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Archive for the ‘WONDER’ Category

shiloh on dandelionsRecently as I was spending quality time with my beast out on our trail, I realized that there is so much I can learn from her.

She loves to walk! Even though she is my fair weather walking friend, rain will rarely keep her from exercise in the fresh air. I could really learn from her in this. She could be a mail carrier, because neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail shall keep the postmen my beasty from their appointed rounds an exercise walk. If I was not such a conditional walker, and was more like the beast, I would be more fit, and probably more relaxed.

Then I started to think about other beastly activities and how they reveal her approach to life.

My beasty has herder blood coursing through her veins, and we, her family, are her herd. She follows us from room to room, resting in the doorways of the rooms where we rest, cook, eat and spend time together. She barks when anyone (flies included) steps one foot onto our property. She always lays between us and guests, until she has reached the point that she accepts their presence with us as safe. She struggles to relax when one of us does not return home for the night, pacing from door to door, sniffing the air, and listening with the greatest effort to discover why her person has not come home. I admit that I too easily forget how important time with my herd is, how my presence with them does not have to be about what we are doing together so much as just being together.

From those who adore the beasty to that certain one or two who wish she would go for a long walk, and not be able to find her way home, whenever any family member returns home she greets us joyfully. It does not matter if we pat her head, speak to her, or walk right past her with no acknowledgment at all, she follows us, wearing the look we call the ‘happy dog look.’ If we have been gone for a number of days, she greets us with excitement, pawing and noises that sound like cries of joy. Her love for us is not dependent on anything … not how we smell (and some of us smell), not how well we respond to her needs, not how often we take her for walks. Her love for us is only dependent on one thing …

we are hers, and she is ours.
(sounds like
“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine”
Song of Solomon 6:3)

That is the meat and potatoes of why she loves us … she is committed to us … it is her job, and she would fight to the death to protect any and all of us.

Imagine how our world would be different if we humans took on that perspective with those who are ours, and whose we are? I think we could all learn from such commitment.

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Does today, the present circumstances of your life, ever seem like an all-consuming eternity to you?

Do you wonder how you will get through whatever you are going through?

with your finances

your marriage

your children

your parents

your job

your health

the health of a loved one …

As I was listening the song above, by Casting Crowns, I was struck by how my concerns today for the future, are indeed something that God is looking back at. He not only knows what will happen today, but He already knows how my story (our stories) will end.

It is so easy to get so focused on the trouble of the day and our obsessing draws us in to those trouble like a vortex. The next thing we know we are dizzy from the action of the vortex, and we cannot see above the surface.

God sees …

He sees not just us in our present circumstances, but he also sees the calm waters on the horizon. He sees it all in the rear view mirror!

“The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything,
but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:5-7

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Today we celebrate Mother’s Day!

I have been blessed with a great mom. Although I will not be with her in body, my love and appreciation are being transmitted across the miles, from coast to coast, from heart to heart. I have also been blessed to be called mom. It is my most favorite title, name, and calling. It is the experience that has changed, not just my life, but me, the most.

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As I think about this annual celebration, it seems that there is a baby boom all around. Although not many ladies that I know personally are expecting, it seems as though every shop, restaurant, park and bus stop is full of them!

With each exposure to pregnancy, I am realizing that something within me is changing. I no longer look at the expectant mom, and think:

‘how exciting for her.”

Now I look and think:

“does she know?”

Does she know of the miracle of this entire process, from conception to birth?

Does she know how surreal it will be to watch a perfectly formed human being emerging from her own body?

Does she know the mixed emotions of wanting to hold this child in her arms, and knowing that with each push, she is closer to that moment when she will no longer feel him or her moving around … within her very own body?

Does she know that her child will be born with a scent uniquely their own, and if she were blinded she could surely pick her own child out of a crowd just by their scent?

Does she know that ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes will be the only thing she will count on that first day she holds her baby?

