July | 2014 | itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for July, 2014

What Women Want – Part 2 of 5

Posted in Love, Marriage, WONDER, tagged #thechase, #whatwomenwant, Marriage, Men, Women on July 8, 2014| 3 Comments »

So, now part 2 … this is not as easy as I had thought it would be … maybe because what women want is NOT easy.

There is so much that can be written about our human, female nature. The shrinks have spent forever analyzing women … as if there is one description for what is a woman … let alone what she wants!

Although there is no ‘one’ woman, there are traditional stereotypes.

So, lets talk stereotypes. Men, by nature, love the thrill of the chase … probably goes back to the days of the ‘hunter’. They chase, they pursue, they convince, they manipulate, (lie, beg and steal) to get what they want … woman. This is natural! And it is a good thing too, because it is natural for women to run … away! The whole point of the chasing, though, is that, eventually, the man catches woman (and guys, I’ve gotta be honest with you, if you catch us, it is because we wanted you to catch us …).

Then, after man catches woman, he is feeling like a comic book hero, he’s top of the world. He’s had a goal, poured out his blood, sweat and tears, and now, he’s …’the man’. All because he got his his prey, his prize, HIS … ‘woman’. The winning of this prize, after the chase, the wooing, the effort, the constant planning and thinking of ways to achieve his goal, is the fulfillment of his life’s purpose. It is the fulfillment of all that he was created, body, mind and soul, to do! Truly it is the ultimate ‘amazing race’, of life!

And, for the woman, after running so hard, to avoid being caught, she finally wins, as well. For she was desired, she was wanted, she was pursued, and she was fought for. And now, the valiant, deserving warrior has proven, through his perseverance to catch her, that he would do whatever it takes to get her. To her, he has proven that he will go to the ends of the earth to win her … that he will make the ‘effort’ to win her. That he will ALWAYS make the effort to win her. And, like a lamb to the slaughter, she goes with him willingly, because she trusts the evidence of her warriors actions.

And they all live happily ever after …

Ya right! But I’m talking real people, with skin on, not a comic book hero with a writer and an illustrator (who can eraser cellulite with the flick of his eraser, and can make the hero … a hero, at all times).

Sadly, life does not naturally become happily ever after, after that amazing race. Once man has caught his woman, and the woman has allowed her man to catch her, they forget about race. Their new race becomes ‘the rat race’, and what is ‘captured’ here is far less satisfying.

So, what do women want?

Do they want to be chased down, like a wild animal running for it’s life?

Well … yes.

Do women want to be to be coaxed and wooed?

Well … yes.

Do women want a man who makes efforts to get her attention?

Well … yes.

Do women want a man who is constantly planning (okay, even once in a while, planning … and I don’t mean planning for retirement) and thinking of ways to catch her?

Well … yes.

For the woman (and I cannot speak for the man), the race is never over. The chasing, the coaxing and wooing, the evidence of efforts made, the planning and thinking of ways for the man to catch her … a woman wants this … for all of her life! And when her man, ‘the man’ fails to continue the chase, there are undesirable results, undesirable consequences.

One consequence is so sad, so damaging (so preventable) … she responds to the chase of another man.

Another consequence is also sad, and damaging (and preventable) … she becomes the ‘chaser’. And she chases their children, and she chases her career, and she chases ‘things’, and she chases other men.

Another result is equally sad, equally damaging (so preventable) … she looses all hope for the future, and gives up. It is then that she begins to do what she was NOT created to do … she just survives.

Now, men out there (if there are any male readers), I’m not saying that it is all your fault. But I am trying to answer the question, what do WOMEN want. And, let’s face it, that original race, the basis and foundation of your relationship with your woman, was initiated by … YOU! YOU set the standard, YOU set the expectations, YOU sold your lady something …

… is the product what you advertised?

If that lifetime guarantee seems to be null and void, it can resemble more of a life sentence (for both of you).

So, in my humble opinion, women want to be pursued, fought for and, through the perseverance of her mighty warrior, captured … regularly!

“I have fought well.

I have finished the race,

and I have been faithful.”

