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No Tears for this Ending

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged adieu, beginning, Daughter, endings, fragile as a dream, giving your life to Jesus, GOD, Graduation, leaving, Letting Go, life is fragile, path less traveled, something to live for, stories be whispered, Tears on August 31, 2012| 2 Comments »

Today I write to, and about our oldest daughter, who is embarking on an adventure away from us. It is not the first, nor will it be the last … but there are no tears.

I have often been teased (goodhearted) about not shedding a tear at her high school graduation. Really, although proud of the hard work she did, graduating was not an academic struggle for her. Oh, she worked her tail off, but graduating was never in doubt for her.

As she prepares, and boards the plane tomorrow for the East Coast (a reversal of her parents from their Easterly homes, to our present Western one), not a tear will be shed. Oh, she has worked hard all summer, some weeks working twelve hour days, but she is going on to a new adventure, one that will include extended family who she has never had the benefit of daily contact.

Over the years, though, there have been tears …

“Let my stories be whispered”

From when you were just a young child, I have been learning to lay you back into the hands of your Creator (A Most Desired Child). This lesson will continue to my dying day, and with many tears.

“I took the path less traveled on”

I remember a few years back, when you decided to go on a mission trip with your church youth group to Tijuana, Mexico. I was so excited for you to have that adventure, to help orphaned children and for you to see how God might use the gifts and talents He has given you.

But …

I was scared you would be murdered or raped or traumatized or kidnapped. So, I drove you to that train station in Seattle. I tried to absorb every last moment with you, fearing it might be our last. I hugged you, told you I loved you. Then I had to watch you walk … away … staying strong. Until I walked from the station, with tears streaming down my face … asking God to go with you.

And then when you told me, just a year ago, of your desire to go to India, to work with the children of Calcutta. I listened to your dreams, asked the right questions. But, when I was alone, the tears streamed down my face, as I asked God to give me the strength to let you live your life. And, one day, I will stand at the airport, holding you and telling you I love you, uttering best wishes, and watch you walk away to board your flight that will take you to the mission of Mother Teressa and the Sisters of Charity, and tears will stream down my face, as I ask God to go with you.

“this life is as fragile as a dream”

That night in April, of 2008, was a night that God tested me. As I stood at the back of a church, knowing only that you were in there, somewhere, after the floor of the church had collapsed (Starfield Concert). After the frantic search, the long drive home, the holding you in bed … I collapsed on my knees and thanked God for giving you to me for another day … and the tears were streaming down my face.

“Cause in this life you must find something to live for”

When you were only three, I remember your voice, as we both knelt at your bed, and you prayed to give your heart to Jesus. I remember feeling such privilege to be there to kneel on that holy ground with you … and the tears were streaming down my face.

And, He goes with you now. You ‘know’ all that that means … and He is something to live for. I need to shed no tears, because this is a new beginning, and He goes with you.

Go with God … or, as they might say in the East, adieu ma fille chérie.

“I’ve always heard, every ending is also a beginning, we just don’t know it at the time … I’d like to believe that’s true.”

This is what we raise our children for …

I think, my firstborn daughter, that you can read between the lines here … think of it as my melody for you these next months. (and there was the shedding of tears in the writing of this post … but they were, selfishly, for my loss in the ending of this phase).

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Art

Posted in GOD, life, tagged art, blogs, create, Cristian Mihai, Matthew 5:13, Passion, salt on August 26, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I recently subscribed to a blog, and it intrigues me.

The way I ‘find’ blogs is that someone will ‘like’ or ‘comment’ or ‘subscribe’ to mine, and so I check it out. Often times I am amazed that a blogger would like one of my posts, either because our posts are so very divergent, or because they are so much more gifted a communicator (and they, unlike me, know how to handle grammar).

This blog simply intrigues me.

I love what the author has to say about our ‘art’ … be it fine art or the art that is our profession (and anything in between).

I was intrigued with the video at the end, and how, in my mind, it could fit with his post … had he added:

“You are the salt of the earth,
but if salt has lost its taste,
how shall its saltiness be restored?
It is no longer good for anything
except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.”
Matthew 5:13

Our art, our passions, our professions are enhanced by the enhancement of the salt that we are through Christ.

