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What Women Want – Part 1 of 5

Posted in Love, WONDER, tagged #whatwomenwant, Life, Men, Women on July 7, 2014| 3 Comments »

What do women want? The question brings up memories of that Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt movie, of the same name. But it also makes me wonder, is it answerable? Is there a manual available for men, so that they are, without a doubt, aware of what it is that women truly do want? (would they read it?) Do we, as women know ourselves what it is that we want? Do we all, as women, want the same things? Do we, as women, always want the same things, everyday?

So much to wonder … I’m gonna need chocolate! And speaking of chocolate, do women all want chocolate? Unbelievably, NO! Now many of us do ‘need’ to have chocolate (and at certain points in the month, ‘need’ is not just an understatement … it’s survival, and not just for the woman, but for anyone else inhabiting the same space). But there are those of us who … do not prefer chocolate … hard as it is to believe. Some would rather have candy, or salty potato chips, or ice cream. So chocolate is not necessarily part of our female DNA.

And since chocolate came up, lets deal with other ‘gifts’ that might be given to women.

Diamonds, they say, are a girls best friend. Bringing to memory that Marilyn Monroe movie of the same name. I own only one ‘real’ diamond. And it was the most special gift my husband ever gave me … because, with it he declared his love and desire to marry me. Sadly, I haven’t worn it since our first daughter was born, as it’s points are so sharp, it could cause lacerations. But, are diamonds, gems, jewels what women want? Do we all desire to BLING like the Las Vegas strip? There are those who love them, and who frequently visit jewelery stores in malls and online … and those who, have never chosen to walk into a jewelery store (especially if there is a chocolate store beside it). Again, diamonds are not necessarily part of our female DNA.

How about flowers? If the calendar is showing Valentine’s Day, or Mother’s Day, one would think that there is nothing else a woman would want. And, really, what girl can resist a gift of sweet smelling flowers from someone who normally doesn’t ‘drop’ sweet smelling gifts in her presence? But some women prefer a plant or tree to plant in the garden, and to remember the gift, and the giver whenever she sees it, than a short-lived box of long stem roses. Others would prefer a dandelion, handed to her by chubby, sticky, preschool fingers, to be plopped into a plastic cup, and sat in the most special ‘place of honer’, in the house. Again, a gift bouquet of flowers, purchased at the flower store is not necessarily a need of the female DNA.

More recently, a ‘safe’ gift to give a woman is a gift card. But, even here, consistency is non-existent. For some, a gift card to a spa is a perfect gift. Or a gift card to her favorite clothing, gardening, jewelery or candy store. But, even in gift cards, one size does not fit all! Just try giving a gift card to a weight loss company or gym! Again, gift cards are not necessarily part of the female DNA.

So, what DO women want?

So far, it would appear that what women want is dependent on the woman. There is no ‘one gift’ that fits all! And, perhaps worst of all, a gift that could be received with tears in her eyes, and ‘I love it’ coming from her lips, one time, could be received with one raised eyebrow, and ‘oh … thanks’ coming from her lips, the next (and, yes, I am guilty).

On one birthday, I received a gift from my daughter, and, for me, it solidified what it is that this woman wants in the gifts given to me. She gave me three beautiful gifts … but, it is the one she made that I loved receiving the most. She made for me two CD’s, full of the music that she knows I love. And what a variety there was … Coldplay, Johnny Cash, ABBA, and a beautiful rendition of Bach’s Suite for Cello no. 6, among many more, extremely varied songs (like the varied composition of my brain cells).

But, what it was that made receiving the gift, such a gift, was that it was a CD full of the music that she knows I love! What she gave me was not two great CD’s (although they are), but she gave me the gift of knowing me. She spends enough time with me, talking, living, sharing the day to day of life, that she knows what I love. Now, to be fair, it helps that she and I share similar loves, when it comes to music. But, not it totality, and so she had to step out of her comfortable dance shoes, and slip into mine to know me.

And, in my humble opinion, it is the desire of the gift giver to know the recipient. It is the desire of the gift giver to seek to know, to observe, to listen, to feel the heartbeat of the recipient, to be able to give women what we want. The giver needs to want to know the recipient so much that they are willing to walk the same walk.

