life | itsawonderfilledlife

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

How Can I Keep from singing

Posted in Faith, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #getrealwithgod, #godisstillthere, #godwantsreal, #howcanikeepfromsinging, #nowords, #silentseason, #tellgodhowyoureallyfeel, Lament on May 16, 2018| Leave a Comment »

Screen Shot 2018-05-16 at 6.07.52 AM

Though NO ONE would ever want to hear me sing, I do so love to sing at church. Then, a couple of months ago, I found that I couldn’t sing at a church service.

It wasn’t that I was unfamiliar with the songs. It’s not that I had laryngitis or another such ailment. It’s that I couldn’t sing the words anymore. It was as though my voice refused to go through the motions.

The next week was worse. Not only could I not sing, but my throat got involved with a very hard lump … resting right in the middle of my throat.

The Sunday following was the height (or depth) of my non-worship ability, for this week my emotions joined in, along with my tear ducts. As soon as the worship began, as soon as I was on my feet, I knew I was in trouble. My knees weakened, lump lodged in throat, emotions accelerating my heartbeat, tear ducts filling and ready to flood down my red-hot cheeks.

I could not sing … I couldn’t even stay in the room.

So I left until I knew that singing was completed, until I had control over my voice, emotions, heart and tear ducts.

Driving to work, a few days later, I heard the lyrics of a song that filled me with guilt.

“how can I keep from singing Your praise”

Why do I share this? I mean … it’s kind of personal, right?

I was recently reminded of Psalm 13. This is David’s famous lament … this is David’s finest psalm/song (my opinion).

In this Psalm, David is not in a happy-clappy worship mood. He is, as Anne of Green Gables would say, in the depths of despair, and he is not hiding it from God. He actually accuses God of “forgetting him”. He demands, of God, “look at me”.

David is filled with sorrow, and not holding it’s reality back from God.

And that is what God desires of us, that we not hold back our sorrow from him. As Matthew Henry’s Commentary says,

“The bread of sorrow is sometimes the saint’s daily bread.
Our Master himself was a man of sorrows.”

God can hear our sorrows, despair and demands … he is one who knows sorrow all too well. He can empathize like no other.

When things go poorly in my life, I tend to respond well, optimistic and strong in the initial days and weeks of the struggle (I often think I would make a good first responder). But patience is not my strong point, and when the struggle drags on … I tend to loss hope, and need to, once again, cry out to God … to really cry out to God.

Those weeks of struggle to sing my praises to God … those were my season of silent lament to God. I got real with him … and God that is what God desires most.

And as I move through this season, I will, as did David, complete my lament with singing.

“But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.”
Psalm 13:5-6

Read Full Post »

Be the Spectacles for the Impaired

Posted in community, life, WONDER, tagged #bethespectaclesfortheimpaired, #educationalassistants, #educationallydisabled, #everyoneneedshelp, #learningdisabled on May 10, 2018| 1 Comment »

Screen Shot 2018-05-09 at 4.17.48 PM

When I was about fourteen I got my first prescription glasses.

They didn’t work.

Actually, they did work, but my eyesight deficiencies were so slight that my need of the lenses was not great enough to experience the inconvenience of wearing them.

Over the years I tried contacts, different frames, and lenses increasing in strength. It wasn’t until about two or three years ago that, when my prescription was increased, I wore my glasses more often than not. As a matter of fact I refuse to drive without them now. I need them to watch a movie or play at the theatre, and I certainly need them to see what is written on the board of a classroom.

They are still uncomfortable, annoying at times and frustrating to wear if I am sweating, but their usefulness outweighs the frustrations that come with them.

To try to do much of life without wearing my glasses would be fruitless. They allow me to do and to be my best. Though I am a very competent driver, believe me, without my glasses, no one would want me to be on the roads.

I have had the privilege of working with students who also need assistance in performing to the best of their abilities, to do and to be their best. Often these students are viewed or believed to be stupid or lazy.