2 Timothy 4:7

What Women Want Part 3 of 5

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What Women Want – Part 1 of 5

Posted in Love, WONDER, tagged #whatwomenwant, Life, Men, Women on July 7, 2014| 3 Comments »

What do women want? The question brings up memories of that Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt movie, of the same name. But it also makes me wonder, is it answerable? Is there a manual available for men, so that they are, without a doubt, aware of what it is that women truly do want? (would they read it?) Do we, as women know ourselves what it is that we want? Do we all, as women, want the same things? Do we, as women, always want the same things, everyday?

So much to wonder … I’m gonna need chocolate! And speaking of chocolate, do women all want chocolate? Unbelievably, NO! Now many of us do ‘need’ to have chocolate (and at certain points in the month, ‘need’ is not just an understatement … it’s survival, and not just for the woman, but for anyone else inhabiting the same space). But there are those of us who … do not prefer chocolate … hard as it is to believe. Some would rather have candy, or salty potato chips, or ice cream. So chocolate is not necessarily part of our female DNA.

And since chocolate came up, lets deal with other ‘gifts’ that might be given to women.

Diamonds, they say, are a girls best friend. Bringing to memory that Marilyn Monroe movie of the same name. I own only one ‘real’ diamond. And it was the most special gift my husband ever gave me … because, with it he declared his love and desire to marry me. Sadly, I haven’t worn it since our first daughter was born, as it’s points are so sharp, it could cause lacerations. But, are diamonds, gems, jewels what women want? Do we all desire to BLING like the Las Vegas strip? There are those who love them, and who frequently visit jewelery stores in malls and online … and those who, have never chosen to walk into a jewelery store (especially if there is a chocolate store beside it). Again, diamonds are not necessarily part of our female DNA.

How about flowers? If the calendar is showing Valentine’s Day, or Mother’s Day, one would think that there is nothing else a woman would want. And, really, what girl can resist a gift of sweet smelling flowers from someone who normally doesn’t ‘drop’ sweet smelling gifts in her presence? But some women prefer a plant or tree to plant in the garden, and to remember the gift, and the giver whenever she sees it, than a short-lived box of long stem roses. Others would prefer a dandelion, handed to her by chubby, sticky, preschool fingers, to be plopped into a plastic cup, and sat in the most special ‘place of honer’, in the house. Again, a gift bouquet of flowers, purchased at the flower store is not necessarily a need of the female DNA.

More recently, a ‘safe’ gift to give a woman is a gift card. But, even here, consistency is non-existent. For some, a gift card to a spa is a perfect gift. Or a gift card to her favorite clothing, gardening, jewelery or candy store. But, even in gift cards, one size does not fit all! Just try giving a gift card to a weight loss company or gym! Again, gift cards are not necessarily part of the female DNA.

So, what DO women want?

So far, it would appear that what women want is dependent on the woman. There is no ‘one gift’ that fits all! And, perhaps worst of all, a gift that could be received with tears in her eyes, and ‘I love it’ coming from her lips, one time, could be received with one raised eyebrow, and ‘oh … thanks’ coming from her lips, the next (and, yes, I am guilty).

On one birthday, I received a gift from my daughter, and, for me, it solidified what it is that this woman wants in the gifts given to me. She gave me three beautiful gifts … but, it is the one she made that I loved receiving the most. She made for me two CD’s, full of the music that she knows I love. And what a variety there was … Coldplay, Johnny Cash, ABBA, and a beautiful rendition of Bach’s Suite for Cello no. 6, among many more, extremely varied songs (like the varied composition of my brain cells).

But, what it was that made receiving the gift, such a gift, was that it was a CD full of the music that she knows I love! What she gave me was not two great CD’s (although they are), but she gave me the gift of knowing me. She spends enough time with me, talking, living, sharing the day to day of life, that she knows what I love. Now, to be fair, it helps that she and I share similar loves, when it comes to music. But, not it totality, and so she had to step out of her comfortable dance shoes, and slip into mine to know me.

