September | 2013 | itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for September, 2013

From the Pit to Firm Ground

Posted in WONDER, tagged from the pit to firm ground, manna guilt, Mothering, not enough, psalm 40 on September 11, 2013| 2 Comments »

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From out of the pit …

That is where I was, as I was sharing about my Mamma Meltdown.

We Mamma’s, we were born melting! And guilt always accompanies …

My meltdown was born in the area of mamma guilt called NOT ENOUGH.

I felt like I simply did not have enough …

time, energy, zeal, intention, and on,

and on,

and on …

just like the mom whose status update was “Tired. To the power of infinity.”

Basically, I felt I was messing up the most important things in my life.

And then …

Tonight, home at too late, with groceries too heavy, and spirits too low.

“Homework done yet?” (maybe just a bit too much cynicism in my delivery of ‘yet’)

“Yup. Wanna read it?”

sigh … do I answer honestly, and say I am simply too tired to care that much?

“Yes, I’d love to. What am I reading?”

“A Bible assignment about our future plans.”

The paper is passed, while I sit for the first time in hours.

I read,

(predictable future plans expressed)

and read,

(there is more here than just a declaration of professional goals)

and read

” … but that’s not who I want to be as a person … I want to be a person of bravery and trust … I want God to lead my life and let him take the helm, even when I don’t understand …”

And the tears break through the flood gates.

And I am reminded that

NEVER

enough …

and I don’t have to be, because when I am

too tired,
too preoccupied,
too selfish,
too busy,
and not have enough hours in the day,
God,
the Creator of me,
the Creator of my children,

is always enough.

I do not want to be the rock that my children stand on … I tend to melt.

I am reminded tonight that even when I do not understand … the demands on time and money and energy and life … I want to be a person of bravery and trust, who lets God take the helm.

“I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.”
Psalm 40:1-3

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Mamma Meltdown

Posted in WONDER, tagged 1 kings 19, discouragement, mamma meltdown, philippians 4:7, the gentle breeze, undone on September 10, 2013| 1 Comment »

It was Sunday night

It was the night at the end of a ‘break’ of two days

It was the night before the next five in a row of work, school, church and other activities when:

“Lord God All-Powerful, I’ve always done my best to obey you. But …” 1 Kings 19:10

-the dishwasher was full of clean dishes, and the sinks were full of another load of dirty
-the son’s football gear was still in front of (not in) the washer
-the front door still framed in green painters tape … only one more coat of stain … only one more
-the meals still undecided for the week
-the dust not wiped away
-the mildew-lined bathtub still not scraped of old caulking and new applied
-the blog posts uncompleted
-at least one child was angry with me
-the mother-child conversations unspoken
-the time with hubby not happened
-the renewal, the playing, the rest, the quiet …

downcast eyes
downcast heart
tears building
regrets counted …

A Momma Meltdown was building.

And so, into the dark
into the night-lit light of candle, and torch, and stars peaking from edges of autumn night clouds
onto my beach by the shore
(okay, the brick patio by the pool)
I take my weary, worn out, waste of a woman self
… to weep my poor-me tears
In privacy.

And the frogs in the wooded area croaked their nighttime song
And the clouds lifted their curtain on their very own stars
And the raccoons, whose appearance was masked to me, tiptoed on the other side of the fence
And the air was warm like a familiar hug
And what had been melted dried up
And what had been undone was forgotten
And where there had been downcast eyes, a downcast heart …
were uplifted eyes and a peaceful heart.

‘things’ were still undone,

But I was not.

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” Philippians 4:7

And just when I felt I had been put back together again, I read a message from a friend, that had come in when I went out …

a note encouraging me …

in the small things I do …

it was like …

a gentle breeze across my face.

