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Laughing at Myself

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged embarrassment, Facepalm, humor, Laugh at myself, Life, Wonder on August 8, 2011| 2 Comments »

Oh my goodness … my roots are blond (I mean before they were gray)! And today was a day to prove just that.

I awoke a few minutes before my alarm this morning, so I was able to be out of the shower by 5:45am … a great success, and a positive omen of the day to come. I had to have daughter number two at the local swimming pool at 6:20am, for warm ups for the swim meet she was to compete at.

As I was getting myself ready, I took all the essentials out of my bathroom cupboard, to ensure that I hit all body parts that needed morning attention. You know: toothbrush and toothpaste for the teeth (and for everyone around me), antiperspirant for the pits (and for everyone around me), brush for the mop of unmanageable hair, body spray for a pleasant scent, and hairspray to keep every hair in place.

So, I was preening and primping when I realized that I was about to spray my body spray on my hair … but … I had just sprayed my body, and it was with a different container … Oh crap! I had just sprayed hairspray all over my body (does this mean that my body would hold it’s shape all day long?)!

And, of course, I posted this on Facebook …

So, I knew my day was sure to have no place to go but up!

Until … at the swim meet. I was spending the day in concession, selling foods and snacks to the hungry swimmers and their families and friends. But, my sweet older daughter, was good enough to let me know when her sister was to compete, by sending me a text message when the time was soon. So, I received a message “1 more heat” followed by ” I’m hoping you’re watching” … Well I moved faster than you can say ‘you’ve got egg on your face.’ As I raced closer to the pool I could hear people cheering and yelling “go Christiana!”

Yikes, I was going to miss it, if I didn’t hussle my butt.

I turned the corner, and spotted her head bobbing in and out of the water, as she swam butterfly. I stood at the corner of the pool, feeling proud that I hadn’t missed her race, and cheering loudly for her … along with others cheering her on. And as I looked around I realized that the others who were cheering her on … I didn’t know them! And they were not from our team! And, as the race was finishing, my daughter, Christiana, was walking towards me with a look that said, ‘you are so pathetic, Mom.’ And yes, it is true, I was cheering like a banshee … for someone who was not my daughter. In the texted words of my older daughter, just moments later, “face palm.”

And, of course, I posted this on Facebook …

And this day of mine, the comedy of errors that it was, became the topic of dinner conversation tonight. And my kids couldn’t believe that I would post my stupidity for all my ‘friends’ on facebook to see … ‘why would you tell people stuff like that … how humiliating’ was their most common response.

And all I could say in response was, I’m okay with laughing at myself. And, I am.

There was a time when I would NEVER have admitted to such faux pas! I would have been mortally embarrassed, publicly humiliated and feeling a need to move to another country, to avoid being found out. But those days are over … in my ‘maturing’ (out of my natural blond for my well-hidden gray), I have been learning to enjoy the immature. I have come to the conclusion that the stupid things I do, and the ridiculous mistakes that I make … well, most people experience similar … and that the embarrassment actually dissipates faster when you give it light, and … a hardy laugh.

So, I expect that the weird and wonderful will continue to come my way, and you can expect that …

I will probably post it on facebook,

And maybe even write a post about it 😉

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De-light!

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Beach, Children Playing, Delight, Playing, Sand Castles, Wonder on August 4, 2011| 2 Comments »

There is nothing quite like spending a day full of delight to fill a person with wonder! And the best way to accomplish that is to spend the day looking through the eyes of a child.

And that is how I spent my afternoon.

But, it didn’t start out that way.

We joined a family that we know through our daughter’s swim coaching, at their nearby campsite. The drive there was not all that delightful. Our eleven-year old son, and fourteen year old daughter had enough tension and complaining and arguing between them to start WW3! I finally threatened (oh, yes, I threatened … I reached parental boiling point from which there is no sense, and no turning back), that if they did not act as expected (and no, I did not define what was expected), they would be in trouble (and no, I did not define what the trouble was). And silence overcame the van (as hubby was making yet another UTurn, with the hopes that he was finally heading in the direction that “I was sure we needed to go” … it was not a stellar start to the day for me, relationally, with my family).