Does she know that, no matter how tired she is, she will choose to watch her baby sleep peacefully, as she stares in awe and wonder?

Does she know how holding her sleeping child will create the most deep feeling of warmth?

Does she know how a smile from her baby will erase the fatigue of sleepless nights?

Does she know the changes to come?

As the years pass …

As her child grows …

As busyness takes over …

As independence, and school, and part time jobs, and friends come between them …

As her job, her husband, her house maintenance, her meal preparations, her friends come between them …

As growing up can mean growing apart …

The moments of inhaling their scent, wondering at God’s handiwork in their form, watching them sleep. The moments of rapt wonder, just at the existence of this miraculous removed part of her, dim somewhat from her memory.

And then …

a phone call

a text

a note left in haste

a shared laugh

a glace at their adult body sleeping

a hug

an I love you

a momentary pause when looking at the size of their t-shirt, she remembers how tiny their t-shirt was many years ago.

And it will take her back to those early days of wonder at this piece of herself walking this Earth.

And it … all … comes … back.

And all she wants to do, is to hold that overgrown child of hers, and feel the warmth, and inhale their scent, and trace the outline of their lips with the soft of her finger.

Does she know?

A woman,
when she is in labor,
has sorrow because her hour has come;
but as soon as she has given birth to the child,
she no longer remembers the anguish,
for joy that a human being has been born into the world.”
John 16:21

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images

As I was preparing a post for today, my attention was diverted (in true undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder fashion) to a video, that moved my intended post to another day.

I am not a teacher, I have no calling to become a teacher, but I work in a high school. Although my ‘title’ is Educational Assistant, I prefer to view what I do as that of a ‘reINFORCER’ (I’d love to see that title on the school website … I wonder how many parent calls the school would get). You see I take what a teacher teaches to a full classroom, and then I reinforce the meat of the lesson to a few students in a variety of ways.

This video reinforces my heart-cry for the necessity of relationship within learning. As a ‘non’ teacher I have more freedom to look at the students as a whole rather than look at them through their academic, intellectual or social achievements.

About ten years ago I was introduced to a teacher who was leading a workshop on behavioral issues in the classroom. She started her workshop telling us her philosophy:

“If you want to change a student’s behavior,
you need to first convince them that
(real or perceived)
you like them.”
Carol Griffiths

After that workshop, I did not miss one of her workshops again for many years. She gave words to the cry of my heart for the students that I encounter each day. From that point on, I changed how I did my job, because now I had words to keep me intentional in the focus of my job.

This TED video reinforces that message. I cannot say that this change in my focus will improve the academic scores of the students I encounter (but how could it not?), but I do believe, with all my heart, mind and soul, that it will improve their future life.

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“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

When I read the above quote by Friedrich Nietzsche I was certain that it was an example of Luke 19:40, “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

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Nietzsche, a brilliantly knowledgeable man who lived in Europe in the mid to late 1800’s, did not believe in absolute truth. Although born to parents who sought a life of faith with Christ (his father a Lutheran pastor), Friedrich believed that, “Christianity was from the beginning, essentially and fundamentally, life’s nausea and disgust with life, merely concealed behind, masked by, dressed up as, faith in “another” or “better” life (Nietzsche’s The Birth of Tragedy). An atheist most of his life, Nietzsche is probably most known for the phrase, “God is dead,” which is included in a couple of his books.

The passage from Luke 19 is the story of Jesus entering into the city of Jerusalem on a donkey (much as his mother who rode into Bethlehem on one, carrying Him in her womb). The people thought that He would fulfill the hope that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once (v. 11).

As He came close to the city people were shouting”

“Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!”

“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” (v.38)

It is then that the Pharisees said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”

They did not get it. Although, like Nietzsche ,they were probably very well educated, knowledgeable men, probably even men who were raised with the law, and the stories of generations past, they did not believe that Jesus was indeed who He said He was. They thought that the crowd, no doubt a large and loud crowd, were claiming Jesus as the royalty that the Pharisees did not believe was king.