“Go out and stand on the mountain,” the Lord replied. “I want you to see me when I pass by.” All at once, a strong wind shook the mountain and shattered the rocks. But the Lord was not in the wind. Next, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. Then there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. Finally, there was a gentle breeze, and when ~~Elijah~~ Carole heard it, he she covered ~~his~~ her face with ~~his~~ her coat.” 1 Kings 19:11-13

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Thinking About Ann Voskamp

Posted in WONDER, tagged celebrity, Grace, leaving the nest, Thanksgiving, thinking about ann voskamp, universtiy on September 9, 2013| 2 Comments »

Labor Day weekend (in Canada), is a time when University and College aged students start to migrate to places of higher learning, driving in cars with little back window visibility, due to the over-packing for the school year away from home.

This year, Labor Day weekend I felt constantly aware of the need to pray for someone I do now know, yet whose life, thoughts, faith and passions are shared daily through her blog posts.

Through her posts at A Holy Experience , Ann Voskamp has indicated that her eldest son was readying to fly from her nest, into his new adventure also known as his university education and experience.

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And this Labor Day weekend, while my own third-year university-experiencing daughter was talking textbooks and tuition, schedules and psychology, my heart was heavy for a woman I do not know, who would be experiencing it all for the first time. The difference between she and me? My daughter has not flown away … and my face is not on the back of a New York Times bestseller.

I wondered if Ann would be given the space (really a gift of grace) by those around she and her son, as he met his roommate, unloaded a years worth of necessities into his half of a room, as the tours were taken, as the cheques were written, as the mingling was happening … as the memories were flooding … as the tears were welling. Space to just be … mom.

“No, no, I’m not ready for now to be over, for the kid who wore a tool belt strapped around him everywhere to leave, the boy who can drive a tractor and wrestle hogs and reads Adam Smith’s “Wealth of Nations” just for fun — just to go. He drove me crazy. He drove me to God. He drove me to love. I don’t care what anyone says — You can cut umbilical cords but you can’t cut heart strings.” Ann Voskamp

I wondered if her face

familiar to her son as strength and grace

frailty and forgiveness,

familiar to those whose faces were unfamiliar to her,

I wondered if her face might draw the unfamiliar to her space,

her mother space.

And I wondered if the unfamiliar to her saw her only as the face on the back of her bestselling book,

as a celebrity in their midst.

I doubt that Ann sees herself as celebrity.

I doubt her son sees her as celebrity …

He sees … mom.

And while he was preparing for adventures, she was reliving

his life …

his whole,

entire,

conception to the now,

life.

“You don’t become a parent by bearing a child. You become a parent by bearing witness to his life.” Ann Voskamp

And I prayed that those who saw her in the midst of the crowds, were able to see her, with eyes of grace, as just another purple-hearted mom, and not a selfish opportunity to enter her space with her child-man. That would have given her a million things to be thankful for!

“Parents wear Purple Hearts: the brave who are wounded and die a bit more everyday – and only get braver.” Ann Voskamp

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This Side of Heaven

Posted in WONDER, tagged Children, deidra riggs, Faith, jumping tandem, Parenting, the fullness of our faith, this side of heaven on September 8, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The guest post today is written by Deidra Riggs, whose blog Jumping Tandem is where I read this post that I want to share with you.

Deidra describes her blog as “a company, or a ministry, or a project, and this blog is where it all got started. I write about life as I see it. Most of the time, I’m just trying to figure it out. But always, I’m saving a place at the table for you.”

She is a mom, wife, dog owner, writer, speaker and event planner.

In the post I am sharing here today, which she calls “The Fullness of Our Faith“, Deidra speaks to my mother heart. I get her, where she is coming from, and I think that you will too.

“Where do you think he is, spiritually?” she asks me.

We are vacationing together, and we’ve decided on fried rice, egg rolls, and stir-fried deliciousness for dinner. We sit in the restaurant, our plates half empty, the sun inching its way toward the horizon. She is asking me about my son.

No one asks these questions about my daughter.

If I’m not careful, I fall into the very same trap. I look at my daughter, a youth pastor at a gigantic church on the east coast, and I don’t think twice about “where her heart is.” On the other hand, Christmas Eve may be the last time my son went to church.

You’d think you could figure out a thing like this, simply by looking at a person’s life.

In the restaurant, I give a long-winded answer. I tell the questioner about David Kinnaman’s research regarding people the age of my children — 18-29 year olds, raised in church, but more than half of whom have decided church is no longer the place for them. I’m telling her about nomads, prodigals, and exiles when my husband says, “But what’s your answer?”