From the moment we arrived, the mood and minds and hearts that exited the van were very different from before we emerged from it’s frame.

We greeted our hostess, and wandered through the campground to locate the dad, and their kids. When we found each other, their children (a boy of five, and daughter of seven) came running with open arms towards my fourteen year old daughter, and I.

We returned to their site to have introductions made (as hubby one and hubby two had not met before), and smokies put on the fire.

For about two and a half hours we chatted, giggled, ate, took pictures, watched the kids ride bikes, eat smores with the most humongous marshmallows ever, and giggle some more. And then, we went to the beach.

For the next two and a half hours the four ‘kids’ spent jumping waves, building sandcastles, falling into frigid Northwest coastal waters, burying their feet, running into and out of the waves, and more giggling. And this is where transformations began …

All four of the kids (aged five, seven, eleven, and fourteen) p l a y e d like … kids.

The older two were no longer playing at playing, for the sake of the younger ones. The older two were as fully engaged in their own imaginations as were the younger two. They buried their feet deep into the sand, because the effects of the water rushing over the sand caused wonder for them. They jumped into the waves, not just because they were trying to steady the little bodies attached to the hands that they were holding, but because they were experiencing joy in trying to outsmart the nature of the waves. They built sandcastles, not because they were assisting the construction of the dreams of the younger children, but because they were building out the dreams of their own imaginations.

They were fully engaged in the delight of wonder … as the little children were, and as were the four parents, watching a few feet away.

We said our goodbyes, and drove the half hour trip back to our vacation home. And our drive home …

Our eleven and fourteen year old talked together, sang together, laughed together, and … delighted in the wonder that was planted by the seeds of children. Those children who were just being themselves, and who reminded all of us that we are never too old to play.

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The Call

Posted in GOD, life, WONDER, tagged Called, Creation, Hope, On Christ the Solid Rock, The Call, The Rock on August 3, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Morning number two … of vacation, in this heavenly place.

My internal alarm goes off at 6:43am … it has obviously been adjusted to va-ca time, as it more frequently starts to go off before six. I hop out of bed, and am reunited with my sweats in the bathroom, where I prepare for the day without a ‘plan’ that I am conscious of … I am simply responding to the call.

At 6:53am, I kiss hubby, and tell him I am going out for a walk.

Less than a minute later, my feet move my body as though they are moving towards and with an invisible force. A force that is calling me from my insides … out. It it an inaudible, but undeniable call, and there is nothing within me that desires to ignore it’s persistent force.

I reach the beach, and want to run with everything within me. My heart feels as though it might burst through my chest, with eagerness to reach the destination faster. I feel a need to consciously, but wordlessly, remind my pulsating legs of the pain that running a little over a year ago caused, and how my meniscus would not allow that … but I am sure that even my knees were joining in the call for a physical response of eagerness to the call.

I reach the edge of the water, the waves crashing onto the coast, seagulls crying out all around me, and my soul is singing “Creation Calls” as tears fall, without sorrow down my cheeks.

Then, after a time of songs and sighs, I move on … the call continues.

This call has existed for me ever since our first summer here, four years ago. Actually, it existed far before then, far before I was born. But the metaphor it provides for my visual-learner being stirs such an innate need to fulfill it’s call on me.

As I move down the beach, I feel such an excitement with each step closer I get to it. I increase my speed, as I just want to be there, to reach out and touch it, symbolizing my need to go to it, to be close to it, to physically touch it to confirm my reliance on reaching out to it.

And then, I am almost there, and my pace slows, and I feel the need to just absorb the process of each step. And I am fully awake, and the call is no longer forcing itself on me, but I am conscious, completely aware and choosing to make each step. It is not longer the innate call that brings me there, but an act fully of my will.

And I reach out,

and I touch The Rock.

