Archive for April 17th, 2014

I wrote the following during the Easter season of 2000, when our son was still a baby …

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
Luke 2:19

The pains are coming more often, and oh how they hurt. Do you feel what I am feeling?

Soon we will be in Bethlehem and you, my son, will be born;

in a strange inn, in a strange town.

I feel such a felling of impending loss my son, soon you will no longer be just mine, but all of Israel’s. I thrill with every last movement of you withing my womb.

I look so forward

to holding you

to looking into your eyes

to counting your tiny fingers and toes …

how quickly the pains are coming …

Hours Later …

Oh, the pain! Will this agony soon bring you into my eager arms?

This isn’t right. You will enter into this world with the touch of rough hay, the smell of animal dung and with no family to welcome you. How sorry I am that I could not deliver you into a softer, sweeter place.

The pains,

they are coming again …

Later …

The pain is all over now, my son.

You are so beautiful.

Your hands

your feet … ten perfect little fingers … ten perfect little toes …

so soft … but, they are not like mine, or any of my kin.

Your eyes look into mine as though you have always known me, as though you know my very heart … but, they are not like my eyes.

Your lips are as I imagine those of the angels … plump and pink, shaped like a heart. I wonder what words will be spoken from your lips. … but, they are not like mine.

Your nose is a like a piece of art, perfectly positioned in the center of your gentle face … but, it is not like mine.

Your shoulders look like those of a man, broad and strong. They will strengthen to hold your head up high … but, they are not like mine.

Oh, my beautiful little son, is any part of you from me? Was I simply just the vessel from which you came?

Oh course,

now I see,

you have my blood within you. As your heart beats, my blood rushes through your body, making you alive, and fully human.

Hush now, my beautiful baby, no need to cry, the pain is all over now …

Years Later …

Oh, the agony.

Why did they have to pierce a spear in you too? How could they do this to you?

YOur hands,

your feet …

they are pierced through with hard, ugly nails. Oh, my gently one!

Your eyes … they show your pain, they are wet wit your tears!

Oh, my beautiful son!

Your lips … they are so dry, and made worse by the vile those guards offered you! Oh the bear of my heart!

Your nose is covered with the perspiration of your body’s torture! Oh, my sweet one!

Your shoulders are weighed down by the weight of your body! My pride and joy!

And your blood … my blood … flowing our from all over your flesh! Oh my flesh and blood!

I agree with the words of your Heavenly Father,

“You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” (Mark 1:11)

You made me a mother, my first born.

May God end this suffering for you so that the pain might finally be over.

The day following the next Sabbath …

My ears still ache with the rumbling of the earth, only moments ago.

That ache is nothing compared to the ache of my heart, for the loss of my dear son. But that man, like the heavenly messenger I met many years ago, says that you are alive, that you have risen from your death.

There you are! You are whole again!

Your hands, your feet … they hold the story of your death …

but you are not dead, you are here, you are alive!

But you speak of leaving to go back to your Father …

please do not leave  … do not leave me … you are my son,

pleases come home with me?

But, you have not forgotten me. You spoke on that cruel cross,

to me,

that your beloved friend and follower, John, is now my son …

that I am to be cared for by him, as though I were his mother.

You are entrusting me and my care, my future survival, to the hands of the one you love most.

Oh, my beautiful gift of a son … from the very hands of God.

As my heart beats, you will always be the blood the flows through my veins.


Now there is no more sorrow , no more sadness, no more pain.

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying,
neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21:4


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