My husband always sees right through me.

“He believes in Jesus,” I say. All I really needed to say was those four words. Why had I said so much?

We finish dinner and pay our bill. We climb into the SUV and we make a few more stops along the way to our resting place for the night. And all of it still niggles at me.

“It must be hard to be a parent,” my son said to me one day last summer.

My mind was spinning, trying to figure out, of all the difficult elements of parenting, which one was front and center in his mind.

“Why do you say that?” I asked him.

“Well,” he began, “I imagine you have this kid, and right from the beginning you have hopes and dreams for how that kid will live his life. But the kid grows up, and that kid has a mind of his own, and he ends up doing his own thing and living life his own way. And it’s not anything like what you imagined.”

I remember being speechless.

“That must be hard,” he’d said into the space between us.

I remember that conversation with my son as I sit in the SUV, with our vacation companion. I think about my daughter, and about all the ways we each are still growing up. How we never really reach the fullness of our faith this side of heaven, I don’t think.”

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Best of September 1-6, 2013

Posted in WONDER, tagged best of, summer's end on September 7, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Hi readers!

I have decided to start posting on Saturdays now as well as every other day of the week (because you just do not get enough of my blog in your inbox already 😉 ).

Each Saturday (at a yet undetermined time) I will provide a link to the most viewed post on itsawonderfilledlife for the six days gone past. This way, if you like to read what I ramble about, but you have a life of your own, and cannot possibly read every meaningful, or ridiculous, or rant-filled, or spiritual, or humorous post I write, you can still read what others have read the most. It’s kind of a win-win, because you get to read whatever others deem most popular, without having to avoid feeding your families, or getting your bills paid, or exercising, or cleaning the toilet (now you know what gets avoided in my house by writing this blog each day).

This week the most viewed post was Summers End … sigh! I am still mourning that reality! And my email inbox is so reflective of summer ending, as it is NEVER empty anymore!

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Blessings this weekend!

Find rest.

Love each moment.

Encourage someone.

Carole

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Life Knocking at the Door

Posted in WONDER, tagged Adventure, bilbo baggins, Christ, gandalf, life knocking at the door, Revelation 3:20, the hobbit on September 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

“We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner!”
Bilbo Baggins
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Cleaning this summer, I came across a few papers with notes that I had gotten from the Drama teacher at the school I work. She had used the notes as she was introducing The Hobbit play to our high school last spring.

I cannot remember exactly what it was about those notes, or her delivery of the introduction, that caught my imagination, only that they sparked an idea for a blog post. As I read them this summer, there was no particular line that jumped out, and yet, the entire message of black on white, was one that left me nodding in agreement as I read.

If you are familiar with The Hobbit, you will know about Bilbo Baggins, the middle aged hobbit who likes his life … comfortable … safe … predictable (I can relate). What Bilbo does not realize, in the beginning of the story, is that his comfortable, safe, predictable life have also created within him an acceptance of life without adventure, without risk, without … living.

The moment when Gandalf enters into the scene, the house, the life of Bilbo … it is then that Bilbo’s life begins to change, because it is then that Bilbo gets distracted from what he had wanted to do. For some (uncharacteristic for a hobbit) reason Bilbo invites Galdalf back for tea, and it is in the invitation that Bilbo’s adventure, and his life truly begin (even though he becomes late for dinner).

An adventure, is something people often speak of wanting, but not many venture beyond their comfortable, safe, predictable daily lives. To venture in such a way would be to choose change, and with it comes the possibility of discomfort, the unexpected, danger and rejection. To choose not to change has consequences as well … missing out on opportunities, on relationships, on learning … on life.

That one small act of opening the door was all it took for Bilbo to begin his great adventure and his really living.

Christ also comes to the door of each of our lives. Sometimes He seems to break the door down, but more often His knock is barely audible, except to the heart of the one whose door He is knocking. When Christ walks in, and we make that most adventurous decision to open the door and let him enter, it is then that our lives begin to change and we begin to live.