And, in my humble opinion, it is the desire of the gift giver to know the recipient. It is the desire of the gift giver to seek to know, to observe, to listen, to feel the heartbeat of the recipient, to be able to give women what we want. The giver needs to want to know the recipient so much that they are willing to walk the same walk.

Although my daughter definitely ‘scored’ with this gift, and others at various other times. I really only know of one who is consistent in his desire to know me …

“God so intimately knows me, knows you,

that He did what no one on Earth would ever dream of doing

He watched, He allowed

His son to die.

Because He knew

that the only way for for me, for you

to really live fully

was this gift of sacrifice.”

Carole’s paraphrase of John 3:16

Oh, and, my addition, using my own creative license …

“So stop looking for a man to know you better than this!!!”

That said, when another human being, seeks to know you so well that their gift leaves you with a sense that God lives not just in a ‘high and lofty’ place, but here … where mere mortals bleed, sweat and toil, it is a beautiful, wonder-filled thing … and that is, what women want.

What Women Want Part 2 of 5

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Just say Thank-You

Posted in WONDER, tagged #compliments, #incourageme, #jenniferdukeslee, #justsaythankyou, #thankyou, #whattodowhencomplimentsscareyou on July 6, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Just last night it happened again.

A person paid me a compliment, and I rejected it.

Ever done that? Responded to a compliment with a rejection, an objection, a denial of the possibility that the words of compliment, directed to you, could be true? that you could be deserving of the compliment paid to you?

Why don’t we just say, “thank-you”?

Is it a desire to appear humble?

A fear that the person complimenting us might be about to say, “just joking”?

A belief that whatever we have done or produced is simply not good?

Jennifer Dukes Lee gave me some thoughts to think on this subject, in her post What To Do When Compliments Scare You. Although she is specifically speaking to women, I expect that there is many a man who could use her message.

“It can take a long time for a woman to figure out how to take a compliment.

You might go a whole lifetime thinking it’s plain wrong to say “thank you” when someone says you make the best pie crust, smile the sweetest smile, pen the loveliest little poems.

Your mama taught you to say thank you, clear back when you were shyly hiding behind her knees. But then you grew up and learned about God’s glory, and you got to worrying that you were stealing some of His praise with your wee little thank you.

So you stop saying thank you, and you start telling them they’re wrong.

Funny thing is, I enjoy giving compliments. A God-made encourager, I love to find the best in people, and then tell them what I see.

But I’ve done a poor job of receiving kind words in return. I’ve been allergic to compliments – partly because I didn’t think I deserved them, and partly because I didn’t know how to respond.

Then, I met a woman –

She click-clacked down a hallway at a retreat a few years ago, waving me down, like her hand was a flag up in the air. She said something really sweet about my writing. Or maybe it was my hair or my incredibly cute shoes. I don’t remember anymore.

I do remember this: My eyes darted. My tongue felt heavy. I started to deflect her words with a self-deprecating remark.

She interrupted me, putting her hands on my shoulders. Her eyes were soft, but her voice was stern.

“Jennifer,” she said, “just say thank you. It’s okay. Did you know that? You’re not robbing praise from God by saying thank you. In fact, you’re honoring God by allowing me the blessing of encouraging you.”

I hadn’t always been dismissive of compliments. I grew up with a mom who taught me good manners.

But something happened after I pursued a deeper relationship with Christ. I got the impression that if I received any praise, I was stealing God’s spotlight.

I remember when a visiting speaker came to town to share the gospel. I was fresh in my faith, and his words deeply moved me. Afterward, I weaved my way through the crowd, like a fish swimming upstream, to find the speaker near the podium.

Voice wobbly, I thanked him for his message. He shook his head vigorously. “You shouldn’t be thanking me,” he said, jabbing his index finger heavenward. “You should be thanking God.”

It felt like a rebuke. It felt strangely unkind. It felt like I’d been doing it all wrong.

For years, I stumbled through ways of responding to affirmation, always worried that whatever I said would come across as sounding super-spiritual or falsely humble.

After my encounter with Clickety-Clack Woman at the retreat, though, I felt braver. But it took years of “trying on thanks” for it to feel right on me.

I am learning that there are ways to accept praise without offending God or mankind.

