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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Love Hurts

Are you a veteran? One who has gone before? Fought the good fight? Risked life and limb of one, for the greater good of many? Do you bear the scars of conflict? Does it rip sleep from your nights? Steal your attention during the days?

If you answered yes, you know what it is to …

love someone.

When we think of love, what we often think of are the sparkling eyed looks between a couple on their wedding day, or first looks of a mom or dad at their newborn, or those pics of people in our lives that we choose, crop, and edit so carefully before posting onto social media sites.

What we do not think of are those nights when your toddler has vomited all over himself, yourself and the cat. The fights between a couple when insults, disparaging remarks, and wedding rings get hurled between the two. Family reunions where one side of the family are in one room, and the other side is out on the porch.

Love can really stink!

Anyone who has parents, has a child, has a spouse, has a best friend knows what it is to love, and they know the pain that often is laced in the love.

Many years ago, the Everly Brothers, then Nazareth, sang:

“love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars …
love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain …love is like a stove, burns you when it’s hot …
love hurts”

To love is to risk, and that risk can hurt.

Any parent who has been sneered at by a moody teen (or, conversely, any teen who has been sneered at by a moody parent) knows what it is to have your heart ripped out without the touch of a hand.

Any spouse who has been neglected or taken advantage of knows what it is to question the value of marriage and love.

To love is to give and receive that which is intangible, not returnable, yet of more value that gold or diamonds.

Any parent who has had the joy of an embrace, a shared laugh or shared experience with their child, knows what it is to have lived heaven on earth.

Any spouse who has been appreciated, thought of, and cared for knows that love today is worth the hurt of yesterday.

Love is a risk, but it is worth it.

 

 

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I love Christmas eve!

I love Christmas morning!

All of the the traditions of Christmas that our family have been able to hold onto, over the years, are tied up in those two days.

My favorite, though, is Christmas morning, after the chaos of days of parties, church services, shopping, baking and wrapping. It is after the breakfast is nibbled, and the gifts are unwrapped, and then quiet contentment fills the room. I often have thought that in that moment, I have the nearest understanding of what peace on Earth might be like. It is like we are bathed in thankfulness that only Christ’s love can create.

It is in those moments that family is truly celebrated, that friends are truly celebrated, that Christmas is truly celebrated.

As you celebrate in the next few days and hours to come, take a moment and just soak in the moments, soak in the love, soak in the birth of the Christ child.

Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

 

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God won’t give us more than we can handle …

Tell that to the mom nursing her child through the horrible effects of cancer treatment.

Tell that to the student who has dreamed all their life of becoming a doctor, and has not been accepted to a medical school.

Tell that to the man, whose wife, and mother to his three young kids, has just died in a car crash.

Tell that to the woman whose husband has just declared that he no longer loves her, but is leaving her for another woman.

Tell that to the father whose son is a drug addict, living on the streets in a large city, selling his soul to feed his habit.

Or to the twelve year old who has been enslaved in the sex trade.

Or to the family whose every earthly belonging, home included, was swept away by flood waters.

Where in the Bible, are we told that God will not give us more than we can handle? Is it New Testament or Old Testament teaching? Did Moses say those words? Or Paul? Or Jesus? Maybe it was Job?

The closest thing to that rather pithy saying would be found in 1 Corinthians 10:13,

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.
And God is faithful;
he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
But, when you are tempted,
he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Of the numerous commentaries I consulted, there were also numerous interpretations of this teaching.

When I went back to read the first thirteen verses of the chapter, I started to develop my own commentary, and it had little to do with the words that could act like the salt in the wounds of the one who feels their cup is full of trouble. The words,

God will not give us more than we can handle …

Those first thirteen verses refer to the temptations which are common to man, through the history of the world. Temptations like greed, lust, envy, gluttony, laziness, pride, wrath (I am sure there are more, but I figure the seven deadly sins are about as common to man as we can get). In this passage we are warned to not give in to these temptations, and encouraged that God will provide a way so that we can resist such evil.

These temptations are very different from troubles inflicted by others, or to our human bodies. These temptations have nothing to do with a little girl, in India, being sold into sexual slavery.

IMG_1618-0.JPGI will no longer, ever, use that phrase, like salt in the most painful lacerations of a human soul, for I believe it to be a self righteous salve that can cause pain to increase even more. It does not offer comfort, but demands that we pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.

Instead, I will lead the hurting to words which are, indeed, from God’s Word,

I have told you these things,
so that in me you have have peace.
In this world you will have trouble,
but take heart
I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

As Jesus was delivering the message of his own, impending demise, to his disciples, he tells that the words above. They are the aloe to a bad burn, the soothing comfort of love and of hope, in response to a very real reality …

You see, in this world we WILL have trouble. All of us, at some time, guaranteed.

