the faint of heart. It can make or break a person, it can make us better, or bitter. It is as much about how we respond to what another does to us (good and bad) as what they do. It is an exercise in working to achieve 100:100 (50:50 is only just surviving).

It is the story of God (the bridegroom) loving his own, and of us (the bride) choosing to receive the love and redemption that he offers.

Within the image (above) you will see the words of Ruth (1:16):

where you go,
I will go

Interestingly enough those are not Ruth’s words to a lover, but to the mother of her deceased husband (Naomi). She was vowing that she would entrust her future alongside this mother in law. She chose to stay with this woman, despite how bleak a future it might be for two widows of that time.

The story enfolds that they find a kin, a relative who could be their redeemer, their saviour. He chooses to take Ruth as his wife. Then, as culture would expect, their first born is given to Naomi, to raise as her son, her redeemer.

Those words of Ruth, where you go I will go, were her chosen commitment to be Naomi’s redeemer … at whatever cost to her.

This is marriage, sans rose-colored glasses. We are to love that much, love that selflessly.

That is why choosing who to marry is of such importance. The choosing of who to marry is the threshing floor practise of separating the wheat (the edible, nutrient-rich part) from the chaff (the inedible hulls of the wheat). It is this choosing, left to our adult children, that I now vow to lift up to God, each day.

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people and your God my God.
Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.”
Ruth 1:16-17

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And So It Begins

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #andsoitbegins, #gotellallpeople, #pentecost on June 9, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Today is Pentecost Sunday, the day that we celebrate the arrival of the promised advocate, the Spirit of God.

While the resurrected Jesus was walking and talking with his disciples for the forty days, he told them that they had a job to do … to go and make disciples of everyone (all nations) (Matthew 28:19, Mark 16:15, Luke 24:47, Acts 1:8). He said that once he was gone, he would send the Spirit to them and then they would need to go throughout the world and share what he had taught them.

So, Pentecost arrived, the Holy Spirit entered them and an odd thing happened … they (mostly Jews) started to speak something other than their own languages. As a matter of fact, they were speaking languages that they had no previous knowledge or training.

Why would they have the ability to speak a new language once the spirit had come to ‘lite’ on them?

Recently, I saw a young man who is the son of a someone I know. I introduced myself, and he remembered my hubby and I. We chatted a bit, then went our separate ways.

A few minutes later he returned and told me a story of his experience with an individual from a Christian organization I was once a part of. It was a sad, shameful story of how this mutual acquaintance reduced the work of God to a very small group of believers (of which he was a part, but this young man was not). I, guiltily, apologized for this other believer’s attitude and words.

I spent the rest of the day vacillating between sorrow for how this young man had been hurt by the arrogance of a follower of God, and anger that one, who knows of the love of God for all people, could be so wrong in his assertions that his (any) particular group of Christians were superior.

This recent story actually relates to Pentecost. You see, Jesus said to go and make disciples of all nations. To ensure that they could fulfill this calling, the holy spirit enabled them to speak the languages, or tongues, of other people … not just the Jews, but the Gentiles.

This was day one of the Christian church.

We, as Christians, have never been called to stay in our churches, our cultural communities. We have received the Great Commission to go and share this love that has been shared with us … with all people.

” … as high priest (Caiaphas) prophesied
that Jesus would die for the Jewish nation,
and not only for that nation
but also for the scattered children of God,
to bring them together and make them one.”
John 11:51-52

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Remission

Posted in Walking with God, tagged #remission, #remissionofsins on June 6, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Sometime a word can change your day …

The other day our daughter messaged to share with us the news her doctor had delivered … the Crohn’s disease that she was diagnosed with would appear to be in remission.

This is the ultimate goal of the extremely expensive (thank-you to her work health care plan, but especially to our province’s Fair Pharmacare Plan) medication she has been taking. This does not mean that the Crohn’s is gone, but that the inflammation in the intestines and colon is gone, resulting in healing, absence of pain and a reduction in fear if she is out where there are not bathrooms. Remission has been achieved … now to pray it can be maintained!

Since the disease will not ever be gone (unless medicine advances change that reality) remission means that the effects of her disease are suspended.

As that word has been sinking into my mind I couldn’t help but think of remission in regards to sin.

This remission is a bit different, for, with regard to sin, remission means both forgiveness as well as passing over. With God our sins are forgiven, because, at the cross, Jesus took our sins (past, present and future) and covered them with his blood, as a magic eraser.

Acts 10:43 says:

“through His name whoever believes in Him will receive remission of sins.”

Acts 2:28 says:

“through His name whosoever believes in Him will receive remission of sins. Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.”

The effects, the pain of our disease of sin are gone … we are no longer condemned, no longer have our heads hanging in shame when we stand before God.

Sometimes a word can change your day … sometimes it can change your eternity.

