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Where did Twenty-One Years Go?

Posted in The Kids, WONDER, tagged #happybirthday, #redeemthetime, #timeflies, #whattodowiththetime, #wheredid21yearsgo on October 9, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Twenty one years ago I was only nine years older than you are now, when I pushed, you emerged, took your first breath and wailed.

Where did those twenty-one years go?

All parents ask the question, but the reality is, we know where they went.

They went through all hours of the night for the first weeks. The most precious middle of the night wake ups are when a woman knows it’s the last.

The years were used up living in the imaginary world of Thomas the Tank Engine as well as collecting, building, tearing apart and building with Lego.

They were spent in the pool wearing your ‘pissers’, kicking the can with the neighbor kids, trying to catch the dog as she raced through the field behind our house.

They were passed quickly on the football field, the stage and playing video games late into the night with your fellow gamers, at youth group events and at friend’s houses.

Days, no weeks were spent travelling all the way to Florida … and back, ingesting a daily diet of hot dogs.

Sweet times of ‘snugs ‘n nugs’ with the girls. Giants games or Subway (“eat flesh”) with your dad. Sushi dates with me.

So many shared movies from Marvel to DC to Harry Potter, Star Wars and The Rings.

Drives to camp and back … so many drives down that highway.

Travels to Cannon Beach, Mexico, ALL of the south states, the East Coast, Ontario, New Zealand, Thailand.

Where did those twenty-one years go?

Time flies, my son. In a blink you grew from a newborn to starting kindergarten, to high school graduation, to flying off down under, to right now … where you stand at the cusp of another stage.

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us”
Gandalf

This precious gift of life is filled with an unknown amount of time that we can never recapture. Once it is lived it is in the past … gone.

Colossians 4:5b tells us to “redeem the time” or make the most of your time. See the value of not just your years, but the days, even the minutes. Consider how you will spend your time … for it flies ever so quickly.

Happy 21 … may the next twenty-one be as memory-filled.

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Wrong Focus

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #jesusmessiah, #loveoneanother, #wrongfocus on October 6, 2020| Leave a Comment »

It seems every time I turn on the radio I encounter talk of leadership, or, more specifically, political leaders and wannabees.

There is an election that has been called in our province for later this month, but the news is at least as much about the election south of us, in November (somehow, our media outlets and population have become convinced that US politics need more airtime than our own).

Last week I had simply had enough and stopped listening and reading.

I wish politicians would just speak their plans along with explanations of how they plan to carry them out. Tell us what they did and did not accomplish since the last election. I wish they would apologize for their errors, owning not just the victories, but their failures as well. I wish they would stop pointing fingers and hurling insults and just keep the main things the main things.

The Bible is a good place to go when I need to be reminded of the main things, but even we, who are followers of Christ, can miss the main things.

The best example of this is Israel’s waiting and hope for the Messiah.

When Jesus came, as God’s chosen Messiah, his message did not sound like what they had expected.

They wanted affirmation of the law. Thought that their safety and security was found there.

When he broke the law by healing on the Sabbath, he responded with “the Sabbath was made for humans, not humans for the Sabbath” (Mark 2:27)

The law is like a whip, beckoning strict obedience. Jesus, as the Messiah, was and is asking something more, something better. His final message to his beloved disciples has nothing to do with law, everything to do with love.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35

It is with love for our God, love for each other that redemption comes to a people, a world in need of saving. It is through love for others that communities strengthen. It is only love, only the leadership of Jesus that will bring (eternal) health and growth to a nation.

He never had to point fingers at the opponent, for what he has to offer is so good that no other is even worthy of mention.

What he has to offer is love … and it’s a promise that will has been, is and will be kept.

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Feeling Small

Posted in life, Nature/Creation, WONDER, tagged #feelingsmall, #howgreathouart, #humansaresmall, #mygodissobig on October 4, 2020| Leave a Comment »

There we were, sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake, “this lake is about 60km long and over 900 feet deep (gotta love the normalcy of Canadian mixing and matching of metric and imperial systems in one sentence).”

That’s a big lake.

And. I. felt. so. small.

and it felt so good.

It was like a correction, a righting of a wrong. For, in the vastness of our physical world, I am indeed small … insignificant.

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—
the moon and the stars you set in place—
what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
human beings that you should care for them?
Psalm 8:3-4

I do not just not size up in my physical world, but also in the spiritual world as well. My God is so big (and all of us who grew up going to Sunday School are singing the words, “so strong and so mighty, there’s nothing my God can not do”). I am so small.

It is good to be reminded of the space I occupy versus the space available. The relative insignificance of me … the great significance of the creator of this world, of me.