But,

in the heartache, in the desperation, in the loneliness, in the pain, in the despair, and even in death

Jesus reminds us that He has already overcome the world.

Victory may not be ours, here on Earth, this very day,

but He has won the battle, and we live with Eternity in our hearts.

Hope, not demands.

That is the example he has given us.

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IMG_1288.JPGGood morning to my greatest works!
of art, of creativity, of heart, soul, mind and breath.

The other day, one of you asked what was my favorite age of you three. That was an easy question to answer! I love the stage each of you is at today.

Another of you asked me to read an article about courting and dating and then asked me to tell you what I thought. That was not an easy question to answer.

When each of you was born, I contemplated the wisdom of pre-arranged marriages … I was so fearful that you, lacking in life experience, would make a wrong and disastrous choice.

Now, after twenty-five years of marriage, and nearly as many years as a parent, I am seeing things differently.

I no longer see myself as the better judge of your future spouse. You see, I am wholly and completely human … sin-filled, flawed, and my preferences as changing as the wind (as if my moving of plants in our garden does not confirm that reality).

The only area where I have an advantage is life experience, and age is no guarantee that I would not make mistakes.

Now, let me tell you about dating, the mom version …

As a teen, I did what everyone else was doing, in regards to dating. ‘Normal’ was to date, exclusively, to be as physical as possible without ‘it’ happening. To date meant trying someone out, until it fizzled. Heartbreak ensued. Then we (I) would move on to the next experimental guinea pig. And the cycle continued.

All of this happening as our minds and bodies were developing, our education being pursued, our futures dreamed, and our dear friendships taken too much for granted.

Marriage was still the aimed for end result, but exclusive relationships, one after another, resulted in many heartbreaks.

Suffice it to say that my own high school dating experience is foundational in the ‘motivational’ offer by your dad and I, of a car after high school, if you choose to not date until after graduating high school.

As a parent, I feel I have gone through a few paradigm shifts.
-I have appreciated the courtship model (loosely)
-I have discouraged dating
-I have even encouraged you to not expect marriage as a sure thing for your future

At this juncture, as I look at my parents, and I am thankful for something they did.

I am thankful that they let me make my own choices and mistakes. They entrusted me to make my own mistakes and good choices. And I am thankful for that.

What I hope that we, as parents, have done is give you all of the foundational love and instruction you will need to make the important choices in your life, regarding dating

I hope we have taught you all:

  • to love yourselves
  • to love and respect others
  • to respect your heart, mind and body
  • to not ‘settle’
  • to not say ‘I love you’, just because someone tells you they love you
  • seek Gods will for your individual life, before seeking a life with another
  • consider who you date as whether they are marriable
  • to not look for the perfect person … there is no perfect person, not even the one in the mirror

I hope that God is number one in your life, and I hope you only choose to date people who think the same. Know that there is more to being ‘evenly yoked‘ than just being married to a Christ follower. Christians come in many different experiences of Gods spirit … if you are charismatic in your beliefs and expressions, a lover of liturgy, robes and choral music could make church and family-related choices, in the future, almost as painful as being with one who doesn’t love God at all.

My grown and growing kids,

these things you NEED to know, about dating (and life) …
You’re gonna make mistakes,
have your heart broken,
and wonder (years, weeks, minutes) in your marriage if you made a mistake.

And there is no formula or guarantee that will ensure that you got it right.

I wish that your dad and I could be a better example of perfect, like Christ and the church, sort of love …
But wait, that is the model we have given, because we as husband and wife are like the church …
We are sin filled, flawed, selfish
We mess up, we want to leave, we hurt each other

And here we are, still, 25 years into the adventure

We are still as messed up as we were as single individuals,
but aiming for the same grand finale … NOT on Earth, but in heaven.

And that’s it.

No, that’s not it …

And we will be praying for you until our last breath.

Love,

Mom

“If love is what you’re looking for
The old roads lead to an open door
And you’ll find your way”
Andrew Peterson

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There are so many ways to say, I love you. So many opportunities to say, I love you. There are verbal and non-verbal ways to communicate … I love you.

The way you communicate ‘I love you’ is not so important, as long as the woman you are communicating it to ‘hears’ what you are communicating. For Buttercup, ‘as you wish’, were just the appropriate words of her Farm Boy, Wesley … until she realized that when he said those words with his mouth, his heart was saying ‘I love you’. Until she ‘heard’ his heart, he was her servant. Once she ‘heard’ his heart, her heart began to beat differently, more intentionally … she began to feel love for Wesley as well, and he was no longer just her farm boy.