They saw Jesus as a man, they did not see him as their Savior.

It reminds me of when the ark was being brought into Jerusalem. David, like this crowd hundreds of years later, could not contain his excitement that the ark of the covenant was coming into his holy city, it was coming … home. As David removed his royal robes, Michal (Saul’s daughter) was disgusted by David’s ‘unkingly’ public behavior.

Michal,

like the priests,

like Nietzsche

could not see how worth celebrating

the God of the promise,

the God of redemption,

the God of Creation.

Why David danced as the ark entered Jerusalem, and the crowds of people sang as Jesus entered the same was

simply

completely

sincerely

thanksgiving.

May the beautiful and great art of our singing and dancing always be with thanksgiving!

Otherwise,

the rocks will cry out!

“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

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A few weeks back I wrote in the post Memorizing by Heart, about challenging myself to memorize Psalm 139.

I had no idea how fantastic this self-challenge would be. The more verses I memorized by heart, the more burned into my soul was the richness and depth of the message of them.

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I knew this recently as I stood among the beauty of creation, feeling a lacking in hope in an area of my day. Standing there, beneath the tall trees, hearing the birds chirp and the squirrels chatter, the message of that Psalm started to flow from my lips, as though an ‘on’ switch was pushed automatically.

“You have searched me Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.”

How comforting those words, which reminded me how intimately the Creator of these tall trees and carefree creatures knows me.

“You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.”

As those words came to my lips I sensed the communication that He is not just with me, but His presence is like a protective, fatherly embrace.

“If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.”

Even when I feel that I am surrounded by doubt, by discouragement, by darkness, He is the light that I can see in the shadows.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”

He has been with me since before Creation, He knows what tomorrow, and every tomorrow after it, holds for me.

” when I awake, I am still with you.”

When the bad dreams, the nightmares of this present day, this season of life that you and I might be going through, and we awake … we will see that He is still with us. He never left our side.

But, before the nightmares end, the words hidden in our hearts can remind us of the promise of His presence … even when our eyes are too consumed by the dark.

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So the speaking engagement is done, I had memorized eighteen of twenty-four verses of Psalm 139, and not one rotten tomato was thrown … I would say it was a success.

After it was over, it was …

SO,

SO,

SO

good to get home on Saturday and have the time to write again! I thought I would go crazy for the past two weeks when I simply utilized guest posts and re-posts for this blog.

As I was preparing last week, I happened to hear someone on the radio talk about character, and who we really are … when no one is looking or listening.

DoGood1

In the midst of my preparations the one thing that kept coming back to me was not how well I prepared for that speaking engagement. What matters is how I live when no one is looking. God will speak through my brokenness but how well do I speak through it?

I found it hard to pay attention to the trivia of my preparations, because I was pretty certain that whatever God wanted to be communicated would come through my lips no matter what I did to prepare. But how do I speak through my brokenness? What do I communicate, how do I live when there are no eyes on me?

When there are no eyes on me, except those of my Creator, that is who I really am … from the inside out.

Oh, my daughter went to the store and picked up a great dress for me to wear as I spoke, and she loaned me her denim jacket too. I had showered, done my hair, and make-up. I had prepared fully for what I wanted to say, and had my props. I had even asked my the special people in my life to pray.

But, at the end of the day, God already had all of the details covered.

More than that, He knew the status of my heart … the one place of preparation that mattered the most.

The event was good, and I felt personally good about my part, but what was best about it all was this message that kept me in check … that it is who I am, and what I do, when nobody is looking that is of more value to God than what I say and do in front of a crowd.

“Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23-24

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It had been a beautiful day!

After spending the Saturday morning preparing, and an afternoon at a speaking engagement, I was heading East to meet up with my my gang at a family camp weekend for our church. family.

It had been a glorious day with unseasonably hot temperatures, and not a cloud in the skies.

