Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘FAMILY’ Category

IMG_4033It’s official! I no longer have any ‘children’, for my baby turns nineteen today.

But this is not about me 😉

You were and will always be my best surprise, just what our family needed most, but didn’t know it.

And now you turn nineteen, and in so many ways today signifies your independence, your autonomy as an adult, a man.

The thing is we don’t become adults by awakening to the day of our birth, we become adults by, as the Bible says, “putting childish things aside” (1 Corinthians 13:11).

When I think of you, of your birthday, I cannot help but think of how the past year was one of putting many childish things aside … not necessarily by choice.

In a year you have accepted the transition from high school as final, the understanding of what it is to work a job, pay rent and look after your own needs, but there were other circumstances that pushed you to choose to be an adult.

You have also experienced the unexpected death of a peer, moving from your childhood home, the loss of a church community and the illness of your dad.

Through these very real changes and struggles you have had to choose how you would respond, and it is through your responses to these changes that I have seen and admired your metamorphosis as you transition into adulthood.

The main thing you did was talk. You chose wise and caring people and you shared your inner burdens, rather than keep them inside.

You also acknowledged that there are some things you cannot control, and so you have to acknowledge limits to what you can do, for a person or within a circumstance.

You have shown compassion and care, irrespective of it being reciprocated.

My son, you have accomplished much this past year!

1 Corinthians 13:11 says,

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

Then, along comes verse 12, and it is like the carrot before the cart, the incentive for hauling the, sometimes, heavy load (of adulthood):”

“For now we see in a mirror, darkly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.”

Each opportunity we have to choose adulthood (or not) leads us into a future where the pieces fit together, where the whys of life might be answered, where our past might make more sense.

So, young man, continue in your pursuit of adulthood, and, while you are heading in that direction, don’t forget to take joy along with you.

“The time has come to make a choice
And I choose joy

 

” ‘Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you’ is the greatest phrase ever written. If everyone followed that creed, this world would be a paradise.”
STAN LEE

Read Full Post »

IMG_4413

If we are growing and maturing, our definition of love changes as we grow older.

From when we are children and love could be defined as who makes us feel secure by meeting our needs, to when we become teens, then young adults and love could be defined as who makes us feel unconditionally accepted, special. Then, as adults, it is all about is he/she meeting my needs.

Hum … no change there really, as it would seem to be defined by what have you done for me lately.

At the mid point of life, if love is still part of your life, if marriage is still part of your life, it starts to change (ever so   g  r  a  d  u  a  l  l  y ).

It becomes more about maintaining each other, caring for each other.

A number of weeks ago I came across this quote by Ann Voskamp:

“Love is always
inconvenient
inefficient
indestructible” 

Not a quote one would expect to hear at a wedding ceremony! Yet, for those who have persevered through love, for love, that quote is real, truth.

We have persevered, hubby and I. Not just hubby, not just I, but both of us, in little and big ways. It has been twenty-nine years (tomorrow) of persevering through love, for love.

Twenty-nine years of inconvenient love. Love that has gotten in the way of our individual interests, love that has been daily overriding individual interests, as we each bend and sway to the other, for the other. For the individual cannot survive in love without sacrificing for the other.

Twenty-nine years of inefficient love. Love that is not slick and polished, but often unproductive and amateurish. Love that doesn’t often work like a well-oiled machine, but often one that requires time adjusting, adjusting, adjusting. So many kinks to work out … and usually, they are not his, but mine.

Twenty-nine years of … how does one say, until at the very end, that it is indestructible love? Though the definition of what love is may change, it is proven only in it’s longevity, it’s indestructiblity. Grit (a determination that is strong-willed and to the end) in love is the major ingredient determining whether or not it is indestructible.

Though it is not flowery or romantic sounding, I’d take the real thing … inconvenient, inefficient, indestructible love … twenty-nine years and counting.

“Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.”
CS Lewis

Read Full Post »

IMG_3817

As our children grow we are constantly reminded of our own experiences and choices from when we were their age. Their life can be like a mirror into our past, illuminating all that has been good, bad and ugly in our lives.

Sometimes as I watch or listen I am reminded of the choices that I wish I had, or hadn’t, made when I was their age(s). I am reminded of attitudes I had, ways I dealt with people and of my priorities.

It all kind of makes one wish they could redo their past with the knowledge of the present. It also makes one with they could force their children to learn from our own mistakes.

Life doesn’t work that way.

The knowledge we have now has been learned, primarily, through the experience of living, making decisions (good and bad) and living with the consequences. We could not have the knowledge we do now, had we not had the freedom to error, the freedom to choose and our children are no different.

This includes our walk with God. Much of my relationship is sweet because of what he has loved me through … the sins, the lack of love for his word, the incorrigible attitudes, the heartbreaks. He has proved his love for me in how he has loved me despite my mistakes.

As parents the letting go of our children begins the moment we give birth, followed by a million small and big releases of our grip on our children, so that they can lead the lives that we have prepared them to live.

The lives they live, as adults, are out of our hands and that is the way it supposed to be, for we do not bring children into the world to be our clones, but to be individuals, experiencing all that life has to offer, with the hope that they will return to us and share what they have see and experienced.

In the many wedding ceremonies my hubby performed, I always heard him read these words,

“You are giving your children to life’s adventure, and not merely away from yourselves. This is what you raise your children for, to let them go their way. And in their going they come back again to share their discoveries and joys with you.”

I feel it is like our relationship with God. He loves us into existence, then he lets us choose whether or not we follow the guidelines he has established for us. It is in our choosing his way, his love, that we get to experience real living. It is though the freedom, he gives, to choose to love him that we learn what love is.

As parents we are left to stand by, helpless, for we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ, who whispers our hearts cries. This is our job, as parents of adult children, and what a privilege it is to lift them up to their heavenly Father, who loves them even more than we do.

“It is possible to give away
and become richer!
It is also possible to hold on too tightly
and lose everything.”
Proverbs 11:24 TLB

Screen Shot 2018-09-13 at 6.41.01 AM

Read Full Post »

Screen Shot 2018-07-31 at 8.50.57 AMMarriage should never be boring … right?

So, I recently learned something about my hubby of nearly twenty-nine years, and it all started with an invite to a shower (no, not a bridal shower … the one in the bathroom) … is that too much information? Probably … oh well …

So, he was heading to the shower and I said, quite innocently, “can I pop in too?”

His response was … typical (I am NOT going to define that), followed by a shocking comment, “as long as you don’t wear that shower cap”.

Truly the floor fell out from beneath my feet.

I mean I had just gotten it (new house, new shower cap) and it was so nice to replace the one with the broken elastic that could easily have been replaced with a Ziplock freezer bag, with better results.

What followed was a hysterical conversation about how … uninspiring my (pretty) (new) (practical) shower cap was, in his eyes.

This was a breath-of-fresh air, humorous sharing that felt so good … so … not serious.

Sometimes marriage can become all about the decisions, the hard stuff, the heart-breaking stuff, the mundane stuff. Sometimes marriage just needs laughter that is inspired by something unimportant and silly. Sometimes marriage just needs giggles about something that no one else would understand. That laughter is from a place that is deeper and more intimate than any other words or act.

“Live happily with the woman (man) you love
through all the meaningless days of life
that God has given you under the sun.
The wife (hubby) God gives you
is your reward for all your earthly toil.”
Ecclesiastes 9:9

Read Full Post »

IMG_3766

In a few days, the clothesline will hang empty, the pool without a ripple, the rooms quiet with not even the deep breathing of our wonder dog.

This is the liminal moment for me, the threshold between where we have been and where we are going. Though we are still here our minds are there. Though our history is here our future is there.

Our days are a liminal soup of memories and dreams.