And although all of Cannon Beach, and it’s visitors, call it Haystack Rock, I just call it The Rock. And when I reach my fully human hand out, each year, to touch it’s barnicle-covered surface, I am reaching out my heart, as an act of my will, to recommit, and reconnect with The Rock.

^“The rain came down, the streams rose,

and the winds blew and beat against that house;

yet it did not fall,

because it had its foundation on the rock.”

Matthew 7:25 NIV

“Hurts happened, disappointments came,

Then, when you thought it couldn’t get any worse,

all hell broke loose.

but, you were not destroyed,

because you were planted, not just on, but in,

The Rock”

Matthew 2:25 CS-WV

(Carole Smith-Wheaton version)

“How can I say there is no God, when all around creation calls …”

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Va-Ca-Shun

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Adjustment, Break, Cannon Beach, Cannon Beach Christian Conference Center, CBCC, Rest, Vacation on August 2, 2011| Leave a Comment »

As the van backed out of the garage, my mind went … blank. It held … nothing. And that strange, new experience … it felt soooo good!

Five minutes later I was checking Facebook, and emails, and blog stats …

Ten minutes later I was simply unsure of what to do with myself. There was nothing to do, and nothing to even think about …

Fifteen minutes later, I had gone through ALL of the photos on my phone. They were organized and some eliminated.

Twenty minutes later … exhale … va … ca … shun!

The trees looked greener (more green?), the sky looked bluer (actually, it was bluer … most of the summer, so far, it has been shades of gray), the terrain more beautiful and the mountains seemed to pop right out of the landscape.

Twenty-five minutes later my (UNdiagnosed) ADD (attention deficit disorder) became apparent when I state, with a loud sigh, “I’m bored.” Hubby looks at me, flipping up his clip-on sunglasses, as if I have spoken a bad word, a foreign subject, an abomination! I crawl back into my iPhone hole.

When life has been busy, when demands and deadlines are weighing you down into ‘survival’ mode, when the day to day has become mundane and meaningless switching gears into a vacation frame of mind can be a huge adjustment. But, oh how I am willing to make the adjustment.

The destination of this ‘vaca’ is, as every year at this time, Cannon Beach, Oregon … also known (by myself and my hubby) as ‘a little piece of heaven.’ We didn’t arrive until late at night (like around 1am), and yet it still was beautiful.

And what does this week of ‘vaca’ at Cannon Beach hold for us? Well, did I mention I am NOT going to be cooking (although I might have to push the power button on the microwave, if I want to have popcorn)? We are at a conference center (www.cbcc.net), and so we get:

amazing accommodations,

thought-provoking and funny speakers,

“awesome, interesting, fun, extravagantly amazing” (to quote a couple of students I know RELATIVEly well),

friendships from all over the Northwest, that keep going from summer to summer to … infinity (and beyond),

tasty, chef-prepared, beautifully presented meals,

and a beach (that you can walk to eliminate some of the delicious calories you’ve taken in).

I am so looking forward to adjusting to this!

This morning, I was awakened by hubby, already showered (Cannon Beach must be heaven, because he is NEVER up and showered before I get out of bed), kissing my lips and whispering “va-ca-shun.” No sweeter words could be spoken. So, I did what came natural … I hopped out of bed, and woke the kids, because it was breakfast time … and I was not cooking!

Yup! I think that I can really make this adjustment. It is going to be a great vaca!

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Its a Wonderfilled Summer Recipe No Drip Popsicles

Posted in Recipe, WONDER, tagged Jello, Kool Aid, No Drip Popsicles, Popsicles, Summer, Treat on July 29, 2011| Leave a Comment »

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Blood, Sweat and Tears

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Balance, Bricks, Variety, Work, Working Hard on July 27, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Wow! What a day!

Yesterday I walked to the school I worked at, to do a few finishing touches on my summer job. It took almost an hour to walk there. I arrived there around 9:30am, and came home about 10:30pm … there were more finishing touches than I had realized. It was a fabulously productive day, and heck … I’m getting paid by the hour, so how bad can it be?

