Though NO ONE would ever want to hear me sing, I do so love to sing at church. Then, a couple of months ago, I found that I couldn’t sing at a church service.
It wasn’t that I was unfamiliar with the songs. It’s not that I had laryngitis or another such ailment. It’s that I couldn’t sing the words anymore. It was as though my voice refused to go through the motions.
The next week was worse. Not only could I not sing, but my throat got involved with a very hard lump … resting right in the middle of my throat.
The Sunday following was the height (or depth) of my non-worship ability, for this week my emotions joined in, along with my tear ducts. As soon as the worship began, as soon as I was on my feet, I knew I was in trouble. My knees weakened, lump lodged in throat, emotions accelerating my heartbeat, tear ducts filling and ready to flood down my red-hot cheeks.
I could not sing … I couldn’t even stay in the room.
So I left until I knew that singing was completed, until I had control over my voice, emotions, heart and tear ducts.
Driving to work, a few days later, I heard the lyrics of a song that filled me with guilt.
“how can I keep from singing Your praise”
Why do I share this? I mean … it’s kind of personal, right?
I was recently reminded of Psalm 13. This is David’s famous lament … this is David’s finest psalm/song (my opinion).
In this Psalm, David is not in a happy-clappy worship mood. He is, as Anne of Green Gables would say, in the depths of despair, and he is not hiding it from God. He actually accuses God of “forgetting him”. He demands, of God, “look at me”.
David is filled with sorrow, and not holding it’s reality back from God.
And that is what God desires of us, that we not hold back our sorrow from him. As Matthew Henry’s Commentary says,
“The bread of sorrow is sometimes the saint’s daily bread.
Our Master himself was a man of sorrows.”
God can hear our sorrows, despair and demands … he is one who knows sorrow all too well. He can empathize like no other.
When things go poorly in my life, I tend to respond well, optimistic and strong in the initial days and weeks of the struggle (I often think I would make a good first responder). But patience is not my strong point, and when the struggle drags on … I tend to loss hope, and need to, once again, cry out to God … to really cry out to God.
Those weeks of struggle to sing my praises to God … those were my season of silent lament to God. I got real with him … and God that is what God desires most.
And as I move through this season, I will, as did David, complete my lament with singing.
“But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.”
Psalm 13:5-6
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