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Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Lets_Talk_SexI’ve got your attention, yes?

It has been many months that I have been holding on to this guest post, wanting to use it, but not wanting to make anyone feel awkward.

You have to realize that my teenage kids might peruse the title … and it would only be the title, because they would be so immensely humiliated that I would use the ‘s’ word … and this could totally shake their understanding of the role of the stork!

Then there is my hubby … every time I write something, anything about marriage, I risk making him feel as though I am writing a poorly-hidden communication intended for him!

This is such a valuable post though, I felt it was time, and that there might be someone reading it who needs to hear the message.

Here is how it starts:

“Gentlemen,

I am hoping to shed a little light on a very difficult subject in many Christian marriages – spiritual intimacy.

Let me see if I can explain why your wife may seem to be so demanding about wanting you to pray with her and so upset if you don’t pray with her.  Her approach may seem disrespectful to you, and her methods may turn you off – but I want you to catch this, please!

Most women think of spiritual intimacy as being the most powerful and deepest form of intimacy in marriage – deeper than sex.  In fact, we are wired so that spiritual and emotional intimacy (but especially spiritual intimacy) often prepares us for physical intimacy.   For our husband to pray with us – for most of us – is the height of sexy in our minds!  This is what we expected marriage to be all about – intimacy and connection on THREE levels: spiritual, emotional and sexual.

When I first read the post, “For the Husbands-Why Does my Wife try to make Me Pray with Her?” (to read more than what is above, just click on the link) I found it to be rather eye-opening for me.

This post comes from April Cassidy, but I read it first on her husband’s blog, where he re-blogged it. ( http://www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com). Both he and his wife write marriage-focused blogs, from their own experiences, and from their learning and understanding of what a Christian marriage should be.

It is a thought-provoking post … and hey, who doesn’t want a hero?

 

 

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A conversation a long while back still haunts me.

My daughter had the look of one who wanted to spill information that she knew, so we did some errands where we would be driving (nothing like the wheels of a vehicle moving to get a teenager to talk) a significant amount.

It took no time for the story to enfold.

She told me about her friend. Her friend, at the time, was a girl of just fourteen. She had a boyfriend. According to what my daughter said (because she is a question ‘asker’ and she had asked her friend what the two of them talk about together), her friend and the boyfriend didn’t spend much time talking, because there was not much for them to talk about to each other. The two had discussed the details (I guess they found a topic that they wanted to talk about), of when and where they would have sex for the first time. And so, when mom was out, and the house empty, they did IT.

The story does not end there. The next day the daughter asked her mother for oral birth control (I am not sure if she fessed up to mom about her recent sexual explorations). Her mother grounded her for two weeks.

So, now we have a young girl, who is dating a guy who she has nothing to talk about with, who is having sex, who is wise enough to know that birth control is a good idea, whose mother chooses to not only say no to, but, rather than sit down and have an exploratory conversation, grounds her. Yikes! It is the perfect storm of situations!

How is it that, in this day and age, a mother could be so uncommunicative with her daughter? How is it that, in this day and age, a girl could think that having sex with someone who she has nothing to talk about with (other than sex) is a good idea? I keep hearing the voice of the Virginia Slims cigarette ads saying “you’ve come a long way baby” and thinking … really? I keep thinking of the book by Laura Schlessinger “10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives” and thinking … will it ever end?

There is a line that I frequently quote to my daughters, that comes from the classic Louisa May Alcott book, Little Women, “I will not have my daughters being silly about boys.” Although they are fully human young women, I greatly desire that they grow up knowing that their value is not in temporary pursuits (and especially when it comes to young men), but in who God has created them to be, and the purpose and intent He has for their lives, apart from romantic or sexual relationships. They are, indeed, sexual beings, but oh, they are so much more! I truly believe that they must seek God’s best for them, as individuals, before they begin down the path of life with another person, and their life’s direction.

It is with fear and trepidation that I co-parent these two precious ladies … fear and trepidation that brings me to my knees! And that is a good place to be.

While on my knees I pray for openness of communication, and for wisdom to help them grow to be wise.

“I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good.
To be admired, loved, and respected.
To have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married,
and to lead useful, pleasant lives,
with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.”
Little Women

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