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This is another post in a series, about a woman named Amara. Every Friday I will post another segment in this story.

“Just come, darling, I will have everything ready when the three of you arrive,” Amara said to Joy, and then the line went dead.

Joy hung up the receiver, and felt strangely excited about heading over to her mother’s home for a sleep over with her daughters. Oh, when was the last time that she had spent a night at her mother’s house? Whenever it was, Joy could not recall.

She set about to ready herself for a night out. She sent a quick email to Joe to let him know where they would be, in case he called them, but that would probably not happen.

As she told each of the girls what they were doing the girls expressed complete surprise and elation. It was as the girls were packing their individual bags that Joy realized that she had not seen that level of excitement in either girl, in a very long time. Jilly even offered to assist little Jessica with her packing. So, Joy set about packing her own bag. How very out of her nature was such a spontaneous act for Joy.

It took no time at all for all three to prepare, and pile into the family vehicle. Joy loved her 1998 Volkswagon Beetle, in a conservative, but metallic, blue. It reminded her of the one her grandparents owned, and drove all the way to Disneyland. She remembered the games she played on the trip with them. Games her Gramma called the Bug games, and they included ‘Punch Bug’, ‘I Spy with my Little Eye, a Bug that is … (a color)’, ‘How Many Bugs in … (a city)’ and so many more. The memories of that trip left Joy with a deep affection for VW Beetles, because they reminded her of her dear Gampa and Gramma.

“Mom, you need to put it in reverse if we are going to move,” came a cheeky comment from Jilly in the passenger seat of the car, jarring Joy back to the present.

“Momma, you are becoming like Nanna,” came Jessica’s voice from the back seat.

Oh, what a fear entered Joy upon hearing Jessica compare her distraction to her mother. Jessica did not know or understand that her Nanna had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. She did not know or understand the fear that Joy was feeling for her own future, and the futures of her daughters. She simply said something that made sense to her, at the moment. An innocent comment, that Joy hoped was not Freudian.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was just making a mental note that we packed everything that we will need for the sleepover tonight,” Joy lied, hoping it sounded convincing to her five and sixteen year old daughters.

When they arrived at the house, the lights were on all through the house, and the door was opened wide for them. The three grabbed their bags, and bounded up the stairs to the open door. Jessica racing ahead yelling, “Nanna, Nanna, I brought my forest animal picture book to show you.”

As Joy and Jilly reached the entrance, Jessica came running back to them, wide eyed, “Momma, Nanna isn’t here. I checked everywhere, but she is not home. Did she forget that we were coming for a sleeping over.”

“Oh Jess, she must be here,” Joy reassured her concerned girl. “Mom …” Joy called out. There came no response.

“Lets look for her.” Joy smiled down, figuring her mother might just be in the bathroom, or upstairs, or outside … although she could not imagine a reason why her mother would need to go outside at this time of night.

“How about you check this level, Jessica? Make sure you check in all the rooms. And Jilly, you check upstairs, and I will check outside. I am sure she is here somewhere around here.” Joy gave her instructions with great confidence that there was a good, if not unexpected, reason for her mother’s lack of response. That was her mother, unpredictable at the best of times. It made Joy smile, as she watched her girls go off, calling the name, Nanna.

They called their grandmother Nanna because Jilly so loved the story of Peter Pan. It was her favorite movie, as a little girl, and she decided that ‘Grandmother’ was not what she wanted to call her mom’s mother, anymore. She had decided to rename her, Nanna, like the big, protective dog in the film, who cared for the Darling family. Her Nanna also always called Jilly, darling, and so the renaming was done, much to the chagrin of Joy, who preferred the formal sound of Grandmother.

Joy searched and called out, all around the house, and in the garden. Her mother was nowhere to be found.

As she started up the stairs, the girls came out the door, looking concerned. “Mom, Nanna is not anywhere in the house. Did you find her?” Jilly’s concern showing on her face.

“We even checked her closets, and I checked under her sinks, and even in her sewing box,” Jessica said, breathless.

“There must be a good reason we cannot find her. Let me double check in here.” Joy said with a reassuring smile, but Jilly could tell that there was concern behind Joy’s smile. She saw something in her mother’s face that she had never seen before, fear.

Unfading – Part 1

Unfading – Part 9

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It’s been a day. A day when I felt like a speck of dust. A day when I wish I was a speck of dust.

