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Exhale

Posted in GOD, life, Nature/Creation, The Beast, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged 2 Corinthian 4:18, brain fogginess, eternal, exhale, path, security, Spring, temporary, unseen, walk, worry on April 30, 2012| Leave a Comment »

It was a beautiful day for a walk on my favorite trail, with my beast. A little podalic (things pertaining to feet 😉 ) therapy!

I felt as though it had been forever since we had the freedom for this most favorite activity, and that my fuzzy brain cells were calling out for it.

For a change, we did not speed walk. Instead it was a leisurely wander through the trails, taking in all of the details of change that spring brings along the path. Even my beast seemed unbothered by the change in pace.

As I started to walk, I exhaled. The kind of exhale that says, I need to purge my mind of all that is within it, of all that is overloading it. To purge it, though, means to first acknowledge all that is being, mentally, held on to.

I had been preoccupied about my husbands job security, and how that affects everything about our family’s life. I had been thinking about what I want my professional future to look like. About our eldest daughter’s plans to move away in the fall. About my other daughter’s summer. Wondering if we were being intentional enough with our son to build a firm foundation for the teen years to come. If we were meeting the needs of our International students , and if their presence was coming between ourselves and our own kids. Wondering about the future, about homes, and money and travel, and where our future would take us.

I was allowing my insecurities, and lack of vision of the future to hinder my ability to enjoy the present.

I stopped, and sat on a bench to enjoy the river. I thought of how the rising river made it fit it’s banks so much better than it had a couple of weeks earlier. On the other hand, the rising river could also mean impending doom for people whose homes or businesses are near the river. The future of the rising river is unseen.

Then I thought of my Magnolia tree, that is ready to burst into full flower. It will not bloom, though, until those hard, ugly shells open up with the pressure of the petals to burst free. Those hard, boring, ugly shells have kept the beauty hidden and safe, while they grew and prepared to show themselves in spring. If I did not know what is unseen, I might pluck those ugly shells off of them. But, because I know of the beauty that is currently out of sight, I wait for the beauty within to open up.

Then I looked at my beast, who had just plopped herself down on a bunch of dandelions. She has no insecurities in this world. She looks to me, as her co-master, and trusts that, although her bowl might get empty, it will be refilled again. She is not worried about much of anything (other than an intruder on the property, like a cat, or squirrel, or stray leaf blowing in the wind), because she trusts that as long as her masters are near, her needs will be met, because her masters care for her.

I realized that true beauty and true security do not come from what we know, or from what we can see. I remembered the words of 2 Corinthians 4:18, “so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

My brain cells are still a bit fuzzy, and I am still concerned about some of the aspects of life that endanger my understanding of security, but, I know that what is unseen might just be the most beautiful thing to come, and that I can be confident of how much my master cares for me, and this gives me fresh air to inhale.

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From Mundane to Magical

Posted in FAMILY, GOD, life, Love, The Beast, The Hubby, The Kids, WONDER, tagged Birthday, Break, Deaths, House Cleaning, Hubby, Kids, Magical, Mundane, Passion, Refreshment, Spring, Spring Break on March 26, 2012| Leave a Comment »

As my two week Spring Break comes to a close, I feel refreshed and ready to return to work, and schedules, and earlier mornings (after all there ARE only nine more work days until a four day weekend … but, whose counting? 😉 ). When the break began, all I desired was a weekend away with hubby, regular walks on my favorite trail, and time with each of my kids.

It began slow, well no, it began busy, with a weekend full of activity for both hubby and I (church related). Once hubby’s time off began, four days into mine (really his time off began with him doing a full day of work-related paperwork 😦 ), I finally had time to get much needed groceries. To me, time off is not really time off until we are all off!

I had a delightful luncheon with a dozen lovely ladies, and three coffee dates with some of the sweetest women I know. Moments that refuel and encourage me, as a woman struggling to understand life.

There was the morning (oh yes, the entire morning) of ironing … it had not been done since September … sigh). There was the search for fabric for my daughter, that led to a five hour storage closet cleaning, ten bags of goods to the thrift store, and many giggles by my daughter over the photos of yours truly and hubby way back in the days leading to our wedding. Giggles that led to conversations about life, and hopes, and dreams.

There was a haircut, and lunch with my eldest daughter. There was a lunch and thrift store shopping day with my younger daughter. There was a movie date with my son. Moments with each of my kids, with no other disruptions, refills my momma heart like no other.

