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Posts Tagged ‘wrong’

Ever have a difficult decision to make? Ever feel as though you are incapable of making the ‘right’ decision?

For most of us, anxiety over decision making is due to a fear of failure. We do not want to make the ‘wrong’ decision. We do not want to have to lie in a potentially uncomfortable bed that we have made for ourselves. We simply do not want to make a mistake.

I wonder, though, how often we have made a ‘good’ decision that turned wrong. Or, conversely, a ‘bad’ decision that turned out good? So, is there really such a thing as good decisions and bad decisions?

For myself, as I look back over my life, there are a number of decisions that I made, because I tend towards the ‘safe’ choices in life, that have made me so very thankful for the mistakes I have been spared from making. There are also ‘safe’ choices that I have made, that I now regret my choosing safety over experiences, adventures, and challenges.

I look at my decisions both more seriously and less so, at this stage of my life. I now do not see most decisions as life or death, but I also recognize that there are consequences to whatever my decision might be.

Recently I was trying to make a decision. It was not a life or death choice, but one that I wanted to consider seriously. I had been weighing the pros and cons of both options (and even mentally added a third option … just to mix it up a bit 😉 ). I had spent time in prayer about it, I had talked to others. I was starting to think that the choice was becoming clear, that I was starting to side with one choice, over the other.

Then out of nowhere, and without any knowledge of the decision I was contemplating, I had two different individuals affirm option number two. So, what was I to do with that? Just when I was feeling confident of option number one, others were giving me indicators that made me second guess the direction where I had been leaning.

Yikes! I think I need a professional decision maker!

Sometimes I think we need to remember that, whatever we decide, whatever we are handed in life, it will not be more than we can handle, and that we do not have to try to handle it alone.

Proverbs 16:3 says, “commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Although this does not mean that your plans will succeed as YOU or I expect, it does give us the encouragement that if what we do, what we decide, is committed to the Lord, there will be success in them.

So, a decision committed to God will always be the right decision.

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As I drove home I heard a person (Charles Swindoll) on the radio say there are six words that will end an argument … guaranteed. So, I turned up the volume, and awaited the valuable information.

Now, this information could be valuable to me, not because I would ever need it, personally, but so that I could share it with those who do. My hubby and I would never argue … my kids and I would never argue … I would never have arguments with people at work or church (I know the Bible (Matthew 7:2-5) speaks of the speck of dust in the eye of another, when we have a log in our own … I wonder if you can have a log in your ears/hearing too?).

So the first three words guaranteed to end and argument are: I am sorry.

The speaker went on to say that those three words would take the (heated) air out of any argument or heated discussion. This makes perfect sense, as it is a sentence that does not allow the discussion or argument to become more heated. It is like cool water on a burn, it stops the heat from increasing.

What I am sorry does not do is say you are right, and I am wrong. But what it does do is it validates the other persons feeling of hurt, injustice, and being wronged. Even if there is reason (misinterpretation, or miscommunication) for the wrong to have been done, that does not validate or give acknowledgment to the ‘hurt’ person’s feelings. To acknowledge their hurt provides opportunity for them to get over IT, and move on. Without such an acknowledgment of responsibility makes moving on almost impossible, because it will be viewed as being repeated again in the future.

I have to say that in arguments past (not that I have been in many 😉 ), when I have heard the words, I am sorry, I melt. Most of the melting is outward, in the form of tears, but it does penetrate into my heart and soul too. There are no words that can change me from pit bull to pussy cat faster!

The next three words guaranteed to end an argument are : I was wrong.

I was wrong is the next step to I am sorry. This one is more weighty though.

To say, I was wrong, is to say that you are ‘manning up’, that you have shoulders that can bare the weight of your wrong, and that you are willing to carry the consequences of your mistake, all on your own.

From my experience, hearing the words I was wrong, are the immediate gateway to my forgetting that there was an argument in the first place. Those words can validate the hurt feelings of the other plus it takes the responsibility of the offense off their shoulders, and that is empowering. Now not everyone, in every circumstance will have the same response. For some that validation might just be reason for a temporary injection of heat to the moment. But, that injection is only a hot spot, because the responsibility has been assumed by the other, and now the source of heat is gone. When the source of heat has been extinguished, there is no possibility of reigniting.

As I look back at times when those six words were said (to or from me) in an argument, I can see how very powerful they are. And as I practice the use of them in the future, I believe their value will only increase.

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