The weight of this day has been heavy, but it is not just the weight of this day. It is the accumulation of many weighty days. Days when the weight of the world (self-imposed and otherwise) is great. Days when the needs of others are well beyond my own ability to meet them. Days when my own needs are laying on a shelf gathering dust. Days when the sun hides behind the dark clouds. Days when the past looks beautiful, days when the past looks gray, and days when the future looks … foggy … cloudy … dusty. Days when my cup is empty and my burden is heavy. It’s been a day.

Focusing on the good, the beautiful, the light did not lessen the weight on my shoulders and on my soul. Foot tapping, smile-inducing music did not remove the heaviness. Even filling the bathtub with warm tears did not move the scales in a downward direction. The heaviness was here, and it was digging in it’s feet.

I yearned for a long exhausting, reviving hike with my Beast, on our favorite trail, with the sun shining down on our faces. I yearned for a wordless embrace. I yearned for someone to whisper, “it’s alright.” I yearned for that childhood game of blowing dandelion seeds into the air. When you would close your eyes, and make a wish, and blow all of the air within you, to ensure that your wish would come true.

That is the kind of day it has been.

I wonder, if I were a speck of dust, if I were a speck of dandelion dust, would I fear the unknown? Would I wonder where the air was going to move me next? Would I feel the weight of the world upon my soft shoulders? Or, would I just lay back and move with the current beneath me, trusting that it’s warm embrace would take me to a new and exciting future?

Few answers today, mostly questions.

 

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Ugh! No milk. There are five teenagers in our house, it is breakfast time on a school day and we are out of milk. Not only that, but there is no bread either! Then, I get into the van and see the gas gauge on empty!

Some days it seems as though we are constantly running out of the things we need most to survive. We awaken with too little energy. We have tasks to complete in too little time. We have bills with too little money to pay them. “Is there anything that does not run out?” We cry!

Dealing with life, means realizing that there will be times when we are running on empty. When we are students, it is our money that runs empty. When we are newlyweds, it is our adjustment to change that leaves us on empty. When we have little ones in our houses, it is our sleep need that is on empty. When our kids are older, it is our lack hours in a day that leave us on empty. When we get older, it is our physical limitations that leave us on empty.

This is life!

If we do not recognize that empty, in some form, is part of every stage of life, we are going to be miserable.

So, how do we survive a life of ’empty’? We plug in to the resource that is never on empty. For me, this song reassures me that there is one thing that remains …

(love the name of the church too 😉 )

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This is another post in a series, about a woman named Amara. Every Friday I will post another segment in this story.

“Uh, okay then Joy. It has been nice talking with you.” Amara stuttered the words from her mouth, in a robotic manner.

“Mom, did you hear what I said? I said that the doctor thinks that you are n the middle stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Do you understand this mom?”

Mom … she said it again, it was like music to Amara’s mother heart. Mother is a title, but mom … mom is a verb, one that says that is synonymous with love, and it is one that filled Amara’s heart with the hope of a new relationship with her daughter. Oh, any news could be good if Joy would just love her, and not just treat her humanely.

“Mom, I know this is difficult news to take. I could come over to your house if you would like, and we could search for information on the internet, or read through the pamphlets that Dr. Faw gave us, or I could just make you a hot milk, if you do not want to be alone.”

Joy almost sounded as though she did not want to be alone. She almost sounded as though she wanted to come over and just be with her mom. Amara’s hopes were rising at record speeds. “Well yes, Joy I would love for you to come over, bring the girls if they would like to come. We could have cookies, and … why don’t you bring an overnight bag? There are more than enough empty beds in this house.’

“Okay mom, we will come, but the girls do have school tomorrow, so it cannot be a late night for them.” Joy was sounding excited about coming over, Amara knew that is what she heard in her voice.

“Just come, darling, I will have everything ready when the three of you arrive.” Amara knew the excitement in her voice was not appropriate for Joy’s sadness, but she could not reign her anticipation in.

As the phone line went dead, Amara hung her receiver up, and sat there, just absorbing the hope of Joy needing her again, of Joy wanting her again.

Amara began to daydream of the last time she remembered feeling that way. Amara had taken Joy for a picnic in the wooded area just up the road from where they lived, where Amara still lives. She had packed a lunch of tuna salad sandwiches (Joy’s favorite), and cookies. They had wandered through the giant trees for almost an hour, to the clearing that Amara knew so well.