That living comes from being so distracted by the adventure designed for us that we forget what it was that we wanted to do. His purpose becomes our purpose, and it is then that we can live … really live life’s adventure.

So, is not being late for dinner worth not answering the door?

Or will not answering the door make you late for dinner?

“Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I’ll come right in and sit down to supper with you.”
Revelation 3:20

“It’s a dangerous business, walking out one’s front door”
Gandalf

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Special Challenges

Posted in WONDER, tagged ben glenn, Disabilities, focus on the family, special challenges, Special Needs on September 5, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I truly do consider it a privilege to work with the students that I do. Their ‘challenges’ are the reason that I have a job.

In my job as a Special Education Assistant, the only thing I do not like is my title … nobody wants to be called ‘special’ because everybody knows that the word ‘special’ in this context really means ‘different.’

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The guest post for today is an audio link to a broadcast from Focus on the Family (www.fotf.ca). The link is of Ben Glenn speaking about the challenges in his life, including ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and Dyslexia. It is called Living With ADD, and in his story I can see the experiences of a few students with similar challenges. I can see the rejection, I can see the confusion.

Thankfully, I do believe that today school staff, psychologists, doctors and parents communicate much more clearly to students about the challenges that they have been diagnosed with. We still tell them they are special, but we tell them they are special, not because of their diagnosis, but because they have value as a person, and, as a Christian, we share that they are made in the image of Creator God.

Numerous times I have offered my own perspectives on those with challenges, or special needs (Beautiful Disorder). I have also offered my perspective on the parents, and especially the moms of children with special needs (Moms That I Admire), as well as their perspectives on having a child with special needs (Things Not To Say To A Parent Of A Child With Disabilities). What I love about this audio of Ben Glenn is that it is from the perspective of a person with special needs challenges, and it is so worth hearing his voice.

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Something New

Posted in WONDER, tagged a new thing, hindsight, Isaiah 43:18-19, new job, new schoo, something new on September 4, 2013| Leave a Comment »

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!“
Isaiah 43:18

A few weeks back, as I sat with my steaming cup of coffee, I was feeling not too eager about the next day.

The first day back to school can always be daunting, and in my profession (as an Educational Assistant), each September is really like starting a brand new job. There certainly are similarities to the previous year, but until we arrive at school, we often cannot be sure as to what our assignment will be, or what students we will be working with for the school year.

This school year I have made a campus change, from high school to middle, and although I feel very comfortable with the adolescent students, I am beginning to think that maybe I have now reached an age/stage in my life where change does not have that exciting adrenaline rush it once did.

What I was feeling was more like paralysis!

I would not have my previous co-workers by my side.

I would not have the previous space, where I knew I could find what I needed.

I would not have the previous subjects, and subject teachers.

I would not have my previous students to work with, and catch up with, and compare with to see how much shorter I had gotten in the summer.

Then I opened an email that contained the verses (above).

And it stuck out at me;

See, I am doing a new thing!

Not a better thing, not a worse thing, but …

a new thing!

I have to admit that I had spent much time, just the week prior, “dwelling on the past” … remembering the ‘good ‘ol days.

Dwelling on the past means you are looking at things from the vantage point of hindsight … you know how things grew and developed, and you can identify the big picture.

Starting something new is like having an unidentified seedling handed to you, and challenging yourself to name it, to know how and when it will grow. But, there is no big picture, because there is no hindsight to learn from. You just have to water, to watch, and to pray.

Whether it is a new school year, a new job, a new community, or a new stage of life we can be certain of one thing:

God will do a new thing!
(and He loves to surprise)

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Safe in the Harness

Posted in WONDER, tagged 1 Thessalonians 5:24, historically proven, Integrity, ropes course, safe in the harness, safety, security on September 3, 2013| Leave a Comment »

A great and thrilling start to my new school year was a bonding adventure with my co-workers. The really thrilling part was that it was at an undisclosed location, doing an undisclosed activity.

I was nervous!

There were those thoughts of:

-what will I be ‘expected’ to do?

-will I make a fool out of myself?

