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Posts Tagged ‘wife’

Lets_Talk_SexI’ve got your attention, yes?

It has been many months that I have been holding on to this guest post, wanting to use it, but not wanting to make anyone feel awkward.

You have to realize that my teenage kids might peruse the title … and it would only be the title, because they would be so immensely humiliated that I would use the ‘s’ word … and this could totally shake their understanding of the role of the stork!

Then there is my hubby … every time I write something, anything about marriage, I risk making him feel as though I am writing a poorly-hidden communication intended for him!

This is such a valuable post though, I felt it was time, and that there might be someone reading it who needs to hear the message.

Here is how it starts:

“Gentlemen,

I am hoping to shed a little light on a very difficult subject in many Christian marriages – spiritual intimacy.

Let me see if I can explain why your wife may seem to be so demanding about wanting you to pray with her and so upset if you don’t pray with her.  Her approach may seem disrespectful to you, and her methods may turn you off – but I want you to catch this, please!

Most women think of spiritual intimacy as being the most powerful and deepest form of intimacy in marriage – deeper than sex.  In fact, we are wired so that spiritual and emotional intimacy (but especially spiritual intimacy) often prepares us for physical intimacy.   For our husband to pray with us – for most of us – is the height of sexy in our minds!  This is what we expected marriage to be all about – intimacy and connection on THREE levels: spiritual, emotional and sexual.

When I first read the post, “For the Husbands-Why Does my Wife try to make Me Pray with Her?” (to read more than what is above, just click on the link) I found it to be rather eye-opening for me.

This post comes from April Cassidy, but I read it first on her husband’s blog, where he re-blogged it. ( http://www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com). Both he and his wife write marriage-focused blogs, from their own experiences, and from their learning and understanding of what a Christian marriage should be.

It is a thought-provoking post … and hey, who doesn’t want a hero?

 

 

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31525266111735619_mN9c2Kr4_bI have been pondering the question, “who am I?”

As I have been pondering and researching that question I have kept returning to the same response …

Before I get to that response, let me expose myself to you first (my kids would now place their hands over their eyes and say “TMI Mom” (too much information).

As I see myself, I see one word …

f   a   i   l   u   r   e

As a wife, I am a failure.
I love my husband, but truly I do not always like him. I do not put his needs first (unless he has done something to meet my own before that). I do not love him unconditionally. I do not save my best for him. He usually gets all the frustrations of my day dumped onto his shoulders (and the residual anger and frustration).

As the wife of my husband who is a pastor, I am a failure.
I do not even try to ‘work along side of him in his role. I do not sit with him in church. I do not spend my every spare minute leading Bible studies, teaching Sunday School or visiting the sick. I do not initiate connecting with people from church on a weekly, or even regular basis. I do not even play the piano!

As a mom, I am a failure.
When our three kids were born, I had such grand intentions. I whispered promises that I have broken over and over again. I have not stepped in when they have needed me to. I have ‘wigged out’ at and on them, like a wild woman. I have not tucked them in, with stories and prayers every night of their existence. I have not helped them with homework on a daily basis (in this I am a really big failure, because that is what I get paid to do at school!). Heck, there is a science fair coming up, and I have not done much other than edit my son’s paper. I have even told them, “no, I do not want to hug you right now.”

In my job, I am a failure.
I do not use my time well. I do not show up to classes prepared. I stand in the hallways and chat, when my students are in class. I do not always follow directions from my supervisors. I have even been known to leave early. I do not always like my students, my co-workers, my supervisors, my school.

As a friend, I am a failure.
I do not always make time for my friends. I do not always return their calls, emails, texts, messages quickly. I do not always remember their birthdays. I do not always listen actively to them.

As a child of God, I am a failure.
He, who I say is the most important part of my life, does not always get my attention … at all.

But …

Because I am a child of God, who I am is a reflection, not of what I see in a mirror, but who I am when His light is reflected through me.

Like the image at the top of the page, I am like that elderly woman. I am weighted down by the reality of living in this sin-filled body, in this sin-filled world. My body, my mind, my heart are aging towards their natural end … death. But, like that lady in that image, who I am is being reflected, not as I think I am, but as the beloved of the King.

“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine”
Song of Solomon 6:3

Who do you think you are? In the light of your heavenly Father, you are

B   E   L   O   V   E   D

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I read many different blogs each week, and have been enriched by many. Although I subscribe to many blogs, I do not read them all (I do have a life), nor do I agree all the time with the ones I subscribe to. Heck, sometimes when I re-read my own I do not agree with what I have written!

Today I wanted to share with you readers a lady, by the name of April Cassidy, whose blog I am subscribed to.

She is a woman on a mission to encourage women in marriage.

This particular post was so beautiful to me, and I believe that the words of her prayer can enrich and encourage all wives. After all, in the words of a sweet young woman only two years into marriage, “marriage is hard! And I am married to someone who is such a great husband. But it is so hard.”

Just click the link below. I hope this encourages you married women out there.

Peaceful Wife

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With hubby off on his East Coast trip, I have re-learned the beauty of sleeping alone in a queen-sized bed, and hubby is going to be shocked with the changes.

Since he has not been here to insinuate that I snore (what a horrible thing to say! He says it is a horrible thing to hear), and therefore I should not sleep on my back, I have become a back sleeper. I have also gotten quite accustomed to sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Since hubby has been gone I have also learned more important things than the benefits of sleeping solo.

I have heard and read 1 Corinthians 7:8 many times, and it has always made me wonder about how Paul’s words  apply to my own life; “to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”

It is intriguing that, in Genesis 2:18, “the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.””

So, which is it? Better to be single, or married?

Well, I think I might have it figured out … (the Christian church accepts no responsibility for the opinions expressed in this grammatically flawed blog, featuring little … NO …  formal theological training upon which to trust what I say to be anywhere near Biblically accurate).

When a woman is married, it is easy, natural to look to her husband as the main one to meet all of her needs. It is a natural thing for a wife (or husband) to look to her spouse as the supplier, sustainer, provider and protector. But, in doing this, what the woman has done is replaced the God, who is all of that, with a human being, who was never intended to be more than a helper, a partner to walk through life’s journey. A person to make the walk easier, less lonely, and to experience human oneness of mind, heart body and spirit.

I think that maybe what Paul is saying is that when we chose to marry, although that pairing up might be what God intended (to defeat loneliness). It also means that our spouse can have God-like expectations heaped on him, or her. And these expectations take our eyes, our focus, off the only true Provider, Supplier, Sustainer, and Protector that we were meant to rely on.

Then, in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul mixes me up even more!

“I want you to live as free of complications as possible.
When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master.
Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life
and in wanting to please your spouse,
leading to so many more demands on your attention.
The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other,
the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.
I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you,
not make things harder.
All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which
you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.”
So, another challenge of marriage, is that there are more demands on your attention, time and energies, and that means less to spend with God.
It is not that it is a bad thing to spend time “caring for and nurturing each other,” that is something we must do for each other in the marriage relationship, for it to survive. But it does divide our energies and attention more, and in that, our lives become more complicated.
This is why it is so imperative that, when we marry, we do so to one who shares our love for God, so that our marriage can also strengthen and encourage our relationship with our God.
Without hubby here, I have been freed to spend this week with my Maker. Although there are still distractions ALL around me (if Paul had been a mother, he might not have even addressed marriage), I have had more still, quiet moments with my Creator. And it is that which will make me a better wife.
“For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.”
Isaiah 54:5

					

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