There were the deaths of two co-workers moms. There was the death of the fifty year old husband and father of six, two of his daughters are friends of my daughters. Moments that make you thankful for the mercy of another day.

There was more cleaning, and more purging, and more trips to the thrift store to dump another load. Another reminder of how much we have that we do not use, do not need … what I really NEED in my life should last longer than a trend?.

There were walks on my favorite trail. Walks in the sun, the rain, the snow and the hail (and that was just one day!). There were walks with hubby, with our Chinese son, with a daughter, and always with my beastie. Walks that refresh me from the inside out, walks that remind me of my Creator, and how fine His handiwork is.

There was the day of culinary therapy … something that my household was thrilled with the results of! How wonderful to create something(s) that I can watch others take delight in!

Then there was the Passion (Passion 268) concert featuring two great musicians, who led a sold out Rogers Arena in worship to God, and a calling to end human trafficking. Although I am a generation beyond their organizers intended attendee, I was reminded again, that we are all responsible for what we do, or do not do, to end such a horrific thing as use and abuse of fellow human beings.

And then there was my birthday, a delightful day when the sun was bright, and I was celebrated for my thirty-nine (with, now, four years experience) years, by family and friends, near and far.

Somehow, when when hubby and I are busy we function like a well oiled machine, but once the calendar is more cleared, the cracks in our relationship show a need for more oil, more attention, and a going deeper than “what does your day hold?” conversation. This resulted in a beautiful twenty-four hours away, to a beautiful, waterfront Hotel, where we watched the sun set at night, and the horizon lighten in the morning. A good reminder of what we already knew, but life can keep you from if you succumb to it’s demands, that time spent alone, as husband and wife, is the best thing you can do for your kids, for your health, and even for your ability to do your daily work. Lesson learned, and our next getaway is in the planning stages!

It has been a wonderful break. One that has refreshed my body, mind and spirit, refueled me for the days to come, and one that has given me much needed variety and options each and every day.

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Valentines Day … Together

Posted in life, Love, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Chocolates, Committment, Flowers, Hubby, Lingerie, Love, Most Important Things, Scars, Together, Valentine's Day on February 14, 2012| Leave a Comment »

“Being saddled with someone can leave you chafed.”
Carole Wheaton

Although a certain hubby would prefer his bride leave him out of her blog posts, I happen to know that she is also a woman who prides herself on utilizing forgiveness over permission. So, that said, I (not so humbly) apologize, hubby.

This is the twenty-third Valentines Day that hubby and I will celebrate together. We have had more Valentine’s Days together than apart. There is rarely the exchange of chocolate, only periodic giving of flowers, a rare dinner out on the 14th of February, not even many purchases of lingerie. There is always an “I love you” exchanged, always kissing (oups! I forgot to warm the kids not to read this one), and … well … you know, a sharing of affection 😉 And, all of this is very comfortable for us both, as I hate the exaggerated prices for the traditional gifts of this season, and hubby hates the pressure that the day applies to his creatively challenged mind.

After ALL these years, I would have to say that Valentine’s Day IS comfortable for us both. Our expectations of the day are the same as any day … we awake (and say good morning to each other), have coffee together (and ask about each others day), we work (and either text or email at least once to each other), our family has dinner together (and we each take joy in the family that we can share), we end the day (with a kiss … well, with AT LEAST a kiss 😉 ).

If this were our last Valentine’s Day together, it is the ‘together’ that we would each miss most the following Valentine’s Day, and every day that follows our last day together. It is not flowers, or diamonds, or tickets to that ‘thing’ he (or she) wants to go to, or chocolate even, it is the TOGETHER that we would most yearn for.

Together is priceless, it cannot be duplicated, and it can only be achieved by the two who are one.

I was (tearfully) reminded of this reality recently as I read a friends cheerful post to wish her hubby : “happy birthday to the love of my life…the BIG 50!!!! What a day.” Her husband is suffering with cancer, and, without a divine miracle (and I do believe in divine miracles, as does she and her family) this will be the last birthday that they will share together … the last Valentine’s Day that they will share. I can confidently say that she will not be expecting flowers or chocolate. I do expect that she and he will look into each others eyes and share, without words even, the look of committed love that spans a life of love, and struggle, and children, and marriages, and awakening each day … together.

