itsawonderfilledlife

Can you name something you really want?

I am not talking peace on Earth, or for the males in your house to put the toilet seat down, or to win the lottery. I am talking about wanting something so badly, that your heart aches for it.

In my life, there have been few times when I truly wanted something that badly.

There was that day, late in spring, when hubby and I were discussing how we might spend vacation. For the past five to six years, our family (or parts of it) spent a week on the Oregon Coast, being nurtured physically, spiritually and relationally at a Christian convention center (check out http://www.cbcc.net). For me, this place has been my place of rest and renewal.

But, this year we would not be attending.

Sometimes we do not know what we want, until it is out of our grasp.

As the final decision to not go was made, tears began to fall, uncontrollably, from my eyes. As a matter of fact, whenever our ‘Cannon Beach’ friends asked if we would be there, a hard mass settled in my throat. Whenever emails from ‘there’ were in my email inbox, I would delete before I had to face pictures of the beach. Then the week when we normally would have been there … well, lets just say I did get my fair share of salt water (tears).

There was not a day this summer when I did not pray that God would make a way for us (or at least me 😉 ) to go.

Never in my life had a thing or place been so desired.

Things kind of bottomed out at the very end of summer, when hubby left for his third trip to the East Coast (our native land). I remember driving home, after dropping him off at the airport, and I had my getting real with God monologue (what a gentleman He is, to quietly put up with my pity party). I cannot remember all that I said, but the words “it’s not fair that he gets three trips” do still ring in my head.

After that very real confessional, I had finally let my desires go. And I awoke the next morning, still disappointed, but finally able to let it go.

About a week ago hubby had to call the conference center office on another matter. Out of the blue, the person on the other end asked, “you’re a pastor, aren’t you?”

To make a long story short, they have rooms available to pastors, on the off season … for free. To shorten it more, this past Monday hubby called (as soon as they opened) to reserve three nights. It also happens that we could do it without my having to takes unpaid days off.

I am delighted!

And I am cognizant of the fact that this provision was not something that just happened, but that every detail, down to the timing, was orchestrated by a God who cares about the desires of our heart.

I love Psalm 13. It is not a joy-filled psalm, but a lament … kinda like my getting real with God monologue. The Psalmist is feeling forgotten, ignored, and is throwing his very own pity party

… who cannot relate to hosting such an event?

Unlike myself, when the psalmist, David, comes to the end of his rant, he seems to take a humble posture, committing his trust in the mercy of God, thanking Him, ahead of time, for how bountifully God has/will deal with him.

And that is faith in the unseen, in the things to come.

“I will sing to the Lord,
for he has dealt bountifully with me!”
Psalm 13:6b