In one year there has been great change for us, as a couple, which has stretched it’s reach into the lives of our children.

I made an employment change, which was heart wrenching, though I am thankful for. Hubby had to resign his job, then experienced health failure, which currently we know not when or how (or if) he will recover. We are about to exit the home which was the place of the growing up years for our three.

Our children have also experienced their own life changes. One graduated high school and set out to experience the working class lifestyle. One was diagnosed with a chronic disease, which can interrupt daily life unexpectedly and with great pain. One is still in the process of medical inquiry, while also looking at a new job.

While shopping last week I came across a small wall plaque (above) which said,

“Don’t look back,
you’re not going that way”

And I snapped it up for our new home, for I knew we would need the reminder to face forward, to close the door on the past and slide the deadbolt, for our future needs to be our focus.

So, as we embark on the future, on new dreams, goals and direction, the focus is on the new thing that God has for us, and we will throw our all into it, face forward.

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

Read Full Post »

IMG_4899.JPGIt was an evening of quiet, with clouds that were as sun-hiding as coastal fog.

Hubby had left to take our son and his friend to camp, where they will be working all summer.

Just the evening before, my family honored my request for a photo, by changing their schedules to make it happen. That’s what  families do … give and stretch for each other, even when it doesn’t make sense.

It was the last opportunity for all five of us to be in the house, and I wanted just one specific image. I am pretty sure they thought I had lost all sense of creativity, but they did it nonetheless (and I didn’t even have to pull out the “do you realize how difficult childbirth was” stories).

So that photo was taken (at the bottom of this page), then, the next day, our son walked out of his home of fourteen of his eighteen years for the last time.

Standing at my kitchen sink (my favourite place in the house), looking out into the back yard, the memories made in this home started to flood into my mind, and a realization that the opportunity to have memories promoted by this setting is coming to an end.

So I emerged from my window perch and wandered down memory lane.

When we entered this place our youngest couldn’t reach the light switch. He had to share a room with his sister, while the roof was added to the upper deck, to make a bedroom for him. He has had three different bedrooms in this house. We would often look to the back yard and see him use the back yard as a urinal (or his sisters would have him ‘water’ spiders). He learned to swim in our pool, just one week after we moved in. His favourite room in the house is the loft, where he and friends played various video games.

Back at the beginning, our oldest was ten, a competitive swimmer and eager to throw a party. She has thrown her share of parties, and utilized our pool for summer employment for a number of years. She has lived in an upper bedroom and in the basement suite. She was the first to leave our nest a year and a half ago. Her favourite place at our home … the pool.

Our middle daughter was only seven … just a little girl finishing grade one, swimming daily for the swim club, always angling to have a friend over and toting notebooks of scribbles and sketches. She has only ever had one bedroom in this house … the largest bedroom. She has been in school ever since we moved in and has had more friends over than all the rest of us (probably combined). Her favourite place at this place is her bedroom.

Our kids have grown up here, we all grew here, and in a few days we will move on to a new time and place, where stories and growth and laughter and tears will happen.

It was good to look back, and remember what we had here together.

 

IMG_3722

Read Full Post »

Screen Shot 2018-06-16 at 7.29.29 AM

In our world today, fathers (men as a whole) are paying the price for those who have ruined the reputation, the name, father.

There are the deadbeat dads, the abusive dads and the physically present but emotionally distant dads whose actions, abuses and inactions can make dad a bad word. There has even been talk of no longer celebrating fathers with a special day on the calendar.

It is true that pretty much anything a father can do in raising a child, a mother can do too … as is true in reverse. So why celebrate fathers?

If no other reason, I think we should celebrate those who are active participants in the parenting process, rather than just talking about those who have failed or not shown up at all. To only discuss the failures is to create a wrong and negative view of all fathers. This damages, not just the ‘bad’ dads, but the societal view of all dads, of all men … and men are not the sole contributors of failure in parenting (let me tell you, I have blown it regularly).