Although my daughter definitely ‘scored’ with this gift, and others at various other times. I really only know of one who is consistent in his desire to know me …

“God so intimately knows me, knows you,

that He did what no one on Earth would ever dream of doing

He watched, He allowed

His son to die.

Because He knew

that the only way for for me, for you

to really live fully

was this gift of sacrifice.”

Carole’s paraphrase of John 3:16

Oh, and, my addition, using my own creative license …

“So stop looking for a man to know you better than this!!!”

That said, when another human being, seeks to know you so well that their gift leaves you with a sense that God lives not just in a ‘high and lofty’ place, but here … where mere mortals bleed, sweat and toil, it is a beautiful, wonder-filled thing … and that is, what women want.

What Women Want Part 2 of 5

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Just say Thank-You

Posted in WONDER, tagged #compliments, #incourageme, #jenniferdukeslee, #justsaythankyou, #thankyou, #whattodowhencomplimentsscareyou on July 6, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Just last night it happened again.

A person paid me a compliment, and I rejected it.

Ever done that? Responded to a compliment with a rejection, an objection, a denial of the possibility that the words of compliment, directed to you, could be true? that you could be deserving of the compliment paid to you?

Why don’t we just say, “thank-you”?

Is it a desire to appear humble?

A fear that the person complimenting us might be about to say, “just joking”?

A belief that whatever we have done or produced is simply not good?

Jennifer Dukes Lee gave me some thoughts to think on this subject, in her post What To Do When Compliments Scare You. Although she is specifically speaking to women, I expect that there is many a man who could use her message.

“It can take a long time for a woman to figure out how to take a compliment.

You might go a whole lifetime thinking it’s plain wrong to say “thank you” when someone says you make the best pie crust, smile the sweetest smile, pen the loveliest little poems.

Your mama taught you to say thank you, clear back when you were shyly hiding behind her knees. But then you grew up and learned about God’s glory, and you got to worrying that you were stealing some of His praise with your wee little thank you.

So you stop saying thank you, and you start telling them they’re wrong.

Funny thing is, I enjoy giving compliments. A God-made encourager, I love to find the best in people, and then tell them what I see.

But I’ve done a poor job of receiving kind words in return. I’ve been allergic to compliments – partly because I didn’t think I deserved them, and partly because I didn’t know how to respond.

Then, I met a woman –

She click-clacked down a hallway at a retreat a few years ago, waving me down, like her hand was a flag up in the air. She said something really sweet about my writing. Or maybe it was my hair or my incredibly cute shoes. I don’t remember anymore.

I do remember this: My eyes darted. My tongue felt heavy. I started to deflect her words with a self-deprecating remark.

She interrupted me, putting her hands on my shoulders. Her eyes were soft, but her voice was stern.

“Jennifer,” she said, “just say thank you. It’s okay. Did you know that? You’re not robbing praise from God by saying thank you. In fact, you’re honoring God by allowing me the blessing of encouraging you.”

I hadn’t always been dismissive of compliments. I grew up with a mom who taught me good manners.

But something happened after I pursued a deeper relationship with Christ. I got the impression that if I received any praise, I was stealing God’s spotlight.

I remember when a visiting speaker came to town to share the gospel. I was fresh in my faith, and his words deeply moved me. Afterward, I weaved my way through the crowd, like a fish swimming upstream, to find the speaker near the podium.

Voice wobbly, I thanked him for his message. He shook his head vigorously. “You shouldn’t be thanking me,” he said, jabbing his index finger heavenward. “You should be thanking God.”

It felt like a rebuke. It felt strangely unkind. It felt like I’d been doing it all wrong.

For years, I stumbled through ways of responding to affirmation, always worried that whatever I said would come across as sounding super-spiritual or falsely humble.

After my encounter with Clickety-Clack Woman at the retreat, though, I felt braver. But it took years of “trying on thanks” for it to feel right on me.

I am learning that there are ways to accept praise without offending God or mankind.

I am learning that true humility doesn’t mean we wave off kind words. It doesn’t mean we apologize for who we are. Gospel humility doesn’t mean that we unleash a litany of our shortcomings in response to a praise.

True humility is genuine “thanks,” delivered with grace.

Truth is, many of us have no trouble claiming our weaknesses, but we shudder at the thought of claiming our strengths.

We don’t have to do that anymore. We are free to shine for Jesus. Because of Jesus.