That’s kind of like marriage, in reverse. In the beginning, ‘I love you’ is communicated openly, freely, regularly. It is heard from both sides, and you see each other as friend, confidant and lover. Over time, the two parties ‘forget’ to communicate with their hearts, and the person to whom they are most affectionate, becomes ‘my spouse’. And even when the words ‘I love you’ are spoken, they no longer dance in our ears, and in our hearts, as an earthly gift of wonder.

It reminds me of the story of the man, who, after many years of marriage, was asked by his wife ‘why don’t you say I love you anymore?’ To which he replied, ‘I said I love you once, and if it ever changes I’ll let you know’? This, I can assure you, is NOT what women want!

Women NEED to have ‘I love you’, communicated to them. It is the emotional equivalent to our physical need of water (I might add hugs too). It is the last words I say to my parents when we say good-bye on the phone, it is the last words I say when I am tucking my kids in at night. If I could hope for three last words to hear, before I leave this earth, from someone whose mouth they are safe in, it would be ‘I love you’.

When speaking of, not just what a woman wants, but also her needs, I love you is even Biblical!

“Husbands, love your wives,

just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

and to present her to himself as a radiant church,

without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5:25-27

Hum, last line makes me wonder … if, as women, we get wrinkles and blemishes is it because our hubby hasn’t loved us enough? Just a thought to ponder … I cannot quite see a group of theologians sitting around a table discussing this, but, heck, maybe they should! Maybe we wives get old-looking because we have not be cleansed by hubby’s love, and washed by his affections (I never had wrinkles before I got married … of course I was only 20, when I did get married). And, lets face it that whole cleansing and washing has a delightfully erotic sound to it … but, I DEFINITELY digress!

It is a husbands duty to love his wife. And this love is not some light-weight love, like “I love coffee”, or “I love my dog”, or “I love the Leafs” (not necessarily me, but someone in my home), or “I love the sunshine” (more sincere words have never been spoken, by these lips). No, this love is compared to how Christ loves the church, and gave himself up for her … you know, on the cross … Christ died for the church that He loves so much.

Women need that kind of love. Often women ‘hear’ love in a man’s words and actions when we feel that he would love us enough to die for us. We may not know that is what we ‘hear’ through his communications, but our hearts, our souls hear it loud and clear (and sometimes, mistakenly) … because that is what we are created to seek … a man who would love us, even to the point of death.

Now, I am not calling all men to go our and slay dragons, and risk their physical lives for the sake of the love of their lady. I’m just saying, MEN, LOVE YOUR WIVES … IT WON’T KILL YOU TO COMMUNICATE THAT LOVE TO HER. (although some men might think that it will). But, it is risky … communicating love to a woman. She might reject your words, she might reject your actions, and she might do this ‘rejecting’ because she is hurt for the ‘no, I love yous’ diet you’ve had her on! Love is risky, but it is so worth it!

Love is the most wonderful of all all wonders we humans get to experience in this life. It is the essence of life, itself. It is what makes the world go round. If a man risks communicating I love you (even through ‘carrots’), he might even have that love returned. And, it is what women want … the most.

What Women Want Part 4 of 5

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Do You Love Me?

There are stories in the Bible I love and have read, and studied over and over. One is the interaction between Simon Peter and Jesus.

“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time,“Do you love me?”

He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

John 21 15-19

For me Jesus question, “do you love me?” could equally be asked, “do you love me, MOST?”

There have been many times when I have been challenged to love Jesus more than anything, more than anyone, in my life. But, there was one night (a few years ago), when, I believe, the challenge came from God. And I believe I even heard His voice … maybe not with my ears, but certainly with my heart.

It was to be a great evening! I was taking my daughter and her friends to a concert, and I got to go to a movie, of MY choosing, all alone! Oh, the bliss! There would be no princess, no space creatures, no war story. No, I was going to go to a chick flick, eat far too much popcorn (with butter), and NOT have to take a single person to ‘pee’ just when the story was getting good.

I went to the theater, just down the street from the concert venue. I ate immense amounts of buttery popcorn. I laughed. I cried. And I sighed. I left feeling girlie-good! So I rolled into my van (feeling the effects of immense amounts of buttery popcorn), and steered away from the theater, towards the concert venue.

Hum, I wondered, should I go shopping? No, the stores were about to close. Maybe a coffee shop? No, there was no place in my body for any more ingesting. Maybe ‘hang out’ at the grocery store? Seriously, you know you are old and lead a boring life when you actually, seriously, consider spending your Friday night ‘hanging out’ at a grocery store. Can we say, LAME?! (And all of this self-questioning happened in mere moments).