I was enjoying the solitary drive, the freedom to choose my own radio station, and the beauty all around me

I had just picked up my favorite tea, a London Fog, and returned to the smooth highway driving, where there was a ‘wrong’ noise coming from outside my hubby’s car that I was driving.

I shuddered, knowing what it could be, turning the radio off in the hopes that it was bad reception.

The noise remained 😦

I pulled over to the side of the road, whispering a prayer of pleading that the noise not be what I knew it was …

a flat tire …

a flat as a pancake tire …

a flat as a pancake tire, and hubby was out of cell phone reception.

So, I did what any mature woman would do …

I climbed back into my driver’s seat and repeated multiple times,

What do I do?

Over and over and over again.

Then I took a big girl breath and said to myself, this is not rocket science, take care of this problem.

After all I had watched a tire being changed once!

So to the trunk I went to locate the spare, and the tire changing paraphernalia.

I was dismayed that there was no ‘Dummies’ book to guide me through this procedure, especially since the sun was about to settle beyond those western mountains.

After fully opening the jack, I realized that I needed to place it under the car frame before extending it … so, I returned it to it’s original size, and searched out a place to … place it. Well, that was torture, and the bright yellow arrow that I was certain should be under the vehicle was nowhere in sight!

Finally I placed it, using process of elimination.

The sun was really sinking quickly now!

I cranked the jack, all the while praying over and over and over again, that God would send someone to help me!

After raising the vehicle, I felt great success, but continued my prayer for help.

I happened to look to the west, to note the whereabouts of Mr. Golden Sun, and there was a vehicle turning off of the highway, and heading towards me.

Mixed thoughts crossed my mind as this knight was getting closer …

“I am going to die”

“Seriously God? This is how you answer my prayer for help.”

You see the knight that God had sent me was covered in black leather, and driving a Harley!

harley-davidson

He barely spoke a word, and went right to work, saying that he would explain everything he was doing so that I could do it myself if need be in the future. He was a fantastic teacher! He explained every part and tool, and every step he was taking. He seemed to be a kind and gentle man, and I was pushing my fear of being murdered on the highway out of my mind.

I decided to make small talk, and asked where he lived … a simple question, right?

Then, very matter-of-fact,

he told me his wife of thirty years had told him that morning that they were done

that she had met someone else on the internet

that she did not love him anymore

that he still loved her

that he had been biking all day trying to clear his head.

I asked if it had worked … clearing his head.

He said, “not at all, I still love her.”

He finished changing my tire. He put all the tools and my flat away.

I told him I wanted to give him something to thank him for his generous assistance.

He said, “if it’s okay with you, I really could just use a hug.”

So I paid my biker hero in the currency we all need more, a hug.

Throughout our meeting I wanted to pray for him, and each time it felt as though my lips were glued shut, as though that was not what he needed to hear.

My prayer for this kind-hearted stranger:

That God would guide him home.
That he would not give up on his marriage.
That he would pursue his wife, perhaps as he has not done for years.
That his wife would give him another chance.
That his two young adult sons would be protected through this season.
That he would realize that just as he came to my rescue,
I am praying for his rescue.

 

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“He who has prepared us for this very thing is God”
2 Corinthians 5:5

I do not remember when I first heard this story, it is as though it has been in my consciousness always.

As a Christian I understand the Great Commission to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:19-20). But I have never felt called or led to ‘go’ beyond the communities that God has placed me in, so my understanding of missions to other nations is primitive.

I do not know what it is like to be called to be a missionary, but the story of the five missionary women … the five widows of slain missionary husbands, is one of great faith.

l_611aa810-7ca8-11e1-b8f8-f5714ed00001It is a true story, a missionary story, a story of faith.

It is also a story whose ending is not the tragedy, but the story after the tragic loss of the lives of the five men.

Below you will find a movie trailer for this story, and the full movie is available on YouTube.