Then to remember that he, who is great, sacrificed his best for me. So that I would be his, eternally his. Not because of something I … who am so small … accomplished, but because of what Christ accomplished on my behalf.

O Lord my God,
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all
The works Thy Hand hath made …

Then sings my soul,
My Savior God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!

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Married to Multiple People

Posted in WONDER on October 1, 2020| 2 Comments »

A few days ago I read the following post,

“Just gonna tell y’all something. By the time you’ve been married over 40 years, you’ve been married to about four different people. So have they. It’s a miracle of God any of us ever make it.”
Beth Moore

I guess that means that today, at thirty one years married, we are each just getting to know person number four.

Her words resonated with me, for so many experiences of living happen over the years and those happenings do, indeed, change a person … how we see things, react, our values can even change.

I look at the first wife my husband was married to … I’ll call her Rocky Ideal. She looked better than any version to come. It took little effort to get herself ready for anything. She had black and white ideals and even tried to follow through with those beliefs. And she looked to her mister to be her every need-meeter. Yet … she was SO eager to win ALL the arguments, believing that the end result was about winning.

The next wife hubby had I will call Bitter Baby Momma … the idealism of Rocky Ideal faded with multiple miscarriages and the all-consuming needs of littles. My parenting ideals were disappearing, but rather than ask for help I expected that hubby would just read my mind and figure out what I needed. He didn’t (couldn’t) and bitterness crept in.

Then came a wife I will call, Dr Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. She was the personification of the good, the bad and the ugly. These most demanding years of marriage took us through mountains and valleys. These years also had me running to God’s word and the security that he offered. Some days I was a committed and faithful wife, other days I was plotting my exit (or his).

And here we are now … my idealism and easy-care appearance have both faded. Black and white thinking has evolved to shades of grey (as has my hair). The years when my mettle was tested have softened my heart. I now look first and foremost to God to meet my needs, relieving hubby of my grand expectations. I know I don’t have all the answers … actually, I have more questions now than ever before. I don’t even acknowledge that there is a winning or losing … for life is just too short for such things. I don’t yet know what I will call this current version of me. I do know this wife looks more at her mister as a child of God, with his value based in whose he is … rather than what has he done for me lately.

After thirty-one years hubby could truly say I am not the woman he first married, for he has had three other versions through these years. And so have I …

and, by the miraculous grace of God here our souls still are, together.

Happy anniversary mister, you’re just getting to know wife number four!

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Going Solo

Posted in WONDER on September 29, 2020| Leave a Comment »

For those of us who tend toward processing our thoughts on the inside, quiet is always a healing, refreshing, nourishing place to be. It feeds us, re-energizing us for the ‘peopling’ that is, inevitably, to come.

That can be a tough reality for those close to us who tend toward a more extroverted manner of thinking and living. It just doesn’t make sense that one would want to be alone and silent when one could speak thoughts before they even develop in the brain (I might be seeing this from an introvert perspective).

Of course few of us are completely one or the other. Most of us have times and seasons, situations and places where we cross the invisible line into the realm of the ‘other’ person.

For instance I am very comfortable speaking in front of a large group of people, yet, in most circles of three or four, I usually take the place of listener. Yet, put me into my ‘Fanboys’ (a pet name for ourselves) foursome and I can talk as much or as little as the rest. Time, place and the individuals involved make a big difference in my ability to be silent or gab.

There are many times when those of us who tend towards introvert can feel that we need to speak up to seen, heard. For some our silence can leave others to feel that we are disinterested. Others can feel as though they will be overlooked for professional promotions if they do not ‘become’ a loud and proud leader among their peers.

Yet, I feel affirmed in my seeking of silence when I look at the Bible. When I read of Moses not wanting to be God’s mouthpiece, so God provided Aaron. Or how the apostle that Jesus loved, John, was most definitely an introvert. Then there is Jesus … whether he tends toward that of introvert or extrovert, I am empowered and encouraged when I read of how he would go off, alone when the crowds got to be just too much.

“When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.”
Lamentations 3:28-29

“Only in fellowship do we learn to be rightly alone and only alone do we learn to be rightly in fellowship” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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Sins of the Father/Mother

Posted in FAMILY, life, WONDER, tagged #generationalsins, #livedifferently, #lovemore, #naturevsnurture, #sinsofthemotherfather, #whoweare on September 27, 2020| 2 Comments »

We’ve all heard them, maybe even spoken of ourselves (as the child or the parent). Idioms that communicate that a child is so very similar in looks, behavior or attitude.