Being saddled with someone CAN leave you chafed, but it is the long term scarring of being so close together that creates love scars that we cherish the most.

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What is Love?

Posted in Love, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Commitment, Forgiveness, Honoring, I will go, Love, Love is, Respect, Ruth 1, Sacrifice, Sacrificial, Trust, What is Love?, where you go, Work on February 13, 2012| 6 Comments »

After twenty-two years of marriage, let me tell you what I think love is …

Love is honoring … that means that you do what is best for the other person. It means that you make the other person look and sound good to others. Putting your significant other down puts your relationship down further … don’t do it!

Love is work. When you met you may have ‘fallen’ effortlessly in love with your sweetie … how … precious. Do not expect that staying in love will be so effortlessly. Staying ‘in love’ will take daily effort, and some days might take hourly effort. Remember old Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid movie would say wax on wax off … that is the kind of work it takes to keep the love machine rolling.

Love is sacrificial … if you thought work was gonna be tough, try sacrifice. This means that you give, before, not in response to, receiving. Hum, that means you do what is best for the other person, even if it means you have to stretch, or bend. or even watch the football movie, Rudy, for the millionth time, just because it is his favorite movie, and you would rather watch P. S. I Love You (that does go both ways though, just remember, sacrifice is not sacrifice if we do it SO THAT our significant other will do back for us).

Love is respect … mutual respect. It is looking at your other half as a whole. It is seeing their value through the eyes of one who created them. It is seeing them as valuable because their Creator is made them with purpose, as He did you.

Love is trust. A relationship is not a loving one if there is not trust of the other person. When one lays their life in the hands of another, intimacy is only present if trust is as well.

Love is forgiveness, because if you are in love with a human, you will need to learn to forgiven. There will be times when Mr. or Mrs. (or Ms.) right does something wrong … there will be times when you (and I) are the ones who are doing the wrong … if love is to survive, forgiveness must thrive.

Love is commitment … that means you stay together, for the long haul. There are no escape clauses, there are no backup plans. If it is love, it is committed, or it is not love.

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people and your God my God.
Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.”
Ruth 1:16-17

And that is what I think love is.

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Flipping Superbowl 2012

Posted in life, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged flipping the bird, Football, Half Time Show, Janet Jackson, Just Sayin', M. I. A., Madonna, NBC, Superbowl 2012 on February 7, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I watched the Superbowl last Sunday, just like every year since I got married to my football loving hubby.

Hum, I need to make a admission … I didn’t watch ALL of the Superbowl, I didn’t even watch most of the Superbowl … I did watch the half time show though, and I did watch all of that.

I have to say that I am usually extremely disappointed with the half time shows at the Superbowl. The sound is usually of a quality equivalent to communication at a fast food drive through. The entertainers are usually older than myself (and if you ask my kids I’m archaic!), to the point that some might say they are over ripened. shudder.

I quite enjoyed the half time show at the Superbowl this year. Maybe it is because the network seemed to get the sound quality improved, or maybe it was because I AM old, and I was a teen when Madonna was rising to the top. The costume changes and dance choreography were fantastic. I was able to lay my head on my pillow Sunday night, feeling quite encouraged that, yes Virginia, there can be a good Superbowl halftime show!

Which brings me to my “just sayin’ ” point.

This morning I was awakened to internet news sites and radio broadcasters announcing with vigor similar to a new father announcing the birth of his baby, or a nation’s leader declaring the start of a world war, that “The bird was flipped at the Superbowl halftime show.”

To which I replied, “Really? Really?”

Had media NOT made it a front page story, no one would have cared (if, indeed, they had noticed at all, and I had not noticed it when I was watching it). Then there is the apology by NBC:

“Our system was late to obscure the inappropriate gesture and we apologize to our viewers.”

Having watched the Superbowl for a number of years in a row now, I would think that NBC would, by now, have a system that is prepared to obscure inappropriate gestures and statements. It is not like these inappropriate expressions are unexpected (remember Janet Jackson? And now M. I. A.). After all, as I read one commentary today, the entertainers who were hired to perform were ones whose careers are known for shocking acts and actions … what do we, what do the networks, think might happen?

And that is my “just sayin’ ” comment for today!

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What Makes a Love Story?

Posted in life, Love, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Commitment, Disney, Disney Pixar, Love, Love Story, Marriage, Stephanie Mayer, Twilight, Up, What Makes a Love Story? on January 25, 2012| 2 Comments »

I saw the quote to the left the other day, and pondered it’s words and message.