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The Chase

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #stalkedbygod, #thechase on June 4, 2019| Leave a Comment »

It’s been happening again … the stalking.

Every once in a while it will seem as though a word, or phrase of meaning will be in my face, sung on the radio, preached from the pulpit, whispered in my ear … over and over and over again. I refer to such occurrences as God’s way of stalking me with a message he wants me to know.

Sometimes I am alert and catch on right away, other times it seems to take quite a few attempts until my eyes and ears are open to what I need to know.

I just realized the other morning that he’s doing it again, that he’s been whispering this message in my ear for many, many weeks … months even. How could I have been so deaf, so unaware that he was speaking to me?

Proverbs 3:6-7 seems to speak to this stalking of God:

“Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!”

I know I have been guilty of assuming that I know it all … or at least relying on my own abilities and knowledge. I know I have been guilty of not running from evil … sometimes it is evident in how I apathetically just let the stuff of life happen, rather than living purposely, walking closely with God.

I also know that I can keep myself quite busy, quite preoccupied with running my race, that I start running in the wrong direction and I easily get off track.

So, now I am on a mission. I need to uncover and understand the whole message that has been shared with me. I need to be still, just breathe and and listen for his voice, his leading.

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Joie de Vivre

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged #awakentothelight, #joiedevivre, #june on June 2, 2019| 1 Comment »

June has arrived with it’s lengthening days and starry nights. Our dark and wintery cocooning patterns altered by the warmth and beauty outdoors. Whether we prepare for summer vacations or days of work with time off spent out of doors, June is a reprieve from the usual, mundane patterns of the everyday.

There seems to be rest, recreation and rediscovery in the very air we breath, in the beauty of the sunsets, in the freshness of new growth all around us.

More frequently as I drive to work I yearn to be driving off into the horizon to somewhere, anywhere … just to be going. Going means moving forward, into new places and sights and adventures that rekindle what the French so beautifully call, joie de vivre … joy of living.

There is anticipation in this lighter, warmer month. There is hope in it’s brightness, in it’s turning the corner from one way of living to another, from one outlook on the days, on life.

I love what Ephesians 5:14 says of the light:

“the light makes everything visible.
This is why it is said,
“Awake, O sleeper,
rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light.”
Ephesians 5:14

As I read this verse I found it interesting that the arising comes before the light is given …

It is as though we need to first do our part … awake, then Christ will provide the light. We arise in faith that the light, that makes all things visible, will be given to us.

I feel that June (and all the summer months) are that gift of light, that we have been arising in anticipation of, throughout the winter months … and now everything is visible.

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Who Do You Say I Am?

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #doordonot, #notlukewarm, #whodoyousayiam on May 30, 2019| Leave a Comment »

A wise man (who I happen to live with) has said that the most important question for any of us is the question that Jesus asked (Matthew 16:15) of Simon Peter:

“But what about you?” he asked.
“Who do you say I am?”

I have been thinking of this question this week after helping a student through Revelation 3.

Revelation 3 contains letters to three (of seven) churches in Asia (modern Turkey): Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea.

I admit that I often avoid Revelation … more out of it’s complex mysteries, metaphors and multiple interpretations of experts. Quite simply I just struggle to understand this book.

The letters to these three churches make sense to me, both as letters to churches (then and now) as well as letters to followers of Christ.

To Sardis the author (possibly the apostle John) says, “I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead.” (v. 1) This church did all the stuff that was expected of an early church and they probably did it bigger and better than everyone else, but there was little substance in who they were in Christ. He referred to their style of Christ-following, to them as “dead”. They were cold to Christ.

To Laodicea he says, ‘you say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing’ (v.17). This church didn’t have a care in the world, for every worldly need was met, and more. This church chose just enough religion. You know, prayed before a meal, gave money to good causes, but never really made a life with Christ a priority. They were lukewarm to Christ.

Then to Philadelphia he praises, “I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name” (v. 8). Though this church has little, is under threat (or will be), and has gone through great struggles … they have not denied the name of Christ. They are holding firm to their faith. Their faith in Christ was hot.

In verse 16, to the church at Laodicea, he say, “So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

We cannot hear what the Spirit says when we our faith in him is lukewarm, our hearing is most clear when our faith is hot, fully given to him … no matter our circumstances. Faith is not about how others see us, but how we answer the question:

“But what about you?” he asked.
“Who do you say I am?”

‘

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My Story

Posted in life, tagged #lifehaspurpose, #mystory on May 28, 2019| 6 Comments »

I write about wonder, and about the greatest theme of all stories … redemption.

Recently I saw a young woman with a visible disability … and something within me whispered that I just had to tell this story …

So … more revisions that for any post before … here I go:

In everything I have shared, I did so with one caveat, one condition …

I only share
from the perspective of
my own experience.