Some need what was taught in class to be re-explained, some need technology to assist their written output, others need more time to do an assignment, still others need less options on multiple choice or a word bank for fill-in-the-blanks, and then there are those who simply need to do their work out loud, allowing their ears to actually hear what they are thinking.

One of the greatest examples I have ever known of the assistance that educational assistants can give is of one young man who struggles with written output. For a math test, he was allowed someone to scribe for him, writing onto the paper only what he told them to write. Now, for me, to have someone else scribe a math test would drive me to distraction, but this young man thrived, achieving a test mark well above his average. He knew how to do the work, he simply struggled to get the knowledge in his brain onto the paper.

They are not stupid or lazy, they are simply impaired in an area, as I am in my vision. So, in my job as an educational assistant, I get to be their glasses. It would be irresponsible for them to not receive such help, and it would be negligent to not offer and allow such assistance to those who need it to do and to be their best.

Read Full Post »

Feed Me

Posted in Faith, life, WONDER, tagged #doyouloveme, #feedme, #feedmysheep, #jesusandpeter, #lovethenfeed on May 8, 2018| 1 Comment »

Screen Shot 2018-05-06 at 4.22.50 PM Remember the 1980’s movie “Little Shop of Horrors”? Although I know I saw it, all I can remember is the plant saying “feed me” to Seymour, in the most desperate of ways.

There is a story of Jesus with Peter, after the fishing incident when there was nothing to catch … until Jesus told them to throw the nets to the other side of the boat, and they took in (quite literally) a boat-load of fish.

Jesus asks Peter (John 21:17), “do you love me?” but Peter was hurt because this was the third time that Jesus asked him that. So Peter replied (probably with great exasperation), “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” and then Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”

When we look at this historical account we might wonder,

why did Jesus ask “do you love me“?

Shouldn’t he have asked, “do you love my sheep”?

Especially since Jesus’ response to Peter’s response (stick with me) was “feed my sheep.”

But what Jesus understood, as only Jesus could, that it is not our love for people that will keep us loving and caring and feeding them … but our love for Jesus.

This story (amid many other lessons) is a reminder that:

“I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me”
(Philippians 4:13)

Perhaps it should, more practically read,

I can do only the things that I do in the strength of Christ.

We can do good things for people, outside of Christ. But we cannot do the work of Christ apart from him. He is our shepherd, we are his aimless sheep, whom he loves. And, as we learn to love and depend on him, he will allow us to join with him in the feeding of his sheep.

“God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Halleluiahs be multiplied”
(Needtobreathe)

Read Full Post »

Packing Up the Dreams

Posted in GOD, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #jesusisthesame, #neveralone, #nochange, #packingupthedreams, #transitions on May 6, 2018| 1 Comment »

A beautiful spring Saturday, and I was completely unaware of what I was missing outside, as I wrapped and packed framed photos. It took far longer to pack up these personal items, for each image took my mind back to a time gone by. I kept hearing the words “packing up the dreams” (Michael W. Smith) playing over and over in my mind.

In a number of weeks I will go through this all over again, in reverse.

Times of life transition are like my picture-packing experience. We look ahead with excitement and fear, we look back with longing and thankfulness. We look ahead, and feel that life is moving too slow, we look back and feel life has moved too fast.

The words of Hebrew 13:8 have been echoing in my mind and heart over these past months of numerous life transitions:

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.”

These are not just nice, fluffy words, they are a promise to humanity for all time.

The yesterday is not just twenty-four hours ago, but every yesterday that has ever passed. Jesus Christ has always been, as he is.

The forever spoken of is just that, every day from this point forward.

He was, is and will always be the same, and he was, is and will always be with us. No changing, no transitions … just the same.

Though I am a lover of, an adrenaline junky for change, knowing that Christ was, is and will forever be the same gives me more comfort and peace than could any other.

And so, as I pack up these dream that God planted, I do so with the assurance that Christ, who lives in me, is the same no matter where I am going.