I have read all of the “Twilight” series (minus the last … one day I will get it read too) and really enjoyed the story it told. I also think that Stephanie Mayer is a brilliant and captivating story writer. But, would I call the Twilight books a love story? No.

And then I re-watched a video clip from the Disney-Pixar hit, “Up” …

It was in the short second half of the eight minute clip that starts the movie, that a love story is told in a most sensitive, genuine and real way. It is in the story telling of the life story of Carl and Ellie that a love story is constructed.

It is the story of a couple who were not perfect, who were not popular, who were not wealthy, who were not successful in all that they pursued, who did not achieve all that they had set out and dreamed of doing.

But, it was also the story of a couple who worked together, who dreamed together, who experienced joys and sorrows together, who were committed to each other … together. And it is that, their mutual commitment and doing together that enabled them to live the love story.

That is my idea of a love story. And I don’t believe that you need to be animated to live it!

Check it out …

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Forever Scarred

Posted in life, Love, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Committments., Forever, Future, Impression, Leonard Cohen, Love, Marriage, Past, Permanent, Present, Scarred, Scars, Vows, Wedding on January 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Impressions come in many forms. There are the impressions we make on others, either by how we look, or act, or how we make them feel. There are also impressions, like the ones that imprint a physical lasting mark, like a tattoo or a scar.

I have an impression, a scar, on my left ring finger. It is an indelible impression, one that will never go away, one that is permanent.

Over a year ago I noticed a frustratingly itchy rash on my ring finger, the ring finger where I wore my wedding ring. I figured the best was to alleviate the non-stop irritation was to remove my wedding ring.

Sure enough, it worked! Not over night, but eventually (and with the use of a good healing cream), the rash and it’s nasty irritation were gone.

But, I have yet to return to wearing my wedding band. I had gotten out of the habit of wearing it, and that is really saying something, because, other than the few times I was in a hospital, I had never removed my wedding ring (night or day) since my husband placed it on my finger, over twenty-two years ago.

Now, over a year after removing it, there is an impression of that ring still visible on my finger.

It has faded a bit, but only slightly. I have been altered by the symbol of the vow I made all those years ago. It is a permanent scar, forever there to remind me of that vow I made with my words.

That is what the impression of a scar does, it reminds us. It can remind us of when we were a child and suffered a deep wound. A scar reminds us of the surgery that may have saved our life. A scar reminds us of pain.

But a scar, like the one on my ring finger, can also remind us of the hope of a new life with someone, of dreams fulfilled, and ones yet to happen. It can remind us of overcoming pain, of beating struggles, of memories made, and secrets shared and children shared, and a sense of oneness with another that can only be shared by two who bear the same scars.

One of these days I will pull that gold band back out (or maybe hubby will) and place it back on my finger. Until then, there is a permanent scar, an indelible impression that reminds me every day of the past, and the present, and the future to come.

“Children show scars like medals.

Lovers use them as secrets to reveal.

A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.”

Leonard Cohen

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2011 in Review … Thanks

Posted in The Hubby, WONDER, tagged annual report, blog, blog stats, dream, Mom, readers, report, stats, therapy, Wonder, Writing on January 3, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

I received this on New Years Day, and was awed.

I was awed that, since March, when I started posting, there have been over 16,000 views!

I was awed that my posts have been read all over the world!

I was awed that so many people who I know (and many who I do not) have read my words.

As you may already know, I am a nominee for the blogger with the worst grammar ever (and for Queen of the run on sentence). But it was a dream of mine to ‘get published’ and this has been my venue to accomplish that dream. To think that people have actually ready what I wrote is icing on the cake (I was convinced it would only my mother who would read my words … and she is a regular viewer … thanks mom).

It has been wonderful for me to have something that is mine (narcissism creeping out of my pores). This is something I do for myself (and hubby is thrilled that I have chosen writing and not shopping … much better on the finances 😉 ), and I feel that by doing it, I can do all the other things in my life better (I would equate it to the airline instruction to “put your own oxygen mask on before helping others with theirs”).

As I have sat at my computer each day writing away, I have felt as though I was having a therapy session. I have dealt with frustrations and shared my heart in a way that could not have been done better with a counselor, bar tender or hairdresser (sadly though I do not have great hair to show for it).