It was there, in the clearing, that her husband, John, had proposed to her. He had packed a picnic lunch too … well, his mother and sisters had packed the lunch. He and Amara had wandered through the wooded area, hand in hand … oh, how delightful it felt to have her hand encapsulated by his large, protective hand. When they reached the clearing, it was the most beautiful sight that Amara had ever seen. The sun shining through the trees, to this cleared out space of green and daisies … oh, so many daisies! He lay down a blanket, and set the picnic basket on it’s corner. Then he took Amara’s hand, and led her to the blanket, and they sat, and ate, and laughed, and smiled. Oh, what a beautiful smile he had, it could lighten up any dark day. And then, right there, with the sun cascading through the trees, he proposed to her. Amara remembered his words, “I want to marry you, and I want to build a house for us to live in with the children we will have, just down the road from here, so that we can come here anytime life gets tough, and we can remember how we started, with hope and love and sunshine on our faces.”

And Amara said, “yes.”

So when Amara brought Joy here that beautiful spring day, to have a picnic, they laughed, and smiled and ate their picnic on the big blanket. They sang, first silly songs, but then ones they both recalled from Sunday School. Then Joy got up from her spot and sat in front of her mother. She looked deep into Amara’s eyes, her own more serious than Amara had ever seen her young daughter’s eyes. She looked at her mother, then smiled and said, “Mom, you are the most boo-ti-ful in the world. I love you, even more than tuna sandwiches.” Then she wrapped her arms tightly around Amara’s neck, and there they sat, in a mother daughter embrace for the longest time.

The next thing Amara knew, Joy was flying out of her arms, and dancing and singing “You are My Sunshine” as the sunlight lit Joy up like an angel covered in a gossamer cloak. She twirled in the sunlight, taking joy in how her skirt would rise and spin with her body. Joy and Amara smiling brightly,  a moment of beauty and intimacy, that they would not share again.

Then Amara felt a cool breeze, that was growing colder by the second. The image of Joy dancing in the sunlight was fading away, being left with dark, so dark, and so cold. Amara shivered uncontrollably and opened her eyes. She was outside, and it was night. The moon was shining directly down on her, and she did not know where she was.

Unfading – Part 1

Unfading – Part 8

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I am not a regular television watcher. Oh, I have my favorite series (Criminal Minds) but I haven’t even seen that for a couple of weeks. The other day I turned on the tube, to spend a few minutes out in La La Land. It was after dinner, and I expected to find channel after channel of world news.

What I did find was channel after channel of Whitney Houston death, life, career and speculation ‘news’.

The height of her career was when I was in high school and just after. She was one whose ‘cassettes’ I bought, and listened to over and over and over again. I was pretty sure that I could hit the same high notes as she in “I Will Always Love You” (insert my kids shocked faces … I can hit those notes, but never when I am supposed to … heck I can hit pretty much any note in existence in one song … but, I digress).

The television program that got my attention was one that was airing the last interview with Whitney. I listened attentively, turning every word over in my head, anticipating some clue that she was subconsciously aware of her oncoming earthly end.

Last words are like that. When one dies, what we seek to remember most clearly are the last things the deceased said to us, and to others. Our last words are like the fragrance of our funeral flowers, either they scent the room with loveliness, or they stink the place to high heaven, and no life end would be complete without our acknowledging them.

Below is a video, which (if you start listening at 2:28) has the following lyrics:

“A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ’em for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you’re dead how people start listenin'”

 I wonder how many more people have watched that last Whitney Houston interview, because of her demise, than would have if she were still alive. It leaves me to believe that the author of the lyrics of this song was right, the value of our words grows exponentially after our death (“they’re worth so much more after I’m a goner”).

Simple words, spoken by the living are reborn once the speaker is dead. Whitney’s death has cause us to “start listenin'”. Maybe we should start listening to people more closely before they are gone …

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“How much longer will you forget me, Lord? Forever?
How much longer will you hide yourself from me?
How long must I endure trouble?
How long will sorrow fill my heart day and night?
How long will my enemies triumph over me?”
Psalm 13:1-2

Well now, that is not a very cheery way to start a writing! Those words do not cause us to start the day on an optimistic point, and yet, this very day, those words give voice to the heart cries of many around us.