The dads who have been committed to fathering, who have been strong enough to humbly ask forgiveness, who have changed diapers and tied shoes, who have laughed and cried, disciplined and praised, bandaged knees and braided hair, made breakfast and taken out for ice cream, taken to soccer and dance practise, yelled to get out of bed in the morning and tucked in at night with a prayer and a kiss on the forehead, those who have done the little things with great love, not perfection … these are the dads we celebrate.

What dads bring to the table is themselves, imperfect, loving and committed … and that is enough.

 

Read Full Post »

Screen Shot 2018-06-13 at 6.16.59 AM

Recently, my son told me about a comment he made to a friend about our upcoming move.

“This move, for us all, is pushing the restart button.”

I love the visual. He nailed it, perfectly!

A different home and neighbourhood, with fresh possibilities opens the door to not just a physical, but also a mental break from the past, an opportunity to start fresh and an open door to try something new.

What a lovely way to anticipate this change … as a blank slate, a fresh (re)start.

As one who loves and sees value of understanding the past so that we do not repeat past mistakes in the future, I also love what the prophet Isaiah had to say about the past:

“Forget the former things;
 do not dwell on the past.


There comes a time when we need not just move forward, but also stop glancing back.

For anyone, clumsy like myself, knows that glancing back can be the start of a catastrophe! Yet, I do it frequently … thinking that I will be assured that I am going in the right direction if I can see where I have been. But that simply takes my eyes off the direction I am heading, causing me to not live in the gift of today, but in the room with ripped wrappings and all the worn out gifts of yesterday.

Isaiah didn’t stop at counsel on the past, for he also had something to say about what is to come:

For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun!
Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

The new thing that God has for our family, for all of us, had already been in the works long ago. God himself has cleared the way, bringing life to what seems dead, destitute.

That path in the darkness isn’t just about the hope for the future of my family, it is what is available to all.

In the Matthew Henry Commentary of the above verses, concerning the prophesy of the deliverance of Babylon, a reminder is given:

“there is reference to greater events. The redemption of sinners by Christ … and all that is to be done to rescue sinners, and to bring the believer to glory, is little, compared with that wondrous work of love, the redemption of man.”

Perhaps, better than I, Chris Tomlin describes the restart button best, in his song, Resurrection Power.

“I see the old has passed away
The new has come!
Now I have resurrection power
Living on the inside
Jesus, You have given us freedom
No longer bound by sin and darkness
Living in the light of Your goodness
You have given us freedom”

 

Read Full Post »

Screen Shot 2018-05-28 at 11.11.06 PMWe sat around the table, me and my three.

We ate, we laughed, we argued, the dog joined in with his moans and groans, we recalled moments and memories from days gone by … yet alive in our shared memories.

My heart heavy, and light. My eyes … my eyes wet looking at these three, my three.

It was an evening of reality, an evening of dreams … dreams I thought might never become real, concrete, alive.

As we sat, and ate, and talked. As tales were told, as laughter flowed, as frustrations boiled … boiled over all over, messy, tense … real. I felt alive in the moment, alive with these three, borne from me, real and blunt, harsh and gracious.

For I would rather this icky and sticky, this dark and twisty reality, than one fine and flawless, sleek and shiny show  … without any one of you.

I got what I asked for … and more.

One, one child to birth, one child to raise … was the dream back in the dust-covered past.

From my prayer, God blessed … and blessed … and blessed again.

I dreamed of real. Not perfect, polished and poised. I dreamed of sincerity … red hot, dented and sometimes stinky sincerity. I dreamed of this thing called community, family.

I dreamed of a life where the truth would be laid before them, not stuffed into them. Where the answers were not spoon-fed, but the tools to find them were at their finger-tips, that the instructions that we gave them were saturated in a love for them that could only come from the One who is love.

And as I crawled into bed, head and heart heavy with shared pain, shared struggle, shared life, I realized that I got what I dreamed of … the real thing, not a picture-perfect facsimile.