I just wanted to take the time, right now, to say thanks for visiting my blog. Make sure you click on the “complete report” if you would like to see who you have been reading with.

Blessings,

Carole

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 16,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Happy Merry Birthday Hubby

Posted in The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Birthday, Good Father, Good Husband, Happy Birthday, My Husband, The Beast on December 22, 2011| 2 Comments »

For those whose birthdays are near December 25th a common experience is shared. That of receiving one gift with a ‘Merry Christmas / Happy Birthday’ message. That has been the experience of my hubby. So, for today, I will digress from my December of Christmas themed posts just for him.

Today hubby will awaken to his fortieth birthday (with a significant number of years of experience … just sayin’).

I will spend the day trekking across the country from east to west with our son. Hubby will, no doubt, be spoiled by his two daughters (aka they will suggest that they take him to THEIR favorite restaurant, and he will pay for the meals), and I am sure our beast will be his constant shadow from morning to night (of course, the gift he wants most from her is that she drop dead or run away). It really sounds like a sequel to “It’s a Wonderful Life!”

You, hubby, are a person who is always doing something for others. You empty your cup daily with little hope of it ever being re-filled. You give and give and give, with little thanks for all that you do.

To our kids you are the one they can count on. When they have a need, you have a solution. They have grown up knowing that they are deeply loved by their dad.

To me, you are my best friend (and best enemy … it depends on the day … I’ll never get a job with Hallmark!). You are the one who I want to tell my best and worst experiences to. It is you who I know will always be there (no matter what I might do to get you off my trail 😉 ). It is with you that I have shared the majority of my life with, and it is with me that you will continue to share the rest of yours with (that is true, right?).

To our beast … well, you haven’t evicted her (yet).

So, to my hubby, on his significantly special day I hope for you:

A good nights rest.

A good morning coffee time.

A day of receiving love.

A day of positive words from others.

A day of being thankful for the day.

A day of no barking by the beast.

A day of no crises.

A day of feeling valued in all that you do.

See you in the early morning hours.

Your bride.

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Wedding Day Memories

Posted in life, Marriage, The Hubby, WONDER, tagged Anniversary, Life, Marriage, Memories, Wedding, Wedding Day Memories, Wonder on September 30, 2011| 3 Comments »

Memories are funny things. There are some details of the past that we remember, and other details are forgotten forever.

Twenty-two years ago today I went to a high school football game. My brother was playing on one of the teams, and my fiance was coaching that same team. It was a perfect autumn day … the sun shining brightly, the air crisp, the leaves on the trees in the early stages of turning from bright green to hues of gold and red. It is a day I remember so well, because it was the day of the biggest argument of our dating relationship … the day before our wedding.

I have no idea what we were arguing about, I can only remember the intensity of the emotions I felt. Obviously, whatever it was that had vexed us was resolved, and the following day I met him at the end of the aisle, where we traded in our individual lives for a future together.

The memories of our wedding day decrease with each passing year. If there are this many fewer memories after twenty-two years, will I even remember that I am married in twenty-two more?

But, what I do remember are the vivid broad strokes of our day.

I remember that our wedding started late, and it wasn’t because I was trying to be fashionably late … our soloist was flying into New Brunswick from Toronto, and his flight was late.

I remember that the pastor we had to marry us thought he was at a preach-a-thon … he spoke for about an hour after the processional, before actually marrying us.

I remember that my mother in law wore gray … much cheerier than the black that her mother wore at her wedding.

I remember that, as I looked at my groom awaiting me at the end of the aisle, he was gray (like his mother’s dress), and looked as though he might pass out … so much for the groom’s look of awe at the brides glowing beauty …

So, not all memories are so sweet 😉 but, alas, my memories of our wedding day were also not all so depressing.

I remember a twinge of regret as my dad ‘gave me away’ to my groom.

I remember how confident I felt as I repeated my vows, and said ‘I do.’

I remember that when my groom slipped his ring (a most simple band) on my finger I could not imagine a more wonderful, a more exquisite piece of jewelery in the world.

I remember gladly signing my name on the marriage license.

I remember driving off to our honeymoon (a trip, by car, of over 3000 miles … one way … and hubby wonders why I have little interest in road trips), reliving the details of the day, together.

The memories of that day fill my mind and my heart at times like this, when we remember and celebrate our corporate survival, and our hope of many years to come.

Happy Anniversary Hubby