As I approached the concert venue I was amazingly, inwardly compelled to drive into the venue parking lot, by ‘something’ that seemed to be communicating to me, ‘you need to be there’. And, so, I went.

Then I parked and thought, now what? I knew it would be over an hour until the concert would be over. Heck, I thought, the headlining group was probably just starting. Hum, thought my conniving mind, I bet I could just walk in to the concert, and enjoy the headlining group … for FREE (Scottish heritage … oh, ya, baby!). And once ‘free’ was part of this idea there would be no backing down.

So, I walked into the venue, the church, where the concert was happening. I was able to walk right up to where the concert was in full gear. The place was packed! I stood just inside the doorway, watching and listening. A modern hymn of praise was being sung, being shouted, to Hosanna in the highest.

I stood there, thanking God that people use their gifts from Him to honor the Giver of those gifts. And that God would use those people, those gifts to open up this generation’s eyes to the things unseen. It was a ‘solo in a crowd’ praise party for me.

Then the second song began. It was rockier, and the crowd in there were having a blast!

And then …

Something up front fell … ‘I hope it didn’t hit anyone (my daughter)’

The music stopped … ‘It must have hurt someone (my daughter?)’

Noises of chaos, and people moving, climbing, back over pews … ‘God, don’t let it be my daughter’

DO YOU LOVE ME … ?

‘Huh? Of course I love you. But where is my daughter?’

A fire alarm was sounding … ‘This isn’t good. Where is my daughter?’

People were exiting the building, from all exits … orderly, quietly … ‘What is going on? Where is my daughter?’

I started to move forward, into the sanctuary … it didn’t feel like sanctuary. I turned around, and walked out.

I noticed people, running down a stairway. I walked towards the stairs, and (so hesitantly) down the stairs, not knowing where they would lead me. I saw people rushing into a room, a hall. I saw people lying on the floor, and others attending to them. They were HURT! … ‘is my daughter in there?’

DO YOU LOVE ME … MORE?

‘What? You are asking that NOW? … Oh, what are you asking me? What are you asking of me? Please … please don’t take my daughter … But … yes … yes I do love you more …’

I started to move forward, into the room … there didn’t seem to be … room, for me. I turned around, and walked out.

I walked back up the stairs.

‘Please, please help me find my daughter. Wherever she is, please help me find her.’

YOUR CELL PHONE

(I do not remember that line from John’s gospel!) I pulled my cell phone from my bag, confused as to how it could lead me to my daughter. Then I remembered! My daughter had used my cell phone to call one of her friends who had not showed up, just before the others went into the church, for the concert. Maybe, that number would be on my phone, and, maybe if I called it, I could find my daughter.

I searched the recent calls … it was there! … ‘thank-you’

I dialed, and the call was answered by her friend … ‘thank-you’

Then, reality. What if the answers she had for me were not what I wanted? Could I hear that?

DO YOU LOVE ME … MOST?

Do I love you … most? Oh, but, you asked me that of my first child. And that child never took it’s first breath. But, you did hear my cry, and gave again. But, she is only 15, was she only ‘on loan’? Oh, right, they are all only on loan. They … she is your child before she is my daughter. YOU love HER most …

Yes, my Lord … I do love you … most … and, her life … I leave it in your hands …

I took a deep breath. There were three of the seven together just outside (I was still in the building, still just outside the sanctuary … so far from sanctuary). And, my daughter? No, she was not with them.

I rushed to those three, who I barely knew, and hugged them. And I felt the strength return to my wobbly legs, as I realized that, I could hold them, support them, and comfort them, as their moms would, if they were there.

Another girl arrived shortly after … hugs, tears, questions … answers? The floor … fell?

One of the girl’s sister had been there … where the floor … was.

And my daughter? The newest of the group saw her at the other side of the church … ‘thank-you, thank-you, thank-you’

I walked … right? I rushed, with the concerned sister, to where we were told my daughter was.

As we moved forward, with sounds of sirens, road closures, emergency personal absolutely everywhere, It felt surreal, like I was walking, living through, a dream. A very bad dream.

Then, right in front of me … ‘thank-you, thank-you, thank-you’

And I held my daughter … with an understanding of thanksgiving that I had not felt, since the day she was born.

‘thank-you’

Another girl was with her … hugs, tears, questions …

Soon after with found the missing sister.

I drove them all home.

Reunions … hugs, tears, questions …

But, that night, the questions  for me were  …

DO YOU LOVE ME?