On this day after Valentine’s Day, not all are awakening with the glow of being loved. Some are rising with the weight of sorrow, of loss, of rejection, of loneliness, of brokenness. Some, like the psalmist, David, are awakening with lament in their hearts, and on their lips.

David, the psalmist, the shepherd, the king, reminds us that to lament is part of life in our broken world. He not only reminds us of it’s reality, but, because he laments, he gives us permission to lament as well. And what an example he gives.

“Look at me, O Lord my God, and answer me.
Restore my strength; don’t let me die.
Don’t let my enemies say,
We have defeated him.
Don’t let them gloat over my downfall.”
Psalm 13:3-4

This psalm not just a cry, but a demand! The scripture above indicates no gentle hinting, but demands, pleading for attention. He wants God’s full attention, “look”! like a child with an immediate need, he wants not just his father’s ear, but his eyes. He wants to know that he has the full attention of his Lord. And not just his attention, but a response!

Maybe you are different from me, but have you ever waved your fists into the air to God? Have you ever felt unheard? Weak? Dying (emotionally)? Defeated? And all you could do is wave your fists, or stretch out your arms to your Creator and say, “are you hearing me? I am desperate, and I don’t hear your voice.”

It is okay to be real with God. It is okay to be angry with God. He is our Father God, he knows we are angry, even if we smile and fake our way through life. Even when we pray only praises and thanks to Him, He knows the sorrow, the fear, the anger in our hearts. I believe His father shoulders are wide enough for us to tell Him the truth.

As we follow the example of David, we see that the lament is not without hope. David can lament openly and honestly to the living God, because although he cannot see a resolution to his current problem, he knows that the God he is lamenting to is one who loves him. David knows that, although he cannot see how his chains will be removed, God WILL rescue him. And not only that, but David goes from singing, no … moaning a dirge, to singing his praise to God, “because he (you) have been good to him (me).”

 “I rely on your constant love;
I will be glad, because you will rescue me.
I will sing to you, O Lord,
because you have been good to me.”
Psalm 13:5-6

The following clip is of Psalm 13 put to music. It is one I have sung, no … moaned, in lament to my God, when I just could do nothing but raise my hands to the heavens, and let the tears fall. And in those times, I have felt the presence of a living God who has always been good to me.

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“Being saddled with someone can leave you chafed.”
Carole Wheaton

Although a certain hubby would prefer his bride leave him out of her blog posts, I happen to know that she is also a woman who prides herself on utilizing forgiveness over permission. So, that said, I (not so humbly) apologize, hubby.

This is the twenty-third Valentines Day that hubby and I will celebrate together. We have had more Valentine’s Days together than apart. There is rarely the exchange of chocolate, only periodic giving of flowers, a rare dinner out on the 14th of February, not even many purchases of lingerie. There is always an “I love you” exchanged, always kissing (oups! I forgot to warm the kids not to read this one), and … well … you know, a sharing of affection 😉 And, all of this is very comfortable for us both, as I hate the exaggerated prices for the traditional gifts of this season, and hubby hates the pressure that the day applies to his creatively challenged mind.

After ALL these years, I would have to say that Valentine’s Day IS comfortable for us both. Our expectations of the day are the same as any day … we awake (and say good morning to each other), have coffee together (and ask about each others day), we work (and either text or email at least once to each other), our family has dinner together (and we each take joy in the family that we can share), we end the day (with a kiss … well, with AT LEAST a kiss 😉 ).

If this were our last Valentine’s Day together, it is the ‘together’ that we would each miss most the following Valentine’s Day, and every day that follows our last day together. It is not flowers, or diamonds, or tickets to that ‘thing’ he (or she) wants to go to, or chocolate even, it is the TOGETHER that we would most yearn for.

Together is priceless, it cannot be duplicated, and it can only be achieved by the two who are one.

I was (tearfully) reminded of this reality recently as I read a friends cheerful post to wish her hubby : “happy birthday to the love of my life…the BIG 50!!!! What a day.” Her husband is suffering with cancer, and, without a divine miracle (and I do believe in divine miracles, as does she and her family) this will be the last birthday that they will share together … the last Valentine’s Day that they will share. I can confidently say that she will not be expecting flowers or chocolate. I do expect that she and he will look into each others eyes and share, without words even, the look of committed love that spans a life of love, and struggle, and children, and marriages, and awakening each day … together.

Being saddled with someone CAN leave you chafed, but it is the long term scarring of being so close together that creates love scars that we cherish the most.