And that Jimmy Durante song played in my mind, as sleep surrounded me,

“Fairy tales can come true
it can happen to you …
and if you should survive
to a hundred and five
look at all you’ll derive
just by being alive.”

 

Read Full Post »

Attachment-1Though their flowers are delicate, the Magnolia is a very hardy tree. It is believed, the Magnolia existed before bees, as it is pollinated by beetles. This stately tree represents long life, beauty, innocence, joy and good health.

Years ago I received a magnolia tree from my kids, on the first Mother’s Day gift at our present house. At the time, it stood about four feet tall. Now, as the image (above) shows, it has grown to over twelve feet in it’s present location.

As I took time, a few days ago, to appreciate it’s physical and scented beauty, my mind drifted over my stages of mothering, since it was lowered into it’s present earthen home.

Fourteen years ago, our three children were eleven, seven and four. We moved into this house with three children, toys, bedtimes and dreams.

We snuggled on the couch to watch animated movies, read stories at bedtimes, kissed ‘owies‘ to make them feel better, swam in the pool all summer long and rode sleds on the steep driveway in winter.

Those were beautiful years of mothering, for whatever nasties arose during the day were gone by bedtime. Of course they were also draining years, as the demand for mom was a constant (what mom has not marvelled at how her children can be seated with dad, yet they will yell to mom that they are hungry?).

Those beautiful years were followed by the years of increasing homework, school and community sports and clubs, sleep-overs, friendship stretches and struggles, playing kick the can in the streets and memorable family vacations.

Those were the years of two steps out and one back, growing into the local communities of neighbourhood, school and church, looking for affirmation from peers, yet still a strong need to return, to be held, to non-verbally ask to be reminded of their value in their mom’s eyes.

Then came the teen years into the twenties. These were (are) the independent years of becoming their own selves,  individuals, separate from their place and people of origin. Everything from relationships, to music, to clothing, to future plans screamed ‘I am an autonomous human being’ .

During these independent years their dad and I wondered if we might sever our tongues for biting them so frequently. They have also been the years when sometimes my job was just to listen (no advice sought, just a safe, listening ear). Sometimes I have also had to give a boost … like when they were still littles and needed a boost to start sledding down the snow-covered driveway. Sometimes the boost is just that age-old mom cheer of ‘you can do it‘. Sometimes the boost is one to say, ‘move on, from where you are’.

My beautiful magnolia tree, that gift from those who call me mom, mum, momma, has grown strong and tall, like my once littles. It has grown alongside my creations. And like it, they will continue to grow … their roots reaching into new soil. My prayer is that they would grow toward the light of life.

 

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »

Lessons from a Lab

From My Daily Walk with the Lord and My Labrador

From The Darkness Into The Light

love, christ, God, devotionals ,bible studies ,blog, blogging, salvation family,vacations places pictures marriage, , daily devotional, christian fellowship Holy Spirit Evangelists

Karla Sullivan

Progressive old soul wordsmith

Becoming the Oil and the Wine

Becoming the oil and wine in today's society

I love the Psalms

Connecting daily with God through the Psalms

Memoir of Me

Out of the abundance of my heart ,I write❤️

My Pastoral Ponderings

Pondering my way through God's beloved world

itsawonderfilledlife

FIXING MY EYES on wonder in everyday life

Perfectly Imperfect Life

Jesus lovin', latte drinking, dog lovin', Kansas mama and wife.

What Are You Thinking?

I won't promise that they are deep thoughts, but they are mine. And they tend to be about theology.

Sealed in Christ

An Outreach of Sixth Seal Ministries

Amazing Tangled Grace

A blog about my spiritual journey in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Following the Son

One man's spiritual journey

Fortnite Fatherhood

A father's digital age journey with his family and his faith

Forty Something Life As We Know It

I am just an ordinary small-town woman in her forties enjoying the country life. Constantly searching for wisdom on a daily basis.