I am learning that true humility doesn’t mean we wave off kind words. It doesn’t mean we apologize for who we are. Gospel humility doesn’t mean that we unleash a litany of our shortcomings in response to a praise.

True humility is genuine “thanks,” delivered with grace.

Truth is, many of us have no trouble claiming our weaknesses, but we shudder at the thought of claiming our strengths.

We don’t have to do that anymore. We are free to shine for Jesus. Because of Jesus.

We can stop ducking from the kind words of people who see God’s work in us. We can stop minimizing our strengths with words like, “Oh, it was nothing.”

What God put inside your spirit isn’t nothing. It’s a special something, intended to change the world. It’s the life of God, in you.

When we deflect kind words, we diminish the beauty set aflame by God in us.

Look, we don’t want to live our lives for man’s applause. But we don’t need to live our lives in fear of it either.

Together, we can do life differently, without fear of stealing God’s glory. We can:

1 – Release our gifts boldly into the world, knowing that whether praise or criticism comes, both ultimately belong to the Father, if we’re offering our work in obedience.

2 – Never discount our gifts by saying, “Oh, it’s nothing, really.” Our lives exist inside Christ, and Christ exists inside us. What comes out in His name is a product of what He designed us to do. We will come more alive to our Creator and our callings when we recognize that we bring value to our world.

3 – Remember that our spiritual gifts are given “so we can help each other” (1 Cor 12:7). And we are called to do them well. “In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well” (Romans 12:6)

4 – Model courage to others by using our gifts to their fullest. Our boldness gives others permission to be fully themselves.

5 – If someone praises our work, let’s stop deflecting. Let’s offer thanks to the person, and to God. It’s this easy. Repeat after me: “Thank you.”

What are you most inclined to do when someone tells you they like your hair, that touching blog post you wrote, those brownies from a box that you baked for the church potluck, or the morning devotions that you delivered even though it scared you out of your ever-lovin’ mind? Is accepting a compliment hard for you?”

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There’s not One of Them I’d Swap (most of the time)

Posted in FAMILY, WONDER, tagged FAMILY, Life, Wonder on July 2, 2014| Leave a Comment »

My favorite song from Sesame Street is playing in my head …

When I was a kid (and an avid Sesame Street show watcher), I was convinced that it was about my family. We, too, had a sister (that’s me), and two brothers, and a mother and a pop.

And now, as an adult, and mom, we have five people in our family. We have TWO sisters, and a brother, and a mother (that’s me), and a pop. And there’s not one of them I’d swap (most of the time … lets face it, we are all so very human)!

It will be an interesting summer, with our daughter working at a camp for kids with cancer, our son spending most of his summer at a camp on work crew and our other daughter traveling, as well as volunteering for a week at a camp. It will be a rare thing this summer for all five of us to be all together.

All together is a beautiful place to be. I love all of the members in our family (not always do we ‘like’ each other, but we do ‘love’ each other).

But then there are times like … oh, maybe when all five of us are in a hot car without air conditioning (for almost three bloody hours), on a day when the temperature is well over 40 degrees … then I think of swapping (or at least opening the door and pushing someone out) … not that we have experienced that … just sayin’.

There’s about four and a half years between our first two, and one would think that there are too many years between them to have anything to argue about … not true. Then we had our son two years after daughter number two, and one would think being opposite genders would make it easier for them to live together … not true. Then hubby and I, well we chose each other, couldn’t wait to get married (vowed to love, and honor, and blah, blah, blah), surely we could co-habitate peacefully … no comment!

Whatever the number, whatever the make-up of ones family, the presence of conflict, and pressure, and frustrations, along with a need for individual ‘space’ (and I’m not talking the final frontier) are going to live along within that family unit.

Sometimes, I think pre-arranged marriages are a brilliant idea … at least then we could have someone to blame (other than ourselves) for the frustrations one might have with their spouse … not that I have any frustrations with mine, of course. Heck, what am I saying we do blame our inlaws for the flaws in our spouses anyway … not that I would, of course.