DO YOU LOVE ME … MORE?

DO YOU LOVE ME … MOST?

And my ultimate answer?

Yes, I love you … the most, and I will follow you, to the corners of the earth.

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How would you define love?

My grandmother defined love as a couple who could drive for hours without having to speak to each other.

Most teens would define love as words of affirmation.

Words

Love

Whether an excess of them or an economy of their use, words have a great connection to how we show love, receive love and live love.

Hubby and I vacillate between the two, at different times of day, and different days of the week.

Words are a powerful expression of how we feel, what we think, and what we plan.

If someone hopes for a future relationship with another, words need to be true, thought-through and said.

Words can make us feel loved, they can make us know we are loved.

There is a love story, written long ago, that continues to define how very much we are loved.

It is one, written by our Creator, to us, for the purpose of guiding our days and for knowing of the depth of love He has for us.

Holy words long preserved
For our walk in this world
They resound with God’s own heart
Oh, let the ancient words impart

Words of Life, words of Hope
Give us strength, help us cope
In this world, where e’er we roam
Ancient words will guide us home

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Did you know that today is World Down Syndrome Day?

I think most people know of someone who lives with Down Syndrome.

I think most people can identify if an individual who lives with Down Syndrome … it is often obvious when we look at their slanted eyes.

Down Syndrome, or Trisomy 21, is a genetic condition with three, rather than two, twenty-first chromosomes. The name, came from the doctor (John Down) who is credited for identifying this as a syndrome of it’s own.

My own first encounter with an individual with Downs was a relative of my aunts. I only saw her a handful of times, but my memory of her is of how, when she entered the room, everyone else started to smile.

Growing up in a small east coast village, I attended school and church with a guy with Downs. He was the son of one of the most delightful couples I have ever known. He made friends with everyone, and he could sing any hymn in the hymn book by memory (and loud).

Even today, I get to spend part of each work day with a young man with Downs. There is not a time I see him, at school or elsewhere, when I do not receive a smile, a hug, a wave. Just last week, as we shared a laugh, I looked at him, and remembered that he lives with Downs.

You see, when you know someone who lives with Downs, you don’t see Down Syndrome in their eyes anymore …

You see love.

Unconditional.

Undeserved.

Sometimes, un-reciprocated.

Love

Don’t get me wrong, an individual with Down Syndrome can do unloving things as well …

after all,

they are only human.

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Last week I spoke of my first week, of my first experience of participating in Lent (Week One of Lent), by eliminating cream from my daily, morning coffee.

Withdrawal from what one loves can feel like a real sacrifice … until one remembers the One whose sacrifice yours is a symbol of.

This past weekend I saw a video (below), and before it was finished, I found myself thinking, what a beautiful sacrifice of love.

And sacrifice for love is what Lent leads us to understand.

Gerdi McKenna is a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer, just this past February, in South Africa.

I cannot imagine what that news must be like.

I cannot imagine what it is like to walk with one close to me, through the journey that breast cancer leads.

Gerdi is a loved woman.

Watch the video, below, to see just how loved she is :

What a personal sacrifice!

But, for those who participated, what seems to have taken the edge off of the very personal sacrifice is the fact that they were doing it for one they loved.

Isn’t that just how love is?

We would do anything for those we love!

And that is what Lent reminds us

That Christ would do anything for love!

But I won’t do that

Even that …

Most awful, horrible act of being sacrificed physically on a cross,

And of being separated from His Father.

That is sacrifice for love!

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

This is a day that either we love, and feel loved … or not.

I discovered the verses (above) last week.

Written by Mary DeMuth at www.marydemuth.com, she has this to say about this day of love :

“My hunch is that your greatest source of stress comes in the form of relationships, whether friendships or family or church. I can handle all sorts of stress, but if my relationships are wonky, my heart follows.”

I am not a wise woman when it comes to love. I would hate to think that anyone would read what I have to say on this topic as expert advise.

I do know that Valentine’s Day does not have to be only about that eros love that the Greeks used to describe a sexual love, one born out of physical attraction.

It is a day about love, in all of it’s forms … including philo (a caring love born of friendship), agape (an unconditional love).

It is a day when we are reminded to love others …

It is a day to be reminded to love our neighbors, our parents, our kids, our grand kids, our co-workers, our friends and on and on … as ourselves (Luke 10:27).

So lets get out there, today, and show love to the unexpecting people in our lives, from the janitor at work/school, to the elderly lady we say hi to as we keep walking by, to the server at our favorite coffee shop, to the friend who just needs a belly laugh … we might lay our heads on our pillows feeling more varieties of love than even the Greeks can name.

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