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 This is another post in a series, about a woman named Amara. Every Friday I will post another segment in this story.

“Hello? Mother is that you? Are you okay?” Amara was startled to awaken from her memories, with her phone receiver in her hand, and Joy’s concerned voice coming through it.

“Uh, yes dear, it is me. I am just fine, sorry to worry you.” Amara responded, still whirling from the thoughts of the past. Some days that is the only place she really wanted to be, in the dreams of the past. It was safe there, it was comforting there, and she always knew what would happen next. She always knew that there, in her memories of the past, she was who she really was, with no strange occurrences of being in places that she didn’t know, or forgetting chunks of time, or sad looks from her family, as though they too did not know her anymore.

“Mother, did you need something?” Joy asked, wondering why her mother seemed to be responding to her on the telephone as though she had called her mother, instead of the other way around.

“Oh, uh no dear. What are you up to this evening?”

“Well Joe is still away, until the weekend, and the girls are working on homework in their bedrooms.”

“And you, my dear, what are you up to this evening?”

“Just having a cup of tea while I … ,” Joy paused a moment, “while I think about the day.”

Okay, now I have an opening to ask about her day, and maybe that will help me to remember what my day held, Amara thought hopefully. “And what did you do today Joy?”

There was a long pause on Joy’s end of the phone. Amara had heard her daughter inhale significantly when her words reached Joy’s ears. Amara knew that whatever she had forgotten about today, had involved Joy, and she should not be forgetting it.

“Mother, we went to your appointment with Dr. Faw, don’t you remember that?” There was that familiar edge to Joy’s voice, an edge of anger and disappointment and … pain.

“Oh, of course I remember,” Amara lied, “I just meant since you got home.”

Joy’s voice faded from Amara’s ears. Amara knew that Joy was still speaking, and that she was speaking to her, but she could not focus on her voice. The questions in Amara’s mind were so powerfully strong that she could no longer hear outside of her own mind.

Now Amara was very confused, who was Dr. Faw? And why did Amara have an appointment with him? And why could she not remember going to a doctor’s appointment? What was happening to her memory?

There was a time when she had a problem with her memory in the past too. It was back when Jacob was sick. When Joy was spending more and more time with her grandparents, when her hard working husband was pondering that maybe he ought to get a second job to pay for the medical bills. It seemed as though she could not keep her thoughts straight. There were days, back then, when she would awaken in the morning and not know what day it was, or if her daughter had slept the night at home, or if there was a doctor appointment or treatment for Jacob that day. There were days when she would have fallen asleep in the chair in Jacob’s hospital room, when she would awaken and not know the time of day, or when she had last fallen asleep in her husbands arms, or kissed the sweet face of her daughter.

Those days of memory loss were really nothing compared with the memory losses that Amara was facing these days. Now she would awaken in the morning, and have no memory of the day prior, or she would arrive at an appointment …

An appointment! I remember now, about my appointment. I was with Joy at the office of Dr. Faw, and he was asking questions about my forgetfulness. Amara was feeling more confident, and great relief that she was remembering something. The details of that day were still foggy for her, but she was getting glimpses of that day. She remembered that after she was examined, the doctor met with she and Joy at his desk, in his office. He had asked about memory loss in her parents. He had said that there were indicators … “now what were there indicators of?”

“Mom?” Joy’s voice broke through Amara’s concentration on her memories. “Mom? Indicators of what?”

Amara realized then that she had been daydreaming again. Oh, why was she having so many problems with her mind, her memory, her concentration?

“Oh Joy, I am so sorry, honey. I was just thinking about the appointment with Dr. Faw. He said something about my memory, and forgetfulness and that there were indicators of something, but I just cannot remember what there were indicators of.” Amara was almost riveting with the excitement of putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

The other end of the phone was quiet, too quiet.

“Joy? Joy are you still there?” Amara asked, feeling concerned with Joy’s silent lack of response.

“Mother … mother do you not remember anything that the doctor said about possible reasons for your forgetfulness?” Joy was cautious, and more … tender than Amara ever remembered hearing from her before.

“No dear. What did he say?”

More silence. Amara’s heart felt somewhere between not beating at all and feeling like it would pound right out of her chest. She needed Joy to answer.

“Please tell me, dear. I feel like a child waiting for Christmas.” Amara tried to lighten the heaviness of the moment.