But flaws abound in every relationship, in every individual, in every family. We all have those times when we are riding the ship of smooth sailing, and then, like a bowl full of bad clams, the nasties come back up.

And, that’s just life.

But spending the time working through those nasties, together

… that’s just family.

And,

“there are five people in my family,

and there’s not one of them I’d swap”

(most of the time 😉 )

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I AM CANADIAN

Posted in canada, life, WONDER, tagged Canada Day, I Am Canadian, July 1st on July 1, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Today is Canada Day, the one hundred and forty-seventh anniversary of the forming of Canada into a country. As a country we are our own entity, and as citizens, we are Canadian!

I have had the privilege of living on the East Coast of Canada, Canada’s national capital (Ottawa), and now on the West Coast of Canada.

I have had the privilege of enjoying fresh lobster, fresh Pacific salmon, and fresh … chip wagon poutin on the streets of Ottawa (it always comes down to food with me).

I have watched the sun rise from the horizon of the Atlantic, and set into the waters of the Pacific … on the same day.

I have watched the lupins blow in the eastern gales, tulips color the landscape of the nations capital, and ancient cedars grow to gigantic sizes on the west coast.

I have lived in communities where there is one church for every sixteen people, and in communities where there is one church for every six hundred (and as many people attend at each).

I have left the house with a perfectly coiffed doo, to have it mangled in minutes by winds from the Bay of Fundy. I have left my home, showered and clean, to arrived at my destination soaked by perspiration thanks to the humidity of central Canada. I have left my home in shorts and a t-shirt on a sunny day in the Fraser Valley to be drenched to the skin by a downpour, only ten minutes later.

I have wandered through the flowerpots of The Rocks on the Bay of Fundy, skated on the Rideau, and have hiked the mountains in the west.

I have enjoyed winters of over ten feet of snow on the ground, winters where the wind chill reaches -50 degrees celsius, and winters where there is no snow, and the temperature never goes below +5 degrees celsius.

I have awakened to the bright mornings sun glistening off fresh snow, the most vibrant colors of red and orange and gold of fall foliage, and the amazement of snowdrops blooming in January.

I have seen AHL (American Hockey League), WHL (Western Hockey League), and NHL (National Hockey League) hockey games in person … and even understood what was going on! (and been to hockey’s ‘holy of holies’ (hubby’s title), the Hockey Hall of Fame).

I have watched the Anne of Green Gables musical at the Confederation Center, in Prince Edward Island, the Rankin family at the National Arts Center in Ottawa, and the Three Tenors in Vancouver.

I have known what it is to walk down a street and know everyone who I pass, and to walk down a street and know no person who passes me.

I have eaten in homes where meat is a main course, and homes where meat is only spelled with two e’s.

I have met people who are pacifists at any cost, and people who who have died to save and improve the lives of others.

I have stood on Canada Day, with Queen Elizabeth in attendance, at Parliament Hill singing Oh Canada, with so many others, singing so loudly, so proudly I almost felt … American. And I have stood at other gatherings where I can only hear my own (very off-key) voice.

I have seen the auroras boreales, the Niagara Falls, the Tidal Boar, the red soil of Prince Edward Island, Peggy’s Cove, the Rocky Mountains, Lake Louise, and the whole of Vancouver from Cypress Mountain.

I have crossed the Canadian-American borders at Calais, Philipsburg, Rock Island, Peace Arch, Woodstock, Cornwall, Prescott, Aldergrove, Windsor, Sumas, Vanceboro, Stanstead, St. Stephen, Blackpool and more!

I have met people from Ukranian, Chinese, Russian, American, Dutch, German, Japanese, Scottish, Indian, Australian, Vietnamese, Iranian, African and more other national heritages than I have paper to print them on, who now call themselves Canadian.

I have met people who arrived in Canada many years ago at Pier 21, in Halifax, and people who arrived this year at Vancouver International airport.

I am from a family that is so Canadian, we go back to the Loyalists and the Metis. And I know many Canadians who still call themselves Canadian with a hyphen (ie. American-Canadian).

I feel blessed to be part of the society known as Canadians. We are a study in contrasts, from sea to shining sea.