My sweet boss lady and I laughed, and cried and figured out all of the world’s problems … plus we got a butt load of work completed.

Then, today I had to work at home … a very different work.

We (by we I mean a great guy who we hired) are building a beautiful brick patio. And we ran out of bricks (I thought we were sure to have enough … so much for my advanced math skills). Fortunately our ‘great guy’ is away on vacation this week, so we had some time to collect more.

So, onto the websites to buy and sell goods, and, sure enough we found a man with almost seven hundred red, zigzag bricks, that were just the right price (cheap).

Hubby booked a rental truck that could hold so many more than our van, and at 9am this morning we left the house to pick them up.

Hubby, our 11 year old son, and myself piled into the truck, with our directions to the sellers home. The traffic was insane as we drove out of the ‘burbs’ and into the ‘urbs’.

We arrived at our destination, and met the delightful seller. He was a man who had immigrated to Canada in his early twenties. He spoke with an accent that told that he had left his motherland when he was too old to lose it. He was kind (he helped us load the bricks in the truck), and offered a deal (with hubby asking for one). And, once we were ready to leave, his delightful wife came out with a tray of glasses and a pitcher of water for our refreshment.

We did need to make two trips, as hubby was concerned about the possible effect of the added weight on the truck.

When we were heading home, for the second time, I was certain that it was midnight, and not mid afternoon. My eyelids were so heavy that I lost the battle a few times, and lost consciousness for untold amounts of time.

So, we came home, and hubby had a hot bath drawn for me … NOT! There was a truckload of red zigzag bricks to unload, so that the rental truck could be returned. I was so not into the unloading this time … the rarely used muscles that I had been pounding all morning were cry out for mercy, and I am sure that I was hearing them threaten strike!

I had also had enough with ‘the guys’ by this point in the day … if I had a dime for every time one of them passed gas … (and denied it) …

But the load did get unloaded. We even sat down to a warm, home cooked dinner … thanks to my handy dandy slow cooker, and whatever it was that motivated me to get something cooking early on in the day.

Then the guys were off to football, and I got to enjoy peace and quiet (once I was able to usher our eldest daughter off to an event). But, since I was already dirty, I figured I would head back outside to build my new gate.

And that is what I did. I had purchased the kit weeks before, and finally got at it. It was really simple. I just needed 2X4’s, cut to the size of gate I desired, and them attach them to the metal corners from the kit (and that was easy). My gate didn’t get finished, as I need to head to the hardware store to purchase slats for the gate … but oh how good it felt to build something.

I know that the saying “all work and no play make … someone … a dull guy/girl” has truth to it, as balance is such a very important factor in our healthy lives. But the last two days of work (one at a desk … I am sure that by hour number five my butt had actually become flat … and the other loading and unloading bricks … every fiber of my being aches) have breathed a terrific breath of satisfaction into my weary body.

Maybe we are made for work … and for variety?

😉

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My Garden is Wonder-filled

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, tagged Creation, Garden, Life, Wonder-filled on July 26, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Finally, after ten months of school, and then spending June and July working at a second job, I am able to really enjoy my garden!

Yesterday I spent the day in the garden. I was pruning, and mowing, and trimming, and watering, and weeding, and feeding. It was glorious! I got filthy dirty (I do not even seem to be able to water my flowers without getting dirty), and used muscles that ached the next day (heck, they ached as they were being used), and not one minute of it seemed like work.

Truly my day was all about recreation.

As I was out in the fresh air, and sunshine (oh, and how we have waited for sunshine in this area … unlike most of North America which has been hot and dry), I enjoyed only the noises of the birds, the squirrels and my neighbors little grandchildren. I attained great satisfaction, for jobs finally caught up on, and great head space at just being quiet for the better part of a day.