“Mom …”

Amara had not heard Joy call her Mom since … since those years of Jacob’s illness.

“Mom, Dr. Faw said that all of the indicators would lead him to think that … ” Joy sighed, not a tired sigh, so much as a sigh of regret. Whatever she was about to tell her mother, she was telling with regret. “… to think that you are n the middle stages of … of Alzheimer’s disease.”

Unfading – Part 7

Unfading – Part 1

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I often find that Christian theologians can be so … boring.

It is not their subject matter so much as their language, their … wordiness, their dissection of portions of scripture in a manner that both confuses my brain, and makes me want to take a nap … a long nap.

I am no theologian, and yet, as a believer in the triune god … father, son and holy spirit. I believe in the virgin birth, and the resurrection. There is much that I would call gray matter, but there is also much that is definitive … that is, black and white. And, if I were asked, what do you believe to be the most important theological principle to stand on, my response would be quick and confident, and would mirror the response of theologian Karl Barth (believed to be the most important theologian since Thomas Aquinas), “Jesus love me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so”.

A childhood Sunday School song, with the most valuable message. Something written and presented so simply that even children (the least of these) could share in and understand. Something so deep and so packed with the gospel message that theologians have yet to unpack all that it presents to us.

Written over one hundred and fifty years ago, by Anna B. Warner (verse 1) and David R. McGuire (verses 2-3), and William B. Bradbury is credited for it’s musical score and refrain.

It is the first song I remember learning, as a child, and the first that I taught our three children. I remember clearly how, as each child had mastered the first verse, I would telephone my God-loving grandmother, to allow her to hear them sing the song that she had shared with me. Our youngest sang for her just weeks before she was face to face with the center of this songs words. My intent in teaching our children this song, was (and is) that if it can be woven into the framework of their being, they might always know throughout their lives that:
-they are loved
-the Bible confirms it
-they need Jesus
-He will be their strength when they have none
-they are loved by the one willing to sacrifice all for them
-they are loved by the one who will not stop loving them

If my children can grow up knowing that Jesus loves them, then I can leave this life in the confidence that they have a most firm (and not at all boring) foundation.

  1. Jesus loves me! This I know,
    For the Bible tells me so;
    Little ones to Him belong;
    They are weak, but He is strong:
  2. Refrain:Yes, Jesus loves me!
    • Yes, Jesus loves me!
      Yes, Jesus loves me!
      The Bible tells me so.
  3. Jesus loves me! This I know,
    As He loved so long ago,
    Taking children on His knee,
    Saying, “Let them come to Me.”
  4. Jesus loves me still today,
    Walking with me on my way,
    Wanting as a friend to give
    Light and love to all who live.
  5. Jesus loves me! He who died
    Heaven’s gate to open wide;
    He will wash away my sin,
    Let His little child come in.
  6. Jesus loves me! He will stay
    Close beside me all the way;
    Thou hast bled and died for me,
    I will henceforth live for Thee.

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You can’t teach an old dog a new trick.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

I love these age related sayings! They make me smile at the truths tucked into their humor or irony. Ten years ago they would not have been as entertaining to me as they are now. Even five years ago they would not have held the same attraction for me. But now I am contemplating my twenty-fifth high school reunion, and am becoming more authentically archaic.

Getting older isn’t really so bad 😉 One of the best things about getting older is that I have been learning something that has been changing my life.

I am not sure what caused this change in my thinking, but it’s effects have been profound! In the past, when I would have a struggle, a disappointment or was hurt by something or someone, I would (sigh) feel sorry for myself. You know, singing the ‘poor me’ song?

What I have been learning over the past few years is that when those inevitably disappointing times and events come, I ask a simple question, ‘what am I to learn from this?’ Now the question is not magical, nor does it wipe the yuck from the situation I am experiencing, but what it does is better. The question moves me along from the eye of the storm I am in, to the calm at the end of the storm.

My focus changes!

This change of focus has meant that I feel less hopeless, I feel less anxiety. Ironically, I also feel less out of control, because I recognize, right form the beginning, that I am not in control anyway.

This reminds me that, in Ephesians 4:23, “you were taught to be made new in your thinking.”

I am thinking that another way to say that is, you CAN teach an old dog a new trick.

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A father's digital age journey with his family and his faith

Forty Something Life As We Know It

I am just an ordinary small-town woman in her forties enjoying the country life. Constantly searching for wisdom on a daily basis.