It was our younger daughter’s wedding day and I was on the upper deck, enjoying a morning coffee and taking a deep breath. In the moment I was so conscious that each breath is a gift and looked to the blue sky. Three tiny birds flitted in front of me, up and off to the right, out of sight and I smile. In that moment I saw our three, playing joyfully in the sky of today. Though they are now adults, and they too fly out of my sight, unaware that I am watching them … and I take a deep breath and I smile.
And a thought came to my conscious,
Carole, are you ready to fly?
Are you ready to let go of this life,
of breath,
of the ones you love,
for what is next?
What a thought on a happy, joyful day … and yet …
I immediately whispered that thought, that question to myself.
And I thought of my girls, living life with the ones they love and who love them.
I thought of my grandbaby enroute, how bathed in prayer already.
I thought of my son, strong, steady and following his God.
I thought of my husband, the one whom I love.
I thought of my mum, who has told me every day, I love you.
and then I whispered,
as though it was not a response of my mind …
I am ready.
I do not want to leave these loves, but … I am ready.
I am hoping it is not through pain, but … I am ready.
I still have hopes and plans, but … I am ready.
This was not a thought born of sadness or depression. Not from apathy or despair. I cannot say exactly where or why it came to mind at all, though perhaps at line of thinking that is healthy to entertain once in a while.
I do not think of death, or heaven very often. I am relatively healthy, I work, have family and friends who fill my days, my thoughts. And yet, as a follower of Christ, I believe that I have treasures that await me in heaven. Not valuables as we see them here and now, but the priceless treasures of existence without pain, or sickness, or heartache, or disaster, or hate, or loneliness, or death. Heaven is the place of truth, promises kept, joy, love, Jesus.
The Apostle, Paul spoke of death, dying and heaven and one who must have put much more thought into eternity:
I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.
Philippians 1:20-24
Paul is expressing a conundrum, back and forth between the reality of now and the hope of what is to come. In his words I read a heart that longs to be with his Savior, a soul that knows this world is not his home, not what he was made for.
So, I come back to that question that sung from those three birds in the sky,
Carole, are you ready to fly?
Are you ready to let go of this life,
of breath,
of the ones you love,
for what is next?
itsawonderfilledlife 