It is so thrilling to see the evidence of my blood, sweat and tears in the garden. I love to watch the contents of bulbs and tuber emerge from the soil. I love to watch a rose bud open slowly, day by day, and then produce it’s visual beauty and delightful scent, that can reduce stress in one whiff. I love to see each year the new growth of the boxwoods I had planted, simply by slicing off a branch of a larger one, and sticking it into the earth. I love to watch the lilies grow taller and taller each day, trying to guess which color they are, until finally they open up to reveal the beauty within. And oh, how I love to see the springtime buds on the grapevine, emerge into tendrils that reach far from where they began, to be followed by the minute clusters of ‘baby grapes’ that, like a newborn baby, grow bigger every day of summer, until they are finally mature, and ready to be tasted.

I love my garden!

But, I don’t love everything about my garden. There are irritants and pests there too. Like dandelions! I have been on a mission for two summers now, to rid my back garden of the weed. When I have the time, and have my trusty week puller thingy in hand, I am like a can of raid on ants! And, my persistence is working (if you ever drive by, you will know that I have not transferred this persistence to my front garden).

Then there is the slug … evil personified! Not only do they love to eat the lovely green leaves on my flowers, but if I come in contact with their slime, it is like some kind of gel crazy glue. It won’t come off easily, and sticks to everything in it’s path … even my ever-curious beast won’t go near them. Of course they do provide great entertainment when i get out my salt shaker!

And then there are aphids … who are on a constant mission to ruin my deeply loved rose plants. Every spring I will be marveling at how beautiful the fresh new leaves on my roses look, and then, there they are. Those tiny little green buggers … nibbling away at my fresh leaves like a teenage boy at an all you can eat buffet. Truly they give me reason after reason to love ladybugs … who think aphids are just the most marvelous treat … hum, note to self : go purchase ladybugs today.

My garden is where I am Mother Nature, and my goal is to protect everything I love within my garden … it is truly a place where I am a mother hen figure. But, I am sadly not able to protect my green ‘babies’ all of the time.

It is really my place in this world of understanding the beauty of our creation, of understanding the complexities of surviving and thriving, of understanding how evil and destruction can come our way due to no action of our own, and understanding how very much we the created are loved by the Creator.

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Visitors in Multiples

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Friends, GOD, I Will Follow You, Life, Remembering, Reminiscing, Sovereignty, Struggles, The Past on July 25, 2011| Leave a Comment »

We have been fortunate to have lived in four different towns and cities across Canada, since our wedding in 1989. And with each place we have lived, we have picked up friends. Some we have stayed in close and constant contact, and others we lost connection to as soon as we, or they, moved on to the next step of life.

Recently we had the ‘perfect storm’ of visitors. Three separate, uncoordinated, but all linked ‘visits’ came together at the same time, and in the same place … our place.

All three visits were connections from our six years in Ottawa, Ontario.

All three visits were connections from our church there.

All three visits were connections from the youth group, where my hubby was Youth Pastor for six years.

One of the visits was planned months ago! A young woman, her hubby and two little girls … surreal! When we met her, she was about nine or ten. By the time we left Ottawa, she was babysitting our baby! She and her family were spending time seeing and visiting various places in western Canada, and attending a wedding in Oregon. We loved being able to love her little girls, giving them attention as she once gave our daughter.

Another of our visits was planned weeks ago. Another young woman, here for work-related meetings. When we met her, she had just entered the ‘junior’ youth group. She would have been about thirteen at the time. Now, she lives in France … moving to Paris from Nice, when she returns there in August. She was only with us for a night, but reconnecting and catching up with her was a delight!

The third of our visits was planned … days before 😉 ! A couple who, when we met them, were dating. They had led the youth program at the church prior to hubby’s arrival, and continued on for the years that followed. They eventually got married, had a daughter, and then another. Then they moved to the San Jose area of California, and had two more daughters. Their girls span the ages of our kids, and it was so fun to blend our families together.

All three of these visits came together at our home, on a Sunday evening.

We caught up with each others lives.