-what if I cannot do what the others can?

… and more.

But, I had no choice but to look at the integrity and reputation of the administrative team, and trust that they had a plan that was safe.

After a number of twists and turns (a couple of them u-turns), and great quantities (and volumes) of hoots and hollers, we arrived at our destination … a ropes course. I’ve always wanted to do a ropes course!

According to the information I read, the course takes you from 2m to 18m up into the trees. It includes climbing, swinging, zip lining, tightropes and many, many challenges.

It was such great fun, and so very mentally challenging.

There was one point, when my arms felt as though they had been transformed into jello, and I had to pull myself along a rope (while balancing, precariously, meters up in the air) from one platform to the next. I was …

d o n e

After exerting much energy, and seemingly going nowhere, I said to myself, ‘I’m safe in the harness, I will not fall, so to heck with balancing, just plunge forward, there is no risk.’

And so I did … it was probably not very graceful or pretty (not much of what I do is), but I made it to that next platform much faster … because I trusted in the integrity and historical safety of what I was attached to.

As I sat at home that evening, fretting and worrying about how my professional skills and abilities are like … Jello. About how I could not possibly go to work with the strength I need to meet the needs of the students I will be working with …

I remembered the harness, and how I stopped trying to balance on my own strength, and simply rest in the integrity and historical safety of what I was attached to.

There’s a harness that can provide such security, support and balance in every area of life, and it is a harness of integrity and proven throughout history.

It is faith in God.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 reminds us, “He who calls you is faithful, who will also do it.”

That’s the harness offered to all, we just need to rest in the integrity, and how He has proven throughout history to be safe.

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Summer’s End

Posted in WONDER, tagged fall, Freedom, start of school, summer's end, time on September 2, 2013| 4 Comments »

End-of-Summer

Farewells are always a sad thing, and saying good-bye to summer is particularly sad.

For many it is back to school tomorrow, marking the unofficial end of summer and the beginning of fall.

On the Pacific Northwest, this summer has been quite perfect. The sun shone almost every single day, the temperature ranging from 24-27˚C (75-76˚F), and periodic breezes.

For myself, this summer has been one of cleaning, and re-organizing our house … really a summer of ‘nesting’.

First I sold or re-purposed the furniture in one of the bedrooms of our International students, who is not returning. Then I cleaned the room thoroughly, touched up the paint, and we moved hubby’s office into that small, but quiet space.

Then came bedroom number two, where we were planning to move our eldest daughter. With the help of the men in the house, the room was emptied of all contents, flooring and doors (bathroom cabinet door included). Then the walls and cabinets were patched, cleaned and painted. The walls papered, trim added, laminate installed, and the finishing will continue even into the fall (but she and all of her worldly belongings have been moved in, making it a very feminine space).

The final renovation was to our daughter’s ‘old’ bedroom, where our other International student would be moving into. More patching, washing, and painting of walls. The carpet ripped out, to be replaced with the better carpet from his previous bedroom. Then his furniture and belongings were set up in his new home.

There was furniture refinishing, ‘stuff’ thrown out, given away or taken to the thrift shop, organizing of closets, re-purposing of unused household items, elimination of dust bunnies and completion of previously uncompleted projects.

Now, as the calendar-full months have arrived, I am looking at re-organizing, re-purposing of another resource … time.

Somehow that seems much more daunting than painting, wallpapering and re-organizing ‘stuff.’

In the summer, we ‘get’ to share our time, but time in the busy winter months, when more responsibilities and more programming exist, it can get stolen out from under us.

I think that is the sorrow in saying farewell to summer … the freedom of time that exists in the summer, that does not exist the rest of the year.

In the summer we are more free to stop what we are doing and just chat with our kids, we are more free to put down that paint brush and meet a friend for coffee, we are more free to sit in the sun/the shade and read a book to it’s delightful end, we are more free to stand on a sandy shore and just … inhale.

For me, that is what summer is, a time of freedom, a time to inhale.

And now, as we exhale all of what summer offered up to us, may we carry the freedoms with us, and still find a way to steal from time so that we do not forget to inhale.

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