“Well doesn’t she just take right after you”

“That apple didn’t fall far from the tree”

“He’s a chip off the old block”

Genetics are an amazing thing. Yet, there is also the question of nature or nurture?

As a Christian, we might even look to the negative attitudes, habits and behaviors as generational curses … leaving us a little less personally ‘guilty’ for the nasties that we bring to life.

Yet, in Ezekiel 18 we are reminded”

“The child will not be punished for the parent’s sins, and the parent will not be punished for the child’s sins. Righteous people will be rewarded for their own righteous behavior, and wicked people will be punished for their own wickedness.” (v. 20).

In this account we are reminded that God does not see us through our families, he sees us, our choices, our actions and attitudes as individuals who are free and responsible to make our own choices … even when we have been nurtured a certain way.

If we grow up in a home where physical abuse happened, it is our responsibility to not continue inflicting pain on others (seek counselling).

If we grow up in a home where we saw substance abuse, we must do whatever we can to avoid that substance (join a 12-step program for loved ones of substance abuse users/addicts).

If we grow up in a home where passive aggressive behavior was the norm, choose to live differently (learn to be assertive (not aggressive), to speak what is on your mind, stop reading into the motivations of others).

As I read back, those suggestions might sound far easier, far more simplistic than the reality is for those living in tough situations, with not the best role models.

Then there is the parent or grandparent who inflicted the pain … is there any hope for them?

Ann Voskamp tells a story that kind of stopped me in my tracks:

“I knew a guy who said: “Dad – I need you to say that I’m enough …”
Sometimes what you want most is your father/mother) to give you the greatest gift: For them to believe in you.
But his father turned to him and said – I can’t. Because my own father never said it to me.”
What your father (mother) never gave you, may be because it was something he/she never had.
This can be an unspoken bond with the one who has wounded you? You both carry the same wounds.
You can’t deeply love your parents – until you grieve the deep wounds of their life.
Even now, we could be the ones to say what every parents long to hear: “I love you and nothing you’ve ever done or ever failed to do will change how I forever love you.
I’m not ashamed of you but I acclaim you, for the battles that count as wins because you kept getting up again.”
https://annvoskamp.com/2020/06/what-all-our-hurting-hearts-need-most-this-fathers-day/

In this world where we encourage the elimination of toxic people from our lives, we forget that our scars can be the ointment that heals others … and that can be the miracle cure for our own. For our scars may, indeed, be very similar … originating from a common source.

We need to remember that God does not look at us through the sins of generations before us, he sees us for who we are as his child. It is how we choose to live that we are responsible for. And it is his favor, his grace that moves us beyond our nature and our nurture.

Fight the tendency to follow in your father’s or mother’s dirty footprints. Live differently! But also keep the door open to finding a new family path, by being the one who nurtures healing.

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And a Thousand Generations

Posted in FAMILY, Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #andathousandgenerations, #mayhisfavorbeuponyou, #prayingforourkids, #prayingforthefuture, #trustgod, #unknownfuturetoaknowngod on September 25, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Driving to work the other day, singing along to a worship song, words leapt out at me:

May His favor be upon you
And a thousand generations
Your family and your children
And their children,
and their children

As the words settled in my mind, my grandmother came to mind.

A woman of faith, who lived a very real, intentional, consistent life. She worked hard, played hard and knew when and how to rest. She loved her family, would go to the ends of the earth for any one of us. She never allowed our poor behavior, immaturity or way we chose to live impact her unconditional love for us.

But … she did not leave this world under any illusion that all of her loved ones chose, or would choose to follow her God.

I am certain that her greatest hope would have been that her family walk with God … her children, and their children, and their children and their children …

We all have loved ones who have not accepted Christ as their redeemer, or ones who have chosen to walk away from the gift of grace … the favor that is offered. We all have ached for the peace that they do not even know is missing in their life. This desire for their lives is a good one, perhaps the best anyone can hope for another.

Yet, if we sing the words of this blessing we can feel as though our loved one, as though we have been overlooked by God, missing out on his favor, his grace for life, everlasting.

One thing that my grandmother taught me, that is still resonating in my mind and heart, is to trust God. Or, as Corrie Ten Boom said,

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God”

So, we trust God, who loves our loved ones even more than we do. And we hold on to his promises, knowing that though with man this is impossible, with him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

“Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord.”

Psalm 102:18

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Christ in Us

Posted in Walking with God, WONDER, tagged #christinus, #churchduringcovid, #churchfamily, #returningtochurch, #wearehischurch, #worshiptogether on September 22, 2020| Leave a Comment »

It has been over six months since I last stood in a sanctuary with my church family and worshiped in song … and I miss it.

