thoughts | itsawonderfilledlife

Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

Hearing Voices

Posted in life, women, WONDER, tagged affirmation, building up, Encouragement, fine, hearing voices, hurtful words, insults, Mel Gibson, messages, thoughts, voices, weight, What Women Want on July 25, 2012| 4 Comments »

We women (remember, I cannot speak for ANY male, being female and all), hear voices.

Not only do we hear them, but we actually have conversations going on in our heads every waking hour! That is why when we respond with any of the following, there is more going on in our heads than the one or two word response we give to the men in our lives.

For example:
Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON’T DO IT!
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Men, if you could only ‘hear’ what is going on in our minds when we use any of those words, in response to what you might have said to us … (for more understanding check out “What Women Want” starring Mel Gibson … I say this very guardedly, as some of it’s content is beyond the ‘PG’ rating of my blog posts 😉 ).

It is said that it takes anywhere from five positive things to cancel one negative to two positive things to cancel that same negative. No matter what the stat is, it takes more positive messages than negative to break even.

For a woman there are so many voices that are heard that can cause self-doubt, frustration, discouragement and embarrassment.

The voices stay there, in our heads, forever.

Most women can remember something that someone said to them when they were still a preschooler, that still speaks to them.

Most women will struggle to truly believe “I love you” from anyone who spoke hurtful words to them … and when “I love you” is said, they immediately hear the hurtful words in their heads.

Most women who have heard someone say something about a part of their body, will immediately look to that body part in a mirror, and hear it said again.

Most women who struggle with issues related to weight (either too much or too little) are still struggling with a message that was conveyed to them as a child.

Most women who hate men, feel that way because a male in their life (usually a father, sadly) has spoken words that have torn her down in the past, instead of built her up.

Most women who have been hurt by words, have been hurt by the words of other women.

With all of this in mind, whenever you are in the presence of a woman who you care for (whether you are male or female), speak words of affirmation, encouragement, appreciation … help tip the balance in the direction of building a woman up, and giving her new voices to hear.

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Still Learning

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged a time for, amos 5:13, Brother James, Ecclesiastes, everything, Job 34:29, Learning, thoughts on June 12, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Last week I published a post called Tricks and Old Dogs. In it I wrote of my love of talking, and of a recent realization that when I felt as though I was not being listened to, I stopped talking, I stopped communicating. I also wrote of how I was planning on working on that personal response from a self-improvement context.

Since then I have encountered a certain passage in the Bible … twice, and I am starting to think that there is something in it for me.

The day after publishing that post, I read a post of a fellow blogger, which featured Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 (he is a great writer and thinker, and his posts are worth checking out). The blogger focused on how the scripture emphasized the need and reliance for balance. That the reality of the seasons of the year, and of life required a concentration of the balance that they provide in our existence.

For instance seeds are planted in the spring, and the harvest is gathered in the autumn, because that is what makes for the best growth of plants. We can laugh anytime, but to laugh after a season of weeping makes the laughing all the sweeter.

Then, at our staff devotions, a teacher read the same scripture. This time, as it was being read, I ‘heard’ the message that was in it for me. Verse 7 states, “(there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:) a time to be silent and a time to speak.” When the words settled in my ears, I realized that maybe I had been silent for a reason that came, not from weakness, but from a holy, seasonal balance. Maybe this was my time to be silent?

When I came home I did my research. I discovered that the verse from Ecclesiastes was cross referenced to:
Amos 5:13, “therefore the prudent keep quiet in such times”
Job 34:29, “but if he remains silent, who can condemn him?”

Maybe, just maybe, my silence was not simply born out of weakness, nor the result of inappropriate responding to individuals or situations. Maybe, my tongue has been silenced because it is not my season to speak? Maybe, at this time, saying nothing is the healthiest, the most wise route to take? Maybe keeping quiet at this time is not about forfeiting my ability to express myself, but about taking the time to listen, and providing the opportunities for others to practice a season of speaking? Maybe, my silence is a holy protection, that I need to embrace, and not fight against?

I am still determined to learn through this experience. I just might try learning from the silence.

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Tricks and Old Dogs

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged avoidance, communication, Habits, peace, silence, talking, teach an old dog a new trick, thoughts on June 8, 2012| 1 Comment »

You can’t teach an old dog a new trick, or so the saying goes.

I like to talk. This goes back as far as my school years, when my parents would go to the dreaded parent teacher conferences, and the one thing that all of my teachers said of me was, “she really likes to talk” (hey, at least I was consistent).

I love to chat it up with cashiers, moms with little kids, and elderly ladies. Oh, elderly ladies are the best! They are funny, full of information, and (big bonus) they say stuff to you like, “when I was young like you,” or “you are still so young,” or “my what beautiful skin you have.”

I have no problems with communicating via email or text (but I do hate the telephone). When there is something that I need to communicate with hubby, the kids, a friend, family, or a co-worker I want to be across from them and feel the conversation, so that I hear not just their words, but what their eyes are communicating too.

All of that communicating is great, but I have been learning something about myself, and my communication habits over the past couple of years. I have learned that when I am speaking to someone who does not leave me feeling listened to I keep quiet, I stop talking.

Perhaps this started as a means of avoidance. Perhaps it was a wordless way of communicating. Perhaps it was a means of keeping the peace.

If it started as avoidance or wordless communication, then what I am really trying to avoid is conflict, because I am feeling powerless in a particular relationship.

If this started as a means of keeping the peace, it is a farce! If that ‘other’ person(s) could only hear what is going on in my mind while I am feeling ignored and not listened to!

Keeping quiet, however that started, can forfeit ones ability to express an opinion. Eventually, one might begin to believe that their thoughts are not important, so why bother trying?

Why or how this began, I do not know. What I do know, though, is that it is time for me to grow out of this stage I am stuck in.

This ‘old dog’ may not be so good at tricks, but I am determined to learn a new skill, by undoing a bad habit … I sure hope the treats are chocolate!

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