That should comfort all who are in the season of transition.

Read Full Post »

Irritated

Posted in GOD, life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged #beautyfromirritation, #irritated, #pearlsareperfect, #pearlsofwisdom, wisdom on May 4, 2018| 3 Comments »

Screen Shot 2018-05-03 at 8.02.49 PM

I was feeling let down, disappointed, upset … irritated to my core.

The situation was irritating myself and those who I love most (who may or may not know what it was that was causing the irritation) … and it was that, the irritation of those I love, that was really getting under my skin. I was full of why questions, and tempted to pick up the phone and take matters into my own hands.

and then someone did a devotion on pearls.

Pearls are my most favourite precious gems. I have more (faux) pearls than any other gem, stone or metal. I love that they can be worn with everything from the most formal of gowns to a pair of jeans. I love their uniform uniqueness. I love the gentle way they catch ones eye.

To me, pearls are the perfect gem.

But, their beauty did not come easily.

According to the American Museum of Natural History “a pearl forms when an irritant such as a wayward food particle becomes trapped in the mollusk. The animal senses the object and coats it with layers of aragonite (“ah-RAG-uh-nite”) and conchiolin ( “KON-kee-uh-lin”). These two materials are the same substances the animal uses to build its shell.”

So, I guess we could say that the oyster gets something irritating under it’s ~~skin~~ shell, and, rather than just fuming about it, the oyster takes that irritant and focuses it’s energies on converting the irritant into something … less irritating (and more beautiful).

Beauty from irritation …

We like to think that our lives are “blessed” if we are healthy and happy. Yet wisdom does not come from a life experience of “easy street”, it comes from the hard stuff, the tough stuff … a life’s experiences with irritants. It is that which makes us uncomfortable, saddened and heartbroken that polishes our sharp edges, that makes us beautiful in wisdom.

“the price of wisdom is above pearls.”
Job 28:18

Read Full Post »

Camouflage or Reflective Wear

Posted in GOD, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #blendingin, #camoflageorreflectivewear, #chosenpeople, #livetransformed, changed on May 2, 2018| Leave a Comment »

Screen Shot 2018-05-02 at 6.44.55 AM

Walking the hallways of my workplace, one might confuse the high school for a hunting, fishing and camping warehouse store. The theme of this particular dress-up day was camouflage.

The purpose of camouflage wear is to … camouflage oneself into the outdoors environment. It can allow a person to not be visible to others. Camouflage can hide a person from the creature one is hunting.

Reflective wear is different. It is worn to alert others to one’s presence. It is to keep the wearer safe and visible. When one wears reflective wear while hunting it is to alert other hunters to their presence.

Later I thought about camo and reflective wear in terms of our Christian walk. One being to help us blend in and the other to help us stand out. The thing is, as followers of Christ, we have not been called to blend in, but to stand out.

“Do not be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind …”

This transformation process is like the metamorphosis that a caterpillar goes though to emerge as a butterfly … no longer who or what it once was. The transformation is complete, and it is a new creature who emerges. So too, accepting the love of God into our lives changes us, transforming us into someone who 1 Peter 2:9 (some versions) calls peculiar.

This transformation is life changing. It affects every part of our who we are. It is something that happens instantaneously and day by day, all at the same time.

God does not call us to be his own, yet to blend in so well that he is not visible. We are to reflect the one who made us his own.

Read Full Post »

Into Each Life a Little Rain

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #ijustwannabeaplant, #iknowthegardener, #intoeachlifealittlerain, #rainandsunshine, gardening on April 29, 2018| 1 Comment »

I enjoyed taking pics of various plants in my garden on Friday, as the warm spring sun shone brightly in the sky. I am certain that my garden never looked better!

Then it rained. It rained Saturday, and it is raining again today.

As I growled under my breath to no one in particular (because all others in the house were still sleeping) about the grey skies and the rain, I scrolled, aimlessly, through my social media feeds.