We can stop ducking from the kind words of people who see God’s work in us. We can stop minimizing our strengths with words like, “Oh, it was nothing.”

What God put inside your spirit isn’t nothing. It’s a special something, intended to change the world. It’s the life of God, in you.

When we deflect kind words, we diminish the beauty set aflame by God in us.

Look, we don’t want to live our lives for man’s applause. But we don’t need to live our lives in fear of it either.

Together, we can do life differently, without fear of stealing God’s glory. We can:

1 – Release our gifts boldly into the world, knowing that whether praise or criticism comes, both ultimately belong to the Father, if we’re offering our work in obedience.

2 – Never discount our gifts by saying, “Oh, it’s nothing, really.” Our lives exist inside Christ, and Christ exists inside us. What comes out in His name is a product of what He designed us to do. We will come more alive to our Creator and our callings when we recognize that we bring value to our world.

3 – Remember that our spiritual gifts are given “so we can help each other” (1 Cor 12:7). And we are called to do them well. “In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well” (Romans 12:6)

4 – Model courage to others by using our gifts to their fullest. Our boldness gives others permission to be fully themselves.

5 – If someone praises our work, let’s stop deflecting. Let’s offer thanks to the person, and to God. It’s this easy. Repeat after me: “Thank you.”

What are you most inclined to do when someone tells you they like your hair, that touching blog post you wrote, those brownies from a box that you baked for the church potluck, or the morning devotions that you delivered even though it scared you out of your ever-lovin’ mind? Is accepting a compliment hard for you?”

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There’s not One of Them I’d Swap (most of the time)

Posted in FAMILY, WONDER, tagged FAMILY, Life, Wonder on July 2, 2014| Leave a Comment »

My favorite song from Sesame Street is playing in my head …

When I was a kid (and an avid Sesame Street show watcher), I was convinced that it was about my family. We, too, had a sister (that’s me), and two brothers, and a mother and a pop.

And now, as an adult, and mom, we have five people in our family. We have TWO sisters, and a brother, and a mother (that’s me), and a pop. And there’s not one of them I’d swap (most of the time … lets face it, we are all so very human)!

It will be an interesting summer, with our daughter working at a camp for kids with cancer, our son spending most of his summer at a camp on work crew and our other daughter traveling, as well as volunteering for a week at a camp. It will be a rare thing this summer for all five of us to be all together.

All together is a beautiful place to be. I love all of the members in our family (not always do we ‘like’ each other, but we do ‘love’ each other).

But then there are times like … oh, maybe when all five of us are in a hot car without air conditioning (for almost three bloody hours), on a day when the temperature is well over 40 degrees … then I think of swapping (or at least opening the door and pushing someone out) … not that we have experienced that … just sayin’.

There’s about four and a half years between our first two, and one would think that there are too many years between them to have anything to argue about … not true. Then we had our son two years after daughter number two, and one would think being opposite genders would make it easier for them to live together … not true. Then hubby and I, well we chose each other, couldn’t wait to get married (vowed to love, and honor, and blah, blah, blah), surely we could co-habitate peacefully … no comment!

Whatever the number, whatever the make-up of ones family, the presence of conflict, and pressure, and frustrations, along with a need for individual ‘space’ (and I’m not talking the final frontier) are going to live along within that family unit.

Sometimes, I think pre-arranged marriages are a brilliant idea … at least then we could have someone to blame (other than ourselves) for the frustrations one might have with their spouse … not that I have any frustrations with mine, of course. Heck, what am I saying we do blame our inlaws for the flaws in our spouses anyway … not that I would, of course.

But flaws abound in every relationship, in every individual, in every family. We all have those times when we are riding the ship of smooth sailing, and then, like a bowl full of bad clams, the nasties come back up.

And, that’s just life.

But spending the time working through those nasties, together

… that’s just family.

And,

“there are five people in my family,

and there’s not one of them I’d swap”

(most of the time 😉 )

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I AM CANADIAN

Posted in canada, life, WONDER, tagged Canada Day, I Am Canadian, July 1st on July 1, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Today is Canada Day, the one hundred and forty-seventh anniversary of the forming of Canada into a country. As a country we are our own entity, and as citizens, we are Canadian!

I have had the privilege of living on the East Coast of Canada, Canada’s national capital (Ottawa), and now on the West Coast of Canada.

