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Posts Tagged ‘wallowing’

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You know those days when your worst nightmare has come true? When you think you are moving toward freedom, but actually you are just headed for the crap house? When everything seems to be going from bad to worse?

Welcome to my week.

For a few years now, I have had this nightmare that the (original) septic system behind our thirty-five ‘ish year old house would die, needing to be replaced, before we had the chance to move on … on to greener pastures.

You see, replacing a septic field is off the charts expensive. Imagine the cost of a brand new kitchen, with granite counter tops, new flooring, back splash and lightening … now imagine spending that same amount of money on something that deals with human excrement. Though one could not (easily) sell a house with a septic field that needs replacement, the cost of making that replacement does not increase one’s home value AT ALL!

This spring was going to be the time to hire that (freakishly expensive) realtor, post the sign, and try to live in a house that is clean beyond that which is normal or natural.

Then hubby had a conversation with an expert in the field (gotta love humorous puns when life is … crappy), who said that the septic field needs to be replaced.

Though we are now seeking a second opinion, my heart is in my throat, my shoulders are sagging, and my head trying to process the how of this problem … how do we pay for this?

That’s it … no glib clichés, no sharing of Bible verses, no light in the darkness analogies …

Just wallowing, wondering …

It’s a good thing that wondering is one of my favorite things.

(Goodness and light will return, just needed to let my volcano erupt, so that I could see my way through the mire).

 

 

 

 

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For the next week, I will be featuring guest posts, as I spend my regular ‘writing time’ preparing for a speaking engagement. If you feel led to pray for me in this regard, I would so appreciate it, and specifically that Pinterest does not pre-occupy my writing time 😉  … I am so weak!

After the rains, when the sun’s rays were shining across my back garden, I made a mistake …

a big mistake!

I slipped on a pair of shoes, and walked out to see what was emerging through the sun-warming soil.

I was looking for wonder, but what I found was wallowing.

As I walked through the calf-high (not a baby cow, although I am trying to shed a few pounds) fresh spring grass (that needed to be cut three weeks ago …), wonder began to fade. My garden is growing, and it needs my attention.

But, alas, the bills need to be paid, the kids need to be driven, the meals, the laundry, the demands …

What I needed was a week off work to get caught up on the things of house and home … or a different home, with a small garden.

I began slouching, feeling the weight of maintaining our ‘stuff’, losing wonder and wallowing in self pity.

Then I came inside, and sat at my computer to write … writing can force me to move my focus to less Earthly, more heavenly things.

I opened YouTube, to research the lyrics of a song I had been hearing more lately.

The writer of this song is Jared Armstrong, previously of Desperation Band, a worship leader and song writer. It has been recently recorded by Philips, Craig and Dean, and is playing on Christian radio increasingly as it’s popularity rises in churches and homes.

Jared says this song came from a desire to be a part of the action of worship …

that the baggage of this life would fall away …

it is just about God’s story, not his/our own stories.

He spoke of wanting to not just stand on the sidelines of worship, distracted or disengaged.

As I listened I felt the weight of my Earthly responsibilities, my garden, my stuff … fall off, relieving me of the heaviness that comes from allowing myself to be heavy laden.

I felt stripped of this world until I was naked and unashamed, and drawn in to God’s story … free to dance naked (like David, so many years ago) in the garden of my Creator.

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“This song brings back the desire to be connected to the greatness of God.”
Jared Anderson

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