Posts Tagged ‘heaviness’


Whether hubby is sipping his morning brew with me, or not, I have not had my morning coffee alone in weeks.

We moved the chairs where each morning, we sit, so as to make room for the Christmas tree. This furniture rearrangement has allowed me new morning companions.

As I sit, sipping my brew, awakening to the day, my attention will be pulled to the deck outside the front patio doors. As the sky just starts to lighten, the tiniest of birds will begin their dance of the dawn. They flutter around, stopping to sip water from the deck floor.

As they dance lightly through their morning ritual, I participate in my own. I read the news, and feel the heaviness from around the world.

But, my attention has been constantly pulled from my heaviness, by the delight of my feathered friends, who are unaware, and unconsumed by the lack of peace in this world.

Just days before Christmas, I finally ‘heard’ the message in my petit little visitors daily dance, as I was listening to the Henry Wadsworth Longfellow carol, “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.”

“And in despair I bowed my head:
There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men

These little birds awaken each day, with not one meal saved for the day to come. They rely on their instincts and on provision every day of their lives. Like our own lives, some days are ones of plenty, and some are days of want.

But, they dance and sing through it all, as though they know the words of John 16:33,

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


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When things are going good, when life is hiccup-free, when smiles abound there is a lightness to my step and to my soul that opens me up to a carefree spirit. I feel like singing the The Happy Song .

Those times are times of lightness, and freedom, and a feeling that I can do anything!

Then there are the other times. The I just can’t lift my head off the pillow times. The I just want this day to be over before it has barely begun. The days when I feel like Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders, except that I do not have the strength that he has.

Those times are times of heaviness, and bondage, and a feeling that I can do nothing.

But …

When things are going well, and I think that I can do anything … I do, and I do it all in my own strength. I am a pretty independent person, and that independent spirit can come back to bite me in the butt. You see, my strength, it’s powered by me, and I do not have endless energy resources, so eventually all of the excitement of ‘I can do it’ fades.

When things are not going so well, and I am overcome with doubts and stresses, it is then that I know I cannot do it alone, and I lean on a far more viable energy source, my Creator God. And it is then that I soar like the eagles (instead of fly with the turkeys), because I have an undercurrent of endless momentum.

It is not an easy thing to do, but I am starting to realize the blessing of heartaches, disappointments and curses that this life inevitably hands over to us. My prayers are changing. I do not pray that God will protect and keep me from the ‘nasties’ of life, because I know that they are around any and every corner. Instead I pray that, through them, I might learn to rely more fully on God to get me through.

Thank you god for the heartaches,
the disappointments,
the fall on my face moments …
They make me cling to You like nothing else.
They make me yell and scream
and be more real more honest with You my Creator.
No joy,
no blessing
can make me yearn for and seek you.
It is only when I am at my weakest,
neediest place
that I fully rely on You,
and You alone.

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