Cristianmihai

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Wise Girls

Posted in GOD, life, The Kids, women, WONDER, tagged Boys, communication, Girls, GOD, Little Women, Purpose, sex, Teens, wisdom on August 24, 2012| 4 Comments »

A conversation a long while back still haunts me.

My daughter had the look of one who wanted to spill information that she knew, so we did some errands where we would be driving (nothing like the wheels of a vehicle moving to get a teenager to talk) a significant amount.

It took no time for the story to enfold.

She told me about her friend. Her friend, at the time, was a girl of just fourteen. She had a boyfriend. According to what my daughter said (because she is a question ‘asker’ and she had asked her friend what the two of them talk about together), her friend and the boyfriend didn’t spend much time talking, because there was not much for them to talk about to each other. The two had discussed the details (I guess they found a topic that they wanted to talk about), of when and where they would have sex for the first time. And so, when mom was out, and the house empty, they did IT.

The story does not end there. The next day the daughter asked her mother for oral birth control (I am not sure if she fessed up to mom about her recent sexual explorations). Her mother grounded her for two weeks.

So, now we have a young girl, who is dating a guy who she has nothing to talk about with, who is having sex, who is wise enough to know that birth control is a good idea, whose mother chooses to not only say no to, but, rather than sit down and have an exploratory conversation, grounds her. Yikes! It is the perfect storm of situations!

How is it that, in this day and age, a mother could be so uncommunicative with her daughter? How is it that, in this day and age, a girl could think that having sex with someone who she has nothing to talk about with (other than sex) is a good idea? I keep hearing the voice of the Virginia Slims cigarette ads saying “you’ve come a long way baby” and thinking … really? I keep thinking of the book by Laura Schlessinger “10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives” and thinking … will it ever end?

There is a line that I frequently quote to my daughters, that comes from the classic Louisa May Alcott book, Little Women, “I will not have my daughters being silly about boys.” Although they are fully human young women, I greatly desire that they grow up knowing that their value is not in temporary pursuits (and especially when it comes to young men), but in who God has created them to be, and the purpose and intent He has for their lives, apart from romantic or sexual relationships. They are, indeed, sexual beings, but oh, they are so much more! I truly believe that they must seek God’s best for them, as individuals, before they begin down the path of life with another person, and their life’s direction.

It is with fear and trepidation that I co-parent these two precious ladies … fear and trepidation that brings me to my knees! And that is a good place to be.

While on my knees I pray for openness of communication, and for wisdom to help them grow to be wise.

“I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good.
To be admired, loved, and respected.
To have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married,
and to lead useful, pleasant lives,
with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.”
Little Women

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When I Worship I Feel His Pleasure

Posted in GOD, life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged Billy Graham, celebration, Christian, Eric Liddell, George Beverly Shea, Grammar, heaven, inner, J.I. Packer, party, place of worship, Psalm 96:9, Sanctuary, Worship, worshipping on August 17, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I am not an expert in grammar, and that is no surprise to anyone who has ever read even one of my posts!

One thing I do know (not as a grammar expert, but as a Christian) is that worship is a verb, it is a ‘doing’ word. I’m not just making reference to my head knowledge of the word worship, but the knowledge that comes from living with a mind and body and heart and emotions that ‘do’, without conscious thought, when worshiping.

I love to go to concerts of Christian worship musicians, because they provide hours of opportunity to not just entertain the concert goers but also to participate in the worship they are leading. There is nothing that drives my inner worshipper more crazy than when church worship becomes entertainment, and I have to sit still while someone else is worshipping solo …

When I enter into a place of worship (my back garden, my kitchen, the beach, my bedroom, on my favorite trail, and even in a church sanctuary) I am often unnerved by how my inner self responds to what is around me. My senses drink in what I see, what I smell, what I taste, what I feel, and I am led into a spontaneous act of worship. I have no control on this happening, it is my insides wanting to burst out.

