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Posts Tagged ‘#baddreams’

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You know those days when your worst nightmare has come true? When you think you are moving toward freedom, but actually you are just headed for the crap house? When everything seems to be going from bad to worse?

Welcome to my week.

For a few years now, I have had this nightmare that the (original) septic system behind our thirty-five ‘ish year old house would die, needing to be replaced, before we had the chance to move on … on to greener pastures.

You see, replacing a septic field is off the charts expensive. Imagine the cost of a brand new kitchen, with granite counter tops, new flooring, back splash and lightening … now imagine spending that same amount of money on something that deals with human excrement. Though one could not (easily) sell a house with a septic field that needs replacement, the cost of making that replacement does not increase one’s home value AT ALL!

This spring was going to be the time to hire that (freakishly expensive) realtor, post the sign, and try to live in a house that is clean beyond that which is normal or natural.

Then hubby had a conversation with an expert in the field (gotta love humorous puns when life is … crappy), who said that the septic field needs to be replaced.

Though we are now seeking a second opinion, my heart is in my throat, my shoulders are sagging, and my head trying to process the how of this problem … how do we pay for this?

That’s it … no glib clichés, no sharing of Bible verses, no light in the darkness analogies …

Just wallowing, wondering …

It’s a good thing that wondering is one of my favorite things.

(Goodness and light will return, just needed to let my volcano erupt, so that I could see my way through the mire).

 

 

 

 

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GRRR! I hate it when things go bump in the night … and linger on into your day!

I awoke one morning (Saturday, no less) at 6:18am, after a disturbing, realistic, haunting, big, bad dream. And I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was, quite literally, haunting me, shadowing my day, making me edgy … and I did’t like it!

I hate it when that happens (like you didn’t figure that out already). I’ve been awake for over five hours, and my heartbeat is still too fast. I’ve had the joy of going to a school fundraiser, meeting up with lots of people (who I probably communicated poorly with, maybe I was even unfriendly to), opportunities to eat yummy foods, and I am still on edge!

This dream, this nightmare is probably still haunting me, because it originates partly in reality, a reality I just wish would, I wish could be forgotten! But, until senility sets in (and, despite the belief of my kids, it hasn’t happened yet), my memories will simply always be there.

But, it is not just the dream that is driving me around the bend today. It is also me, and the way I think. My kids love to joke with me all the time about how I look for a deeper meaning to EVERYTHING! If you’ve ever seen that YouTube ‘Double Rainbow’ video that’s gone viral … well, my kids like to joke … with their hysterical laughter … “that’s just like you, Mom” (how many hours of labor, how many sleepless night, how many stretch marks  … for those … darlings?). But, I digress …

I did awake this morning, from my nightmare dream, disturbed, and wondering WHY did I dream this? WHY did that come to my unconscious thoughts? WHY did God allow those thoughts to invade my mind? I don’t have many answers (other than an afternoon nap, with the hopes that my thoughts will be redeemed), but, I do believe that God can make anything new …

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”

John 10:10

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