I have had the privilege of enjoying fresh lobster, fresh Pacific salmon, and fresh … chip wagon poutin on the streets of Ottawa (it always comes down to food with me).

I have watched the sun rise from the horizon of the Atlantic, and set into the waters of the Pacific … on the same day.

I have watched the lupins blow in the eastern gales, tulips color the landscape of the nations capital, and ancient cedars grow to gigantic sizes on the west coast.

I have lived in communities where there is one church for every sixteen people, and in communities where there is one church for every six hundred (and as many people attend at each).

I have left the house with a perfectly coiffed doo, to have it mangled in minutes by winds from the Bay of Fundy. I have left my home, showered and clean, to arrived at my destination soaked by perspiration thanks to the humidity of central Canada. I have left my home in shorts and a t-shirt on a sunny day in the Fraser Valley to be drenched to the skin by a downpour, only ten minutes later.

I have wandered through the flowerpots of The Rocks on the Bay of Fundy, skated on the Rideau, and have hiked the mountains in the west.

I have enjoyed winters of over ten feet of snow on the ground, winters where the wind chill reaches -50 degrees celsius, and winters where there is no snow, and the temperature never goes below +5 degrees celsius.

I have awakened to the bright mornings sun glistening off fresh snow, the most vibrant colors of red and orange and gold of fall foliage, and the amazement of snowdrops blooming in January.

I have seen AHL (American Hockey League), WHL (Western Hockey League), and NHL (National Hockey League) hockey games in person … and even understood what was going on! (and been to hockey’s ‘holy of holies’ (hubby’s title), the Hockey Hall of Fame).

I have watched the Anne of Green Gables musical at the Confederation Center, in Prince Edward Island, the Rankin family at the National Arts Center in Ottawa, and the Three Tenors in Vancouver.

I have known what it is to walk down a street and know everyone who I pass, and to walk down a street and know no person who passes me.

I have eaten in homes where meat is a main course, and homes where meat is only spelled with two e’s.

I have met people who are pacifists at any cost, and people who who have died to save and improve the lives of others.

I have stood on Canada Day, with Queen Elizabeth in attendance, at Parliament Hill singing Oh Canada, with so many others, singing so loudly, so proudly I almost felt … American. And I have stood at other gatherings where I can only hear my own (very off-key) voice.

I have seen the auroras boreales, the Niagara Falls, the Tidal Boar, the red soil of Prince Edward Island, Peggy’s Cove, the Rocky Mountains, Lake Louise, and the whole of Vancouver from Cypress Mountain.

I have crossed the Canadian-American borders at Calais, Philipsburg, Rock Island, Peace Arch, Woodstock, Cornwall, Prescott, Aldergrove, Windsor, Sumas, Vanceboro, Stanstead, St. Stephen, Blackpool and more!

I have met people from Ukranian, Chinese, Russian, American, Dutch, German, Japanese, Scottish, Indian, Australian, Vietnamese, Iranian, African and more other national heritages than I have paper to print them on, who now call themselves Canadian.

I have met people who arrived in Canada many years ago at Pier 21, in Halifax, and people who arrived this year at Vancouver International airport.

I am from a family that is so Canadian, we go back to the Loyalists and the Metis. And I know many Canadians who still call themselves Canadian with a hyphen (ie. American-Canadian).

I feel blessed to be part of the society known as Canadians. We are a study in contrasts, from sea to shining sea.

(The intent of this writer was not to provide advertising for Molson Canada 😉 … but it IS part of our identity too)

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Oh, I Ain’t no good at Grammar, Alot

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged Grammar, humor, Wonder on June 30, 2014| 1 Comment »

* this is a post from over three years ago, and although I would love to think my grammar skills have improved …

Recently, it happened AGAIN. And I hate it when it happens.

It makes me feel so … inferior, so …unknowledgeable, so … dumb 😦

Sigh, and the reality is … it will happen again, and again, and again … alot!

The funny thing is, it never happened to bother me, when I was a student.

It didn’t seem to have any effect on my self confidence, as a kid.

Or even on my school marks.

Heck, not even my college marks!

It really didn’t surface until, O, I think it was my first day working in a high school.