I feel a little about worship, like Olympic runner Eric Liddell said of running “when I worship (run) I feel His pleasure.” There is a connection to my Creator that is so deep, so innate in a way, that I have little to do with how I respond to the opportunity to worship.

And that opportunity is constant, and often surfaces without warning. As I have grown I have heard of people talking about preparing for worship, which is a good idea. It is not always easy to settle into worship when you’ve just arrived at church having had the equivalent of battle royale with your toddler to get their shoes on, or had a disagreement with your spouse (which of course NEVER happens in our house ;). But I find that most times when worship begins, the magnetic-like force within me pulls me into God’s presence, whether I am prepared or not. This happens not just in a church sanctuary, but some times when I am weeding, or taking a walk, or standing on a beach, or holding one of my loved ones.

J.I. Packer said, “we need to discover all over again that worship is natural to the Christian, as it was to the godly Israelites who wrote the psalms, and that the habit of celebrating the greatness and graciousness of God yields an endless flow of thankfulness, joy, and zeal.”One cannot read the Psalms and not see and feel the joy that is being expressed.

Worship is an act of celebration, and whether we are participating in a room with hundreds of other worshippers or laying in our bed when we awaken and take a deep breath, it is a party worth celebrating!

“Worship leader George Beverly Shea kidded Billy Graham that the latter would be unemployed in Heaven — while Shea would still have a job leading worship.”

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We are not Born to Fear

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged 1 John 4:18, Anxiety, communication, do not worry, dog whisperer, Fear., GOD, Love, Luke 12, Luke 12:22-28, needs, worry on August 15, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Recently I was watching the television show, The Dog Whisperer. The ‘whisperer’ himself made the statement, “human babies are innately curious, but babies are not naturally fearful.”

I am not sure if he is right, but there might just be some truth to what he said (or maybe he is planning on a career change to The Baby Whisperer).

A baby certainly can strike fear into the hearts of his/her parents! When a wee one is whaling wildly (oh how I love alliteration) in the middle of the night, mom and dad can be found running around like whirling dervishes. The needs of a baby, and learning how to communicate with each other early on is something that is a necessity for the survival of all involved! Otherwise the issue of fear becomes the only issue.

This is not unlike our Father-child relationship with God.

He is there and attentive to meet all of our needs, and He is faithful to always give us what we need.

Unfortunately, we often get impatient, and we start to cry like banshees when we feel a need must be met. We lose focus of the provider of our needs and how He is faithful to meet them. We get scared that we are going to starve, and we try to meet those needs ourselves.

1 John 4:18 says, “there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear …”

As a baby grows in communication with their parents, the crying does lessen (for some it can take a few years … not that I know anything of that … redhead child). The child learns, over time, what has been true since his or her conception … that their loving parents provide the security that the child needs to not experience fear.

We are like that loved child who grows up not concerning himself/herself with things like food, shelter, security because we have learned to relax and rest in the assurance of our heavenly father’s provision.

And, like that child who has learned of their parents love, we have no reason to experience fear.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you”

Luke 12:22-28

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Coffee Shop Confessional

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Alone, catholic, confession, enough, Ephesians 3:14-19, Forever Reign, Hillsong, Hope, light of the world, nothing compares, nothing compares to your embrace, prodigal son, run, security on August 8, 2012| 2 Comments »

I am not, nor have ever been Catholic, but on this particular day, I went to confession … at Starbucks.

I was sitting in a cozy orange chair (cozy because my squatty feet actually touched the floor when I sat down … and I smiled with pleasure … it takes so little to make me happy) in Warrenton, Oregon.

I needed to just get away with my laptop and God. Funny really, since I had been at a Christian Conference Center for days, worshiping in music, listening to fine speakers and enjoying the pleasure of sharing in the lives of dear friends who share a common faith.

But, for me, my intimate relationship with God is one that flourishes when it is just He and me.

As I had been driving to my coffee break, I heard a song on the radio, and immediately Shazammed it. Then, when at the coffee shop I went to Youtube to hear it, while absorbing the lyrics, and reading about it’s meaning, or background.