All of our kids, after about an hour of awkwardness, hung out, played games, played with toys, and were shot by our son with his nerf gun (what can I say … he was the only boy in a house with eight girls).

The rest of us were reminiscing, remembering, and laughing … alot! It was so wonderful!

It took us back to times when we were all younger. It took us back to the times of beautiful memories, and times of deep, shared sorrows. It took us back to people and places that hold such significant places in our hearts and memories. It took us back to the blessings of that time, and made me think about the ‘what ifs’ …

What if we had not moved west?

What if we had stayed in the same denomination of church?

What if we had brought our children up with these kids?

And, as I contemplated these ‘what ifs’ I didn’t feel very content in my current life. I didn’t feel very confident in our choices. I didn’t feel as though I was experiencing that delightful hindsight that confirms that decisions were made for a greater, and better purpose.

Then today, three days after out perfect storm of visitors, as the last of them left to continue their journey, I was struck with thoughts of the past and the present (hum, this is soooooo ‘middle aged’ of me!). And those thoughts didn’t leave me feeling very content.

But, as I drove down the highway, a song came on the radio, that reminded me that the ‘big picture’ of life is not within my view, it is not visible to my human eyes. Sure, we make decisions about our lives, and there are consequences (good and bad) to each of those decisions. But how the story of our lives ends, is not within our understanding.

As I look back over my life so far, I can see how some of my ‘good’ decisions turned out great, and other ‘good’ decisions turned out awful. I can also see how some of my ‘bad’ decisions turned out (as predicted), awful, and other ‘bad’ decisions (surprisingly) resulted in good (hope I haven’t lost you yet).

In all of my decisions, in all of my life, I am certain only that God is sovereign, that He is in control, and that He, and only He, knows how my story will end, because He wrote the story. And, in His sovereignty, I can look to the future and “know that He WILL work together, for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28)

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Halfway …

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Habits, Life, Struggles, Weight Loss on July 21, 2011| 5 Comments »

As of last week, I am halfway!

Halfway to what, you ask?

It could be halfway to school starting … oh no, not the dreaded ‘s‘ word!

It could be halfway, as in middle aged … no way baby, this chick is going for 100!

It could be halfway to paying off our mortgage … in the immortal words of Cinderella, “a dream is a wish your heart makes …”

It could be halfway to vacation destination (Cannon Beach? New Brunswick?) … nope … sadly still slogging away!

It is none of these.

Last week I reached the halfway mark of my weight loss goal … thirty pounds down, and thirty more to go. Hurray, all that hard work, saying ‘no’ when I really wanted to say ‘yes’ to my favorite treats. All those miles of walking. All those celery sticks and salad. All those times I had nothing, when what I desired most was cheesecake.

Hey, it’s time for cheesecake, to celebrate! Actually, even though it is only 8am, as I am writing this, I could really go for a slice of cheesecake right now … the variety really doesn’t matter. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water (and my pants feel tighter … sigh, I have reached the point of weight loss that my own brain becomes my enemy … aka, my accountability conscience).

This weight loss stuff is quite the journey … really more like a slow motion video than a journey. Back in January I began this process (no, this was not a New Years Resolution, it was more of a response to the fact that my hubby was dropping pounds like my beast drops poo! So I figured I better keep up with his fine example … it might have also been in response to that ‘sweety’ at church who said, “so have you been finding all that weight your husband has been losing?” … deep breaths … deep breaths … deep breaths! But, I digress).

Somehow, unlike other weight loss phases of my life (oh yes, I’ve been this size before … heck I have been anywhere from a size eight to a size twenty-four over the past twenty years), this time I have not gotten all depressed when I go through those ‘plateau’ phases. And I don’t even feel tempted to stop eating well … I guess it is because, this time I have finally got it through my thick skull that it took all these years to pack on the pounds and ounces, and it will probably take years to take them all off again … and then it will take the rest of my life (decades) to keep it off.