“It takes both rain and sunshine to grow a garden”

The words (above) caught my attention. Immediately I recalled the images from just two days prior, when the sun was shining.

As a gardener (very much in experimental practise) I could not deny the truth of those words, for, on Friday, I had to water a patch of new grass that appeared quite parched. I watered, knowing that my action was not a bad one, but one that was needed for my garden, and what I had planted there.

So, as a gardener who takes joy in the warm sun, and who understands the need for water for my plants to grow well, why do I fret and sigh and complain when it rains …

why do I fret when there are (metaphoric) rainy days in the various seasons of my life?

I know the gardener, and I trust that he will do what is best for my growth … or do I?

My only job is to grow. He will provide all that I need to accomplish that growth.

May I accept that rain as I do the sunshine.

(PS: the sun just came out)

Read Full Post »

Prodigal Love Story

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged #cantoutdothefatherslove, #godran, #prodigalchild, #prodigallovestory, #recklesslove, #weareallprodigals on April 26, 2018| 1 Comment »

Screen Shot 2018-04-25 at 9.41.09 PM

It is a tale as old as time, but without the Beauty or the Beast.

The one who walks away from all that they have, all that they know, all that is safe … for unknown places of possible dangers, heartbreaks and big mistakes. So much is out there that could go wrong, could destroy. Those who love them, who are left to stand on the sidelines, left with only prayer as their protection from the perils of choice. The greatest prayer being that they come back, returning to their home, family, faith.

Whether we are familiar with the lessons within the cover of the Bible, the common term for such a person who leaves what they have learned behind them and moves to unchartered territories, only to eventually return, is that of the prodigal.

We all have prodigals in our lives.

Though the famous biblical story is about a prodigal son, prodigals come in all ages, genders and backgrounds. Their lives are a vast array of how they live, or carry out, their prodigal stories.

The common scenario is that of the teen or young adult, walking away from the life they were born into. After they have tasted of all of the pleasures of humanity, recognize that those pleasures have left them hungry for something more filling, something more familiar. So, tail between their legs, then return to the safe haven from which they originally fled.

The story that Jesus told can be found in Luke 15:11-32.

The story tells of the son’s return (verses 20-24):

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

There was no waiting to hear why the son was returning home. There was no opportunity for apology, no words admitting his folly, there was no time for any words. The father did not run to meet him because he had rejected his poor choices, he ran to his son for he was his father … and he loved this son, simply because he was his.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’”

Humility … that most difficult of characteristics to muster, for any creature of flesh. This is where we see the acknowledgement of error, fault, sin.

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”

And then we have the only reply appropriate, when one acknowledges their wrong to the one who they most sinned against.

There is so much more to this story … an older son, inheritance lost and more. It is a story that I have not always appreciated, yet, the older I get, the more I see how this is a deeply personal story for me … for us all.

You see, from our very beginnings, God, the one who gave us life, also gave us choice. We were born into the richest of families, not rich in wealth, but rich in love. The inheritance he has amassed for us is endless eternity, in his presence. It is our birthright, not because of what we do or who we are, but because of who we are in him. Though it is rightfully ours, we must choose to accept it. Many (most) of us, consciously or not, at some point in our lives, take the shiny bits of our inheritance (the earthly blessings) and walk away from our good, good father …

… and he lets us go, because he desires that we choose him, rather than he tell us what to do, rather than he force us to stay with him. He wanted us to choose … him.

And so we go away from him, partying it up on the things of life that are … temporal, temporary. We find pleasure in our bodies, our senses, our forms of escapism. Until, one day, we recognize that our belly full of pleasures has left us malnourished, dying from the inside out.

And so we go home, tail between our legs, chin on our chests, ready to dish out heaping helpings of humble pie.

Then, when we are almost home, we hear something in the distance …

“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” (Jeremiah 31:3)

Though those words were God’s pursuit of Israel, they have also become God’s words to all of humanity, through the blood of Jesus Christ.