Sitting there, listening, watching and reading, with about thirty Harley Davidson bikers all around me, the tears started to fall, with no end in sight.

Now some would say it was simply the effects of too many nights of poor sleep, or the ingestion of too much bacon, but I know it was something different.

Like a child who has been away at summer camp, I caught sight of my Daddy, and I needed with every fiber within me, to be reunited with Him. And not just reunited, but, like the prodigal son whose father ran TO him, God, through the radio and internet, ran TO me, and reminded me that nothing and no one compares to His embrace.

So often we look to our politicians, our family, our theology to provide security, or hope. But, as I sat, and poured out my confessions to my heavenly father, I was reminded that:

“The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign”

“For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—-to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:14-19

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A Heart-Shaped Meadow

Posted in life, Love, Marriage, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged devoted, England, heart-shaped field, Janet and Winston Howes, Legacy, Life, Love, Marriage, oaks, planted, South Gloucestershire, Wickwar on July 31, 2012| Leave a Comment »

It all started with a picture …

That is how my interest in this story began, with a simple picture, and a short story.

The story is a love story. It is one that makes you say “awwww …” when it is over. It is one that makes you have hope in love, and in the institution of marriage. It is one that could become a Nicholas Sparks novel. It is one that makes women wonder, “would I ever be loved and missed that much.”

This is the story of a couple married over thirty years, that quickly ended by death of the wife, Janet. Her heart-broken husband, Winston … well, how about you just go ahead and read the attached article.

Heart Shaped Legacy

It is a worthwhile read!

Carole

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The Butterfly Princess Lesson

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged african american, and yellow, barbie, black and white, butterfly princess, color, differences, Jesus loves the little children, red, Shopping, similarities on July 26, 2012| 7 Comments »

I remember so clearly the first Barbie that our eldest daughter had, and the first lesson she taught us in the process of purchasing it.

The television was constantly advertising ‘Butterfly Princess Barbie’ at every opportunity, and with each commercial break our daughter would say, “Mom, can I get that Barbie?”

Finally, it was her birthday, and we thought we would let her go with us to the store to pick it out. Unfortunately, we had gone shopping in the U.S., and, unfortunately, there was not one Butterfly Princess Barbie, like the one we had all seen on television … or so we thought.

As hubby and I were preparing for deep and mortal depression from our daughter, when she realized that the desired doll was not there, we heard her happy shout, “there she is!” Our eyes moved to the doll that she was struggling mightily to reach on a higher shelf, and then to each other. The doll most certainly was Butterfly Princess Barbie, but she did not have the blue eyes, the golden blond hair, or the alabaster skin. This doll was most clearly the African American doll.

When we lifted it down to her opened arms, and hugged it tightly, we asked if she was sure this was the one she wanted. And she answered, “yes” with her arms still tightly embracing it. We then said, “you do realize that she is not exactly like the one on TV?”

With this questions, she opened her eyes, and looked carefully at the doll in the box. She held it out, she frowned, she stared at it intently, and then she said, “you are right, she has brown eyes instead of blue,” and continued hugging it.

And her father and I looked at each other, and marveled at how quickly and completely we had seen the differences, and how much effort it took for her to see even one.

That is the story that most of us have been taught by our children, or by others children. For children do not see differences, but similarities. We grow up to see, to point out, and to fear differences.

I like that lesson, that was taught to me so innocently by a three-year old. It kind of reminds me of one of the most influential songs of my childhood …

“Jesus Loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow black and white
They’re all precious in his sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world”

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Who’s on First?

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Abbott and Costello, comedy, eternity, Exodus 20:3, expectations, Future, GOD, Hope, Hubby, Jeremiah 29:11, prosper, security, who's on first on July 24, 2012| 2 Comments »

Abbott and Costello made that one question an entire comedy sketch, that has lasted, and been retold, for about sixty-seven years. It is one which can make just about anyone laugh. It is a comedy sketch told to give people a giggle, about how easy it is to misunderstand what others are trying to communicate.

The main question that is being asked, throughout the sketch, is “who’s on first?”