The ‘it’ I refer to is … good grammar …

I remember that day so well. I had gotten a job as a SEA (Special Education Assistant), and my role was to assist students with their learning. Not all students have the same learning capacity, nor the same learning style, nor speed. An SEA assists them in learning in a way, and with special materials, tools and curriculum that helps those students reach their potential. That was (is) my job.

What happens when the ‘assistant’ to a student is the equivalent to Shrek in the Kingdom of Grammar? That would be me (I think I might be more fairly compared to Donkey in that kingdom).

So, on my first day of high school, for the second time (I did graduate from high school, by the way), I went, along with my student, to English 9. And it was there that my lack of good grammar skills were giving me chills. I remember, as the teacher used words like:

NOUN and PRONOUN (aren’t they the same thing, just one being positive …’pronoun”?)
VERB and ADVERB (and aren’t they the same thing, just one being extra verbious … ‘adverb’?)
PREPOSITION
CONJUNCTION
INTERJECTION
PREPOSTION

My head started swirling, my palms were clammy, my knees were knocking … all because I feared the teacher was gonna call on me to answer the question that none of the students were answering. For that endless period of time, I was back in high school … all over again, and I really wasn’t appreciating the deja vu .

Being in that class, was so good for me! In that year I learned the meaning of noun, pronoun, verb, adverb and lots of other parts of speech. But, I am learning that there is still so much I don’t know … it’s amazing that I can communicate at all!

Recently I learned there are two ‘O’s’. One is ‘O’, and the other is ‘Oh’, and the two have different uses (who knew?). ‘Oh’ is used as an exclamation of emotion. On the other hand, ‘O’ is used to address someone or something. The best way to differentiate them is “O God, Our Help in Ages Past”, and “O God, there’s a snake!” (so, ‘O God, Our Help in Ages Past’ would have a very different meaning … this will make you look at worship songs on your screen or monitor next weekend very differently).

I also recently learned that ‘alot’ is not a word (who knew?). The correct way to go is to use it as two words, ‘a lot’ … but them it doesn’t really make sense … ‘I love chocolate a lot’ (so I love chocolate … on a lot … in a lot … so confusing). The best thing to do is to switch ‘alot’ with ‘much’ … I love chocolate … much (hum, I still think alot sounds better, and anyone who knows me, knows I do love chocolate alot).

And then there is ‘ain’t’ … heck I cannot find evidence of it being a real, acceptable word, or not, it is just so confusing, some say it is and some say it isn’t (ain’t), all I have to say is that at my age, and the way I write (and talk), using the word ain’t, ain’t my problem … it’s run on sentences, and I ain’t gonna fix that one any time soon!

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Women and Swimsuits

Posted in WONDER, tagged #lisajobaker, #swimsuit, #youaremorethanyourswimsuit, Mothering, Summer on June 29, 2014| 2 Comments »

That season that many of us fear, dread and deny it’s existence is upon us. The season, of course, is swim suit season.

The thought of baring, normally covered up, skin, stretch marks and cellulite to the unassuming public is enough to force a woman to lock herself in a closet with a good quality dark chocolate.

A number of years ago I felt I had to confront my fear of baring almost everything about myself. I had two daughters, of seven and three, and a toddler son. We lived across the street from a public pool, and they could not go swimming unless I accompanied them.

Would my self consciousness concerning my body image keep my kids from the cool of the pool on a hot summers day? Would my stretch marked naval gazing keep me from fun with my kids in those precious young memory-making years?

I decided I would not be ‘that mom’ who would let her body image detract from meaningful experiences with her kids. I would purchase the first suit that would cover her well, and I would (literally) dive into summer with joyful abandon.

I was thrilled to read a post at http://www.incourage.me, just last week, by Lisa-Jo Baker, called, “You Are More Than Your Swimsuit.” I hope you enjoy it, and her challenge, as well.

“My kids officially smell of summer. And to me summer smells like sunscreen.

From the moment the gates of our community pool crank back open again, our kids will swim, dive, splash, lather, laugh, lick ice cream and live at the pool.

And I know for many of us, that is the exact same amount of time we will spend trying to hide, cover up, conceal, suck in, and disguise the very bodies that gave birth to these kids.

These bodies that stretched to accommodate sets of feet, brilliant heads and minds, beating hearts, and flexing limbs. These bodies that are round where some say they should be flat; soft where some say they should be hard; and full where many others are running on empty.