There are local churches which have started meeting again for worship in the safety of small groups.

For me, church has little to do with the place.

I am not even sure if I am interested in going to our church service ‘live’ when that day does come. Sure it will be nice to be back in our church place, but … there will be a limited number of people (seated in our family/bubble/cohort units), socially distanced from others.

I can listen to a sermon and tithe online. I can pray wherever I go and I am learning to sing in praise and worship in my vehicle, but …

there is nothing better than sitting, standing, singing, praying … elbow to elbow, with one’s church family. Then there are the greetings of vocal and physical warmth … the hugs and pecks on the cheek. The whispers of weeping and rejoicing.

It is the shared intimacy of Christ in us. We are each other’s because we house our saviour … we are his church, and he holds residency in us.

It’s not so exciting to consider being physically distanced while in the same room. Yet, let’s not rule this out too quickly.

It is also good to remember that going to church, to worship together, is about us, the believers, the followers, the Christ in us people. We go there to worship, to be fed by the teaching, to practise the sacraments, to care for one another.

It is in our going out that is our calling … it is the great commission.

In the meantime everywhere we go, whoever we speak to, how we do our jobs, how we treat our neighbors, our families, even our enemies … how we are seen to be worshipping our God in our daily lives, as the outpouring of God in us … that is our grandest call to worship

Don’t you know
that you yourselves are God’s temple
and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?
1 Corinthians 3:16

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You ok?

Posted in life, WONDER, tagged #itsawonderfilledlife, #lifeishard, #purpose, #stormsbringustogether, #thegoodbadandugly, #whyimhere, #youok? on September 20, 2020| Leave a Comment »

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How Soon we Forget

Posted in life, The Kids, WONDER, tagged #graceandmercy, #howsoonweforget, #imtheproblem, #letyourkidslearn, #parentallettinggo, #thingsthatgetunderourskin on September 17, 2020| Leave a Comment »

I realized the problem … me.

It is something that had been gnawing at my for quite awhile. I couldn’t figure out why my advise wasn’t being taken … I mean, I do know things.

It wasn’t like this was the first of our three adult kids to ignore my sage advise, my words of wisdom. But … this time is was really contributing to my knickers being tied up in a knot.

Then it hit me … I am the problem …

It was a simple thing, a parental ‘letting go’ of control of an area of one of our kid’s lives. An appointment had to be made, so I said, here’s the number you need to call and make an appointment asap.

An hour later … call not made.

The next morning … call not made.

That afternoon … call still not made.

Three days late … notta!

The procrastination to make this simple appointment was getting under my skin.

“But, it’s not rocket science.”

“How hard is this?”

“It will take mere minutes.”

… all my thoughts in response to this … nothing.

Then it hit me … when I was that age, I hated to make telephone calls to doctors, dentists, hairstylists, businesses. I would avoid it at all costs. Actually, I still hate doing it … I don’t have good rationale for my avoidance, it’s just an area that I can procrastinate with natural flair. Except that, I have mostly overcome it, managed to accomplish such tasks with little procrastination.

So, I started to look at other areas of our (adult) kid’s lives that made me kinda crazy. The things that had me shaking my head most often were the areas that, at a younger stage of my own life, I struggled with. Whether it was getting enough sleep, spending/saving money, time management, or … making an appointment, it is the things I struggled with that I am less gracious or understanding about in my kid’s lives.

This realization had me thinking about the parable of the unforgiving debtor/servant (Matthew 18:21-35). A man had a debt he simply could not repay the king, so he begged for mercy … for time to repay it. The king not only let him go, but forgave his debt. The man then went, straight away, to find one who owed him money and he demanded it immediately. This indebted man also begged for mercy, for time, but he was thrown in jail. When the king heard this story he was aghast. So he had this man thrown into prison (after a good tongue lashing).

The Matthew Henry Commentary on this parable states:

“Though we live wholly on mercy and forgiveness, we are backward to forgive the offences of our brethren.”

Though this story deals with debts, which my own story does not, it also deals with learning about grace and mercy.

In my life, I have had to learn from my own successes and (maybe more-so) mistakes. I have had to pay the price (literally) for debts unpaid, for late nights, for poor time management, for not making an appointment. These experiences have helped me to learn and grow.

But, I cannot expect my kids, who are still in the early stages of learning and growing, to have mastered the same level of learning as I. They too need to learn from their experiences and that means making their own mistakes along the way as well.

They, like me, will learn best from their own successes and errors. I hope that I can view their struggles … the ones I have learned from … with eyes of grace and mercy.

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