That question is a good one to also ask ourselves in relations to life, and priorities.

Who’s on first in our life?

As a Christian, I would say that God is on first, but, in reality, I do not always live as though that is my reality.

There are those who say, look to where you spend your money, and you will see what you put first in your life. Or where you spend your time, is the indicator of greatest priority. Or what you think most often about.

Exodus 20:3 says that God comes first. In different translations and versions, it is communicated with different words, but the meaning is the same … God’s on first.

I have said before that one of my biggest struggles, in marriage, has been in confusing the expectations I have of my God and my hubby. Now, don’t get me wrong, there has never been a time when I have bowed down, sacrificed burnt offerings and worshiped hubby (although I did put his socks on for him, once, when he was sick). Nonetheless, I have still struggled with not expecting God-like results from his very human person.

There are things that I think we often look for in others that, when they don’t (can’t) follow through and provide for us, we feel greatly let down.

I can only speak for myself, but I have often looked to my hubby as the provider of my security, of my future. That is a terribly big expectation to heap upon a mere mortal. And, of course, the disappointment that happens when hubby is not able to live up to that expectation I have had on him, is immense. He is no more able to control my future than I am.

It is only God who should hold on to that expectation.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God, and only God, can provide the security of the future. And, it is only when we make the decision to put Him first, that the security of our future, both now and for all eternity, is truly secure.

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An Endless Horizon

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged an endless horizon, baptism, Beach, Church, Matthew 3, Summer, Sunday, Tears on July 18, 2012| 2 Comments »

Woohoo! It was a summer Sunday and I got to skip church, and go to the beach! Could life get better? Sun, sand, surf, and an endless horizon.Okay, so maybe it wasn’t quite like that. As a matter of fact there was no sun, not even blue sky. It looked like it might rain at any moment. It was cool, and breezy, and the forecast even had thunder and lightening in it.

I also did not get to skip church.

A twelve-year old friend of my son had invited us to a church service and to his baptism. We arrived, late, but thankfully the service had not yet begun. So, donning our flip flops and opening our camp chairs, we settled in to an outdoor sanctuary (my person favorite).

I cannot remember the songs that were sung. I do remember that the pastor talked about John the Baptist, baptizing Jesus, then his time of being tempted in the desert.

Matthew 3 tells this story.

John the Baptist wore clothes made of camel hair, and he ate locusts and honey … and I am pretty sure there was no chocolate to make the locusts go down easier! He also had just emerged from quite a while in the wilderness, so he probably was quite … naturally scented. If he were here today, he would probably go by ‘Johnny’, and most would see him as the equivalent of a hippie.

His message was, “repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” (v.2)

Then his cousin Jesus, who once set his feet to dancing while in-utero (John Lept), came to the river, and asked John to baptize him too. John was not so cool with that, as he felt way to under-qualified to do the deed. But, since Jesus is Jesus, John consented.

Now, back at MY beach: each of the three who chose to be baptized stood, spoke about why they wanted to be baptized, then whoever wanted to could go up, lay hands on them, and pray for them. It was pretty meaningful as friends, grandparents, and mentors spoke words of thanks, words of affirmation and words of blessing to God, on their behalf.

My son’s friend shared of how a close family tragedy made him look more seriously at his life. His words, though those of a twelve year old, were ones that reflected insight, awareness and desire for what he was choosing to do.

I am sure there were tears in every eye … I just couldn’t see them through my own.

Then people were invited to come and pray for him. His grandfather prayed, another youth prayed, then a familiar voice … that of my son. He spoke to our God as one who knows Him, intimately. He spoke as one who knows his friend, and who wants the very best for his buddy.

… and more tears were shed.

Then we all made our way to the water, where one by one, the three completed their public profession of a life committed to living with Christ, with an endless horizon as their backdrop.

… and more tears were shed.

As my son’s friend came to the edge of the water his mother hugged him, as did his father, who said, “I am proud of you, son” (or something very similar).

Oh, and the rest of the story from Matthew 3 …

“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (v. 16-17)

An endless horizon.

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