These bodies that are winsome and wise with their wrinkles that wink back at the world and share more inside jokes and delicious life experience than could possibly squeeze into the tiny, polka dot bikinis of our youth.

These bodies that are in the service of the King who sculpted them out of sinew and His own Spirit.

These bodies that bend low and pick up socks and broken hearts, wipe crumbs and tears and walk the long, lonely hall ways of two a.m. – rocking babies or waiting up for teens.

These bodies that are the sanctuary for tired kids and continue to carry them and all their hopes and dreams deep here under our rib cage. The place that aches when they smile; the place that spills over with wonder at all this eternity walking around with skin on.

These bodies with wrinkled hands from years of serving meals or making art or sewing or digging gardens and planting bulbs.

These bodies that have born children through our words or blogs or hundreds of hours spent mentoring the next generation or bringing babies home from broken places – all the incredible, miraculous ways our bodies mature and our hearts explode the limitations of skin and muscle.

These bodies that tell the story of miracle and wonder and wink from wide hips and wrinkled steps at the tiny life guards who don’t know yet that living life unguarded in the wide open expanse of opening your life up to others is the best way to be beautiful. They will grow into it. They will earn their own scars.

And we will be there modeling what brave looks like for them. Every step of the way into the deep end of the pool with miniature daughters clinging to our necks. Or with other wrinkled sisters who still swim on fearless. With joy off the diving board and loud laughter trying to out race our sons.

“You should not spend your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form. Let it be used. By the time you die, you want to have a very dinged and dented body… Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work. One of the greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of giving your body to another.”

~Life-changing wisdom from Rachel Jankovic, author of Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches.

Let’s not hide this summer.

Let’s spend it all. Lavishly.

All this life we’ve been gifted with.

Let’s spend it down to the very last delicious drops of summer – because you are created for more. Much more than your swimsuit.”

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Bad Dreams

Posted in WONDER, tagged #baddreams, #sanctusreal, #theredeemer, Nightmares on June 27, 2014| 2 Comments »

GRRR! I hate it when things go bump in the night … and linger on into your day!

I awoke one morning (Saturday, no less) at 6:18am, after a disturbing, realistic, haunting, big, bad dream. And I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was, quite literally, haunting me, shadowing my day, making me edgy … and I did’t like it!

I hate it when that happens (like you didn’t figure that out already). I’ve been awake for over five hours, and my heartbeat is still too fast. I’ve had the joy of going to a school fundraiser, meeting up with lots of people (who I probably communicated poorly with, maybe I was even unfriendly to), opportunities to eat yummy foods, and I am still on edge!

This dream, this nightmare is probably still haunting me, because it originates partly in reality, a reality I just wish would, I wish could be forgotten! But, until senility sets in (and, despite the belief of my kids, it hasn’t happened yet), my memories will simply always be there.

But, it is not just the dream that is driving me around the bend today. It is also me, and the way I think. My kids love to joke with me all the time about how I look for a deeper meaning to EVERYTHING! If you’ve ever seen that YouTube ‘Double Rainbow’ video that’s gone viral … well, my kids like to joke … with their hysterical laughter … “that’s just like you, Mom” (how many hours of labor, how many sleepless night, how many stretch marks … for those … darlings?). But, I digress …

I did awake this morning, from my nightmare dream, disturbed, and wondering WHY did I dream this? WHY did that come to my unconscious thoughts? WHY did God allow those thoughts to invade my mind? I don’t have many answers (other than an afternoon nap, with the hopes that my thoughts will be redeemed), but, I do believe that God can make anything new …

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”

John 10:10

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Holy, Holy, Holy

Posted in GOD, WONDER, tagged #holyholyholy, #wonder, Church, GOD on June 26, 2014| Leave a Comment »

I wrote this on a Sunday, three years ago!

It has been many weeks of ‘church visiting’. Hubby has been away from his ministry position, on sabbatical, since mid-February. And, my easily bored, need for the adrenaline rush of anything ‘new’, undiagnosed ADD personality has thrived with all of this change and variety!

I have been to amazing churches that have made us feel welcomed, transported my mind to heaven, and taught about spiritual things … kind of sounds like how ‘Woodstock’ has always been described to me 😉 (there was not stripping at ANY of the churches I visited … just for the record, after my Woodstock comparison).

