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Posts Tagged ‘Weight Gain’

How is it that you can look at yourself in a mirror every day and still not see what you really look like until someone takes your picture?

As I looked at that picture, containing myself, I realized that the image I have been seeing in the mirror for months has not been a true reflection. Although I saw the realities of the imperfections and flaws, my eyes had somehow missed the significance of just how much I have grown (and I’m not talking growth of character).

A year ago I was celebrating the positive changes that I had made to my daily life. I was walking regularly, I was eating more healthily, I was taking the time to fulfill a passion (that would be this blog), and I had lost over thirty pounds of dense, life-hindering fat.

But, the fat came back.

And now I am hanging my head.

I saw the photo that is the outward expression of my failure, and hung my head in shame, and disappointment.

Oh, I was aware that the fat came back, because I have stood on the torture tool that we keep in our bathrooms … the scales. Somehow, although the numbers where the scale would point were indicating that I had gained it all back, the reality of my sins had not become real for me until I saw myself in a picture.

What I saw was that my face was bigger, and my eyes were disappearing into my swollen cheeks. My normally big mamma arms had grown to look like those of a trucker (without the trucker tan). Thankfully I had worn black on black, so I did not have to see my stomach protruding beyond “the girls.” And my best asset (no I am not talking about my rear) was my legs, because I had shaved them, and they were silky smooth … of course THAT could NOT be seen in the photo.

After the tear fest into my pillow, I had a conversation with myself (if you tell anyone that I admitted that I talk to myself I will deny it completely, and I have sworn my pillow to secrecy).

My self said to me, “it’s been a stressful year, Carole. Last year your hubby was on sabbatical, and that eliminated some of the stresses in your life (and he was gone for about two months, which eliminated even more stress … just joking, hubby 😉 … and don’t tell me that you did not benefit from being away from me for two months!). Then, you worked through much of your summer break last year. Then you had two adolescents move into your home and family. Then you started a full time position, for the first time in eighteen years. Then your dad was dealing with health issues, and living too far away to help your parents just about drove you insane. Then there was the ‘normal’ stresses of life; money, work, marriage, kids. Your weight gain is just a reflection of the stresses in your life.”

And my response to myself, MALARKEY!

Oh, it would be far too easy to claim ‘stress’ as the reason for why the fat came back. The problem in doing that is that it removes your personal responsibility for your decisions. And it just does not make logical sense.

If I were to perform poorly at work, would my stressful home life excuse my negligence of my students? NOT!

If I were to have left my husband, because I could no longer handle the stress in my life, would my children be able to understand and forgive me? I DON’T THINK SO!

If I were to have killed someone, would the stresses in my life be a good rational for my crime? NO!

Stress does not dislocate my brain cells. I may have to concentrate more on the decisions I am making, and be more intentional in what I am doing, but I do still have the power to do what is right, and good, and healthy.

Sure, it has been more challenging to find the time to go for long walks. Sure it has been more difficult to force the multitude of things on my mind aside, so that I can clear and renew my mind and heart and soul. Sure, solitary has become almost an impossibility in our home. And, with house maintenance on Saturday, and hubby’s church-related committments on Sunday, there is an absence of a ‘sabbath’ in my life.

But, the fat came back, not because of stress, but because I lifted my hand to my mouth.

It is time for a change!

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Long, long ago, in a nearby land, there was a fair maid and a handsome prince who were very successful in eliminating bad habits, starting new good habits, and shedding the pounds of (many) Christmas past.

They had walked the grounds of their palace, they had wandered through forests near and far, and they had done so with their noble beast at their side.

They became acquainted with the freshest of greens, the purest water of local springs, the most weighted and heavily grained breads, and the sweetest of fruits, from lands near and far. They passed the dainties in the shops, they resisted the flavors of farmer Angus, and discovered that less was more.

Low and behold, an evil demon crept into their kingdom, and their lifestyles started to make slow, subtle changes that have put the health of their kingdom at risk.

Recently the maid and her strong prince hopped on the royal torture measuring machine to see just how much damage had been done in these months of sitting on their royal thrones, and eating at the banquet table in increasing frequencies. Alas, the news was not good. Both the maid and her prince had empirical (actually ‘imperial’, as in the Imperial system, which measures in pounds) data as to why their royal gowns and tights were getting tighter than they had been in the past.

It was time for changes in the kingdom!

Sadly the season of great celebration and banqueting was but around the corner. That most wonderful season of butter-laden delicacies full of spices and herbs from lands near and far. That season of sweets and chocolate fit for a king. It will be a daily struggle for them both! He will sacrifice his love of gravy and sauces. She will sacrifice her adoration for the sweeter things in life. But, they will conquer this enemy … together.

May the prince and his fair maid arise with the sun at the break of the New Year back to where they were months ago, when their lowest was their high point!

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