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Posts Tagged ‘#whatislove’

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If we are growing and maturing, our definition of love changes as we grow older.

From when we are children and love could be defined as who makes us feel secure by meeting our needs, to when we become teens, then young adults and love could be defined as who makes us feel unconditionally accepted, special. Then, as adults, it is all about is he/she meeting my needs.

Hum … no change there really, as it would seem to be defined by what have you done for me lately.

At the mid point of life, if love is still part of your life, if marriage is still part of your life, it starts to change (ever so   g  r  a  d  u  a  l  l  y ).

It becomes more about maintaining each other, caring for each other.

A number of weeks ago I came across this quote by Ann Voskamp:

“Love is always
inconvenient
inefficient
indestructible” 

Not a quote one would expect to hear at a wedding ceremony! Yet, for those who have persevered through love, for love, that quote is real, truth.

We have persevered, hubby and I. Not just hubby, not just I, but both of us, in little and big ways. It has been twenty-nine years (tomorrow) of persevering through love, for love.

Twenty-nine years of inconvenient love. Love that has gotten in the way of our individual interests, love that has been daily overriding individual interests, as we each bend and sway to the other, for the other. For the individual cannot survive in love without sacrificing for the other.

Twenty-nine years of inefficient love. Love that is not slick and polished, but often unproductive and amateurish. Love that doesn’t often work like a well-oiled machine, but often one that requires time adjusting, adjusting, adjusting. So many kinks to work out … and usually, they are not his, but mine.

Twenty-nine years of … how does one say, until at the very end, that it is indestructible love? Though the definition of what love is may change, it is proven only in it’s longevity, it’s indestructiblity. Grit (a determination that is strong-willed and to the end) in love is the major ingredient determining whether or not it is indestructible.

Though it is not flowery or romantic sounding, I’d take the real thing … inconvenient, inefficient, indestructible love … twenty-nine years and counting.

“Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.”
CS Lewis

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Cookie decorating with the fam and friends recently had me thinking, what is love?

Media, entertainment and even some of our philosophers of the day (aka Therapists, Life Coaches, celebrities, etc) would have us believe that it is warm and fuzzy feelings that make us ‘glow’ with good feelings and only experience agreement, affirmation and acceptance all of the time. You know, basically whatever feels good for you, for me.

I say love is so far from self.

Anyone who has pursued life-long love with other human beings (from spouses to parents, to kids, to neighbours, to friends) knows that love is far more complex, diverse and dirty than all that fluff stuff.

I think most of us pursue love to not be alone.

This is unfortunate for the parents who pour all of themselves into their children (and, lets face it, this is what most of us do) and then, when their children have grown and get their own lives (you know, what we bring them up to do) our nest is empty and we are lonelier than before.

Many of us pursue love for how it makes us feel … those warm and fuzzy feelings that are so sweet to lull us to sleep, but no one on this Earth can make us feel like that day in and day out … nor can any of us make another feel that way in the long term.

How many of us have heard people say that they love someone because they share so much in common? If commonalities are the only foundation of our love for another, it will implode when, inevitability, divergent views emerge.

Love is that which we have to work for, with and in spite of. Love trumps disagreement over politics, religion, philosophy or behaviour. Love is hard to maintain, a struggle of constant personal effort, and, sometimes, doesn’t even get reciprocated. Love is not dependent on what another does for us, it is only dependent on our own will and commitment.

“Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
(The Message)

 

 

 

 

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