And today, like the rest, left me feeling well fed (ah, the story of my life). But, not just well-fed … if left me, us, feeling nurtured.

We originally chose the church we went to today, because our son has a friend who attends there, but, he and his family were not there today. We were greeted warmly by people we knew, and by people we did not. There was a line up to enter the church! (when does that happen?) The worship music was not spectacular, but it was good. The message was not spectacular, but it too was good. There was a ‘family feel’ in the place, but not a blood-relation-family-feel … (although, as Christians, it is a blood relation … from the events of Good Friday), so much as a we-chose-to-be-a-family-family-feel.

Maybe, for me, the morning was solidified as good, when we sang an old hymn from, well, forever-ago! I remember singing it EVERY Sunday as a prelude … my friends and I would mock it, because we were so familiar with it … singing it with our faces contorting as though we were singing opera. We HATED it! (I admit, I LOVE ‘classic’ hymns … not all though, some should be filed … permanently. And I love the new worship music … but if it is 10 years old … it is not longer ‘new’ for me)

But now, as an old church lady … (okay, so maybe I’m not quite a ‘lady’ yet), when I hear it, when I sing it … the tears flow as though it is my whole being … heart, mind, body and soul, singing to my creator what I was was created to sing … praises, and confessions, and, once again reminders that the God who reigns, always has been, and will forever be, praised by all that He has created. And that, is not dependent just on my will to sincerely praise Him, because I was created to praise Him, as all of His creation will praise Him.

I was good to go to the house of God, and to feel part of something bigger … just because I showed up … and He did the rest.

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I Say the Wrong Things to my Kids

Posted in WONDER, tagged a holy experience, caring for the right thing at the right time, guest post, Jason Gray, saying the right things, saying the wrong things on June 24, 2014| 1 Comment »

Maybe it’s because I am guilty of saying the wrong things to my kids that made me decide to re-post this … and don’t take it personally, but this one is for me … not you!

When I read the following story, by singer/songwriter Jason Gray, I could relate to his first interaction with his son.

As a parent, I say the wrong things to my kids so often. I sometimes feel that if a caricature were drawn to represent me as a mom, one (either or both) of my feet would be sketched into the gaping hole on the middle of my face!

Please read Jason’s story of foot in mouth disease (thanks once again to Ann Voskamp for sharing this story, with such perfect photography, on a holy experience Caring For The Right Thing At The Right Time)

“The other night while we were washing dishes, my son Jacob said he’d seen a trailer for a movie he wanted to see.

“Oh yeah? Which one?” I asked.
“The new Red Dawn.”

“Ugh.” I said. “Why would you want to see that one? You know they’ve been sitting on it for a couple of years because they knew it was a stinker. I think they’re only releasing it now because it’s got Thor and Peeta in it and they’re hoping they can cash in on their popularity and at least get something back for their poor investment.”

Jacob continued, unfazed. “It’s also got an actor in it who I used to love when I was a kid—Josh from Nickelodeon’s Drake and Josh. I’d really like to see what he’s doing now.”

Undeterred, I continued my diatribe. “Well, I loved the original when I was a kid in the ’80s, but this one got TERRIBLE reviews. It’s going to be bad. I’m just telling you because I don’t want you to waste your money.”

About the time these last words came out of my mouth, I began to realize how much of a self-righteous jerk I was being.

Unfortunately this is not uncommon for me—I can be oppressively opinionated and uppity. By God’s grace, however, I am learning to recognize it better and quicker.

I’m so grateful for growing conviction, the evidence that God is still at work in my life.

A part of my problem is that sometimes I care about the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Sometimes I care about fairness instead of generosity.

Sometimes I care about someone else’s theological accuracy when quiet listening would be better.

In this particular instance I was caring more about the quality of a film than I was caring about the quality of a conversation with my son. (In fact, I think he knew that I wouldn’t care for this movie but brought it up anyway, risking my scorn. Brave.)

Of course it’s good to care about things, and it’s good that I care about things like well-crafted films and good storytelling.

I care, too, about nuanced and cathartic acting performances that are as delicious to the soul as a fine meal is to the palette. I am grateful for my capacity to enjoy these and other forms of art-making: books, music, painting, and on down the list.