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So, are you an innie or an outie? Such a private question for such a public forum! I mean really, could I get much more up close and personal? Next thing you know I will ask if you are a conservative or liberal!

This question came to me as I was out walking near my neighborhood (instead of my favorite trail) this evening. I was walking along, minding my own business, and thought to myself … I am going to change my Facebook status when I get home to “I just went to my most favorite church … a walk with my beast, and my Creator.” Then I thought to myself …”now that’s a good way to get excommunicated.”

But, reality is … it is my favorite church! There are NO DISTRACTIONS for my undiagnosed ADD to be preoccupied with. The air always smells delightful (except with my beasty has been stealing beef jerky again). The view is perfect … and changes slightly every day. The songs are always fresh and new, yet timeless … birds do have a way with tunes. And (gulp) … there are no people to distract me from the one I want to worship …

Which beings me to my original question … are you an innie or an outie? Well (confession time), I am an innie … but I’m not (just) talking about my belly button. I’m talking about my personality. I am an introvert, who lives her life as an extrovert (I feel so much better admitting that … how about we scrap the blog, and eat chocolate?).

Please understand, I do like people … honest! But being with people for many hours, drains my battery … drains my energy. I need a chance to be without people to recharge, and then I can be social again. But, out society is pretty intolerant of the introverts need for ‘alone time’. In schools we encourage ‘group work’ and ‘group projects’. In churches we encourage ‘fellowship’ and ‘small groups’ and family retreats. In universities we encourage double or multi-person dorm rooms. For the shy person, our society tries to ‘bring them out’, for the autistic child we restrict them from time alone.

For me, so much of my everyday experience is had as an extrovert. The success of my job, working as a Special Ed. Assistant (which I love), is dependent on my being very much with people, social and … extrovert. My hubby’s job, as a pastor, means that being with people, socializing and being … extrovert, is part of my ‘job’ in supporting him.

Once my professional and church socializing are over, I really struggle to have the social-energy to have close, intimate friendships. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the people I work with, and consider many to be friends. And there are many people at church who I love and care for deeply,and our relationships are not church focused, but heart focused. But, after spending many hours each week with people I ‘have’ to spend time with, to have the energy to develop friendships beyond the already socially demanding life we live, is a real struggle for me.

After a week of work, followed by a Sunday (and often part of Saturday) of church, my batteries are usually dead in the water. And I MUST get out … alone (and my sweet and thoughtful family, who know that if it is good for momma to get out, alone, it is even better for them that I do … smart family I must say).

But I am a bit of a weirdo in how I get alone time. I have two favorite ways to recharge (aka escape reality, or be alone). One is that I go to a movie. I know it makes no sense! I go to a crowded theater to be alone? But it works for me! I drive there, alone. I get my p-corn (with real butter) and eat it, alone. I sit in the midst of many people, alone. And, when the lights dim, I am alone … and transported far away from reality!

My second ‘escape’ from people is to go for a walk … alone (well, not totally alone, the beast always accompanies me … but 🙂 she never expects me to talk to her). In my seeking alone time, I never walk in areas that are unpopulated. I walk in places and at times when I know there will be others there (for safety and for sanity).

You see I am a conundrum! I really don’t know if I want to be with people, or away from people. So, am I an introvert, in extrovert clothing? Or vise versa?

Maybe, humanly speaking, I am an introvert, in the sense that I need to be alone (or more specifically, non verbal) to recharge and re-energize my soul. But, I do love people, and desire to be part of people’s lives, walking through life with others. And maybe, I am not alone in this. And maybe, forcing group-related interactions is not beneficial to all parts of a community (be it a school, church, club, workplace, etc.).

Maybe, some of us are better members of our community, of our society, if we are freed to be who we were created to be … thinkers, problem-solvers, philosophers, writers, artists … or conversely, politicians, salespeople, party-throwers, talk show hosts, preachers, teachers …

If we were all the same, our planet earth might still be flat, and so might our society be … just sayin’ 😉

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