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Posts Tagged ‘dreaming’

The Victoria Day weekend, just past, is the unofficial start of summer, where I live in the Pacific Northwest. The trailers and tents got packed up, kids leave school, and adults leave work early on Friday to beat the rush along the highways and borders. The campgrounds were a buzz with campfires, laughter and snoring, the boats got their metaphorical feet wet, and the cabins get cleaned of their dust and cobwebs.

It is my favorite weekend to stay home!

The local roads, stores, and neighborhoods were quieter (except for the hardware, and home renovation businesses).

Of the three days of the weekend, hubby and I spent two days working at creating order out of chaos in our home and property.

god_order_out_of_chaos

Saturday was spent focused on the garage. It had gotten to the point that it was difficult to get our van parked, and have the door down. Two large work tables were piled high with … stuff. The place was crawling with webs (I fear to think of how they got formed). There were remnants of a bathroom renovation, and a huge need for a load of stuff to be taken away (or maybe two loads).

By Saturday evening the garage was neat as a pin … purged, organized, roomy and far cleaner than hubby and I were, with dirt ground into the skin of our hands, and later found where dirt just should not be found.

Sunday was our day of rest (including vast amounts of pain relievers to equal the effects of a day of sweeping, lifting, hauling, pushing and standing on concrete for about ten hours).

Then Monday was spent around the yard. Hubby focused on needs around the pool, while I was focused on moving the remnants of a load of rock (that was delivered over a year ago … but I’m not bitter), weeding a trimming of hedges. The end was in sight (as was another intake of pain relievers).

By early Monday evening I was starting to love where we live again. The never-ending  ‘to do’ list in my head, that seemed to never have anything checked off was beginning to shorten in such a way that I felt that what was left was actually manageable to accomplish soon. The ‘head space’ that was found in those two days of ordering our world, started to turn my thoughts to dreaming of new projects to enhance and improve our abode and it’s surroundings. It is in dreaming and planning for the future that I feel most alive.

1 Corinthians 14:40 says, “Let all things be done decently and in order.” Although this verse is, in context, speaking of orderly worship, there is something ‘right’ in it when I think of it in the context of cleaning up the physical chaos in my home. When I have more order than chaos in my physical life, I am better able to see the non-physical parts of my life more clearly, and therefore better able to find order within those facets of my life.

Cleaning the garage and garden as worship … maybe that is not so far from the meaning of that verse after all!

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It was a Friday night, after a long, but good week. I felt drained of energy to the point of not being able to put two words together. When I reach this point, I have learned that the best thing for me is to go to a theater, eat popcorn, and watch a movie to escape for a couple of hours. So, I did.

As I was driving to the theater, a word came to mind that had been coming to my mind all week …

Dream.

I pondered the word, yet again …

dream.

Why was this word popping into my consciousness? What was that one word asking of, and requiring from me?

Dream

Was I simply too tired for a movie, and should be home dreaming in my pj’s between the sheets (that was a no brainer)? Should I be dreaming? What was the dream? How big was it? And what would it cost me?

I have to say that, by nature, I am a dreamer. My earliest memories of childhood were of playing with dolls and dreaming of the day that I would have my own, real babies. I can remember being a student in a classroom, after classroom, grade after grade, who would be staring out the window, daydreaming (one of my earliest memories of my UN-diagnosed ADD). My strongest memories of almost all of our homes is standing at the kitchen sink, staring outside, dreaming.

I am a dreamer.

Well, I settled into my movie theater seat, nibbling on the buttery popcorn (temporarily ignoring myfitnesspal), and that word continued to haunt me …

dream.

Sadly the movie started fifteen minutes late, and I was saddled with that word longer than I’d hoped I would.

Why aren’t you dreaming?

The word was getting personal. Thankfully the movie started, and I was able to escape reality for a couple of hours … or so I thought.

The movie was about fulfilling a dream, dreams really, of a number of people. It was primarily about the fulfilling of dreams that had been gathering dust in the lives of the characters. It was about the life, the real, conscious-living type of life, that chasing after those dreams gives.

I left the theater consumed with thoughts of dreaming. More haunting! And more resistance from my being, because I knew that my dream was too big to ever come true.

I needed music, so to the radio in my van I went for more diversion.

There was a speaker just coming on, a speaker who I loved to hear. He always made me think, made me laugh … a great combination!

As his program started, a word, a name came to mind … Jabez, and then it was gone, and I settled into my drive home, ready to be awakened from dreaming, and into reality by the teaching of the program just to begin.

“Lord I pray that you will expand the tent pegs of my life, intensify the use of my life.”

Oh no! I knew of those words! Words that have been used in discussing the prayer of Jabez (see more from yesterday’s post) from 1 Chronicles 4:10:

“Jabez cried out to the God of Israel,
“Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!
Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm
so that I will be free from pain.”
And God granted his request.”

More dreaming

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I love to anticipate things to come. I love to plan vacations, and times away with hubby. I love to count down weeks to school breaks (currently only five more weeks of work until summer break starts …). I love to dream about concerts and other events that I have tickets to, I awaken and my mouth starts watering as I contemplate what I will prepare for dinner.

My brain loves to focus on the good things to come. It is a survival tactic, to get through the more mundane parts of life (this is my undiagnosed ADD talking). It is my way of focusing on the prize that is to come.

I plot and plan, I dream and scheme, all with the hopes of ordering my future fixation … whatever it might be.

It is not bad to look forward to good things that we anticipate coming our way. It is just that we must keep in mind that our planning for future events and experiences is not guaranteed.

I might plan a vacation, and then something comes up that requires I change those plans. I might be looking forward to a summer off, but when a job comes up that could ease our family finances, I need to take it, and forgo that time of R & R. A concert that I have tickets to might get canceled. I might plan something amazing for dinner, but because I end up taxiing kids all afternoon, that gourmet dinner is substituted with hot dogs.

In the midst of my plotting and dreaming, my hopes and dreams, life happens. It is rarely what I would have chosen the path of my life to be.

Even worse, though, than having my plans not be fulfilled, is that I can be so fixated on what is to come, that I forget to enjoy and fully live in the present moment. My eyes can be straining so hard to see the future that they cannot focus on what is currently before me.

That might mean that I am missing out on the beauty, the lessons, the preparation for whatever is around the next corner. In my preoccupation with the future, I might be missing out on the gift of the present time.

“Today is mine.
Tomorrow is none of my business.
If I peer anxiously into the fog of the future,
I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will not see clearly
what is required of me now.”
Elisabeth Elliot

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