I care about these things because I’m convinced that beauty matters and is both a grace to be enjoyed and a calling to participate in.

But in that moment with Jacob, my care for a certain kind of beauty turned ugly because I was picking the wrong thing to care about.

Consequently I failed to recognize a more subtle and significant beauty that was being offered to me: the beauty of my son sharing his simple desire to see a movie—one that reminded him of fond memories of his childhood.

In that moment I had also been offered a chance to create something beautiful myself: a generous response with the power to foster a culture of kindness, grace, and intimacy in our home. What work of art—be it a song, a book, or a film—can compare to this?

By God’s grace I recognized what I’d done early enough to maybe do something about it.

“Ah Jacob. I’m sorry. What a jerk I am sometimes. Can we try this again, would you let me? Let’s start over. Tell me again what movie you want to see.”

He laughed, but played along. “Dad, there’s this movie I really want to see. It’s called Red Dawn.”

“Oh yeah? Man I loved that movie when I was kid. Tell me more about it, why do you want to see it?”

“Well, it’s got Peeta from The Hunger Games in it. It’s also got Josh from Drake and Josh” and just looks kind of cool to me.”

He was creating something beautiful of his own by graciously playing along with me, giving me a chance to make amends. This is the beauty of grace.

“Awesome! Well, let me know when it comes out and maybe we can watch it together.” I said, smiling.

“Okay, dad,” he said, smiling back. He had accepted my apology and offered me a way back into his world. He is a kind boy.

Later that night my youngest son Gus asked if I’d lay by him in his bed a little bit before he went to sleep.

After a little reading (from The Jesus Storybook Bible—so, so good, check it out if you haven’t already!), we lay there a bit in the dark.

Kipper and Jacob had come upstairs and were across the hall talking with their mom, laughing, being rambunctious and making some noise.

I sensed it was distracting Gus in the quiet of the moment we were sharing.

With every word and bark of laughter he heard from across the hall his body would tense. I could tell he was about to holler down the hall for them to be quiet because he was trying to sleep.

I was about to say, jokingly, “Man, your brothers are noisy!”

But remembering my earlier moment with Jacob, I wondered if there was something else I might say that would be better, something that might help foster kindness, grace, and intimacy in our home.

What was the right thing to care about?

“It’s nice to hear their voices, isn’t it?” I whispered to Gus in the dark.

“Yeah,” he said as his body noticeably relaxed.

He was quiet for a moment, and then said, “That’s just what I was going to say.”

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School and Success

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged academics, education, Faithful, hard working, humble, kind, Learning, Life, responsible, School, success, young man on June 23, 2014| 2 Comments »

As the school year is coming to a rapid end, those of us who work in schools tend to become reflective about the year that has past. We wonder if we taught everything that the students needed to learn. We wonder if the students learned everything that they will need to succeed.

Earlier this past week I was speaking with a young man who is graduating from high school. I have never been assigned to work with him, I have never assisted him in a classroom setting, in no way have I ever been responsible for any part of his education. In spite of the fact that there is no direct connection to him, I have gotten to know him a bit by saying hi and connecting in the hallways.

This young man has not been successful in an academic sense. He was not a ‘good’ student. I would guess that he did not have the best handwriting in elementary school, the best understanding of algebra in middle school, or the best essay writing skills in high school.

From what I have learned, over the years, from talking to him, from watching him, and from hearing about him from others, I believe he will be immensely successful in life … and it has little to do with schooling.

This young man is kind … I have seen how he treats others.

This young man is hard working … I have seen his acts of service in the school.

This young man is responsible … when asked to do a task, he shows up, and does it.

This young man is humble … he does not do things for praise.

He is the young man who will grow up contributing to society.

He is the young man who will grow up caring for his parents.

He is the young man who will grow up supporting and loving his family.

He is the young man who you would want for a neighbor.

He is the young man who knows that he has nothing in this life without working hard, being responsible and being faithful to his commitments.

He is the successful result of parents who loved him and who modeled a life well lived. His success is the result of having the benefit of being able to participate in a program at school that allowed him to earn a portion of his credits by doing the manual labor he so loves (and is probably amazing at). He is the successful result of an inner strength of character that kept him going to school, just because it is a hoop we all need to do to be part of our society.

I wish I had had the opportunity to work with this model young man … I bet he could have taught me something!

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