I cannot have words to speak on that which I have not personal understanding, experience or education.

I was born in March of 1969 … fifty long years ago, in a hospital, to a single woman. She was unmarried to the man who contributed his DNA to my creation … the man who skedaddled soon after discovering that (in the words of my kids, when they want something from us) “sex has consequences”.

It wasn’t until the day after she had pushed me from her body that a kind nurse asked if she had seen her baby girl (because, why would a single woman want to see her illegitimate child in 1969?). When my mother tearfully, shook her head … then that nurse made heads spin as she sought and brought me to her arms.

I was brought home to sleep in a bed by my mother’s, in her parent’s home … where her father lived … her recovering alcoholic father, who abused she and her siblings repeatedly throughout their childhoods (who also abused me, as an adolescent).

Just a few weeks later (four or six), I was left in the care of her mum, as she did not live in a time and place of paid maternity leave. She had to work so as to pay rent (to her parents), childcare (to her mother), all the necessities of a child as well as her own needs. She worked in a clerical position.

My life started as a crisis pregnancy, my mother made choices (some her own, some thrust upon her). It was not a smooth start … there were bumps and horrors along the way, but …

My life has purpose … present, future and past … I have, I will have, I did have purpose … from the very beginning.

Flash ahead to October or 1995. Hubby and I had an almost three year old, and a pregnancy success to failure rate of 1:4. I was taken to hospital in excruciating pain. After pokes and prods and a sonogram, an ‘old school’ surgeon told us that I had a perfectly functioning heartbeat in my fallopian tube, that had ruptured and my abdomen was filling with fluid. The tiny heartbeat would not survive and could not be relocated to the uterus. My own life was in grave danger without the removal of the other.

Two days later I was released from hospital … no tube, no heartbeat.

Ouch!

That stings
to write those words.

My choice to live resulted in the end of another … even though I had no other option. Reality, or a ‘good medical rationale’ doesn’t change the sting … consequences are real and they last a lifetime in a heart that feels the loss as well as the gratefulness for every breath.

Recently, in a restaurant, I noticed a young woman, with a visible disability … just after I had read a ‘post’ about these life and death choices.

As I observed her, I found myself considering all of the people I have worked with, or known in my life who have also had disabilities, those conceived from rape, those adopted from orphanages, those born alive after a late term abortion. I wondered how many of them have felt the sting from a society with a pyramid scheme of value … that not all are created equal. That the inconvenience of their existence … to society, to their mother … is reason enough to end their lives, to deny their most basic human rights.

I know that they have, they will have, they did have purpose … from the very beginning.

I have felt the personal sting of the comments … because I am a woman, who bore two woman, born to a woman who could have aborted her crisis pregnancy.

I was that crisis pregnancy …

I will never say that abortion should be a criminal offence … for a pregnant woman, for a doctor. I also will never say that it is just about a woman’s body … for all lives have purpose.

Here is what I will say …

There need to be more services, more opportunities for women who are in the midst of a crisis pregnancy. Not every country has the opportunities for women that Canada does, with a year of paid leave and coverage of medical costs. In some areas free daycare is even available. There needs to be more access to understanding the option of adoption. There needs to be counselling that considers, holistically, the needs of the woman and of the child, short and long term, including group support.

Crisis pregnancies are about two lives, and they both matter.

I only share
from the perspective of
my own experience.

I know that I have, I will have and I did have purpose … from the very beginning.

This is my story … of wonder and redemption.

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Grateful

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #grateful, #thankful on May 26, 2019| 2 Comments »

When the week began so did the stalking.

Phrases, quotes, devotionals, things said that I overheard … all to do with being thankful. I heard … but didn’t really listen.

Then I happened to click play on a video that a friend posted, and my ears were attuned to the message that had been stalking me all week.

Thankful, grateful … those words and their meaning. Their capacity to alter our hearts, our minds and mood. Their power, through the simple (?) act of choosing them. Choosing them over fear, loneliness, sadness, anxiety, despair.

So, today, let me share a prayer for you, and five minutes of a video that I hope helps you hear of how much there is to be grateful for … in spite of the dark and twisties of life.

Lord,
As the sun rises, as we rise this day …
Remind us to not just lift the bedcovers off our bodies,
but also that we lift our eyes …
to the flowers,
to the trees,
to the bee buzzing in the garden,
to those around us,
to the sky,
to you.
With each rise of our eyes,
may we …
be thankful for what we can
see,
smell,
hear,
touch,
taste.
Lord, this day of Sabbath,
may our choosing gratitude,
turn what we have into enough.
Amen

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Come Away

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #comeaway, #comeawaywithme, #restforthesoul on May 23, 2019| 3 Comments »

The countdown is on … nineteen class days until the end of the school year (plus exams)!