And we are embraced and kissed and welcomed home.

And our tears of shame fall on our cheeks, our chests heaving with shock, with humility, with the acknowledgement that our father loves us, not because of what we have done,

but in spite of our actions.

We apologize, we beg forgiveness, humility pouring from every pore.

And the father … he doesn’t ask for the details of our misery … he plans a party … for,

in the father’s mind, in the father’s heart …

his son, his daughter was lost and is found.

“And I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it,
still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending,
reckless love of God”
Cory Asbury

Read Full Post »

Walking in the Fog

Posted in Faith, life, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #cantseethefinishline, #piecesfittogether, #seasonsoflife, #squintingtosee, #walkinginthefog, #whygod, Struggles on April 24, 2018| 1 Comment »

Screen Shot 2018-04-20 at 6.33.40 AM

Recently students were discussing roller coaster rides they had been on, and one talked about a ride that took you out, over a body of water … and paused. Then, with no hint at what was coming it went from zero to fifty in the blink of an eye, quickly pulling them backwards, and they could not see where they were going.

One of the students exclaimed,

“that must have been so frightening to not know where you were going?”

To which the other replied,

“Nope! If I saw where I was going, I would have been much more scared.”

Her response got me to thinking …

maybe it is better to not know what is coming in our futures?

Then I remembered a verse, from 1 Corinthians 13:12:

“We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. “(this is such a visual! Haven’t we all been walking driving through thick fog that had all but blinded us? Can’t we all recall, or maybe currently going through a time when the circumstances leave us blinded to what might be ahead for us?)

“But it won’t be long” (it won’t be long! Don’t we all feel the seconds tick by when life is a struggle? This reminder will come to an end) “before the weather clears and the sun shines bright!” (yes! the sun is what we need to focus on … the sun in the sky, and the son who sets us free. It WON’T be long! The fog WILL lift!).

“We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!”

Man, when I look back over different periods of time in my life, I could not have imagined the twists and turns, the joys and sorrows, the triumphs and trials that were about to come … or how they would play out in the greater story of my life.

And so we do not see what is to come, how the problems and struggles end, how the difficult road leads to completion, how the blessings become curses, and the curses become blessings.

Our vision is impaired, as though we are in a fog, or going backwards on a carnival ride. But the fog will lift, and from the reversing ride, we can see how vast the image of life appears, and how pieces have fit together.

But we are not called to just sit there and let it all happen, either. For verse 13 gives us our marching orders:

“But for right now, until that completeness,
we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:
Trust steadily in God,
hope unswervingly,
love extravagantly.
And the best of the three is love.”

Read Full Post »

When I Look at the Night Sky

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged #creationcalls, #godpursuesme, #naturecallsmeback, #whenilookatthenightsky on April 19, 2018| 2 Comments »

starry

As I drove down the street, preparing to drive up my driveway, I noticed two bunnies hopping across my neighbour’s green grass … and smiled.

After parking, after getting out of my vehicle, I heard the song of the spring frogs, echoing in night air. Their song drew me out of the garage, and my eyes lifted to the indigo sky, so clear.

Moments of creation calling my soul, slowing down my mind, soothing my rapidly beating heart.

The day of blood, sweat and tears was coming to an end, but not without succour from nature, from Creation, the Creator.

It was as though all of Creation was reminding me, teaching me that life will go on, that the God who painted the sky like a mood ring, who gave voice to the frogs, who put a hop in the steps of the bunnies … loves and cares for me, who cleans up my blood, cleans the sweat from my brow and wipes away my tears.

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—
    the moon and the stars you set in place—
what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
    human beings that you should care for them?
Yet you made them only a little lower than God
    and crowned them with glory and honor.
You gave them charge of everything you made,
    putting all things under their authority—
the flocks and the herds
    and all the wild animals,
the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea,
    and everything that swims the ocean currents.