And really that is the biggest battle in this exercise (pun intended) of weight loss, but really in battling any bad habit. The need to realize that, although we live in a ‘microwave’ society, where we can access what we want, and when we want it (from hamburgers to movies to education to money from a cash machine) there are some things that take time to access, to achieve.

In this time that we are living, cash is quick and easy to access … and debt, along with that!

Sex is quick and easy to access … and loving, meaningful relationships are not.

Food is quick and easy to access … and our belts constantly need readjusting.

The things that are truly good for us, are not quickly accessed, and the habits that are bad for us, take immense strategy, commitment and determination to overcome.

And so I will continue plodding along on this quest to, not just a smaller pant size, but to a healthier me. I also know that although it only took six and a half months to loose the first thirty, it will probably take another year (or more) to take off the next thirty. And that’s okay, because I have learned that things that are good, are worth taking the time to achieve.

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“… a Writer …”

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Life, Oprah, Passon, Writer, Writing on July 20, 2011| 1 Comment »

“I didn’t know you were a writer.”

Those six words were the sweetest I had heard all day …

For those of you out there in blog-readerville, I realize that compared with the the writings of C.S. Lewis, Lucy Maud Montgomery, and Charles Dickens, I am a pre-beginner in the school of writing. I also realize (and my high school English teacher would agree) that I have the grammar skills of a pygmy! But who gives a rip … someone called me a … writer … (I think I hear violins!).

I don’t think that there is a new title I more desire, at this stage of my life, than that of writer. I am already a child of God. I get to be called ‘mom’. Hubby calls me many things (ditto ‘sweetie’ 😉 ), and with that came daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and aunt. I was born a daughter, soon after was followed by sister. I was always my grandmother’s favorite (only) granddaughter, and with that came niece and cousin. I am also Special Ed. Assistant, employee, friend and slave to the beasty.

But, to be called ‘writer’ … oh, how that does my heart good (I said that with a African American, Southern drawl in case you couldn’t hear it 😉 ).

I have this secret (okay, not so secret … my hubby and kids would tell you that I just do not shut up about this) goal of being ‘discovered’ by Oprah … now, don’t you all … y’all go and snicker when you read this! This is my dream, people! And I figure if anyone knows anything about seeking out an impossible dream, with passion, it is Oprah Winfrey … besides, she’s also got a staff, and the connections to put me on the New York Times Best-Seller List. And that is my, now not so secret, goal. I have, if not the gift of writing, the gift of dreaming. Dreaming and writing … they go hand in hand.

When I awake each morning, I cannot wait to sit and write. When I go to bed at night, I close my eyes and force myself to not think about what I might write about in the morning, for fear it will keep me up ’til the wee hours of the morning planning and plotting my words. Since I started daily writing, four months ago, it has become my daily activity that symbolizes the wind beneath my wings. It gets me up in the morning, it gets me through my day (no matter how butt-ugly it might be), it helps me persevere, it helps me keep my sanity close to intact …

… i t b r e a t h e s l i f e i n t o m e.

Through daily writing I have felt the presence of my Creator more acutely than just reading the Bible and praying. It is as though He is writing with me (maybe not all the time … my cheeky, Devil’s advocate, pushing the limits type of personality are certainly not always very Godly), and, often I start writing with one direction in mind, and it is as though someone else moves my thoughts and words in a very different, very much better direction.

I feel like when I write, it is therapy, it is passion, it is my voice, and I feel as though it is a team effort. The team being all those who cross my path each day, from my loves to my students, to my friends, to strangers who pass my way, to the God who taps out on the keyboard through my eager fingertips.

And, if Oprah never does ‘discover’ me, if she never reads a word I write, if I never pick up my ringing phone to hear “Carole, this is Oprah Winfrey,” that is okay too. Because I write, not FOR Oprah, not for my friends and family, not even for me …

I write, because, once I got started nothing within me would allow me to stop. And, if that, more than my pygmy grammar and pre-beginner writing skills makes me a writer, than I am free to be called a writer 🙂

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