More than any school year before … I don’t just want, but I know that I need a break.

It has been a great school year, with fantastic colleagues and amazing students who allow us to come alongside and shore up their weaknesses, their struggles … so that they can successfully thrive in the academic hoop-jumping that is high school.

So it is not so much that I desire an end as I need to be shored up in my own weaknesses and struggles … so that I can thrive.

A year ago I was completing my first year at a new school, preparing to move (physically and emotionally) and walking the unfamiliar, precarious road of life with loved ones with debilitating illness.

This year, my body, mind and soul need a rest, renewal!

How about you? Are you in need of a break? a change of pace? renewal?

Though the Song of Solomon is written as an erotic love (hear it as though Barry White said the word love) manual, I read the following verses recently and they sounded less erotic and more of a love that will go the distance for you, a love that protects, renews … a love that gives a complete rest that is beyond comprehension.

“My beloved speaks and says to me:
“Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away,
for behold, the winter is past;
    the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth,
    the time of singing has come …”
Song of Solomon 2:10-12

Ah! The winter is past … bring on the flowers and the singing!

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The Hairpin Turn to Mothering Young Adults

Posted in The Kids, women, WONDER, tagged #beingmom, #motheringtwentysomethings, #thehairpinturntomotheringyoungadults on May 21, 2019| 1 Comment »

I read a blog the other day about mothering in the middle, when one feels a bit like a taxi driver, fast food cook supply manager, academic assistant, nutritionist, administrative assistant and cheerleader. I found myself reminiscing through that non-stop stage.

It happened to be on a day I was utterly bored.

You see, I am at the mothering young adults stage, the hands-off mothering stage.

The movement from mom in the middle to mom of young adults is similar to a hairpin turn driving down a steep mountainside … you’re moving at speeds you didn’t know possible, then, all of a sudden, you make a sharp turn facing the opposite direction … and the sun is obscuring your view, making it hard to see where you are going.

Our kids are all finished with high school and in varying levels of study and work. Two of our three are still living at home, one in another community. To be honest, I vacillate between wanting them to all be out and independent and wanting them all under one roof (mine).

This is the stage of hands-off mothering … unless they need me … RIGHT NOW! I am talking drop everything and help them right now.

This is where, I guess, boundaries should be developing … but I so need to be needed, and really, no one needs me as much as I desire to be needed anymore. So, I am struggling to draw those boundaries … wanting to be available if someone might have need of me (the struggle is real).

Then there is the I am gonna sever my tongue, from biting it so frequently part of this hands-off mothering stage. They need to be making their own decisions about their faith, their schooling, their work, their income and relationships … I just SO want to offer my opinions … all of the time.

As I was writing this post, hubby let me know what time one of our kids got in last ‘night’ (aka this morning) … gotta say, I really didn’t want to know … that ostrich with it’s head in the sand? I am getting to know him (or is it her) quite well.

I am learning that they need to make mistakes … their own. Live with their own consequences. It was a freedom I was graciously offered by own parents and I believe that I need to regift this freedom to them.

Then there are the heartbreaks … they are so real, so lasting at this young adult stage (though many can come to them earlier). Their relationship struggles, loneliness, uncertainty in their abilities, in their future, their jobs. Life for a young adult is not what it was thirty years ago, when I was twenty. There is little in society today, for a twenty-something that is typical … other than nightlife. And if they are not heartbroken for what is (or is not) going on in their own lives, they live vicariously through the hurts of their friends.

These heartbreaks ripple into my own heart … stories that include suicide, health struggles, drug addiction, sexual assault, homelessness and single parenting get processed with mom on SOS … and I have no answers when I am invited into these conversations … but I pray … how I pray.

At this stage, their friends are not necessarily ones that I know, have met, have made cookies with and carpooled to various events. Their friends are often faceless names that remind me that their life is their own.

Then there is the attempt to get everyone together for one meal … Oh my lanta! I think world peace might be easier to attain!

But …

They are learning, they are seeking, they are even thriving. They do good work, love deeply, seek justice, care for each other …

and they ask me to pray.

When they or their friend is in a tough place, they still ask me to pray.

And if that is the common thread of their need of me, at this hands-off mothering stage … then I will pray.

There is a video that I would return to (over and over) in those mom in the middle years, called The Invisible Woman (below). I realized, the other day, that it still has something to offer me at this hands-off stage of mothering:

“At times my invisibility has felt like an infliction to me,
but it is not a disease that is erasing my life.
It is the cure for the disease of self-centeredness.
It is the antidote to my own pride.
It’s okay that they don’t see,
we don’t work for them,
we work for Him.
We sacrifice for Him.
They will never see,
not if we do it right,
if we do it well.
Lets pray that our work will stand as a monument to an even greater God.”
Nicole Johnson